Tuesday, April 8th, 2014
Tuesday. *sigh* I feel like the days just literally run together. It's almost lunch time for me. Couple hours. Babies are asleep and I just decided I really want to work on finishing this. My next NB is going to kick this ones ass. Originally I had:
-This
-Poetry book
-Weight loss journey
Now, I have this and SOME poetry book which I may try to add to but only if I finish this first. Really want to concentrate on writing as part of learning focus and patience. What I noticed about this NB in particular is not only am I not writing as often as I want but I'm not allowing myself to write out EVERYTHING in detail. I am just NOT focusing well right now.
So, from here on out:
I promise to write for at least half an hoiur a day until I am finished.
I promise to take my time on the details so you know what I'm talking about and so I can get this shit out LOL.
This promise is for myself as well as you. All that being said, my next NB will be
writing
photo journal
-wedding planning
Which, I will incorporate a new weight loss journey into. It will be the dawn of a new Chelsea era LOL. I am such a DORK. But oh well :-)
So, to continue my 100 random things about me:
51. Sometimes I wish I was a real bitch.
52. When I AM a bitch, I wish I was nicer :-\
53. I prefer animals over people
54. I have an obsession with twins
55. I love Betty Boop
56. I love Bettie Page
57. I want to watch HIMYM beginning-end
58. I miss dancing [classes]
59. I miss recitals
60. I miss spending summers in TX
61. I miss spending time with grandma
62. I feel invisible\unimportant to people
63. I am thinking of eloping with Brian
64. And still having a wedding later on
65. But I did that with David
66. Then I never got a nice wedding
67. Ryan Brennan's friend Patrick said my smile "burst"
68. That's one of my favorite compliments EVER.
69. My dad has never told me I'm beautiful
70. I have heard most of my life that I am fat\ugly
71. So, I believe THAT
72. I don't think I'll ever believe I'm pretty
73.I love thunder and storms
74. I hate driving in the rain
75. I miss going to the ocean with my dad
76. I will never understand black people [their sense of entitlement, how they treat their kids, and why they are ghetto. *at least the ones I knew at the daycare*]
77. I hate the following movies
78. The Apostle
79. Amistad
80. Beloved
81. A league of extraordinary gentleman
82. I hate reality shows
83.I pick my nose, its embarrassing
84. TMI IM SORRY. I like pooping.
85. I love the word CRIMSON
86. I wish I were better at art
87. I hate my teeth, stomach and eyes
88. I love sweet food
89. I also love salty food
90. I love every color
91. I love precious moments [the figurines and books etc]
92. I don't believe man has ever really walked on the moon
93. I am skeptical about aliens
94. I wish I had a GOOD circle of friends
95. I love cracking my back
96. I think I fart too much
97. I want to love drinking water but I hate it
98. I wish I could redo the day of beckys death
99. I wiush I wasn't so naive
100. I am easily irritated and I HATE IT
WOO FINALLY DONE lol.
So I have 18 minutes left on my break. Then, 3 hours and 9 minutes left at work before I go home. I think I am going to clean up my room then put Pandora on and just WRITE. In here. Like really write for once and just get some stuff done. I want to be on page 200 by the weekend and try to finish this by NEXT weekend. I think it's doable. I think my phone ships out today so that will be good. It will be good to have a phone again!! Okay, more when I'm home.
Ok, I am home. I cleaned my side of the room up, then I ate and now I'm writing. I'm sleepy but I want at least half an hour or to page 170. Maybe more if my energy increases. So on page 165 I wanted to elaborate more on #98.Becky was my black lab and she died on New Years eve/day while I was at Rnee and Jimmy's house. I loved that dog so much. She came with Mikey, my chocolate lab. Initially, Becky was supposed to be my dog, and Mikey Rory's dog but they both just ended up being mine. Anyway, Becky loved swimming and the day she died, I had gotten so mad at her for swimming (I THINK it was that) And I like, kicked her.I don't know, it still breaks my heart to this day that she died hours later. I don't think I even got to tell her I loved her. :-( I would give anything to pet her again and just tell her I lo ve her. Same for Tucker and Mikey.
Sometimes, I really miss having a dog of my own. Anyway, I'm sure you know that story I just wanted to make sure I properly elaborated.
So, all in all today was ok. Summer made Dominique and Roberta talk some of their issues out so hopefully some of that drama will be alleviated. I was thinking today about some of the lessons I've learned in the past year or less.
1. Instead of just cutting people off so callously and with no explanation, I have to be able to talk to a person about my feelings and go from there.
2. Every family has it's darkness
3. Life is not simply black and white as to what's wrong or right. It's a lot of gray.
4. I should never be afraid to speak my mind.
5. Someone else's truth may differ from mine. It doesn't make them wrong, it doesn't make me wrong. It's just difference in truth.
6. I'm not a patient, focused, person and I need to be.
7. I don't want my kids to be like me. I want to teach them confidence and independence and individuality.
8. Never expect the worst
9. There's a place and time for everything
10. I need to love myself
The first one has been a huge lesson. I mean; I did it to you, Jessica and Melissa. I know it hurts people, especially when they don't know what they did wrong. So in the future I hope to do better by people. I also hope to make better friends. Jessica didn't deserve to have me just disappear. Like, I'm okay not being friends with her- I feel like I put more stock in it than she did (the friendship) But I do regret how I handled the situation. With Melissa, I don't know. I regret how I handled it, I don't know how I feel about not being friends with her. She's a good person but I think it's too hard for her to have "real" relationships. I don't know what happened to her. She was always awkward, but one day she just started with craziness. I don't know, I just want a good small circle of friends. I'm too old to deal with drama. I already kind of feel like girls in indiana are kind of shady. This girl Mandy [she's married] friended me. She told me how much she missed Brian. Then I found out that she and Brian once slept together. She cheated on the guy she's now married to, and slept with Brian, and I just think she sounds ahdy but Brian says no. So, who knows ya know? Then, Jenilee [she's married to Tyler, a good friend of Brian's] wrote a status about drugs and I commented my opinion on it. She messaged me to tell me she deleted it, because she didn't want anyone feelings to be hurt. I mean, on the one hand I get it. She's got family big into drugs and she loves them. But here's the thing:
1. YOU put the status up about being a speaker about drugs. "Hate The Drug Not The Person." So, if these people are your facebook and are going to get butthurt, why post?
2.They don't know ME, so I don't get why I should care if I hurt their feelings?
3. If you don't want people commenting more than "GO JENILEE!" Don't post a controversial topic.
Then there's Lindsey [FAKE!] Mariah [She's okay] Kirby [Mother of the year, stepford wife type] And I just have a feeling none of them are going to be the kind of person I want to be friends with. Ugh... now I am getting all apprehensive about going again. :-( LYMTL
April 9th, 2014
Happy hump day Wednesday! I'm counting down until the weekend. I want to work on NBS and maybe do some photos. I also get paid Friday and I may gewt my phone that day. [It was shipped yesterday] I have to pay my dad too for all the car parts he got to fix my car. Gonna be broke pretty quick . I need to get to a place where I can pay school loans, medical expenses, and build credit.
But, I also have my wedding now to figure out, plus medical insurance and other bills. Blah.
There's not a lot for me to write about now. I wrote most of it yesterday. :-\ Right now, I really want a cigarette and for someone to play with my hair. That's one of my favorite things in the whole world. *sigh* Work is good so far. Only 9 kids came and they are all asleep for now. We'll see how that long that lasts though. It's a little after 12:30. Stacey is on break, then when she's back I go.
So, the other thing I want to do this weekend is make a vision board for all the things I want this eyar. It's already April, so late I know. I think it will help me
-love
- $ money\career
- friends
- positivity
-patience
- maturity
-strength
-weight loss
-Godliness [Faith in Jesus]
-Happiness
-Health
-organization
That's the stuff I want pictures of on my vision board. I think I am starting to come out of my depression a little. I hope so anyway.
[A wonderful stick figure drawing]
Brian. Me. Brody. Dog. [me thinking ahead to a baby] Our family. I know I'm so silly. Well, I really din't know what to write about. I feel like I emptied the contents of my brain yesterday. I'm excited for my new phone. It's been weird not having one at all . Now I'm gonna need a new laptop. Mine is about to break. The hinge on the screen is all messed up, but I guess it's more expensive to fix than what it's worth so I don't know. The plan with my phone is to keep it on the DL at work so that no one asks to use it or my charger. I'm just going to keep it in my car or something. Also, maybe it will help conserve the battery life. And even though it has gorilla glass [to help it not break] I'm getting an otter box so that my shit is PROTECTED.Hopefully it won't mess up my back button. Aha, the first two kids have awakened~ The rest should follow here shortly. Anyway. It's almost time for my break finally. I'm ready to fall asleep though. The quiet is making me relaxed and tired. Ok, I'll write here in a bit. <3
So after work, I'll drivbe Roberta home and then come write more. I have some music research to do for a couple songs I like. I don't know the artist or title of either song. Just a few lyrics. One goes like this:
"Cause all of me loves all of you..." Ugh I can't remember it all. Crap! Lol. More at home, My break is almost over now. :-(
No comments:
Post a Comment