November 1st, 2007

November 1st, 2007
after 5pm

Hey Sweetie!
Whee!  It's Thursday and I have the day off.  Except for the test I have to take in a little bit, I am having fun just chilling.  Nathan cleaned up the living room so it looks nice now.  Man chica, I have a lot of stuff on my mind and I am unsure of where to start. The holiday season always depresses me.  From Halloween all the way to Valentine's day.  I just start thinking about what I've been through, how I've changed, and how I've managed to stay the same.  When I was in school I always wondered what would happen to me.  I never thought my life would go the way it's gone.  You just never really think about things happening the way they happen.  Like in January of next year, it will be 2 years since Joe died.  I need to let his spirit go.  I miss him but it's not painful.  It makes me sad but that's only because it's a sad thing.  But this isn't the last time I'll see him.  He is up in heaven looking down on me.  And that is enough.  But when I have a child, no matter what, his or her name will be Joe.  Josephine Claire if it's a girl, Joseph Paul if it's a boy.  Josephine is my mom's middle name and Claire is my gramma's middle name.  And Paul was my grampa's middle name.

My birthday always makes me think of my past birthdays.

Ack.  I have to go but I shall return tonight.

<3,
me

5:30pm

halloween 2007

HALLOWEEN, 2007
9:01pm

Uuuuuuggggghhhhh I am freakin' tired.  I have been at this stupid job since 12noon and I just want to go home already!  I brought this notebook and my homework here tonight but sure whenever I start to write it gets busy.  But I'm gonna finish my homework tonight so I can work on this tomorrow.  Although I do have a test I have to study for.  Blah.  I have to memorize a diagram of the heart.  I don't want toooo!!  Ugh I am so tired and people keep bugging me.  I know it's my job, but still.  So, I was going through your surprise last night and there were some things I wanted to put in your card that I couldn't fit so I"m thinking of how I can do it in here.  I have to find a way to bind the pages so you can't cheat but I don't know how to do that without ruining the paper. So I have to try and make a flap of some sort.  If you get to this part before you start flipping through the pages I want to ask you to read through everything before you look.  If you really can't, I'll understand, but I want it to be special.

Well, I will write more tomorrow.  I want to finish up some homework and study while I still have some blood cells left in my brain.  I love you and I promise you will love your gift (even if you couldn't wait ;P).

<3,
R
9:21pm

october 30th, 2007

October 30th, 2007

Grrrr!  Okay, my mom gave me 4 different kinds of wine for my birthday.  The only thing I ask if that people ask before drinking it.  My white whine is nearly gone and I didn't get to drink any of it!  Excuse me if I'm on my period and I can't stay up until 3 in the morning.  I don't care if B was the one that drank it.  He claimed that he didn't ask me because I was sleep.  Well duh!  Who starts drinking at 3 in the morning?  Come on people.  I can't even drink yet cuz I'm still on my period.  I'll brb.
Alrighty.  well something weird is definitely going on here.  Apparently last night there was some type of bad energy here (which gives people all the more incentive to drink, right?) Well--I had the weirdest dreams last night and this one I actually remember.  First I was having my period and I couldn't find a private enough place to change my tampon and clean myself.
Then--this is what freaks me out the most.  I had a dream about N.  we were walking to J's house because I wanted to see what it looked like now.  Well, I found J's house but it wasn't her house.  And then N put his arm around me and started kissing me.  Well, I saw Anakin and Kody as small puppies and then I saw them as what they would look like now.  Anakin walked right past me at first but Kody started licking my face (just like when we first got them).  I went into the person's house and N followed me in and he wouldn't leave my side.  The family came home and asked me what I was doing there.  I told them that I didn't want anything. I just wanted to see what everything looked like.  The mom said I should talk to the little girl so she would understand.  I told her how bad I felt about leaving Anakin and I started crying and then I woke up.

I was thinking about not telling N about my drams because of all our conversations in the last week (basically he told me that he can dreamwalk).  I would understand why he would be in my dream if he was trying to protect me, but why would he kiss me?  All I remember is that I always wanted his arms around me because I felt safer that way.

Okay.  I really feel the need to explain something to you and I know I'm safe with you because you don't think I belong in a mental institution.

Well, you know how I am very in tune with my surroundings, how I can feel if things are good or bad, how I can see colors around people and all that?  well, N believes in all of that stuff so he talks bout it all the time.  B and I used to talk about energy all the time but we stopped and now N has him talking about it again.

I really believe that some people are not from this world.  I really think that there is a cosmic reason why certain people are here on earth.  I believe there are angels and devils walking among us, kindred spirits and lost souls who have not yet crossed over.  Some people cannot relate to others because they already know what's going to happen.
There are people who really feel this way, and people who claim they are this way but are phonies.  I don't think anyone in this house is fake, but there are people who come in here without permission and they might be throwing out negative energy and it just feeds off of somebody.

I really feel like I am not of this world.  I notice things other people don't and I listen to nature a lot.  But I'm hungry so brb.

Mmmmm french fries ::hides:: lol.

I feel especially kindred to animals.  And I am an empath. Like I don't just sympathize, I feel that person's pain.  When I was a senior in high school I was a part of a small group.  This one time this girl came whose boyfriend had killed himself.  I just started crying and I couldn't stop for 4 days. I just kept imagining him on the floor dead and there was nothing anyone could do about it.  I even saw my guidance counselor.  She asked me why I felt so bad (not to be mean).  I just said that even though I had never met him, it was just so sad that he had taken his own life and she couldn't even say goodbye.

Anywho, my point in this rambling is that I believe in the universe, but I also believe in God.  He created the universe and everything in it, and he instilled this intuition in my so I could use it.  So everytime my intuition kicks in I thank God for it.  That is the only part where N and I differ.  He believes in many gods. That is too complicated for me.

Well, apparently there was a negative energy that manifested himself in B and now he's depressed so he's over at N's right now.  I dunno.  I don't invite negative energy near me.  I still get bad dreams sometimes but who doesn't?

You know--on a completely different subject--I would love to go into a business with you.  I was thinking that it could be a massage place/animal shelter.  I would massage the people and then I would get their animals massaged.  But the animal massages would be a donation for the shelter.  And I'd want the animals to be able to roam free if they wanted so we couldn't have too many.  But there would be massage/facial rooms so the animals wouldn't bother the people.  It's just an idea I have for now.  But if people could see where their money was going, they would be more apt to want to help.  Well girl Imma read more of your entries.

<3,
me
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4:22pm

Yuck I have to go to school in a little over an hour.  Well, this afternoon was very interesting here.  Oh--I'm writing this because I finally finished your entries!  Whee!  I made some comments on pages so I'd know where the page was I wanted to comment about.  you are having some weird dreams, girl.  You didn't ask any life questions, but when I do your reading I think I'm going to bring the cards over there.  It's better that way, I think.

Well, I had a very interesting afternoon here.  Apparently there was some type of spirit (a bad one) that latched itself onto E so she kept going outside and walking around for no reason at all.  And whatever it was latched onto B and caused him to be really depressed.  So he brought the moonstone in here which is why I had the dream about N.  Cuz it was his moonstone.  So, they brought A over here (N's ex) and when B and R left the house she, N and I sat in the living room and all I did was pray for protection for everyone and say the Lord's prayer over and over again until A finished doing what she was doing.  She knows how to kill evil spirits, which I think is pretty interesting.  She has the same problem that I do.  She has power to do things but no one to help her learn about herself.  No one can "read" me either because they know all I'm going to follow my own instincts anyways.  I think if you feel something in your heart you should always at least try it.  Like what you were saying about W.  You wrote to Dr Phil because you love her and something he said spoke to you.

{comments on her entries}
pg 15: Anyways, man you make some yummy salads.  The next time I come over I'm bringing salad stuff.

pg 16: I think everyone has weird body issues.  The only thing you'd have to worry about is if it's tarry and bloody.  Then you should see a doctor.  If you're still alive.  Awwww sorry that was supposed to be funny.

(In case you haven't noticed, I'm writing the page numbers down so it's a reference thing).

pg 27: Omg I saw that episode too!  It's cheaper and they just disappear for 9 months at a time.  It just seems unfair that they have to go through that.

pg 36: I would love to do a portfolio with you.  If you need someone to take the pictures before, during and after I can definitely do that for you.  Just let me know when and where.

pg 37: Okay--this one will be kind of long.  I have marked other pages for this same thing but I'm just going to say it here.  You love W.  It's obvious you would do anything for that girl (in a more healthy way than some people).  I understand that you were mixed up in Ohio and you just wanted something to call your own.  You loved W but you didn't think you could be a real mother to her.  But you didn't get pregnant and have a kid.  I think God gave you W (I mean put her in your life) because she is meant to be your daughter.  So you already have a daughter.  Not biologically but emotionally.

Alright this just keeps getting weirder and weirder.  Around 5:00pm B, R and E got here.  E had these burn/rash marks all over her wrists.  It happened around the time A did her thing.  I dunno what all this means but I just want it to stop.  I don't want anyone cutting themselves anymore or anyone to get hurt.  I just want whatever is bad in this house to go away.  See what you miss when you have the notebook?  Haha!

So anyway, no matter what happens with Dr Phil, you and D/D and S... you have W's best interest at heart.  You are doing whatever you can in your power to make sure she's okay. There is nothing wrong with that.  If you try and fail at least you will know that you tried.  Man, you don't know this but I am writing this like 5 hours later.  In the middle of writing to you I started looking for a couple necklaces and before you know it I had to leave for school.  I couldn't even concentrate cuz I was so worried about everyone.  Well, I got home at around 9:30pm.  E and B were home.  I asked what happened and they told me that they went to Big Lots where N works and he told them to go to A.  So E showed A what happened and A did something (I don't know what exactly) but it's healing now.  Apparently there was more than one bad spirit and one was in the house and the other was attached to E so when A did what she did I guess the other spirit got mad and hurt E.  Now... A doesn't like E, I guess because she knows that N likes her but I dunno what they know so I'm keeping my mouth shut. Yay I can go to the bathroom!
Dammit I was wrong.  I NEED TO GO TO THE FUCKING BATHROOM!

Anywho--I guess there has been a negative spirit following R around for about 12 years--ahhh.  I finally got to go.  Anyways, I guess when they were over at A's she kind of brought it out or something.
R isn't like everyone else--he chooses not to believe in energy like the rest of us--which is perfectly fine... but if something has been hanging around him for that long it's time to do something about it.  I guess R got really upset and left the house.  So we went to find him.  We found him at the park.  I think I am going to say a prayer just to help.  It's really the only thing I know how to do.  So here I go:

Dear God,
Thank you for this beautiful day you have given us.  I have some very important people in my life that need protection.  Please send your angels to surround R.  He is battling something and he just needs as much protection and guidance as you can give him.  And N seems to bring negativity in here because of what he is going through.  Just protect his heart so he can heal.  And please be with everyone who walks through these doors.  They all seem to be susceptible to the dark side and they need a light they can follow.  Please let them know that is your light shining through.  Please also be with B and I.  We have been through a lot these past few months.  I know you have been testing us and I know the tests aren't anywhere being done, but in the future please just let us be on the same side.  I am taking all of these things up to you because I know and trust that you will be with me in all of this.

In Jesus' name,
Amen
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Ahhhh.  I feel so much better.  And so freaking exhausted from this awful day.  that's just a taste of what my days have been like.  Hey... I am going to clean my room and I have a mondo amount of laundry to do.  I was wondering if I could bring all of it over.  We could have a gab fest/Degrassi marathon/picture day thing.  Sound alright to you?

Holy shit I cannot believe I am up to page 32 already and I just started this on Saturday.  I think I'm gonna work on your card for a bit.

<3,
me

October 29th, 2007

October 29th, 2007
------------------
Hey Sweetness!

Well, it's Monday and I'm here at work so now you get to hear ME bitch about my job for the next 4 hours and 45 minutes.  Hahaha ::points and laughs:: I think that I'm not going to bother looking for a job I'm just going to be a freelance massage therapist.  I know a bunch of people I work with that would help.

Blah--I have some crazy shit to write about today (bot aren't YOU lucky).  For one, I heard this song on the radio that reminded me of my exboyfriend.  And it's stuck in my head now.  I can't think of the name but it's by Jimmy Eat World and it goes: "so do your best, try everything you can, and don't worry what their bitter hearts tell themselves when you're away."  It reminds me of the first time I drove to his dad's house.  He was dressed up for a job interview (he had told me he owned a bar and he never told me that he had been living with his sister since July).  We stayed at his sister (L's) apartment and on the way back to his dad's house the song was on the radio.  Just thinking of that reminds me of how niave I was.  How I wanted to believe everything he said.  But mostly, I understand now why he wanted me.  This is going to sound really lame, but do you remember in Season 4 of Degrassi when Emma was fooling around with Jay?  She found out he had an STD and she asked him why he picked her and he said she had virtue.  Well, up until that point in my life, I had virtue and innocence.  I really had no idea what people go through to survive.  My parents weren't the richest but they did their best with me.  I loved the fact that I had never "just fooled around" or "just had sex" with a guy. I wasn't SO niave that I didn't know what went on in the world.  I had friends who came from broken families and weren't virgins.  I never judged them but I think they never wanted me to be a part of it so I would stay innocent.  A part of me was angry because I never felt included.  But now I realize that they were just trying to protect me and they thought if I didn't know something, it was better.  But with M, I couldn't just close my eyes and stay blind.  He opened my eyes to the dark side of life.  He has 2 biological siblings.  J and L.  His mom would have dinner on the table and a clean house, but she would cry herself to sleep every night.  His parents divorced and at first they lived with their mom. Whenever she brought a date home she would lock them in their room.  She married some guy named G who was an asshole.  M used to have all these stuffed animals until G piled them all up in the backyard and set fire to them.  When M was 13 they all moved back to his dad's house in Algonquin (their mom lived in Chicago).  L moved out on her own when she was 17.  When she was 18 she had H and when she was 22 she had J.  J married someone and was divorced by the time he was 23.  Her name was S.  M just didn't know which direction to follow.  His dad married someone who I think had 2 children from a previous marriage.  By the time I met M (in August 2002) he was an alcoholic with no job living with his sister in her 2 bedroom apartment.  He was being sued by his exgirlfriend (which is why he can't get a regular job because they will find him and garnish his wages).  He still owes her a significant amount of money.  They bought a car together and he lost his job and she was paying for it on her own but she couldn't afford it so her credit got fucked... she was suing for half of what he owes her (which is really $40,000).  So... I dunno what is happening with that.  But I really don't care.  All I know is--now he's 30 and as far as I know he still gets piss drunk.  Sometimes I wonder what he tells his current girlfriend about me.  But I really don't want to know.  The bad part of me wants to start shit just for fun.  But it's not worth it to me.  I think he just needs someone to pray for him.  Anyways, I'm off to read some of what you wrote now.  Whee!

<3,
R Bo B
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Hey sweets!
Yep you guessed it.  I couldn't stay away for long.  I am enjoying all your neighborhood stories, btw.  I have to reach into the depths of my memory to think of my best neighborhood stories because most of my favorite ones were from when I was little.

But first let me tell you how badly this day is sucking.  It's almost 2 and the 5th race has already gone off and you want to know how many customers I have?  About 6.  This is going to be a looooonnnng day.  I am so glad I brought this with me today.  Depending on how much I write, this may be the only day that I can write in here (at work).  I don't want to fill up 90 pages at work.  I mean, I am giving myself until your birthday to write as much as I can but I want it to last for a while.

Anywhoo... So I think I already mapped out my neighborhood to you.  Well, I used to live in a ranch style duplex on a cul-de-sac.  Mine was 4th from the end.  My friend C used to live across the street but she didn't like me at first.  The house on the corner used to belong to these people who had a daughter named S.  Brb I have to peeeeee something awful.  Ahhh so much better.  Anywho, S was not a nice girl.  The only things I remember from being friends with her is what my parents told me.  My mom tells me that she let us play with wooden spoons and S took hers and hit me in the head with it.  My mom would also tell me to get into bed and pretend to go to sleep so that she would think I was sleepy and go home.  So anyways, they moved away and C's parents moved from the house next to J's house into the house on the corner.  J stopped hanging out with C and started in on me.  She was very dictatorish.  She had a best friend who moved away so she wouldn't leave me alone but whenever her friend would come over she would invite me over just so she could ignore me.  And I believe she STILL lives at home.  I don't know if she even graduated high school.
Oh well.  Screw her--she has problems.  Lol!
Oy!  9 minutes to the 7th race.  I hate Mondays.

Anyways, when I was REALLY little I had a neighbor named Rita Chester.  I really miss her :(.  I think neighborhoods are so interesting.  There's always a dynamic of sharing your life with strangers.  There's the people 2 houses down who you can hear having sex, the ones who throw the best parties, the "old bitty patrol" who knows everything about everyone, the people you can run to and the people you run away from.

I know you won't get this until your birthday, but I thought this next topic is fitting for Halloween.

What neighborhood house/legend scared you the most when you were a kid?
To tell you the truth, I think my house scared me more than anything.  I never knew the history of the land until I was a little bit older.  You know how every neighborhood has a name to it?  Well, on my street it was called "Summerhill."  I don't remember what the rest of the neighborhood was called.  (If I told you any of this before I apologize.  Sometimes the stories all run into each other.)

Well, it was like this ~~~~~~~> (diagram of my neighborhood)
I did the best I could.  Anyways, the cutoff for public school was Thorndale until the stop sign.  The whole rest of the neighborhood went to Huff.  But my public school was Channing.  I didn't go to Channing--I went to a private school.  So I really didn't know any of the stories about the land until I met J and D (through J at Ellis when I was in the 7th grade).  That land had been built later and they knew more about it than I did. It turns out the woods by my house was part of old time farm land and there were witch circles.
About 200 years ago when the land was all farms, whenever the family's kin would die, they would bury them.  So there's over 200 year old farmers' spirits that still exist, not to mention whatever entities those witches conjured up.  And it seemed that my house was a spirit magnet, letting good and bad in the house.  I never experienced anything at anyone else's house the way I experienced it at mine.  Sorry if all that is somewhat confusing, it still confuses me.

Well, I have a few more questions that hopefully have not been answered yet.  i am going to put these in the book and then read more of your entries (which I'm loving, btw lol) ~~~~~> {questions}

Wow--what an asshole.  There is this guy going around the track telling everyone I gave him the wrong ticket.  His name is Frank and he is a trouble maker.  He always has a problem with something.  Now he's gonna come to my window and bitch at me.  I fucking can't stand him.  The only one that won and I had to fuck it up.  Sure, I'm extremely tired from being on my period and a bunch of these assholes all come up at the last minute spouting numbers off at me.  Half the time they don't remember what they said.  I dunno why I put the 3 on top instead of the 5--maybe I got confused.  I dunno.  But if he got the trifecta that pays more anyway.  I dunno what he's bitching about, even if I made the right ticket it wouldn't have won.  See here-- ~~~~~~> Ooh he would have won.  I pulled up the wrong results.  But it still would have only been $18.00.  Maybe a little more, I dunno.  At least he got the trifecta.  I just feel bad.  Stupid Frank!  He really needs to piss off.  Alright, enough babbling about the asshole customers.

Wednesday is Halloween!  We are able to dress up, but I have no idea what I'm gonna do. I think I'm just going to put on a bunch of jewelry and make up or something.  I dunno!  I want to go to hot Topic and buy some Punk jewelry and make myself emo or something.  haha.

So... I'm getting your card all pretty now and I really hope you enjoy it.  I really need to know the next day you have off, or maybe I can stay over on a Thursday night.  I want to take you to the beach and Clematis St. and maybe a few other places to take pictures.  It doesn't look like much now but I know that once I get finished with it, it'll be amazing.  I think I'm going to wrap the notebook up so you think you're getting another present and put the card inside it with clues or something.  I dunno, I'll figure it out.  But I am going to ask you if there's any place you would like to go for pictures.  Maybe we can find a park or something.  And bring some funny props or something.  Anyways, it's almost the 12th race.  I only have 3 more to go (4 including this one: 12, 13, 14, 15).  So Imma try and read the rest of your entries (if I don't think of something else to write about).

<3, me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4:30pm

Well, I have about 42 more pages to go but I HAVE to write about something.  Well, there are these 2 guys that are betting with me and instead of coming to the window they make bets from their chairs which pisses me off because I hate when people do that.  Well, there is this guy who had been betting some crazy bets.  well, he would be $250.00 worth of bets and he gave me $300.00 and I turned to give him the change but he never said anything.  Well, another time he bet $280.00 and gave me $300.00 and just walked away.  well, I kept the money because we really need it right now.  I usually give people back their money but it depends on if I REALLY need it, like I do now because it's almost rent time and I have no food in the house.  Well, I counted my drawer and I was short $79.60.  Which means I gave someone the wrong voucher.  So I ask the two guys if I had given a wrong voucher out and the one guy said no but the other guy (the one who kept leaving before I could give him his change) told me to take it out of his winning tickets.  I was just so amazed by that.  He must be filthy rich because no one else would do that.  But at least I'm not buying crack with his money.  {pertaining to a picture of miss Winter Grace}: Awww I remember this day.  I really love that girl.  I hope one day she can think of me as a friend.  :). Alright sweets it's time for me to go.  I have been writing in this thing practically all day and now I gotta close down, get outta here, go to school, do some shopping, and fall asleep.  I'll write some more later on.

<3,
me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10:50pm

Wowie woo.  How many times can I write in one day?  Anywho, R was nice enough to pick up B so I can just chill here.  Blah.  I'm freakin' tired. So... I understand why you would think that I was Papoooyah.  I mean, you had no idea who it was so of course you would accuse every single person you could think of.  But I would never do that to you.  If I was going to fuck with you I would totally tell you.
But when you were at my house and he started talking with you and I was standing behind you it should be been apparent that it wasn't me.  But it's like this--this person comes into your life and starts saying really crazy shit to you and ruins your life for basically a whole year, maybe even longer.  You just want to know who the hell it is.  There is nothing wrong with that.

Well my dear, I got the whole day tomorrow to devote to you.

Love you!
R
11:15pm

October 28th, 2007

October 28th, 2007
------------------
Hey Sweetheart,
Ugh I have such a stupid headache.  Stupid period.  I started reading your entry and I got to page 11 and stopped.  Uuuuuuggggghhh stupid period!  Blah.

<3,
me
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P.S.  All I gotta say is, if I have a month to write 90 pages, I better get cracking.  heh.  Trust me, I'm just getting started.  :p.

October 27th, 2007 Stardust

October 27th,
2007
-------------
Woot woot!  It's 11:43pm so technically it's still my birthday.  I haven't read anything you wrote yet but I don't care.  Right now I'm trying to get stuff for your birthday present!  I need 24 celebs w/ your birthday.  You will be so surprised I think, but I hope that you will like my present to you.  It's a book filled with memories that I have of us, pictures (new ones that will be taken soon), among other things.  But I feel that with all we've been through in the years that we've known each other, I feel more close to you now than I have before.  Probably because for the first time since our friendship started, we have finally been in the same place at the same time, getting to know each other all over again.  I feel that an online friendship is really different than an "in real life" friendship.  You can still feel a connection with that person, and think about them and wish them well, but it's different when you're not around them all the time.  So when you see that person, you have to get used to the way they talk and all that.  I have to admit that the first few times I met you I was a little shy.  I always thought of you as a friend but when it was in person the first few times I still had to get used to you.  I think we had seen each other only 4 times total before you moved down here.  So I still felt a little awkward.  But through all of that I still felt this bond with you that is beyond this world.  And now I feel like our friendship has really renewed because we're both still alive and in contact with each other.  In all my years I've never had a friendship like this.
So... in all this babbling, my point is that I want to pay homeage to your being and our friendship.  So that is your present explained (in really tired, hormone-driven, up-too-late, psycho-babbleland.)

Alright, I know we said that we would write as much as we wanted to but here is what I think (for future notebooks).  That during the rest of the year we can do that but during our birthday months the other one has it for the month (to decorate it and whatnot).  I like that plan because if you have it for your birthday month I can't decorate it :(.

So... I got a lot of stuff to work on, a lot of questions to ask, a lot of stories to tell and anticdotes to share, and a lot to read and respond to (this is insane--I'm almost 4 pages in and I haven't read your entries yet!).  So I got my work cut out for me, don't I.

I love you girl!  And I had a great lunch this afternoon.  I can't believe I live w/ 3 boys now.  Ick!

Love you,
R

October 27th, 2007 Firefly

October 27, 2007
12:30pm
---------------
Well, today is your special day.  I can't believe you're 25!  You old biddy, you.  Lol.  I actually can't believe we're near the end of the month already.  Before we know it, it'll be Thanksgiving, my birthday, and then Christmas.  I am getting jolly already.  I just love Christmas and I can't wait to decorate.

So, I should be getting ready to eat lunch with you but I'm waiting to hear from you first because D wants directions.  Last night, you told me Perkins was on Military and Lake worth but the only Perkins I could find was on Military TR in West Palm, and nowhere close to Cresthaven.  And then one on Lake Worth rd in Wellington.  So. I donno lol.  D wants to talk to you cause he'd rather meet you there.  He has a couple of things to do first and we don't have a lot of gas so that's why.  But at this rate, we won't make it anywhere.  Lol.  Cuz I can't get D motivated.

Anyway, today is your special day and I just want to tell you how glad I am that we're friends.  You're such a great friend to have because you care about my well being, and you're always there for me!  So for that, I thank you.

I wish that I had a gift besides the notebook to give you.  But I just didn't know what to get and $ is tighter so my gift to you will be to go see a movie as soon as we can, my treat!

For now, I am going to end the time I have w/ the notebook here.

I hope you have a great day and that 25 is a magic year for you.

Love always,
C

October 26th, 2007

Oct. 26th, 2007 11ish AM
------------------------
Well, I am over at T and R's watching Riley.  I know kids love their moms and all, but he has a serious case of separation anxiety.  I think it's quite possible he hates me.
Oooh, I almost just had to almost put him in time out because he was being very hateful. He tried to boss me around and I told him he wasn't being very nice so he could either sit over there by the door and cry or come be nice to aunt C and sit on the couch/watch Scooby Doo with her.  Then I continued by telling him if he chose to be mean, he'd sit in time out.  (He kept pushing me).  But I hoped he'd be nice because aunt C loves him.
Now he's over here watching Scooby Doo and drinking his milk.  But he won't talk to me.  Is it normal that the whole scenario makes me want to cry?  I feel like an ass b/c of that.
Looks like I'll be missing Days of our Lives today.  Oh well.

I miss W.  I feel like I have a broken heart.

Man I am majorly depressed today.  Every thought I have going through my head makes me want to bawl my eyes out and then disappear.
Maybe I'm about to start my period.  Which reminds me I need to go to the restroom.

Thank God that tonight is my last night to close.  Then tomorrow I have the day off thank God.  I'm not even thinking beyond Saturday I'll just get depressed.

I think I might try to stick this job out til Christmas, then find something else but I donno.  I don't want to be a job hopper and yet I don't want to be at Dillards for January inventory.  I think it's garbage that they require you to work at whatever time til 3 or so in the morning and give you nothing for it.  Yea you get paid, but ppl should have a fucking choice in the matter.

Nope, still no period.  6 days late.  I wonder if I should take a pregnancy test or just wait.

Man, I'd give anything to crawl back in bed and sleep.  Never wake up...

I hope you and B are okay.  I'd be really upset too if I found out that D was doing something he said he wasn't doing.  Especially if he made me feel guilty for not trusting him about it.  Why do men only think with their dicks?  "Yeah uh... I didn't tell you cause I thought you'd break up with me for it so I did it behind your back."

Hey dickheads.  We're more likely to dump your ass for lying than if you'd just talk to us.  Can I just get an AMEN?
AMEN!!! AND OH.... DUH!!!

I really can't believe you'll be 25 tomorrow.  25 years old.  You're an old lady, Ms Rita!  Shall I get you a wheelchair or a cane?  Haha.  Just kidding.

And next Thursday is November 1st!  Woot!  That means 32 days until I am 24.  4 1/2 weeks away.  Holy crapish.  Man I feel ooky.

Anyway, if anything else comes to mind, I'll write.  For now, I'm outtie like a belly button.

<3,
me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
8:30pm
------
Only 1/2 an hour til I'm off work thank goodness.  And tomorrow is your big day.
Anyway, I'm not pregnant.  I started my period just now.  *sigh* although I may need to go to the hospital anyway.  I'm having *other* issues so D wants me to go to the ER but I don't want to go because it's humiliating for me.  You know?  Man.  I donno, R.  My body is nuts.  Besides, I spent 2 days visiting my dad in the hospital.  I don't wanna go back!  I'd rather be pregnant.

Oh well!

October 25th, 2007

Oct 25th, 2007
11:10am
--------------

Uuuuugggghhhh crrrramps.  :(.  I'd rather be pregnant dammit.  Pffft.  Oh well.  2 more days at work!  Then I'm off.  And oooh!  2 more days until you're 25.  Holy shit.  Today is the last Thursday you'll be 24.... ever.  Yowza!

So, I had another fucked up dream.  I was at this fancy hotel w/ a bunch of people.  And it was kinda like we were supposed to be having some kind of reward show or something.  But anyway, I found my room and then I went to the mall.  For some reason, I ran around the mall and I kept hearing this loud noise that I hear when I go to work.  I fell on my knees and got up and kept running.  It was like I was being chased.  Then I went to the pool w/ "Mariah Carey" and a bunch of guys.  And we all fell asleep at the pool.  So when I woke up, I saw a yellow plane and I said "is that a blimp?" and the guy said it was so I was like, "it's going awfully fast to be a blimp..." Then there was a huge yellow bug in my face so I went in the pool.
Then, we all realized how long we'd been asleep, and we had to go.  Some guy kept commenting on my "tits."  And he gave me his towel to dry off.  When we got back to the hotel, I had to hurry to get ready...

Let me finish telling you the dream later.  I can't believe this fire in California.  The people it's hurting, the homes lost... the poor animals!  I can't even watch the news and see all these poor animals.  Man.

I think sometime next year, like after the holidays, I'm gonna ask D if we can get a dog or some kind of pet.  But it will take time because I'm researching it first.  Like, the dog I want and all you know?  Man I'm tired but now I have to get ready for work.  So.  Love you!

<3,
C
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5:15pm
------
BORED!  There, that feels much better.  No, not really.  Lol.  Another long night here at Dillards. And no, I'm not supposed to be writing in this but (well at work) oh well.

I really need to make up my mind about what I want to do.  I think I'm just going to turn in a bunch of applications.  I donno.  Blegh.

K, where was I in my dream explanation...

So, before I get ready I realize suddenly that something is wrong and someone is going to poison us.  So I run to the kitchen and I'm looking at the man with a white uniform and he has a fish head.  So I look at these steps and there's plates of food, cookware, etc on them so I have to use the rail and slide down.  But I have no idea what for.  Then I went back up the stairs normally.

So then, I'm back in my room and these women I've never seen before irl, knock on my door and they hand me a baby with a wooden head but he's real and he talks and we bond instantly. He's so tiny.  He looks like an infant with a large wooden nutcracker head.  He tells me he's 5 years old.

Then I leave the hotel with a group of people including this blonde curly haired girl who I keep calling Mariah Carey.  She tells us she's getting married.

And that's all I remember.

God, I have to be up early and watch R and then be at work at 3.  Then I get Saturday thankfully I'm off and I can relax n have lunch w you.

I cannot believe B has been lying to you about smoking pot.  I wondering if R has been keep it a secret for B or if he thought you knew.  I'd be seriously pissed at N for saying nothing.

Anyway I need to fix my makeup but I'll brb!

October 23rd, 2007

Oct 23, 2007 1:30pm
-------------------

Man, I feel like I'm stuck in the Twilight Zone.  Like, the last three days have been one big blur.

I still can't believe my dad had a stroke.  I called him today to see how his testing went.  He was so tired and sounded terrible.  I'm just worried.  He looked and sounded awful...

So, I just finished reading this book called "Saving Sailor" omg what an awesome book.  I cried like a baby through.  That seems like something that happens quite a lot lately.  Hmmm.

Man, I wish I could find my appointment book so I could make sure I'm right on track w/ my period.  Cuz if I'm right then I'm 3 days late now and my period already goes 31 days apart instead of 28.  Weird weird weird.

I seriously don't feel like working today simply cause I don't want T there.  I'm really pissed off at her now.  And I know I'm going to get in some trouble for missing work Sunday.  But oh well.  I just hope I don't get fired.  I need a new job first.  I just don't know what to do.

Anyway, I need to get ready for work.  But I'm getting pissed at Days of our Lives cause Belle is cheating on Shawn w/ Phillip.  Wtf, lady?  Oh, grrr.

Ok gtg <3 you.  I'll write after work cause I'm not allowed to bring this anymore.  =(.

October 22nd, 2007

Mon Oct 22nd, 2007
10am
------------------
Ugh!  D took today off so he could take me to jury duty and now they put me on standby for tomorrow.  Hello people, I have no car or license for this crap.  Bah.  And it's an automated service.  I can't talk to anyone.  Assholes.

I feel like I haven't written in here for years. Lol.

I was so pissed off by T that I faked sick and called out Sunday which was stupid.  Cause I'd have been working w/ D.  Oh well.  T just got 3 extra hours which wasn't fair to me and then she didn't help close which was so rude.

I don't think my dad had a stroke.  But I wish I knew what happened to him when he couldn't talk.  It was weird cuz when I got to R's party, I started to talk to my dad and he had trouble understanding me. He told me he wasn't feeling 100% but I thought he was mad at me about something.  So I asked my mom and she told me what had happened earlier.  Then, she asked me to go home w/ her so I could keep an eye on him while she massaged someone.  So when we got in the car, he had a really droopy face--which his face droops anyway, but this was BAD.  So my mom just told him she was taking dad to the hospital.

Blah.  Today he's having tests and then if those results are ok, he can go home.

Man, I'm hungry.  D is worrying me, he didn't eat dinner last night cuz he wasn't hungry but it's almost 11am and he still isn't hungry.  WTF.

Well, I'll write again when I have something to write.

<3,
C
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3:00pm
------
well, as of 2:15pm, we now have cable and internet.  Actually, it's kind of like having satellite tv/direcTV.  Woot!

I'm 2 days late on my period.  Uh oh.  we'll see what happens!

I need to go see my dad, so in a few minutes, we'll be leaving to do that and send my little angel some $$.

In the meantime you want me to ask you questions about life.  So.  Here it goes:
-----------------------------------------
1. In 10 years, what do you think the world will be like?  What about 20 years from now?  And 50 years?

2.  Dr Phil has agreed to let you come to his show, all expenses paid.  What is the show about?  Why are you on there speaking?

3.  You win the lottery, what do you do w/ all that money?

4.  Let's say you have a set of twins one pregnancy, and sextuplets the next pregnancy.  Would you treat the twins and sextuplets differently?  (I'll explain this question next time I get the notebook).

5.  You're hosting a huge Christmas party, who do you hire as the celebrity chef and why?

6.  If a man held a gun to your head (ok, or a woman) and told you that you had to give them your most valued object/possession or you'd die, what would you give them?

7.  To end a vendetta and save your family from pain, you have to marry someone you don't love.  What do you do  (yes, this is from Dool).

8.  You have to move on a deserted place and can take one thing only.  What is it?

9.  If you lost the love of your life to war, how long would you want to move on?

10.  If you could name one song as your theme song for your entire life, what would it be?

October 20th, 2007

Oct 20, 2007
12:43pm
------------
Hey girl.  It's Saturday afternoon. woot!  Not.  I have to be at work at 4 and I'm seriously not wanting to go in.  They really pissed me off last night.
It started off with minor annoyances like T taking me wear this stupid red pouch thing just cause she didn't want to wear it.
Then she took a $250.00 sale from me.  I made $65.00 all night.  A woman came and since T was about to do something else, I started to help the customer and T got all pissy and said the lady was HERS.  And I was like, uh ok.  So the woman spent $250.00 and T was all happy.  Then before she left she was like, "you need to make more than $65.00.  That won't do."  I'm thinking "yea um I could've had more but you took it from me" ugh.  What a bitch.

October 18th, 2007

12:40am

MAN I can't sleep lol.  I can't stop my mind from running a million miles a minute.  I'm trying to decide if I should take on a 2nd job at Bath and Bodyworks or not.  We could use the extra $$ it's just that I'd be working all the time.  Maybe I should wait to see what happens in November with my hours at Dillards.  Hmmm.

Well, when I give this honey back to you on your birthday, give it back to me on mine, okay?  Er, nevermind.  Whenever you want is fine.  Lol.

Why the heck am I so itchy?  Rawr!

Oh!  I know what I can tell you.  J... he's doing really well =).  I'm so happy.  Pretty soon, the program he's in will promote him to independent living status so they help him find a good paying job and an apartment.  He even sounds good.  It's nice that he's growing up, my brother-in-law =).

And D's dad, J, I don't know if you know this but he has hep c also (like L) and there's an experimental drug that can cure it.  Some people don't, some do.  They say J's chances are higher because of his genes.  Anyway, it's called interferon (sp?) and while he's on it, it will make him really sick so I'm going to be praying for him like crazy.

I asked J if he's go to my b-day party even if you and B were there and at first he said no but I think D talked him into coming so I hope there's no problems.  Maybe I won't have a party.  It just seems like a big nuisance now.  Boo.  I donno.  I just don't know.  Like, I want my day to be special but everything costs so freakin' much, you know?  I mean, $200 for a few hours at the clubhouse?  Plus food, drink, decorations... and if I have it at the house I have to clean before the house I have to clean before AND after and I don't like that.  Lol.  Yea, perhaps I won't do anything... except with you during the day?  And something with D at night.  We'll see.  But now, I'm going for a smoke--then bed.  Night.

<3,
C
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oct 18 2007, 1:30pm
-------------------

Man I am freaking out.  Not only did I have crazy dreams all night, but I forgot that I have jury duty on Monday but no way there.  D told me they'd have to excuse me with no transportation but I don't think they do.  D might have to take that day off work which we can't afford.  Blah!  Plus I'm afraid I won't understand anything that is said. I hope they don't need me.  I don't know why I even got jury duty anyway.  I'm not even a registered voter so wth?  You aren't supposed to be in the system for jury duty if you aren't a registered voter.  I mean that's what I was told anyway.

As for my dreams, I donno.  First of all, I was not in the dream.  I was watching as other people panicked and tried to get away from a deranged killer.  People I didn't even know.  The killer was Michael Myers (Halloween movies).  The first person, it was at his house and he left his house and struggled to get his car started.  But he did.

I'll have to tell you the rest later though because I have to get ready for work.  Love you.

<3,
C
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2:00pm
------
K, I'm about to get ready but have to potty first so.  The next "victim" was 2 girls.  They went to this tore to get dresses for some special event.  They bought fabric and made their own dresses which were long and white with a soft green floral print.  And the blonde girl bought this really pretty grass necklace.  She wasn't caught or killed but she walked out onto the street in her dress and realized her friend, who had long dark hair, had been killed.  It was just weird you know, dreaming all this.  It wasn't like the girls talked or anything.  I just knew they were friends and I knew that even though I only saw the blonde picking up that necklace, that she'd made her own dress.  It was like she went from the store picking up the grass necklace, to out in the middle of the street.  And I never saw the killer, I just knew it was Michael Myers.  Kind of reminds me of another dream I had a LONG time ago.  Which after I finish telling you the 2nd part of this one, I'll tell you that long ago one.  But for now, it's shower time.  Love you bunches.

<3,
C
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2:30pm
------
Ok, I don't have to leave for like 15 minutes.  So the 2nd part of my dream was like totally odd.  I donno. The only part I remember even a little was some girl, pudgy w/ long brown hair came to my house and my mom told me I had to share not only my room but my bed with her too.  Like, as if we were sisters and had to immediately bond with each other.  We hated each other immediately instead.  And she kept jabbing a finger into my back and it hurt and so I kept yelling out at her to stop it but she was just so MEAN!  She appeared in my dream later too.  I donno what I was doing or what she said but it was on a deck at the beach and whatever she said, was really sarcastic.

I think she was supposed to be S.  So yea.  Pretty freaky, eh?  Welp, it's time for me to go now.  So later, I will tell you about my long time ago dream and whatever crap I have to deal with at work.  Lol Much love girly!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7:15pm
------
So, I found something out.  Apparently, T and V (the cosmetics manager) had it out and T just up and left.  So, who knows what will happen.  T doesn't seem like the type that would walk out though so I actually hope she's alright.

Oh, today I waited by the bus stop instead of walking all the way to work.  BIG MISTAKE.  Some guy started talking to me about whatever, and actually told me he'd just gotten out of jail.  Niiiiiice.  I ended up giving him .50 and a cigarette.  Oy oy oy.  He was weird.  I didn't dare ask him what he'd been in jail for.  But I kept reminding myself that just b/c he'd been to jail didn't mean he was bad.  After all, L has been to jail several times and yea she has issues (we all do) but she's not a bad person.  It was just that I didn't know this man.  You know?

Anyway, I wanted to tell you about that dream I had so long ago.  Like, years ago.
I was on a bus going home from school.  The weird thing was that the bus driver took the highway which never happened.  I was sitting next to a black girl and we were just talking and enjoying each other's company w/e.  And I saw this huge green sign and it had a name across it.  I wish I remembered what that name was.  Anyway, I said to the girl "OH!  That's the name of my killer."  Then, it started to rain really hard and so the bus driver dropped me off right in front of my house.
When I got inside, it was really dark so I turned on the porch light and like, I immediately knew the killer was in/at my house so I started like, locking all the doors all quickly and as soon as I turned around, I saw this guy standing at my back door.  He tried turning the knob and banging on the door and I was screaming.
Then he broke the glass and that was it.
He was tall, and wore a brown trench coat and a fisherman's hat.  And he had dark shaggy hair (think Inspector Gadget).  Yeah, scary...

Anyway time to go home.  <3 you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10:30pm
-------

Damn it got late.  Well, lady.  I'm glad you feel close to me enough to come over when things get stressful.  I just want you to be happy.
I'm sorry B isn't answering the phone.  And wow, I just heard you yell on the phone.  I hope everything is ok.  <3
Man, I hope you and B can someday live together the way you dreamed you would.
Ooh finally dinner!

October 17th, 2007

Oct 17th, 2007
11:50am

10 days until your birthday!  Woot!  So, sometime after the first of November, I'll develop pictures.  Unfortunately I'm going to have to get triples now, keep the film and then get two more copies.  Here's everyone who wants a copy:
--you
--me
--L
--J
--S/D

I know you don't think S deserves a book, and she probably doesn't, but I'm not stooping to her level, you know?  And W will want those pictures too.  So, yea, 5 copies!  Damn.  Oh well, I'll start with triples then go get the last two later.  I wish we had all our cameras though.  Some of them are missing.  :(.

So, I have to tell you about my dream last night.  At first we were in this nice house, and I'm unclear if it was Florida or Ohio because EVERYONE was there.  You, me+D, my parents, and everyone in Ohio.  D had longer hair and wore it in a ponytail.  He was sitting on a stool and S was like, all over him.  She kept kissing him and I was just standing there but no one cared.  I even began crying and D just acted like it was nothing.  I cried a lot and just sat back and watched as everyone laughed and enjoyed themselves.  It was weird too because everyone lived next door to each other.

Then it changed and my mom was telling D and I to get up and get dressed.  So we did and we got in the car w/ my mom and dad.  We were all dressed as though we were going to church.  But then we stopped at a place that looked like a department store.  And then a friend showed up, I donno who it was though, and my mom started handing us all these clothes.  So we went inside, and then W was there.  The place was like full of rides that would be at Universal Studios or something.  And my friend and I went on a ride but I got off because I couldn't find W.  So, I left and I found this big like, restaurant/bar and it had a HUGE HOT TUB.  There was so many people in it.
I donno it gets mucky from there memory wise.

God, I'm crying during a soap opera b/c one of the veterans "John Black" just died and it was so emotional.  I'm such a dork!  Lol.

Ah!  On Rachel Ray she has fat animals.  Sweet.  Poor animals.

Oh, so @ work we have this pink ribbon event to support the cure for breast cancer.  If you buy two pink ribbon items, you get a free makeover either at the time of purchase or by appointment.  And if they purchase the pink ribbon compact and brush set they get a facial by appointment only.
The whole thing I think was ridiculous because we give makeovers anyway.  So, I dunno. But w/e we never got the event off the ground because no one was interested.
So what does Ms T "I'm the counter manager" Coyne do?  She decides to have another facial event.  Blah T.  We're also having a photofabulous event in which we'll do before and after photos.

I really wish I could get excited about it.

Well, I'm watching Dr Phil talk about sexual predators/offenders and all I can do is picture what A did to me, and fearing he may do it to W... someday if not already.  I'm really trembling inside over this.  I donno what it is about Dr Phil seeming to speak directly to me.  I just want my little girl to be okay.  And to be ok, normal even, I think, no, I believe firmly that she needs to be with her dad and I.  Sometimes I just don't know what the hell to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oct 17th, 2007 11:45pm
----------------------
Welp, I checked my e-mail and still not a word from Dr Phil.  Oh well, it's been 3 days so GIVE THE MAN A BREAK C!

I don't mean to drive you or myself crazy.  I apologize R, and self.

I can't decide if I want to see "Rendition" or not.  It has Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal in it though and I like them both.  I just want Reese to make another "Legally Blonde" movie dammit.

Oh suddenly Bush is talking about WW3 so should be scared?  Cause I am.  Blah.  Going to bed now.  <3

October 16th, 2007

October 16th, 2007
1:00am

*yawn* I need to go to sleep but I can't!  Blah.  I'm having so much trouble sleeping.  Maybe when my hair dries I'll take some Simply Sleep.  But I don't remember if it works or not.  Ooh I know! I'll put my aromatherapy mask on, and light my oil.  And read while my hair dries.

Night.  Love yoooou!
<3,
C
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oct 16, 2007
11:45am

Hey.  I'm still tired but I think it's cause I took that Simply Sleep last night.  I don't want to go to work today.  What else is new?

I'm so sorry I forgot about last night!  I feel so bad.  I actually didn't forget until I was at J and M's house. I just figured we wouldn't be gone as long as we were.  J was helping D with the car but then they fed us too so, it was nice but I feel bad.

So, I had another strange dream but I'm too impatient to write it out. Lol.

Man, everytime I sneeze, I bite my tongue.  Grrrr.  Next week is my jury duty.  Yucko.  Maybe I won't have to go.  Lol we'll see.

Well, I dunno what else to say so I'm going to let you go.

Love,
C
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2:25pm Oct 16, 2007

Good afternoon!  I don't know where you are cause I thought you'd be here at 2, but maybe I misunderstood.  lol that would be very typical.  But anyway, if you're not here by 3 I gotta go anyway, cause I leave an hour early if I have to walk and then you know, if you don't end up getting here and I wait, I'm screwed lol.  That's what I get for not driving myself though so I won't be mad.  I'll tell ya what though, I'll put your clothes in a bag for you if you aren't here.  I folded them all nice and stuff for you :).

Man tomorrow I have to clean.  This house is a pigsty.  woosh.

11 days till the big 25!  Ahhh!  R, we're getting old.  5 years until you're 30, 6 years until I'm 30!  Nooooo.

I think Rachel Ray has lost it.  She was laughing about being aggressive w/a knife when she cut up kale.  Wow.  Lady, you're nuts.  I don't want to go to work.  But luckily, today is D.  I like working w/her.  I hope everyone likes how D did my highlights.  But if not, I'm going to tell them I got it done at a salon.  Lol.  That probably makes me a bad wife.  heh heh.

Well, babes.  It's 3 so I'm gonna wait a few more minutes but then I HAVE to go.  Sorry.

For now, I'm going to close this and I'll write again at work or after.  Muah! Muah!

<3,
C

October 15th, 2007

Oct 15, 2007
12:10pm

Uuuuugh I'm still sleepy.  I didn't go to sleep til almost 5am.  That really needs to change.  And, the last two nights, I had a really weird dream.  The first one was like people chasing me, though I don't remember all the details.

The other dream was like, there was a gate to an airplane in the mall and my friend was getting on it.  Then, I was in a car w/ a friend and we were sitting in the backseat.  This cop guy threw some crash dummies at us and took us on a driving test of some kind.  He said there would be a quiz, and I remember thinking I was going to fail because I unstrapped my seatbelt.  Then we went back to the police station and we went inside and my friend was all excited because she got her Ipod back.

Well, today is R's birthday.  He is 3 years old.  I remember when I found out my brother was going to be a father.  I was so surprised that it was happening, I figured I never get to be an aunt.  Then I was upset because he was so terrible and I was good and like S, he got to have kids and I didn't.
But I'm glad I didn't have a baby in Ohio.  I wouldn't have been a good mother at that time because I was so nuts.  My child deserves a better me.

Anyway, I can't believe R is 3!  They grow up way too fast.  Him especially.  He's just so damn cute.  I'll brb I'm going to call him to say happy birthday.

No one answered =(.  So, I left a message.  Man, the tummy hurts.  But it's cause I did something stupid.  I heard that when you try to relax you should drink warm milk with honey so I made some and I think I put in too much honey.  Blah.  Plus I'm minorly lactose intolerant.  Duh, me.  Lol.

I'm wondering about Dr Phil's response.  Like, how long it will take, how he'll respond (e-mail/phone?) and what he'll say.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oct 15, 2007
7:06pm

Hello.  I just got back from being w/my mom.  She called me as i was writing earlier at like 12:30 and said she was taking R to cold Stone Creamery for birthday ice cream and she invited me so I went.  He's so cute and he liked the gift I got him.  I got him the Jungle Book on DVD.  I love that little man.  My mom was nice again.  No arguing.  Hmmm.
Anyway, I haven't heard from Dr Phil yet so I'm sure it's cause he gets like a gazillion e-mails yet so I hope mine gets read and not deleted.  I hope it's important to him.
I know you're thinking "sheesh calm down, girl."  I can't help it though.  This is VERY important.

October 14th, 2007

October 14th, 2007
9:30pm

Yay!  You're comin' over!  I just got home from the parents' house.  They were nice to me the whole time.  That's a new concept for me.  Lol.  Well, I went on DrPhil.com finally and wrote to Dr. Phil.  R, what if I go on his show?  I may need you for moral support!  But that probably won't happen.

I'm just so worried about my baby girl.  I don't mean to cause more problems or start something it just seemed like it was time to get some answers.

I showed my mom what I wrote and had her edit it before I sent it.  She told me it was very well written!  Color me surprised.  Anyhow, there was a part where I wrote about how they accused me of child abuse.  I didn't put that part because I wanted to play victim, I put it because I was thinking, "Well maybe they did it so they'd have a reason to take her to the hospital."  But, my mom said it was a whole different thing.  So I didn't put it.  I hope he responds.

I'm just worried about W being with A.  I mean even if those other girls ARE lying, I know what A did to me, and he better not touch my little girl.

Man, I remember that day so well.  I was wearing my red halter top.  And B let me on her computer.  A had a thing where liked to massage my shoulders.  It always made me uncomfortable but he never tried anything until that day when he slipped his hand down to my breast side and massaged it.  And I just kinda froze and sat there.  And he finally asked me if he was making me uncomfortable and I said yes.  Well I actually just nodded.  And then he was like, "Do you want me to stop?" and I said yes again (well, again, I actually nodded) so he did stop.  But after that, I wore long shirts all the time.  It was like after I was raped.  I never wore provocative looking things 'til years later.

Anyway, I really want W here.  She needs good influence.  My poor pumpkin.  =(.

Wow, I just realized I never finished telling you about the R's.  Anyway, Mr R and his wife had two girls.  J and S.  J was younger than me and older than S but I loved them both.  Anyway, J and I were going to start a band.  And I found out that she was like, wanting to use other peoples' songs and I was really mad.

And then there was this one time, our school was going to have a talent show so J and I were going to do a dance together to Janet Jackson's "Runaway" and we had this whole dance worked out.  It was really cute.  Well, one day at recess she ran up to me and said we couldn't do the talent show together anymore because she was going to do it with her best friend M.  M HATED me but I never understood why.  So I was really upset by that and I wouldn't talk to J for a long time.

I also remember this one time when I was in J's garage playing with her and S, and S, J, and DV came over and I wasn't nice to them because of what they did to my brother.  J's mom was doing laundry at the time and got mad at me and said if I couldn't be nice, then I had to go home.  Then she went inside and I sat there frozen for a minute. Then I got mad and left.  *shakes head.*

The R family moved to Seabring, Florida.  I haven't heard from them in years.

wow it's 3:40am. I'm watching Dateline: Killer Instinct and this guy strangled, raped and killed this woman.  The woman's 6 year old granddaughter Brooke saw.  The man attacked and raped Brooke too.  Brook said he looked like her uncle so Clarence (the uncle) was sent to prison.  But now, Brooke realizes she was wrong.  Ahhh the more I watch, the more complicated it gets lol.  I love Dateline.  First Brooke changed her mind but they wouldn't give Clarence a new trial because they felt maybe Brooke had been pressured.  So they tested DNA and Clarence wouldn't be a match.  Er, wasn't. So then court still wouldn't grant a new trial.  But someone did their research and long story short--they found out it was a neighbor's common law husband.  Bastard.  K, sweet dreams <3.

No date (hopefully the 13th)

{no date}

Man!  It's only 7:50 ugh.  It needs to be 8:50, er no.  8:55ish.  Blah.  1 hour left in this hell hole.

I'm too nervous to ask B if I'm supposed to close Elizabeth Arden.  But if I don't, and I go to do it she might throw a fit, or if I don't it won't get done.  Blah why does she have to be such a bitch?  Oh and it's okay for HER to be away from HER counter, but if I leave mine it's a total no-no.  And she tells.  It's like, GROW THE FUCK UP, LADY.  This place is almost worse than high school.  Ugh.

Man, I am famished.  Time needs to speed up for 1 hour so I can go eat already.

So, lalala.  it's now 8:00 on the dot holy hell.  1 hr that's it.  HURRY UP!

Well, I'm gonna go.  My feet hurt.

<3 you,
C
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
8:05pm
------

Nevermind I'm back.  I'm going to tell you about the R family now.  Basically, when I moved in the neighborhood, my dad found out he had a friend (actually a few) that he'd known for years... I have to go write soon.  Love you.

October 12th, 2007

Friday, October 12 2007
11:35am

Good morning!
I'm so cold.  Ahhh!  Make it go away... ok, anyway so I'm glad you passed your test.  That's great!  Woot!  And I'm sorry those girls were such bitches.  It's obvious they have no respect for anyone.  But I think maybe you should've gone over to their car to see what they wanted.  Then, if they were bitches, you could totally tell them off. Woo!  But, you were probably tired and just wanted to go home so I don't blame you.  People at my job are so rude.  Everyone tries to be the boss.  I like, don't even try anymore at that job which is no good.  :/ I'll probably get fired soon but hopefully I'll have a job first somewhere else.  Sephora called me for a holiday position but I can't afford to take the risk that they might not keep me after the holidays.  I need benefits and I need to pay rent you know?  So... I'm going to send them a thank you card.
For now, I need to get ready for work *smooch* Love,
Chels

12:12pm
-------
K, I took a shower but it's too early for makeup and clothes especially cause I have to have some lunch.  Eep, my hair keeps dripping on la paper. Sorry!
So, you were telling me about some chick named M that used you to see some guy that was a bad influence.  That's like, a page right out of my own story!  So, now I have a new story to tell you--and my neighbors will just have to wait.
So, when I was in high school I befriended this girl named K.  K was... promiscuous.  Extremely so.  She would meet much older men off the internet and have sex with them.
On one occasion, we wanted to go see Scream 2 so we went and we had to sit on the floor, it was so full.  She used my phone and tried to call this guy, D.  She only wanted to go to the movies w/me so she'd have a place to meet him.  he called her back and said he was outside waiting, so we went out of the theatre and she promised me she wouldn't leave w/him and then I left so they could talk and when I came back, they were gone...
When my dad came to get me, I had to tell him what happened so we drove around looking for her and when we found her, she was back in front of the theatre.

Anyway, needless to say, we weren't friends after that and she actually had people threatening to kill me, and because it was the same year as Columbine High, I was scared.  You know?  So I was out of school for two weeks with a broken hand.  (I broke my hand because when my mom wouldn't agree to let me stay home even w/ people wanting to kill me, I punched a door.  Lemme alone, I was scared!)

Ok, time for some yummy lunch!  I'll write in a few minutes.

Mmm, salad!  It's leftover from last night.  I put dried cranberries, sunflower seeds, orange, apple, lettuce, pepper; and tomato in it.  Ooh, and croutons and cheese.  Yumm-o!  It's actually almost better than last night.

Woot!  Days is on!  I will write to you after work, okee?

Love,
C

Oct.12 2007

6:00pm

Hey gorgeous!  I'm at work bored as hell.  So I figured instead of doing what I'm supposed to, I'd write in the notebook.  Haha!  Aww Leo just came over and was talking to me.  He's the hottie from Shoes.  Ok, I'm going to write out who I'm inviting to my b-day party and who I'm shopping for x-mas.

Birthday invite list

--------------------

Fetima

Maketa

Lindsey

Bonnie 

Melissa

Diane

Marryann

Amy

Carrie 

Dee

Seth

Erin

Melissa D./Eric 

you (me)

Brian

Ryan

Lynne/Mike

Charlie/Jen/Kyle

Jsin/Melissa

Valicia

Tamara

Carrie Lynn

Martina

And then they can all bring 1 guest, except you can bring two.  I'm hoping B and J can get along for my sake, you know?  D will probably tell me that's too many people.  Hmm.  I think I'll have to cut that list down so I can rent out the movie theater in my complex.  =/ Ahh my ears are itchy WTF.  Wow I look like death.  I need concealer, blush, and eyeliner pronto! Be back later. 

<3,

me

October 11th, 2007

October 11th, 2007
12pm

Mornin' Darlin; (er, afternoon),
*hiccup* I'm watching the news and Bryan Garner (NBC news) is cute. Anyway, some girl violated curfew a couple days or so ago and she got arrested, but she was trying to resist it and she bit him!  So, he punched her arm and sprayed pepper spray. Now all these people are trying to say the cop was too excessive.  HELLO SHE ASSAULTED A POLICE OFFICER!! He had every right to do what he did.
So, M's birthday party was kinda boring but only cause it was her parents, her grandparents, her, her boyfriend, and me.  And her boyfriend was all over her.  You'll see pictures.  Blegh.  Don't ask me why I took them.  I wasted film.  Still, it was nice to hang around her.  I feel like I'm trying to trust all the people accused of being Papoooyah, and it's hard cause I don't know who Papoooyah was.

I wish people understood why I kept talking to him/her/it.  A lot of it was because I had to know who.  I don't want to be friends with someone, trusting them, and then right under my nose and behind my back, they're playing games with my head.

Papoooyah got to me and maybe admitting that is detrimental and not smart, but it's true and even though he/she/it seems to be gone I still wonder why they did what they did.  It actually hurts.

What a bastard.  You know?  What a fucking bastard.  And then it (pap) just disappeared like it was never there.  Luckily it hasn't bothered me. But I'm overly paranoid b/c of him.

Man, I really miss Tiki.  She was such a good dog, you know?  I mean, I know she barked a lot and she chewed whatever she could find.  But she was a puppy!  And she loved me totally and completely.  I still hate that B gave me the dog and then made me get rid of her.  But in a way, it's a good thing because I got sicker and sicker physically and mentally up there.  I probably would've been no good to her.  Well, I mean I loved her and I would've tried, but Tiki deserved more than I could give her, especially considering she live with me at B's house.  who knows what would've happened to Tiki if I'd kept her.  But I still miss her and a part of me will always feel guilty because I gave her away.  I'm about to cry now just thinking about it and looking at her.  It's like breaking up with someone you're supposed to be with for the rest of your life.  Tiki was like my soul mate.  *sigh* K, gotta do laundry.
I think I'll try to cook dinner tonight so maybe when D gets home dinner will be ready.  In fact maybe I'll do an indoor picnic thing for him...

Mn, I don't feel good.  But, I'm going to watch Days now so be back later.

<3,
C
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
K, the next neighbors I"m going to tell you about are Mr and Mrs K and their son J. Mr K was white, skinny, and very strange.  Mrs K was of Asian desent so of course so was J.  I think they were Vietnamese.  Anyway, the K's had our foresty area, most of it, cut down and they built a house.  They were nice but very strange.  But sometimes I feel bad because they tried so hard to be nice to everyone and people just kinda blew it off. Sometimes they'd come to our house to talk and if no one but me was home, I'd just be quiet and not answer the door, mainly because Mrs K was always offering to tutor me.  But I couldn't understand her, you know?  Plus, she always bragged about what a genius J was.  I felt inferior I guess?  *sigh* I hope that family is okay.

You know, I forgot about little V.  V was 2 when I met her family.  They built their house right between S's house and the K's house.  I became her (V) babysitter and we had a lot of fun with crafts and TV.  We watched Cinderella and as Prince Charming and Cinderella danced, I told her V (T we called her) that someday that would be her, in a beautiful dress marrying her best friend.  I asked her who she wanted to marry and she said her mommy or me.  Lol, because we were her best friends.  She was so sweet.  Oh man, she's like 8 now.  Wow.  Damn.  I wonder what she looks like.  Hmmm.  Anyway, onto other neighbors.
Actually, I forgot to tell you why I stopped watching T.  Basically I was fired.  T said she didn't feel well, and she felt hot. I didn't know where the children's stuff was but T went to this desk thing that her parents had in the hall, and she opened the drawer and pulled out medicine. So I opened it and gave it to her, and she was fine.

A couple days later, her parents called me and told me they weren't mad, but they'd wanted to return all that medicine.  I felt so bad.  And then they never called me after that, but I also avoided them like the plague.  I don't blame them for not calling me though.  Cause giving a child medicine is very dangerous.

I think I'm going to save stories for another time.  I wanna move on to other things now.

Like, for dinner, I think I'll make pork chops, and I haven't decided what to make with it.  Maybe a salad type thing. Mmm.

K, makeup stuff on the next page.  Enjoy!

Makeup Tips!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Always moisturize!
1.  Concealer
--lightens and brightens undereye.
2. foundation
--match to jawline blend to neck to match color
3. lip liner
--match lip tone!
lip gloss light in color (not a lot of glitter!)
4.  For round cheeks, smile to find apples and with a little shimmer, use "cinnimon roll" method.

R, let's start a portfolio for me. You can be my first before/after person.  I'll give you a facial too.  So we'll do before, then after facial, then after makeup.

Yes, on Dr Phil: Tips on how to spot a Munchhausen mom. I need this.  I'm writing him a letter.  OMG this is like watching S and D.  Fuck.  R, this whole show is just making me tremble.  I want to write to Dr Phil about S and D but I'm like scared to do it.  What if there's an investigation and D and I are wrong, and W was really sick or hurt all those times?  I mean I know she wasn't but I have no way to prove it unless I obtain W's medical records.  This whole idea seems dangerous to me, but at the same time... it seems necessary.  What should I do?  This show is giving me faith too though.  one day W is going to say "Leave me alone I am NOT sick."  She's going to remember what they did to her and she'll be so hurt, so angry.  I hate that she has to go through that.  I wish I could let her know w/o offending her that we love her and wanted to protect her.  So I can either do nothing and risk her hating D and I someday for not protecting her, or I can open a can of worms and risk being wrong and getting D into trouble.  ugh.  Help.

God, he's so sexy!!  [referring to D]

Sorry, I had to say that.  I just love him, and I love that incredible smile.  He's just beautiful.  And I love how much he loves me.  He's so tender and caring.  Even when he is a jerk. Lol. I just love him.  *sigh* I needed a break from Dr Phil.  More when I come back.  Love you.

Because it will be hard to read this page (cause I got colorful, oops) I'm going to put some pictures below, and continue writing on the next page.  Thank you for understanding.

So, there's this woman, a psychiatrist who wrote a book, I forgot what it's called.  "Healing in love" I think... I'm gonna look it up but it's about Munchhausen syndrome by Proxy.  No, Hurting for love it's called.  I'm serious about this, I need to go online dammit.
K, the psychiatrist, Judith something or other, says that most women who have Munchhausen syndrome by proxy (from now on, we're calling it MSBP!) have a long history of lying.  She also says it's a sickness where parents, most typically mothers, want that attention.
I wonder if S and D have given up on W being sick all the time, and moved on to S having "cancer" for the same reasons.
Ack, I just want this all to make sense.  The other day, I told D to tell S that I hope she feels better.  And she was like "oh.  Uh, uh, tell her thank you."  She just sounded so baffled, you know?  It was strange.  Anyway, I'm going to make a sort of timeline of W being "sick" to try and make sense of this.  Then after dinner, I'm going online...

May 2004 ~~~> {Earlier that year, W fell down stairs, in front of S and broke her arm}.
I move to Ohio.  I nearly immediately found out about her meds.  At that time, she was on Benadryl and Prevacid.
August/September 2004--W's mother, S, took W and "hid" her from D for 2 weeks.  She had been found and suffered from numerous UTIs).
October 2004--S's boyfriend N watched W (during court meetings between S/D) and she dug a hole in the wall in N's care.
--N and S break up, UTI's stop--
November 2004--D and I get our own place.

2005
----
W's meds change, the prevacid wears her teeth and she requires caps.  She's been to the Dr once or twice every other week.  She isn't living with S on her weeks, but with D.  We also figure out that the reason W's crying and wanting to go home so often is cause they tell her she can't go home, she has to stay with us.  I'm also accused of child abuse.
--There's too much to remember when it was!
I give up...

I don't give up on the whole thing, just timelining it.  Lol.  Whoo I stink.  I need a shower.  Eep.  It's 5:30 so I think at 6ish I'll cook.
This notebook is addicting.  I have something I need to tell you, and I hope you won't hate me after.  When Papoooyah was bothering me, I accused everyone, even you.  In fact, especially you.  It was because you had told me things like, when people fuck w/you, you get them back and because we'd been in so many arguments and I was a different person, I figured you wanted to fuck w/me and that was your motivation... Plus it didn't help that you had all my journals copied--it only furthered my suspicion.  But I realized it wasn't you, you'd never do that to me and I can't believe I ever thought you were Papoooyah.  Anyway, I just wanted to apologize to you for that and tell you that I'm so glad I am past that shit with whoever that bastard was.  I'm also so happy that we are as close of friends as we are now.  I love you!  And I hope you don't hate me.
...My dinner turned out GREAT! Woot!  Tomorrow I'll get up, watch Ellen, get ready for work, watch Days, go to work, and that's it.  Dang it.

Dammit I was online and forgot to go on DrPhil.com.  Crap.  Oh, R, W said the sweetest thing to D on the phone!  She told him she had a lot of things on her mind and in her head to remind her of D and me and that she'd been thinking of D.  And then I guess she started to get upset and got off the phone. Poor baby.

Well, my love, I'm going to call you and then go to bed.  Sweet dreams!

<3,
C

October 10th, 2007

Oct 10, 2007

Um, I forgot to say goodnight last night.  Ooooops.  My mom wants to hang out with me today *sigh* Lol.  Well, back to the story.  I dared S to kiss D so she did.  Then they dared me to kiss D.  But he was like 10 and I was like 17 or w/e and eww. So, I was going to peck him on the cheek.  But he totally backed off as I came at him and I felt like this huge pedophile.  Then I walked out. Lol!
Then there was the little D/B night where D, D, B, her sister K and I all hung out.  It was the night before Superbowl Sunday when I'd see R again.  Anyway, D had us place some game called PADIDDLE and I forget how he told us to play but it involved flashing and no one would do it so I got annoyed and started to lift my shirt but B LUCKILY stopped me.  Years later I found out there was no such game.  Assholes.  I swear.
I do have one very interesting story with DV.  Yea, when we were like, in first grade, I walked to the gas station and bought a dozen donuts.  I bumped into D and we sat down behind this bush thing and ate these donuts. While we did that, some van parked and D said it looked like the van Jeffery Dahmer drove.  It was scary, then I found out that he'd (Jeffery Dahmer) been in our town.  Weird!

Anyway, are you dressing up for Halloween this year?  I donno if I am or not.  If I do, I either want to be:
--a sexy queen of hearts
--the 5th element girl
--boxer

I'm hungry and I need to get ready so I'll write more later.  <3 you

October 9th, 2007

Oct 9th 2007
11:20am

Good morning.
Why do I remember the most fucked up parts of my dreams?  Lol, like in one part somebody did costume makeup on me, and it felt weird.  I kept touching my face and thinking that in order to feel right, I had to scrunch my face up.  So I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror with my face scrunched up.  I looked like this really mean old man.  I was showing my teeth and growling.  Weird.

In another dream, there was a big huge room with a kickboxing ball in the middle of it and there was an audience.  Some guy was saying he didn't want people who could type well to punch.  So I was going to kick.  Then I saw all these people like looking like they were floating in the air and typing at keyboards in front of this ball.  I was going to kick, but there was these bleachers surrounding the ball so I asked for them to be moved so I could kick.  So, while someone was busy moving these bleachers, I started to walk backwards and saw someone in the crowd I recognized... it was a guy.  Right then, as we were gazing at each other, my bathing suit top popped open and I turned around quickly and held the back closed with my hand.
My first thought was "I hope R didn't see that." Cause the guy was R.  So I went to a friend and I was like "omg fix me please" so she did and that was it.  Man, I don't know why R won't just go away.  Hell, it's been 4 1/2 years since we even saw each other.  Er maybe 5 1/2.  I'd have to think about it.  Either way, it's been a very long time and I don't know why his memory is still there.  I got my closure when he blew me off.  That was right before I met D, so 4 years since we talked and 5 1/2 since we last saw each other.  *sigh* GO AWAY R! =(

Now, I found that I'm not the only one B is being a bitch to!  I don't know, maybe she's going through something but damn.  Don't treat people like shit over that.  Bitch.  People need to grow the fuck up.

Somehow, the girls I do like at work talked me into making cake.  So, I'm making cake today and bringing it in with me when I go in at 5.  Weird people.  Lol.  I don't even know how that happened.

Eep I have a pimple 'n' it hurts!  Brb I need to do a mask on me.

*5 minutes later*

K, I got my mask on.  Let's hope that helps.

I just realized I need to finish my go cart story so...

I got that go cart and I really enjoyed driving it around the neighborhood.  There was a jerk (well there was a lot of jerks actually) in that neighborhood, and every time I'd go on his side of the neighborhood with my go cart, he screamed at me.  And once he sprayed me with water.  Fucker.  Anyway, the 2nd or 3rd day I had the go cart, I was driving it around and went through Shirley's driveway (she had a driveway that circled).  Well, I somehow lost control of the car and crashed it RIGHT into the side of Shirley's house.  I hurt my leg really bad and the next day, Shirley brought me a huge bag of chocolate kisses.  So nice. Even though I ruined her shrubs, lol.
I had really nice neighbors except a few obviously on Oak Kill/Beechwood.  Wow I just remembered 2 new stories.  Haha.  But first I'm going to diagram my old neighborhood for you.

{diagram}

Damn there are tons of x's so tons of stories.  But first I have to tell you the story of the banana tree.  Oh, but I'm gonna take my mask off first.  Then, hopefully D will be home soon so I can make my cake and get to work.  when I return, it'll be story time if I don't have breaking news.

<3,
C
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Well, it's 2:15 and D is not home.  He swore up and down he'd be home early today and tomorrow.  I don't want him to lose his job though so if he's not home by 3:30 then oh well. Cause I have to leave at 4 if I'm walking and 4:50ish if D drives me.  I really don't mind walking cause it's exercise.  I just don't want to be hit by lightning or catch pneumonia if it rains.  And if it's hot, I don't wanna die of heat stroke.  However, I'm going to buy a spray bottle and fill it with cold water for the hot days I walk.  Yesterday, someone from Dillard's recognized me walking and she picked me up.  If I hadn't recognized her or if it had been a guy, I wouldn't have even got in the car.  But it was nice of her to do that.  :)
So, the banana tree story.  *claps* yay!  So, it was like 1992, I was going into 2nd grade and right before school started, hurricane Andrew hit.  So, it delayed school beginning.  Miami had the most damage that year and I remember visiting friends that had serious damage to their home.  My home (No, I didn't live in Miami BTW, in case I confused you.  I lived in Delray) the only damage we had was that our fence in the back yard blew down.  Unfortunately, it blew over into the neighbor's yard.  When that happened, it crushed their banana tree.  Obviously, we had no control over this situation.  Do you think our neighbors knew this?  Well, I'm sure they did but do you think they cared?  No.  They sent my mom and dad a very nasty letter saying we were stupid and they were going to sue us over this banana tree.  There was a huge fight.  It's funny now though.  But, in case you were wondering, those neighbors were not J and R.
Ok, gotta get ready now!  Love you.
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3:37pm

D isn't home yet so I may be leaving in 20 minutes.  *sigh* ugh I have the hiccups.  I hate those fuckers.
Neighborhood stories in random:
You know my go cart/Shirley story and you know all about Set so those x's are out.  I'll start with Joe.  Joe was the man living across the street from me.  he was probably in his 50's when my family moved to that neighborhood and I was almost 7 or 8.  Anyway, I always really loved Joe.  He was like a Grandpa to me.  And he always lectured/teased me because I never wore shoes outside.  He used to tell me I couldn't be a ballerina like I wanted if I didn't start wearing shoes.  Lol.  He died a couple of years before I moved away.  I was really sad.  I adored Joe =(.  So now it's 5 minutes to 4 so I better get dressed.  <3 you.

Fuck it's almost 4:30. D comes home at like 4:15ish and hands me eggs and says he'll be back in time to get me to work but he had to go back to his job.  WTF.  Ah.  So I made the cake which is now in the oven baking and I'm hoping to God it looks and tastes good cuz it was awfully soupy when I put it in the oven.  Dammit.  I CAN bake, I'm just always in a rush.  LOL.
Pffffft!

Oh, I have NO clue when we'll switch the notebook to you cause I have no Fridays off.  Lol.  Here's my schedule for all Fridays:
Friday Oct 12- 3-9
Friday Oct 19- 3-9
Friday Oct 26- 12-5
Friday Nov 2- 9:45-3

I'm sure we'll work it out.  Lol.  Aww that's a good picture of me with Tiki.  Hmmm my cake looks like it's cooking correctly.

I wanna be a mother dammit.  Sorry for the randomness.  Blame Oprah.  Today is baby talk.  These women who can't have children go to India and pay $3,500 to $6,500 for a woman to carry a child for them.  I know the Indian women do it to make $$ but it's hard for them to carry a baby for 9 months and give it up.
Brb checkin' the cake.  K, cake baked nicely.  Now it has to cool so I can frost it.

I think when I finally get a Dr appointment, I want my thyroid, my breasts, and my ovaries checked. I also want a pap smear.  I just wanna make sure I'm healthy and that I can have children.

OMG it's like 5 and D's not back and my cake isn't frosted.  Ack ack ack.

I gotta go love you!

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Oct 9th, 2007
9:50pm

Well, I was 30 minutes late for work.  D's fault but w/e *rolls eyes*

Yay!  LAW-N-ORDER: SVU is on now woohoo.  I'm sleepy.  Blegh.  Ok, I'll write again in a lil while!

Woo pink is HOTT! My eyes hurt cause I'm so sleepy.  It's 11:30 and I still have no dinner.

I have nothing interesting to say, R.  I should tell you about DV.  I think I will.  DV was this punk I met in kindergarden/first grade (yes it was one class known as K-1) and I was friends with him and his friend, M. M was obsessed with BeetleJuice.  He was also my red-haired boyfriend.  Lol.  Enough about M though.  DV stopped being my friend and was very mean to me.  Him, S, J, and D's lil brother D were all punks and terrorized me.  When D met S, he had all of us (him, me, S and D) play Truth or Dare.