1:17am
Hey Sweets!
I miss having a countdown. I think that soon I will start the countdown for the Eclipse dvd, then Breaking Dawn part 1 and part 2. Heh. Ugh my tongue hurts. When I got home from my cousin’s house I wanted to make some tea before I went to sleep. So now not only is my tongue in pain, but since it wasn’t until after midnight when I made the tea, I’m sure I’m gonna be paying for it. So I figured if I’m up I may as well write. I’m actually pretty excited because I just thought of what I’m gonna get you for Christmas next year…. I am going to make an actual book of our notebooks volumes 1-10 (assuming that by the time next Christmas rolls around, we will be on or past that volume). My friend Matt is going to help me. I’m a little unsure of letting him read some of this stuff but I care more about the present than him reading it. I think it will be an awesome book and I can’t wait to put it together. Oh and I am pretty sure that I am going to be finished with this before my next trip to Fla (next Saturday) so i have to find a new journal soon. And I have a ton of things to get printed out, developed, and put in. ugh I just have a lot of work to do on this thing… I can’t wait to see how it is going to turn out. I do want to get caught up soon so I don’t get too behind.
I can’t believe I’m going to see Ryan again so soon. Lately i have been feeling like it wouldn’t be the end of the world if it didn’t work out for us. Don’t get me wrong, I love him and I even see us getting married and having kids one day. But this distance thing is killing me and I’m unsure about leaving my family again. I like having a support system here and being so close to my family. If I moved away it would be hard to see them only once or twice a year. If Ryan moved here, that would be awesome. We could live in one of those really cool old Victorian houses and restore it.
Also, I don’t know how long it’s gonna take to get my massage license. I still have a lot of studying to do and I’m not all that close to taking it. Plus I think it would be a good idea to try and get a job here first so i can see what it’s like before leaving.
When I met Ryan i was still very attached to Florida and now I’m not so sure if I want to live there again. I feel like that part of my life might be over. If Ryan and I are meant to be (whatever the fuck that means) then I know we will work it out. We always do. But I just want to live in a place where if someone needs me I can be there for them. It’s harder to do that when I don’t live here.
But… it might be fun to live around you again. I dunno if you and your dad will always live in FL but if you do it would be cool to be able to hang out with you like before. It’s weird… in the beginning I could remember every time that we had seen each other until you moved back down. Because as close to each other as we were, we were still strangers to each other until we were both in the same state. Today I was thinking about the first time we met in person. I can’t believe you were at the airport, too. When I saw not one but 2 people standing there waiting for me, I was so happy. I remember you, me and Brian all stepped on the escalator at the same time. And on the way to Denny’s you and I were sitting in the backseat and you were talking a mile a minute about Brenda and some fight you and David were in.
Brian and me kissed the first night and I remember thinking, “This is it?” I guess he had some issues with kissing because after Melissa passed away he didn’t want to kiss anyone and Jen made fun of him for it. But anyways… on that trip he was the sweetest boy ever and he even cried. Near the end of our relationship, he hadn’t cried since New Years. Whoever that person was that I loved was gone.
I remember the first time we had sex it was a Monday night. The next day we (you, Brian and myself) went to the beach and you had asked me if Brian and I kissed yet. I didn’t want to tell you at the time but we had already had sex. Lol! Ugh, I am exhausted (and freezing). I need to get some rest.
<3,
me
2:30am
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October 30th, 2010
35 days! Eclipse DVD
Hey Chels,
well… it’s official. It’s not summer anymore. Last night I had 3 blankets on me, one being an electric blanket. I just realized that it’s been more than a week since I’ve done any yoga. After dinner tonight I am so going to do some. I really need to get back into it. I think I am going to buy a nicer memory card for us to use because even though I can download your videos from youtube onto my computer, I can’t put them onto a dvd. I was going to put all our stuff together but it won’t work that way. And for some reason I can’t put the music from my itunes onto the disk so it will be my videos, your pictures, and no music. So I think that when I see how this “automovie” put all the videos and pictures, I might make a cd for you and instructions so you know when to play the music. Ugh, at least this one is working.
So… my day was spent inside. But it wasn’t so bad, I just worked on a bunch of nbs. I did it today because I’m going out tomorrow. Hmmm… I just had a thought. I wonder if my memory card will work better at making videos… I want to try and see if you can make a video with your camera using my card. Ugh… it’s times like this when I wish we didn’t live so far apart. You know what I just thought of? If your dad passes and you don’t want to live in FL anymore, you could always move up here. We could buy one of those charming old houses and turn it into a spa/salon. It makes me want to write a story about it, lol! I’m not saying that you have to… but if you want to… it could be cool. So… I think it’s time for more question answering. Fuck! I was supposed to tell you the Geoff story! Sorry. Okay so… this was back in November ‘08. The first time that we hung out, we just watched movies. I was laying on his shoulder and our hands were touching but we weren’t holding hands. He ended up staying until like 4am. i was going to a craft fair with my mom the next day and I’m telling Ryan about how tired I am because I was up late and he started asking me all these questions like if anything happened. I of course said no.
Then came the weekend after. It was the Tattoo expo and to be honest it was the best one. It was the middle of November so it was freezing cold. The expo was in the basement of this really fancy hotel in the middle of DT Chicago.
There was chaos everywhere. I loved it. Geoff got a “Mr Lucky” tattoo, which was a skull with a tophat. I was going to get one but decided against it. There was this really awesome show and freak acts. My favorite was the Olde City Side Show. I friended the girl on myspace and she took a few pictures of her group to put on her page.
There was this one girl who was going to set a world record for the most transitions (she had put… fuck I’m trying to explain it). It was like a human hanger type thing. She had hooks in various places in her body and she was going to hang from them. It was amazing and completely crazy but she made it through just like a rockstar.
I would have gotten it on video but my camera battery died. That’s when i started bringing my charger with me everywhere I went. After Geoff and I got home (back to Elgin), I stayed over for a while. We were watching Office Space when he started poking me. That turned into tickling which turned into him kissing me. It was kind of weird because it wasn’t all nice and romantic like that one time so long ago… it was more like he hadn’t had sex in a long time. He took off his shirt and we kissed some more and then it just sort of stopped. We never even talked about it until this past summer and even then it was… awkward to say the least. In a way I’m glad that he at least acknowledged it… but still. To me, Geoff had his chance. Actually he’s had about 1,000,000+ chances with me. Who knows what would have happened if we hadn’t broken up the first time. I’m not kicking myself over it, but maybe we would still be together if I hadn’t of been such a moron. Oh well, i was 15. But looking back on things, he wasn’t perfect either. He would only kiss me if Jen was there, not Jenne and Dani (the twins). There would be times when he’d be all over me and then other times when he’d want nothing to do with me. The summer before my freshman year he wouldn’t leave me alone to the point of stalking and he finally gets me and he only wants me sometimes? Yeah, sorry.
Happy Halloween!! It’s after midnight so it’s official. Are you doing anything today? I’m putting on a costume and going to my cousin’s house. I’m not sure if there will be anything like Trick-or-treating, but I just want to dress up and spend some time with family. It should be a fun day. Ugh, it’s 12:30am and I still haven't done any yoga. I think i’m gonna try it now before I make up another excuse not to start.
Love,
me
12:31am
2:27am
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Happy Halloween!!!!!
So, I did my yoga for half an hour before I got too tired and laid down. The video worked… when I get paid I’m making a trip to Walgreens for the following:
* a journal
* a blank cd
* Small photo album/brag book.
I hope the $15 gift card my cousin got for my for my b’day can pay for most of it. Alright, I need to get some sleep. <3!
2:37am
halloween!
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