Tuesday, April 8th, 2014
Tuesday. *sigh* I feel like the days just literally run together. It's almost lunch time for me. Couple hours. Babies are asleep and I just decided I really want to work on finishing this. My next NB is going to kick this ones ass. Originally I had:
-This
-Poetry book
-Weight loss journey
Now, I have this and SOME poetry book which I may try to add to but only if I finish this first. Really want to concentrate on writing as part of learning focus and patience. What I noticed about this NB in particular is not only am I not writing as often as I want but I'm not allowing myself to write out EVERYTHING in detail. I am just NOT focusing well right now.
So, from here on out:
I promise to write for at least half an hoiur a day until I am finished.
I promise to take my time on the details so you know what I'm talking about and so I can get this shit out LOL.
This promise is for myself as well as you. All that being said, my next NB will be
writing
photo journal
-wedding planning
Which, I will incorporate a new weight loss journey into. It will be the dawn of a new Chelsea era LOL. I am such a DORK. But oh well :-)
So, to continue my 100 random things about me:
51. Sometimes I wish I was a real bitch.
52. When I AM a bitch, I wish I was nicer :-\
53. I prefer animals over people
54. I have an obsession with twins
55. I love Betty Boop
56. I love Bettie Page
57. I want to watch HIMYM beginning-end
58. I miss dancing [classes]
59. I miss recitals
60. I miss spending summers in TX
61. I miss spending time with grandma
62. I feel invisible\unimportant to people
63. I am thinking of eloping with Brian
64. And still having a wedding later on
65. But I did that with David
66. Then I never got a nice wedding
67. Ryan Brennan's friend Patrick said my smile "burst"
68. That's one of my favorite compliments EVER.
69. My dad has never told me I'm beautiful
70. I have heard most of my life that I am fat\ugly
71. So, I believe THAT
72. I don't think I'll ever believe I'm pretty
73.I love thunder and storms
74. I hate driving in the rain
75. I miss going to the ocean with my dad
76. I will never understand black people [their sense of entitlement, how they treat their kids, and why they are ghetto. *at least the ones I knew at the daycare*]
77. I hate the following movies
78. The Apostle
79. Amistad
80. Beloved
81. A league of extraordinary gentleman
82. I hate reality shows
83.I pick my nose, its embarrassing
84. TMI IM SORRY. I like pooping.
85. I love the word CRIMSON
86. I wish I were better at art
87. I hate my teeth, stomach and eyes
88. I love sweet food
89. I also love salty food
90. I love every color
91. I love precious moments [the figurines and books etc]
92. I don't believe man has ever really walked on the moon
93. I am skeptical about aliens
94. I wish I had a GOOD circle of friends
95. I love cracking my back
96. I think I fart too much
97. I want to love drinking water but I hate it
98. I wish I could redo the day of beckys death
99. I wiush I wasn't so naive
100. I am easily irritated and I HATE IT
WOO FINALLY DONE lol.
So I have 18 minutes left on my break. Then, 3 hours and 9 minutes left at work before I go home. I think I am going to clean up my room then put Pandora on and just WRITE. In here. Like really write for once and just get some stuff done. I want to be on page 200 by the weekend and try to finish this by NEXT weekend. I think it's doable. I think my phone ships out today so that will be good. It will be good to have a phone again!! Okay, more when I'm home.
Ok, I am home. I cleaned my side of the room up, then I ate and now I'm writing. I'm sleepy but I want at least half an hour or to page 170. Maybe more if my energy increases. So on page 165 I wanted to elaborate more on #98.Becky was my black lab and she died on New Years eve/day while I was at Rnee and Jimmy's house. I loved that dog so much. She came with Mikey, my chocolate lab. Initially, Becky was supposed to be my dog, and Mikey Rory's dog but they both just ended up being mine. Anyway, Becky loved swimming and the day she died, I had gotten so mad at her for swimming (I THINK it was that) And I like, kicked her.I don't know, it still breaks my heart to this day that she died hours later. I don't think I even got to tell her I loved her. :-( I would give anything to pet her again and just tell her I lo ve her. Same for Tucker and Mikey.
Sometimes, I really miss having a dog of my own. Anyway, I'm sure you know that story I just wanted to make sure I properly elaborated.
So, all in all today was ok. Summer made Dominique and Roberta talk some of their issues out so hopefully some of that drama will be alleviated. I was thinking today about some of the lessons I've learned in the past year or less.
1. Instead of just cutting people off so callously and with no explanation, I have to be able to talk to a person about my feelings and go from there.
2. Every family has it's darkness
3. Life is not simply black and white as to what's wrong or right. It's a lot of gray.
4. I should never be afraid to speak my mind.
5. Someone else's truth may differ from mine. It doesn't make them wrong, it doesn't make me wrong. It's just difference in truth.
6. I'm not a patient, focused, person and I need to be.
7. I don't want my kids to be like me. I want to teach them confidence and independence and individuality.
8. Never expect the worst
9. There's a place and time for everything
10. I need to love myself
The first one has been a huge lesson. I mean; I did it to you, Jessica and Melissa. I know it hurts people, especially when they don't know what they did wrong. So in the future I hope to do better by people. I also hope to make better friends. Jessica didn't deserve to have me just disappear. Like, I'm okay not being friends with her- I feel like I put more stock in it than she did (the friendship) But I do regret how I handled the situation. With Melissa, I don't know. I regret how I handled it, I don't know how I feel about not being friends with her. She's a good person but I think it's too hard for her to have "real" relationships. I don't know what happened to her. She was always awkward, but one day she just started with craziness. I don't know, I just want a good small circle of friends. I'm too old to deal with drama. I already kind of feel like girls in indiana are kind of shady. This girl Mandy [she's married] friended me. She told me how much she missed Brian. Then I found out that she and Brian once slept together. She cheated on the guy she's now married to, and slept with Brian, and I just think she sounds ahdy but Brian says no. So, who knows ya know? Then, Jenilee [she's married to Tyler, a good friend of Brian's] wrote a status about drugs and I commented my opinion on it. She messaged me to tell me she deleted it, because she didn't want anyone feelings to be hurt. I mean, on the one hand I get it. She's got family big into drugs and she loves them. But here's the thing:
1. YOU put the status up about being a speaker about drugs. "Hate The Drug Not The Person." So, if these people are your facebook and are going to get butthurt, why post?
2.They don't know ME, so I don't get why I should care if I hurt their feelings?
3. If you don't want people commenting more than "GO JENILEE!" Don't post a controversial topic.
Then there's Lindsey [FAKE!] Mariah [She's okay] Kirby [Mother of the year, stepford wife type] And I just have a feeling none of them are going to be the kind of person I want to be friends with. Ugh... now I am getting all apprehensive about going again. :-( LYMTL
April 9th, 2014
Happy hump day Wednesday! I'm counting down until the weekend. I want to work on NBS and maybe do some photos. I also get paid Friday and I may gewt my phone that day. [It was shipped yesterday] I have to pay my dad too for all the car parts he got to fix my car. Gonna be broke pretty quick . I need to get to a place where I can pay school loans, medical expenses, and build credit.
But, I also have my wedding now to figure out, plus medical insurance and other bills. Blah.
There's not a lot for me to write about now. I wrote most of it yesterday. :-\ Right now, I really want a cigarette and for someone to play with my hair. That's one of my favorite things in the whole world. *sigh* Work is good so far. Only 9 kids came and they are all asleep for now. We'll see how that long that lasts though. It's a little after 12:30. Stacey is on break, then when she's back I go.
So, the other thing I want to do this weekend is make a vision board for all the things I want this eyar. It's already April, so late I know. I think it will help me
-love
- $ money\career
- friends
- positivity
-patience
- maturity
-strength
-weight loss
-Godliness [Faith in Jesus]
-Happiness
-Health
-organization
That's the stuff I want pictures of on my vision board. I think I am starting to come out of my depression a little. I hope so anyway.
[A wonderful stick figure drawing]
Brian. Me. Brody. Dog. [me thinking ahead to a baby] Our family. I know I'm so silly. Well, I really din't know what to write about. I feel like I emptied the contents of my brain yesterday. I'm excited for my new phone. It's been weird not having one at all . Now I'm gonna need a new laptop. Mine is about to break. The hinge on the screen is all messed up, but I guess it's more expensive to fix than what it's worth so I don't know. The plan with my phone is to keep it on the DL at work so that no one asks to use it or my charger. I'm just going to keep it in my car or something. Also, maybe it will help conserve the battery life. And even though it has gorilla glass [to help it not break] I'm getting an otter box so that my shit is PROTECTED.Hopefully it won't mess up my back button. Aha, the first two kids have awakened~ The rest should follow here shortly. Anyway. It's almost time for my break finally. I'm ready to fall asleep though. The quiet is making me relaxed and tired. Ok, I'll write here in a bit. <3
So after work, I'll drivbe Roberta home and then come write more. I have some music research to do for a couple songs I like. I don't know the artist or title of either song. Just a few lyrics. One goes like this:
"Cause all of me loves all of you..." Ugh I can't remember it all. Crap! Lol. More at home, My break is almost over now. :-(
This is a notebook project that was started by my best friend and myself, but has since been abandoned. We had a good run but this is all that's left of our friendship. I'm keeping these public because, well... I can.
Sunday, January 5, 2020
Wednesday, January 1, 2020
April 10th-18th 2014 in sickness and in health
April 10th, 2014
Good morning. Well almost afternoon. It's Thursday, which means it's almost the weekend THANK GOD. Tomorrow, I am going out with Roberta, Stacey, and Stacey's husband Jesse. Supposedly Dominique, Leachelle and Shawnte are all going but I doubt they will. I'm kind of skeptical of Dominique and Leachelle going because of all the drama that has involved them. I just don't want more drama getting started. Still, it should be a lot of fun to hang with Stacey and Roberta at least. Would be nice for Shawnte to come as well. I hope I have my phone with me though so it better come in tonight. I don't like going long distances without Brian and since he will most likely have to work tomorrow, I will have to deal with the driving myself. So yea, I hope my phone will be here. I'll have Roberta with me, but she doesn't drive. This girl and I are so much alike. I love her. Anyway, sorry I didn't get to write last night. I came home and Stephanie had made tacos for dinner. I was going to eat them but Brian wanted to get out of the house so we left. We ended up driving all the way north to like Palm Beach Gardens. We ended up at outback, like we couldn't just do that closer to home lol. We didn't know though. Anyway, so, I had steak :-) My body has been really craving steak lately, I don't know why. I guess it just needs the iron. Then, after dinner, I stopped by my dad's house. So, I wasn't home until after 11 pm. Then I tried to stay awake to talk to you but I was just so tired. But anyway, so yea, that was my Wednesday night. So I'll research the songs tonight.
[song lyrics to ALL OF ME- john Legend, and some others]
So those are the three songs I love right now. So yesterday afternoon Dominique, Stacey and I were sitting outside with the babies, just chatting. All of a sudden, Stacey's eyes just go all wide and she makes this noise so I look down and I see this frog. I jump up and at the same time Dominque jumps up. It was crazy. Ugh, I hate frogs. I hate toads more, but let's just be honest- amphibians creep me out- all of them.
Not a whole lot more going on though. lol. My dad is leaving this weekend for Orlando to visit friends. Then next Tuesday [the 15th] He's going to Georgia to see my mom and I guess my sister will be there for work and my mom offered her a place to stay. My mom's room mate, Ivan, went to Hawaii for six weeks to visit his cousin. While he was\is there his cousin died so now he's staying longer. That's so sad to me. The other sad thing my dad was telling me is that his friend Bill has a son like Rory, but like he's in his 50's. Anyway, one son has POA and pays all the bills for his father [Bill] with Bill's money but I guess he has to pay his brother's bills as well with his father's money. That's like fucked up to me. I hope I'm never in a position like that. If I was Brad, I would tell Dwight to fuck right the hell off. I guess he's going to when Bill dies.
Ugh, Kids are up and it's my break time. YAY!
[later]
Hey again. Well *I* am glad for one that tomorrow is Friday anhd except for tomorrow night, I have no plans but to write this weekend. And just relax. Ugh. My back started to hurt and I cracked it and tried to stetch it a bit and the intensity of pain grew. Now the pain has continued through to my abdomen and I feel like a bull ran into me. Ugh. The last time I felt like that was in the beginning of February when I had the stomach bug. I will be pissed the fuck off if I have that shit again! In other news, my dad is leaving and I forgot to call him today. I won't be around tomorrow so hopefully Saturday I can go see him. I want to relax this weekend but I have a feeling people are going to make that impossible. Grrrr. Still, I will do my best. I really hope my phone arrives tomorrow before I go out. I would like to have a phone already LOL. No but really,m it is SUPER ANNOYING. I always have to ask to use someones phone. I hate it. Man it's like 1 AM and I'm not tired. I'm restless, actually. Well, there's a funny story to tell you.Last week, this guy came to pick up his daughter Jaleah. She's in VPK. His other daughter, Jazelle, is in my class but she hadn't been there all week. So I said, "Daddy, where is my Jazzy? I miss her." So he's like, "She's been at home not feeling too well." So I say, "Aww well give her a hug for me. I miss her. You know, she's like a little monkey she's so funny." So Summer chimes in "I think she's more like a chipmunk with her little cheeks". She walks away. So dad is smiling, you know not saying much . He gets Jaleah and leaves. Summer comes back, pulls me aside LAUGHING mind you, and says "You may not want to tell a black man that his daughter is like a monkey." ...OMG I was so embarrassed. But it's like, that's not even what I meant. So now, she has to go and tell everyone. [Including Linda, a mutual friend that GOT me the job.] Linda in turns tells my dad, and in turn my dad starts teasing me. *headdesk* But COME ON. Black people [and really others] can't think seriously that they are like monkeys can they?!! I didn't mean it racially! It's not like I even acknowledge it to them either. But yea, figured I would tell you that story. In any case, my stopping point tonight WAS page 190 but I think I've run out of things to say and I need to lay down. Long day ahead tomorrow.
LYMTL
<3
April 11th, 2014
Fridaaaaaaay!
Ugh and what a day it has been so far. It's rainy, the kids have been screaming and crying and my boss is really pissing me the fuck off. Brian wanted to know if I could get my check early today so I could take care of business on my break. She was like, "Oh if the checks are here, sure." She said it straight to my face. I KNOW they are here. I've worked here for 1 year, I know how it works. The checks get here BEFORE friday, kthanks. Then, she left. She's not here, so it's not like I'll get my paycheck anyway. I would prefer you just tell me no than lead me to believe a lie. Not only that, but she's been a bitch all day about the kids. She acts like we don't do anything with them.Well, I would love to take them outside, but it's freaking raining. Like, helllooooooo earth to summer. Ugh, so I don't know what's up her ass today. Luckily it's the weekend and then I only have a 4 day week ahead of me next week. THANK GOD. Well, I just called Brian from Stacey's phone. Still no fucking phone. Grrr. How come babies start waking up when I'm by myself? It's so annoying. I just want to go out and have fun. I need to stop my bad mood! LOL. So here's a bad drawing of what I will be wearing tonight. [if i remember, I'll add a picture in here.]
[drawing of clothes]
Ugh, why do my teeth hurt SO BAD? FUCK.
April 13th, 2014
Well. Saturday went by fast. Damn. I woke up, went to the bank, went and paid my dad, went to the mall, came home and took like a 2 1/2 hour or so nap. Then Brian went to work and I was supposed to pick Rory up but thank GOD I didn't end up having to go. Then I was supposed to go paint his toenails, but then he changed his mind because he and my dad were fighting. So I got out of that. Brian came home and we went to put gas in my car and get food and now I'm home :-) My teeth still hurt like a mother fucker and I had some crazy pain today in my back\chest idk how to explain it but it was so painful it made me nauseous. I started crying because I am so tired of just never feeling GOOD. I just want one day where I'm not in pain, exhausted or sick with something. No, one month. And just as I wrote that, my root beer spilled on the bed. The wind knocked it off the window sill. Ugh, so annoying. Ugh so annoying, and now I need a shower because I hate being sticky. We changed the sheets but I put a towel down because the mattress is saturdated and it's not working as well. :-( *sigh* So I will just tell you about yesterday. Work was REALLY annoying. First of all, we have two sets of twins. Wyatt and Wy'keem, and jayden and Kayden. Wyatt and Wy'keem cry constantly for food. They are only 9 months actually so who the hell knows why they're in my class. Then, Jayden and Kayden cry if you remove one from the other. Kayden tries to play by himself and sleep, but Jayden is so dependent on him so we literally have to try to seperate them. I don't want them to be co-dependent on eachother all their lives. I know they aren't my kids, and I can only do so much but it is a potential problem. Anyway, so on Tuesday Jayden throws up like A LOT. Projectile vomiting like crazy. He goes home. Thursday, he's back. He threw up Thursday AND friday as well. I don't know what's going on with him but it's all bile. Summer thinks it's his "new medicine" [He's got a boil, and BAD eczema on his head.] Either way. Ugh. They're very sweet boys though. So there was that. Then Jaz. She hit her head twice yesterday. The first time was when I first got to work. I picked her up and loved on her. I swdent to put her down, but she wouldn't put her feet down and my fingers slipped and she fell. I felt SO bad.[Jaz is the one I called a monkey :-\] She was pretty attached me to me all day from that point. Then later, she was climbing the cushions and she fell face first to the floor. I picked her up and set her on my chest, and she threw up. :-( ALL OVER ME. I felt so bad for her and worried she may have a concussion. Then at the end of the day, the day I needed to be on time, 3 parents were late. Blegh. So after work I rushed around to get things ready so I could go out with the girls.
It was a fun night. I had a gyro and 2 michelob ultras for dinner. It was fabulous and I would love to go back. It was called Red Rock Oasis and grill. So it was Stacey, her husband Jesse, his friend Eli, Roberta, Shawnte, Leachelle Dominique and myself. Brian met up with us too :-) At one point, Stacey asked if I wanted to go to the bathroom. I shook my head no. She's like "Um, no, get up." LMAO I don't hang out with girls enough to remember how that shit works. All in all it was a good night though. Dominique didn't drink alcohol. Instead she got a Shirley Temple and asked me to drink one with her. LOL. I fell asleep on the way home which was good because I was so tired and I had to pick up my car from Roberta's house. I didn't want to be so tired driving. Okay, my pen is dead. I WILL write more tomorrow.
-same day, but later-
Two entries the same day. Woot Woot. So, I maxde Brian put Breaking Dawn 1 while I write. Haha, I think New Moon is my favorite of the Twilight series. But I was just in the mood for Breaking Dawn 1 for now. So I did some grocery shopping at Publix today. Not my favorite trip to say the least. I drove down the wrong lane by accident and this bitch kept looking back at me as she was walking and she was finally like, "You're in the wrong lane!" I was like "NO SHIT BITCH!" sigh. Can't people mind their own business? I wasn't hurting anyone at all and it's not like I could turn around and go the other way.
Bella wore such a pretty wedding dress in her dream. I wasn't as fond of her real dress though. But I love the little dance between her and Jacob before they fight. Awww and the dumb speeches given at their reception. *sigh* lol. Makes me wonder how my wedding will be. I really want a nice outside, night [well sunset] wedding with candles and twinkling lights but I'll discuss more in my wedding planner book. HAHA.
I really wish our tax money would come already. I will feel like I will finally close a chapter along with this nb if we could just:
-get the $$
-give my notice AGAIN
-Get u-haul
-pack better
-go to disney\epicot [this was always on the agenda]
-find a home in IN and GO!
You know, I know the smart thing would have been to save money, but we sat and talked about that and agreed using his tax return would be better. Between bills and medical expenses and day to day living, budgeting and saving would take us years! And I know everyone thinks I just "blew" my tax check, but I did what *I* needed with it. Pfft. Not that it was enough for us to move on anyway. Plus, I really wish people would stay out of my business. I can't believe next Sunday is Easter. Blah, this year is flying. Soon it will be May and then summer will be here. It would be nice to move to get settled in before cold weather comes along. So, Disney World\Epicot.....I've been dying to go for a while. I guess it was originally my belated Valentines Day gift and was supposed to be a surprise. I was under the impression we were just going to go to Universal Studios\Islands Of Adventure, but now I'm pretty sure I'm going to Disney and Epicot! I AM PSYCHED! yay.
So Brian keeps hitting my pen so those are the nice little marks you see. So, you have him to thank for that. SO THANKS HONEY! Lol. You are so nice. Now I am just going to write to page 200 and then get ready to go to my dad's.
Ok, I just got to my dads. I took out hamburger meat for Rory, now I can sit here and write until it's time to feed and walk the dogs! Got my pandora on the laptop. Ahhh the damn air isn't coming on and it's HOT! Aghh!
So I guess Stephanie took Gabby to church and they brought back palm "branches" and I guess I'm supposed to put one under my mattress. My plan was to look that up and post about it in here. Then I couldn't find anything about it so I think Stephanie has maybe gone LOCO. Well, even more loco than before. Haha. But on a serious note, why do I put palm branches under my mattress and why have I never heard this before? I'm 30, this is new to me. Fishy. Lol. Hmm... :-\
GUESS WHAT I'M LISTENING TO?! Alexz Johnson radio on Pandora :-) Right now, it's temporary insanity. I really miss Instant Star. I should write more fanfic for it. Hmm more ideas for the next NB, but I don't want to bite off more than I can chew again. LOL. Now, it's "Your Eyes" . Man, am I nostalgic for some Tommy and Jude. It's like every other song is Alexz Johnson. This song, "This Is Heartache" is not from Instant Star but I really like it. Another song I really like is "Human" By Christina Perri. I will post lyrics to that and "This is Heartache" In a few pages " :-) You know, not for nothin but this journal has turned into a real mess in my opinion. I need some serious inspiration for my next couple. I want them more like YOURS. You are a real inspiration . Really wish I had your craftiness. I think I say that in almost every notebook, LMAO! Anyway, well I finally reached page 200 this weekend. Yay. I was hoping to do it yesterday to get more done. Anyway, I have a few pages of things I plan on . I'm trying to get as much done as I can so I can finish and get this baby to you. I've written like 35-40 pages but that includes the lyrcis and stuff so. Still, not bad. Man, I hope it's not rainy when I go to walk the dogs. It's looking pretty yucky out which sucks because when I go back to work tomorrow I can't take the babies out if everything is wet, and they get cranky, then Summer gets cranky and I hate dealing with that. I love storms and rain but not when I work at a ghetto ass daycare! That place really is just super "hood rat". One day I will take photos. The good news is U only work 4 days this week because of good Friday. I bet it's going to be the longest four days EVER lol. Oh! I added Brittany Gusow back on facebook,. I really believe she's Papoooyah and for some reason I have a feeling it will be confirmed. I'm not going to be as obsessed with it as I was before- I PROMISE. I'm chill over it really. I need a plan for it though, so maybe you can help me with project Papoooyah. How can someone claim to be my friend and fuck with me over that? Jimmy and Renee wouldn't add me- which is fine. I don't care for them anyway I just figured I'd try. I feel so vengeful towards all these damn people and they really aren't even worth it. Oh, but Jimmy and Ryan Brennan are facebook friends even though last I heard, they hated each other. Hmm.
[HUMAN lyrics]
I really want to learn this song and do a cover of it. I will wait until I'm settled in Indiana though and learn the instrumentals and do it myself. Karaoke has lost it's appeal to me now and I feel like I want to discover myself as more of an artist than JUST a [karaoke] singer. So I'm on quite a new journey in a lot of ways. Haha I am excited honestly. I can do it!
[THIS IS HEARTACHE lyrics]
I of course love anything by Alexz Johnson. She's truly amazing and I really wish she was doing some acting again. I wish Instant Star would reunite AHHH LOL. But you have to listen to the song, its very catchy really. I hope you like it as much as I do. Ugh. God. Seriously, my TEETH. Anyway, I think I'll write a new list of songs I want to learn and cover once I'm all settled. If I'm EVER settled lol, in Indiana. Haha.
Well, I bought this Barbie Mariposa Fairy Princess coloring book just to "learn" patience and put stuff in here. I don't like it though so I am going to give the coloring book to someone else. Probably Stacey's daughter Emilee. Ugh I was perfectly happy with my Pandora and now Brian's watching some annoying video on change?? I don't know but UGH. Okay I put it back on and now we're both listening to our stuff. Man I am so disappointed I have nothing to color now :-( Walmart didn't have such a good selection. :-\ Then again, I'm 30 not 6 so I'm not sure what I really expected haha. I tell you what though. I'm going to work on my drawing. I mean I do a little in my poetry portion and I impressed myself lol,. So for now I am going to draw you a cupcake maybe this will be my next tattoo... no, probably not. I want my damn lion LOL ok BRB smoke break then I need to feed and walk the dogs.
[cupcake drawing]
Well, Not my best but hell. I would still eat it LOL. Well, Rory just came home so peace and quiet is now null and void HAHA. The good news is that the dogs and cat are fed and walked and all I have to do is paint the man's toenails and then I can go, I think.
WELP! I'm "home" now. I ate chicken nuggets and french fries from McDonalds for dinner. Blegh. But it was quick and cheap. Now I'm watching breaking Dawn Part II with Brian haha. You know, if they wanted to expand the Twilight series they could simple make Renesmee and Jacob;s life... as well as flesh out Leah. I think I may do that myself. So now I have 4 major parts to the next NB
-writing
-photojournal
-wedding plans
-stories
Yay! Hopefully I don't get frustrated and quit or leave it all alone like I did with this one and my weight loss journal :-\ So the last thing Alexz Johnson did was HOUSE OF BODIES which came out last year so boooo. Wonder what's next for her. OMG why am I suddenly so nauseous? :-( Chicken nuggets probably messing with my stomach. Grr. Or it could be my teeth I guess :-( So,today Brian tried an experiment. You know on fourth of July those ground "fireworks" you light and it makes a snake? Well, he learned to make that. It didn't work out so well, LMAO but I guess he will try again tomorrow.
Ugh. Tomorrow= Monday. Back to work! And my mistake was telling Stephanie I don't work so she's already jumping on me about doing something. Sigh. I still just want to REST. I'm just not a party-er anymore and I prefer my weekends quiet in all honesty. I just hate going back to work feeling like I didn't rest and did what everyone else wanted me to. You know? I kind of can't wait to move so I can be a loner. We'll see how long that lasts. LOL. Ugh and I just realized I have to get up early to take care of the fur children. I feel pretty bad for my dad. He couldn't take Toby to the condo he's staying at in Orlando, so Tuesday he has to come all the way home to get Toby so he can leave Wednesday for GA. *Shaking my damn head* That dog is seriously his whole life.
HOW THE FUCK IS MY PEN DYING ALREADY? Lame. I just bought these damn pens. Ugh it's 10:40 PM and I still have tons of laundry to do so that I have clothes to wear this week. Boo. Again, luckily it's NOT a long week. Omg, FUCK THIS DAMN PEN. :-(
<3
LYMTL
Dear HEAVENLY FATHER,
I ask for your guidance and helping hand that Brian will get his tax money soon. Lord, you know our struggles and you know where my heart is. Please help us move things along.
And Lord, PLEASE help me with my tooth pain and all physical ailments.
I ask that you look over our friends and families this week and keep them safe. I also ask for good nights sleep for everyone.
Your will be done In Jesus Name I Pray,
AMEN
April 14th, 2014
Hello, well it's Monday! Day 1 of my 4 day week. The kids are all asleep. Everyone has yucky snotty noses today and 2 kids vomited. The usual Jayden, and Wy'Keem. I don't think it's fair for us to clean up vomit EVERY DAY. *sigh* Well, my honey called the IRS again . I don't think the woman he talked to even looked at his file. She just said he had to wait 60 days from the day he got his letter. Then she hung up on him. LOL why does the government pay these people honestly? So, his letter was dated for the 25th of February so we have to wait another 11 days just to see if that's true or just another thing they are telling us. He is so frustrated because we seriously just feel so damn stuck. There is no moving forward and it's really aggravating. Ugh I wish the infants would be QUIET. My one year olds are trying to sleep. Oh, my alarm clock didn't go off this morning so I woke up 41 minutes after I wanted to. Still, I had enough time so it turned out ok after all. Anyway, there was this cute guy, Joe I think, hanging out with Rory and Vinnie. He was really nice too. Too bad for him, I'm already taken.. I can't believe all the deliberation with Stewart Yuck. So glad I was smart and knew I loved Brian. lmao.
Yep, babies started waking up. How nice. I cleaned, so it would be nice to just write, you know? Grr. I really hope the fur babies at dad's house are doing ok. Tobi was so happy when I had him in my lap this morning. Then, when I had to leave he was mad again. Poor baby misses daddy! My boss is in a strange mood today. I don't even know where she is! Whatever, as long as she's not on my ass I don't care lol.
Today i am eating chicken pad thai for lunch. It's from "Thai Kitchen" which is sold in the frozen food section at grocery stores. It's actually pretty damn decent if I do say so myself, lol. I was kind of scared of it at first but I ended up actually liking it. Today, it's not as good but hey. It's food. Wow, 29 minutes until my break. I'm going to go see Brian and get a mocha frappe from Mcdonalds, We can blame Roberta for that haha. I ended up not liking my chicken pad thai thingy and throwing it out. I don't know why I liked it the first time and not this time. Oh well. I'm not that hungry anyway. :-\
There's nothing exciting to tell you. Well, one thing I suppose. I actually figured out what happened in the accident. It doesn't do fuck all for me, but I feel better that I know because before, I literally just didn't understand where the fuck that car came from especially when I waited and watched.
The way I figured it out was while I was dropping Roberta off, it almost happened again. But luckily, I was watching and the minute I saw it I was like OMG I know what happened! I felt it way down deep in my gut. So, by now, you're probably like, ok so what happened? Basically, as I was turning left a car at the median ahead of me turned left at the same time and neither of us saw the other. I will TRY to draw it LMAO.
[pretty bad trying that doesn't help depict what happened like, at all.]
I hope that makes sense. :-\
So, today sucked. Remember I was talking about that weird chest/back pain? Well, it happened again today for the 3rd time. It really scares me, Rita. It starts like in the middle of my back and moves around to my chest. It feels like a band wraps around me and then the pain is so intense. I feel like a million knives are stabbing me then I can't breathe and it feels like the wind has been knocked out of me. I sweat, I get nauseous. It is so scary. The feeling lasts for at least a half hour. It has gotten worse each time it happens. Stacey said her sister had similar symptoms and it could be gall stones.
:-( I called my mom to get her opinion since she had her gall bladder removed. She was actually surprisingly worried and says it's a major possibility that it's gall bladder related. She also said to go to the ER right away. I didn't go yet mainly because I was scared
1. They would turn me away over insurance issues this time
2. They wouldn't find anything if I wasn't in the middle of an attack.
But my mom says to just go. So maybe tomorrow. IDK. I also didn't want to leave Stacey and Summer in a lurch at work. So I don't know, I'm really scared. What if they don't find anything? Ugh I don't want the next gtime to be even worse and then it's nothing. What if I have surgery? I've never had a major operation. Please pray for me. I am so scared about EVERYTHING. How would this effect moving? :-( Ugh. I gotta lay down. Love you.
<3
April 15th, 2014
Well, I tried to stay awake for the lunar eclipse last night. I should have just woken up at 3 AM to see it instead of trying to watch from the beginning. I thought I was having another attack and Brian was in the shower so I layed down and fell asleep. So, luckily, no attack. In other words, my boss thinks I'm a hypochondriac and that it's my mindset that is unhealthy. On the one hand, I agree. But I don't think I'm a hypochondriac. I am having odd attacks for a reason. If that reason is what I think it is, it will explain like... the last 4 months!
April 18th, 2014
I was sreally hoping to be done with this today or at least this weekend, but no. My health issues have been bad this week. Luckily, I got SOME answers. I feel somewhat better about things now, mainly because I have an idea of what's going on. It's still frustrating because I have no hgealth insurance and it seems impossible to get it. Plus, I literally have to change my whole lifestyle- quickly. No more chicken wings, french fries, cheeseburgers, pizza, etc. Fruits, veggies, salads, and nothing fried. No sugar, no alcohol or soda. Water, water, water, water. I HAVE to stop eating at 11 PM. I have to start exercising.
[gall bladder/stone facts]
I mean, really found so much information. I'm just confused because.... Well, most of it has to do with relieving gas, but not how to get it ALL out if that makes sense. Like, does a high fiber diet cause gas NOT release it? This is why i think there's more of an issue because WHY is my body holding so much gas? WHY am I not able to get rid of it? So, that's what I need to find out. I guess I will just see how changing my diet does, and some of the other stuff. In other news NOT about health, things at work are weird. Everyone is leaving pretty much it seems. Leachelle's dumbass got offered $2 more than what she's making at her dollar tree job so she took the job and told Summer IN A TEXT that it was her last week. Now, she tried to her job back at Little Folks and Summer told her TOO BAD. She didn't think about anything when she quit- it was impulse. And why would you TEXT that? The whole thing was unprofessional. She's going to lose money too. She had full time at Little Folks $8.00 and PART TIME at dollar tree $8.50. Now she's just doing dollar tree part time $10.50, and wants to pay $12 hr for a nanny for her kids. Bitch, you are stupid. So there's that. Ms Dianne is new. She's been there 2 weeks and Stacey told me today she found out that Ms D had an interview at Burks. (this other day care. I never finished this story. Look for the *) and will find out Monday if she got that job. Come on people, Little Folks is NOT THAT BAD. Yes, I've bitched and cried A LOT. But I've been there for over a year and I am just saying, it's not the worst. I'm also trying to figure out what's up with Stacey and Roberta.
So, okay sometimes I feel like I get along with individually very well. But when they get together I feel like... well, they are snotty and I feel left out. I get the 3 girl thing but come on. Stacey is 25 and Roberta and I are both 30. I just always feel like the odd man out. Lately, it's gotten worse, and I feel like they're talking shit about me. For instance, I went with Stacey to pick up pizza and she called Roberta and had it on speaker phone, and Roberta said something I didn't hear. Stacey took her off speaker phone and listened, and then she put her back on speaker and mentioned I was there. WTF is that?!Then, later, they went on lunch together [this is everyday. they usually go at 12:30- her, Roberta and Leachelle, then I go at 1:30. Well, a couple times, Summer has told Stacey to go at 1:30 with me, and the last time I ended up having to go at 2:30) Then, there's feeling like Roberta and Stacey are lying straight to my freaking face. I asked Roberta early on Thursday what she was doing Friday and she said Brett [her boyfriend] took the day off since she had the day off. I forgot and asked her later if she wanted to work Friday. She was trying to come up with an excuse. Suddenly, she goes "Oh! I think I have Gianni and Giada" Interesting because this morning, Summer asked if I would mind ALSO taking Gianni and Giada because Roberta wasn't answering her phone. Not only that, but Stacey[ who used to call me ALL THE TIME, and now I guess not so much...... well to be fair... I hadn't had a phone and she did call me today] told me that Roberta said she was going to tell their mom she COULDN'T watch them. But whatever. I don't know if she ended up taking them or not, but they didn't come to school. Either way, if you don't want to do something- don't. But don't LIE!
<3
Good morning. Well almost afternoon. It's Thursday, which means it's almost the weekend THANK GOD. Tomorrow, I am going out with Roberta, Stacey, and Stacey's husband Jesse. Supposedly Dominique, Leachelle and Shawnte are all going but I doubt they will. I'm kind of skeptical of Dominique and Leachelle going because of all the drama that has involved them. I just don't want more drama getting started. Still, it should be a lot of fun to hang with Stacey and Roberta at least. Would be nice for Shawnte to come as well. I hope I have my phone with me though so it better come in tonight. I don't like going long distances without Brian and since he will most likely have to work tomorrow, I will have to deal with the driving myself. So yea, I hope my phone will be here. I'll have Roberta with me, but she doesn't drive. This girl and I are so much alike. I love her. Anyway, sorry I didn't get to write last night. I came home and Stephanie had made tacos for dinner. I was going to eat them but Brian wanted to get out of the house so we left. We ended up driving all the way north to like Palm Beach Gardens. We ended up at outback, like we couldn't just do that closer to home lol. We didn't know though. Anyway, so, I had steak :-) My body has been really craving steak lately, I don't know why. I guess it just needs the iron. Then, after dinner, I stopped by my dad's house. So, I wasn't home until after 11 pm. Then I tried to stay awake to talk to you but I was just so tired. But anyway, so yea, that was my Wednesday night. So I'll research the songs tonight.
[song lyrics to ALL OF ME- john Legend, and some others]
So those are the three songs I love right now. So yesterday afternoon Dominique, Stacey and I were sitting outside with the babies, just chatting. All of a sudden, Stacey's eyes just go all wide and she makes this noise so I look down and I see this frog. I jump up and at the same time Dominque jumps up. It was crazy. Ugh, I hate frogs. I hate toads more, but let's just be honest- amphibians creep me out- all of them.
Not a whole lot more going on though. lol. My dad is leaving this weekend for Orlando to visit friends. Then next Tuesday [the 15th] He's going to Georgia to see my mom and I guess my sister will be there for work and my mom offered her a place to stay. My mom's room mate, Ivan, went to Hawaii for six weeks to visit his cousin. While he was\is there his cousin died so now he's staying longer. That's so sad to me. The other sad thing my dad was telling me is that his friend Bill has a son like Rory, but like he's in his 50's. Anyway, one son has POA and pays all the bills for his father [Bill] with Bill's money but I guess he has to pay his brother's bills as well with his father's money. That's like fucked up to me. I hope I'm never in a position like that. If I was Brad, I would tell Dwight to fuck right the hell off. I guess he's going to when Bill dies.
Ugh, Kids are up and it's my break time. YAY!
[later]
Hey again. Well *I* am glad for one that tomorrow is Friday anhd except for tomorrow night, I have no plans but to write this weekend. And just relax. Ugh. My back started to hurt and I cracked it and tried to stetch it a bit and the intensity of pain grew. Now the pain has continued through to my abdomen and I feel like a bull ran into me. Ugh. The last time I felt like that was in the beginning of February when I had the stomach bug. I will be pissed the fuck off if I have that shit again! In other news, my dad is leaving and I forgot to call him today. I won't be around tomorrow so hopefully Saturday I can go see him. I want to relax this weekend but I have a feeling people are going to make that impossible. Grrrr. Still, I will do my best. I really hope my phone arrives tomorrow before I go out. I would like to have a phone already LOL. No but really,m it is SUPER ANNOYING. I always have to ask to use someones phone. I hate it. Man it's like 1 AM and I'm not tired. I'm restless, actually. Well, there's a funny story to tell you.Last week, this guy came to pick up his daughter Jaleah. She's in VPK. His other daughter, Jazelle, is in my class but she hadn't been there all week. So I said, "Daddy, where is my Jazzy? I miss her." So he's like, "She's been at home not feeling too well." So I say, "Aww well give her a hug for me. I miss her. You know, she's like a little monkey she's so funny." So Summer chimes in "I think she's more like a chipmunk with her little cheeks". She walks away. So dad is smiling, you know not saying much . He gets Jaleah and leaves. Summer comes back, pulls me aside LAUGHING mind you, and says "You may not want to tell a black man that his daughter is like a monkey." ...OMG I was so embarrassed. But it's like, that's not even what I meant. So now, she has to go and tell everyone. [Including Linda, a mutual friend that GOT me the job.] Linda in turns tells my dad, and in turn my dad starts teasing me. *headdesk* But COME ON. Black people [and really others] can't think seriously that they are like monkeys can they?!! I didn't mean it racially! It's not like I even acknowledge it to them either. But yea, figured I would tell you that story. In any case, my stopping point tonight WAS page 190 but I think I've run out of things to say and I need to lay down. Long day ahead tomorrow.
LYMTL
<3
April 11th, 2014
Fridaaaaaaay!
Ugh and what a day it has been so far. It's rainy, the kids have been screaming and crying and my boss is really pissing me the fuck off. Brian wanted to know if I could get my check early today so I could take care of business on my break. She was like, "Oh if the checks are here, sure." She said it straight to my face. I KNOW they are here. I've worked here for 1 year, I know how it works. The checks get here BEFORE friday, kthanks. Then, she left. She's not here, so it's not like I'll get my paycheck anyway. I would prefer you just tell me no than lead me to believe a lie. Not only that, but she's been a bitch all day about the kids. She acts like we don't do anything with them.Well, I would love to take them outside, but it's freaking raining. Like, helllooooooo earth to summer. Ugh, so I don't know what's up her ass today. Luckily it's the weekend and then I only have a 4 day week ahead of me next week. THANK GOD. Well, I just called Brian from Stacey's phone. Still no fucking phone. Grrr. How come babies start waking up when I'm by myself? It's so annoying. I just want to go out and have fun. I need to stop my bad mood! LOL. So here's a bad drawing of what I will be wearing tonight. [if i remember, I'll add a picture in here.]
[drawing of clothes]
Ugh, why do my teeth hurt SO BAD? FUCK.
April 13th, 2014
Well. Saturday went by fast. Damn. I woke up, went to the bank, went and paid my dad, went to the mall, came home and took like a 2 1/2 hour or so nap. Then Brian went to work and I was supposed to pick Rory up but thank GOD I didn't end up having to go. Then I was supposed to go paint his toenails, but then he changed his mind because he and my dad were fighting. So I got out of that. Brian came home and we went to put gas in my car and get food and now I'm home :-) My teeth still hurt like a mother fucker and I had some crazy pain today in my back\chest idk how to explain it but it was so painful it made me nauseous. I started crying because I am so tired of just never feeling GOOD. I just want one day where I'm not in pain, exhausted or sick with something. No, one month. And just as I wrote that, my root beer spilled on the bed. The wind knocked it off the window sill. Ugh, so annoying. Ugh so annoying, and now I need a shower because I hate being sticky. We changed the sheets but I put a towel down because the mattress is saturdated and it's not working as well. :-( *sigh* So I will just tell you about yesterday. Work was REALLY annoying. First of all, we have two sets of twins. Wyatt and Wy'keem, and jayden and Kayden. Wyatt and Wy'keem cry constantly for food. They are only 9 months actually so who the hell knows why they're in my class. Then, Jayden and Kayden cry if you remove one from the other. Kayden tries to play by himself and sleep, but Jayden is so dependent on him so we literally have to try to seperate them. I don't want them to be co-dependent on eachother all their lives. I know they aren't my kids, and I can only do so much but it is a potential problem. Anyway, so on Tuesday Jayden throws up like A LOT. Projectile vomiting like crazy. He goes home. Thursday, he's back. He threw up Thursday AND friday as well. I don't know what's going on with him but it's all bile. Summer thinks it's his "new medicine" [He's got a boil, and BAD eczema on his head.] Either way. Ugh. They're very sweet boys though. So there was that. Then Jaz. She hit her head twice yesterday. The first time was when I first got to work. I picked her up and loved on her. I swdent to put her down, but she wouldn't put her feet down and my fingers slipped and she fell. I felt SO bad.[Jaz is the one I called a monkey :-\] She was pretty attached me to me all day from that point. Then later, she was climbing the cushions and she fell face first to the floor. I picked her up and set her on my chest, and she threw up. :-( ALL OVER ME. I felt so bad for her and worried she may have a concussion. Then at the end of the day, the day I needed to be on time, 3 parents were late. Blegh. So after work I rushed around to get things ready so I could go out with the girls.
It was a fun night. I had a gyro and 2 michelob ultras for dinner. It was fabulous and I would love to go back. It was called Red Rock Oasis and grill. So it was Stacey, her husband Jesse, his friend Eli, Roberta, Shawnte, Leachelle Dominique and myself. Brian met up with us too :-) At one point, Stacey asked if I wanted to go to the bathroom. I shook my head no. She's like "Um, no, get up." LMAO I don't hang out with girls enough to remember how that shit works. All in all it was a good night though. Dominique didn't drink alcohol. Instead she got a Shirley Temple and asked me to drink one with her. LOL. I fell asleep on the way home which was good because I was so tired and I had to pick up my car from Roberta's house. I didn't want to be so tired driving. Okay, my pen is dead. I WILL write more tomorrow.
-same day, but later-
Two entries the same day. Woot Woot. So, I maxde Brian put Breaking Dawn 1 while I write. Haha, I think New Moon is my favorite of the Twilight series. But I was just in the mood for Breaking Dawn 1 for now. So I did some grocery shopping at Publix today. Not my favorite trip to say the least. I drove down the wrong lane by accident and this bitch kept looking back at me as she was walking and she was finally like, "You're in the wrong lane!" I was like "NO SHIT BITCH!" sigh. Can't people mind their own business? I wasn't hurting anyone at all and it's not like I could turn around and go the other way.
Bella wore such a pretty wedding dress in her dream. I wasn't as fond of her real dress though. But I love the little dance between her and Jacob before they fight. Awww and the dumb speeches given at their reception. *sigh* lol. Makes me wonder how my wedding will be. I really want a nice outside, night [well sunset] wedding with candles and twinkling lights but I'll discuss more in my wedding planner book. HAHA.
I really wish our tax money would come already. I will feel like I will finally close a chapter along with this nb if we could just:
-get the $$
-give my notice AGAIN
-Get u-haul
-pack better
-go to disney\epicot [this was always on the agenda]
-find a home in IN and GO!
You know, I know the smart thing would have been to save money, but we sat and talked about that and agreed using his tax return would be better. Between bills and medical expenses and day to day living, budgeting and saving would take us years! And I know everyone thinks I just "blew" my tax check, but I did what *I* needed with it. Pfft. Not that it was enough for us to move on anyway. Plus, I really wish people would stay out of my business. I can't believe next Sunday is Easter. Blah, this year is flying. Soon it will be May and then summer will be here. It would be nice to move to get settled in before cold weather comes along. So, Disney World\Epicot.....I've been dying to go for a while. I guess it was originally my belated Valentines Day gift and was supposed to be a surprise. I was under the impression we were just going to go to Universal Studios\Islands Of Adventure, but now I'm pretty sure I'm going to Disney and Epicot! I AM PSYCHED! yay.
So Brian keeps hitting my pen so those are the nice little marks you see. So, you have him to thank for that. SO THANKS HONEY! Lol. You are so nice. Now I am just going to write to page 200 and then get ready to go to my dad's.
Ok, I just got to my dads. I took out hamburger meat for Rory, now I can sit here and write until it's time to feed and walk the dogs! Got my pandora on the laptop. Ahhh the damn air isn't coming on and it's HOT! Aghh!
So I guess Stephanie took Gabby to church and they brought back palm "branches" and I guess I'm supposed to put one under my mattress. My plan was to look that up and post about it in here. Then I couldn't find anything about it so I think Stephanie has maybe gone LOCO. Well, even more loco than before. Haha. But on a serious note, why do I put palm branches under my mattress and why have I never heard this before? I'm 30, this is new to me. Fishy. Lol. Hmm... :-\
GUESS WHAT I'M LISTENING TO?! Alexz Johnson radio on Pandora :-) Right now, it's temporary insanity. I really miss Instant Star. I should write more fanfic for it. Hmm more ideas for the next NB, but I don't want to bite off more than I can chew again. LOL. Now, it's "Your Eyes" . Man, am I nostalgic for some Tommy and Jude. It's like every other song is Alexz Johnson. This song, "This Is Heartache" is not from Instant Star but I really like it. Another song I really like is "Human" By Christina Perri. I will post lyrics to that and "This is Heartache" In a few pages " :-) You know, not for nothin but this journal has turned into a real mess in my opinion. I need some serious inspiration for my next couple. I want them more like YOURS. You are a real inspiration . Really wish I had your craftiness. I think I say that in almost every notebook, LMAO! Anyway, well I finally reached page 200 this weekend. Yay. I was hoping to do it yesterday to get more done. Anyway, I have a few pages of things I plan on . I'm trying to get as much done as I can so I can finish and get this baby to you. I've written like 35-40 pages but that includes the lyrcis and stuff so. Still, not bad. Man, I hope it's not rainy when I go to walk the dogs. It's looking pretty yucky out which sucks because when I go back to work tomorrow I can't take the babies out if everything is wet, and they get cranky, then Summer gets cranky and I hate dealing with that. I love storms and rain but not when I work at a ghetto ass daycare! That place really is just super "hood rat". One day I will take photos. The good news is U only work 4 days this week because of good Friday. I bet it's going to be the longest four days EVER lol. Oh! I added Brittany Gusow back on facebook,. I really believe she's Papoooyah and for some reason I have a feeling it will be confirmed. I'm not going to be as obsessed with it as I was before- I PROMISE. I'm chill over it really. I need a plan for it though, so maybe you can help me with project Papoooyah. How can someone claim to be my friend and fuck with me over that? Jimmy and Renee wouldn't add me- which is fine. I don't care for them anyway I just figured I'd try. I feel so vengeful towards all these damn people and they really aren't even worth it. Oh, but Jimmy and Ryan Brennan are facebook friends even though last I heard, they hated each other. Hmm.
[HUMAN lyrics]
I really want to learn this song and do a cover of it. I will wait until I'm settled in Indiana though and learn the instrumentals and do it myself. Karaoke has lost it's appeal to me now and I feel like I want to discover myself as more of an artist than JUST a [karaoke] singer. So I'm on quite a new journey in a lot of ways. Haha I am excited honestly. I can do it!
[THIS IS HEARTACHE lyrics]
I of course love anything by Alexz Johnson. She's truly amazing and I really wish she was doing some acting again. I wish Instant Star would reunite AHHH LOL. But you have to listen to the song, its very catchy really. I hope you like it as much as I do. Ugh. God. Seriously, my TEETH. Anyway, I think I'll write a new list of songs I want to learn and cover once I'm all settled. If I'm EVER settled lol, in Indiana. Haha.
Well, I bought this Barbie Mariposa Fairy Princess coloring book just to "learn" patience and put stuff in here. I don't like it though so I am going to give the coloring book to someone else. Probably Stacey's daughter Emilee. Ugh I was perfectly happy with my Pandora and now Brian's watching some annoying video on change?? I don't know but UGH. Okay I put it back on and now we're both listening to our stuff. Man I am so disappointed I have nothing to color now :-( Walmart didn't have such a good selection. :-\ Then again, I'm 30 not 6 so I'm not sure what I really expected haha. I tell you what though. I'm going to work on my drawing. I mean I do a little in my poetry portion and I impressed myself lol,. So for now I am going to draw you a cupcake maybe this will be my next tattoo... no, probably not. I want my damn lion LOL ok BRB smoke break then I need to feed and walk the dogs.
[cupcake drawing]
Well, Not my best but hell. I would still eat it LOL. Well, Rory just came home so peace and quiet is now null and void HAHA. The good news is that the dogs and cat are fed and walked and all I have to do is paint the man's toenails and then I can go, I think.
WELP! I'm "home" now. I ate chicken nuggets and french fries from McDonalds for dinner. Blegh. But it was quick and cheap. Now I'm watching breaking Dawn Part II with Brian haha. You know, if they wanted to expand the Twilight series they could simple make Renesmee and Jacob;s life... as well as flesh out Leah. I think I may do that myself. So now I have 4 major parts to the next NB
-writing
-photojournal
-wedding plans
-stories
Yay! Hopefully I don't get frustrated and quit or leave it all alone like I did with this one and my weight loss journal :-\ So the last thing Alexz Johnson did was HOUSE OF BODIES which came out last year so boooo. Wonder what's next for her. OMG why am I suddenly so nauseous? :-( Chicken nuggets probably messing with my stomach. Grr. Or it could be my teeth I guess :-( So,today Brian tried an experiment. You know on fourth of July those ground "fireworks" you light and it makes a snake? Well, he learned to make that. It didn't work out so well, LMAO but I guess he will try again tomorrow.
Ugh. Tomorrow= Monday. Back to work! And my mistake was telling Stephanie I don't work so she's already jumping on me about doing something. Sigh. I still just want to REST. I'm just not a party-er anymore and I prefer my weekends quiet in all honesty. I just hate going back to work feeling like I didn't rest and did what everyone else wanted me to. You know? I kind of can't wait to move so I can be a loner. We'll see how long that lasts. LOL. Ugh and I just realized I have to get up early to take care of the fur children. I feel pretty bad for my dad. He couldn't take Toby to the condo he's staying at in Orlando, so Tuesday he has to come all the way home to get Toby so he can leave Wednesday for GA. *Shaking my damn head* That dog is seriously his whole life.
HOW THE FUCK IS MY PEN DYING ALREADY? Lame. I just bought these damn pens. Ugh it's 10:40 PM and I still have tons of laundry to do so that I have clothes to wear this week. Boo. Again, luckily it's NOT a long week. Omg, FUCK THIS DAMN PEN. :-(
<3
LYMTL
Dear HEAVENLY FATHER,
I ask for your guidance and helping hand that Brian will get his tax money soon. Lord, you know our struggles and you know where my heart is. Please help us move things along.
And Lord, PLEASE help me with my tooth pain and all physical ailments.
I ask that you look over our friends and families this week and keep them safe. I also ask for good nights sleep for everyone.
Your will be done In Jesus Name I Pray,
AMEN
April 14th, 2014
Hello, well it's Monday! Day 1 of my 4 day week. The kids are all asleep. Everyone has yucky snotty noses today and 2 kids vomited. The usual Jayden, and Wy'Keem. I don't think it's fair for us to clean up vomit EVERY DAY. *sigh* Well, my honey called the IRS again . I don't think the woman he talked to even looked at his file. She just said he had to wait 60 days from the day he got his letter. Then she hung up on him. LOL why does the government pay these people honestly? So, his letter was dated for the 25th of February so we have to wait another 11 days just to see if that's true or just another thing they are telling us. He is so frustrated because we seriously just feel so damn stuck. There is no moving forward and it's really aggravating. Ugh I wish the infants would be QUIET. My one year olds are trying to sleep. Oh, my alarm clock didn't go off this morning so I woke up 41 minutes after I wanted to. Still, I had enough time so it turned out ok after all. Anyway, there was this cute guy, Joe I think, hanging out with Rory and Vinnie. He was really nice too. Too bad for him, I'm already taken.. I can't believe all the deliberation with Stewart Yuck. So glad I was smart and knew I loved Brian. lmao.
Yep, babies started waking up. How nice. I cleaned, so it would be nice to just write, you know? Grr. I really hope the fur babies at dad's house are doing ok. Tobi was so happy when I had him in my lap this morning. Then, when I had to leave he was mad again. Poor baby misses daddy! My boss is in a strange mood today. I don't even know where she is! Whatever, as long as she's not on my ass I don't care lol.
Today i am eating chicken pad thai for lunch. It's from "Thai Kitchen" which is sold in the frozen food section at grocery stores. It's actually pretty damn decent if I do say so myself, lol. I was kind of scared of it at first but I ended up actually liking it. Today, it's not as good but hey. It's food. Wow, 29 minutes until my break. I'm going to go see Brian and get a mocha frappe from Mcdonalds, We can blame Roberta for that haha. I ended up not liking my chicken pad thai thingy and throwing it out. I don't know why I liked it the first time and not this time. Oh well. I'm not that hungry anyway. :-\
There's nothing exciting to tell you. Well, one thing I suppose. I actually figured out what happened in the accident. It doesn't do fuck all for me, but I feel better that I know because before, I literally just didn't understand where the fuck that car came from especially when I waited and watched.
The way I figured it out was while I was dropping Roberta off, it almost happened again. But luckily, I was watching and the minute I saw it I was like OMG I know what happened! I felt it way down deep in my gut. So, by now, you're probably like, ok so what happened? Basically, as I was turning left a car at the median ahead of me turned left at the same time and neither of us saw the other. I will TRY to draw it LMAO.
[pretty bad trying that doesn't help depict what happened like, at all.]
I hope that makes sense. :-\
So, today sucked. Remember I was talking about that weird chest/back pain? Well, it happened again today for the 3rd time. It really scares me, Rita. It starts like in the middle of my back and moves around to my chest. It feels like a band wraps around me and then the pain is so intense. I feel like a million knives are stabbing me then I can't breathe and it feels like the wind has been knocked out of me. I sweat, I get nauseous. It is so scary. The feeling lasts for at least a half hour. It has gotten worse each time it happens. Stacey said her sister had similar symptoms and it could be gall stones.
:-( I called my mom to get her opinion since she had her gall bladder removed. She was actually surprisingly worried and says it's a major possibility that it's gall bladder related. She also said to go to the ER right away. I didn't go yet mainly because I was scared
1. They would turn me away over insurance issues this time
2. They wouldn't find anything if I wasn't in the middle of an attack.
But my mom says to just go. So maybe tomorrow. IDK. I also didn't want to leave Stacey and Summer in a lurch at work. So I don't know, I'm really scared. What if they don't find anything? Ugh I don't want the next gtime to be even worse and then it's nothing. What if I have surgery? I've never had a major operation. Please pray for me. I am so scared about EVERYTHING. How would this effect moving? :-( Ugh. I gotta lay down. Love you.
<3
April 15th, 2014
Well, I tried to stay awake for the lunar eclipse last night. I should have just woken up at 3 AM to see it instead of trying to watch from the beginning. I thought I was having another attack and Brian was in the shower so I layed down and fell asleep. So, luckily, no attack. In other words, my boss thinks I'm a hypochondriac and that it's my mindset that is unhealthy. On the one hand, I agree. But I don't think I'm a hypochondriac. I am having odd attacks for a reason. If that reason is what I think it is, it will explain like... the last 4 months!
April 18th, 2014
I was sreally hoping to be done with this today or at least this weekend, but no. My health issues have been bad this week. Luckily, I got SOME answers. I feel somewhat better about things now, mainly because I have an idea of what's going on. It's still frustrating because I have no hgealth insurance and it seems impossible to get it. Plus, I literally have to change my whole lifestyle- quickly. No more chicken wings, french fries, cheeseburgers, pizza, etc. Fruits, veggies, salads, and nothing fried. No sugar, no alcohol or soda. Water, water, water, water. I HAVE to stop eating at 11 PM. I have to start exercising.
[gall bladder/stone facts]
I mean, really found so much information. I'm just confused because.... Well, most of it has to do with relieving gas, but not how to get it ALL out if that makes sense. Like, does a high fiber diet cause gas NOT release it? This is why i think there's more of an issue because WHY is my body holding so much gas? WHY am I not able to get rid of it? So, that's what I need to find out. I guess I will just see how changing my diet does, and some of the other stuff. In other news NOT about health, things at work are weird. Everyone is leaving pretty much it seems. Leachelle's dumbass got offered $2 more than what she's making at her dollar tree job so she took the job and told Summer IN A TEXT that it was her last week. Now, she tried to her job back at Little Folks and Summer told her TOO BAD. She didn't think about anything when she quit- it was impulse. And why would you TEXT that? The whole thing was unprofessional. She's going to lose money too. She had full time at Little Folks $8.00 and PART TIME at dollar tree $8.50. Now she's just doing dollar tree part time $10.50, and wants to pay $12 hr for a nanny for her kids. Bitch, you are stupid. So there's that. Ms Dianne is new. She's been there 2 weeks and Stacey told me today she found out that Ms D had an interview at Burks. (this other day care. I never finished this story. Look for the *) and will find out Monday if she got that job. Come on people, Little Folks is NOT THAT BAD. Yes, I've bitched and cried A LOT. But I've been there for over a year and I am just saying, it's not the worst. I'm also trying to figure out what's up with Stacey and Roberta.
So, okay sometimes I feel like I get along with individually very well. But when they get together I feel like... well, they are snotty and I feel left out. I get the 3 girl thing but come on. Stacey is 25 and Roberta and I are both 30. I just always feel like the odd man out. Lately, it's gotten worse, and I feel like they're talking shit about me. For instance, I went with Stacey to pick up pizza and she called Roberta and had it on speaker phone, and Roberta said something I didn't hear. Stacey took her off speaker phone and listened, and then she put her back on speaker and mentioned I was there. WTF is that?!Then, later, they went on lunch together [this is everyday. they usually go at 12:30- her, Roberta and Leachelle, then I go at 1:30. Well, a couple times, Summer has told Stacey to go at 1:30 with me, and the last time I ended up having to go at 2:30) Then, there's feeling like Roberta and Stacey are lying straight to my freaking face. I asked Roberta early on Thursday what she was doing Friday and she said Brett [her boyfriend] took the day off since she had the day off. I forgot and asked her later if she wanted to work Friday. She was trying to come up with an excuse. Suddenly, she goes "Oh! I think I have Gianni and Giada" Interesting because this morning, Summer asked if I would mind ALSO taking Gianni and Giada because Roberta wasn't answering her phone. Not only that, but Stacey[ who used to call me ALL THE TIME, and now I guess not so much...... well to be fair... I hadn't had a phone and she did call me today] told me that Roberta said she was going to tell their mom she COULDN'T watch them. But whatever. I don't know if she ended up taking them or not, but they didn't come to school. Either way, if you don't want to do something- don't. But don't LIE!
<3
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