Hey sweetie pants!
Wow that was a LOT of writing you did. I am VERY proud of you for doing all that. I think part of the reason why you wrote so much in here is because it's like a journal as well as a letter. I'm glad you are feeling a lot better though. So, I was thinking... maybe from now on we can switch off every month. The minimum you can write is 10 pages but there's no maximum. And if you use up the good, good! This isn't the last notebook ever made. Well--here are some answers for you. I'd love to have a joint party with you. It would have to be on a Friday cuz I work on Saturday nights. And yes I will teach you how to knit but I'll hafta do it backwards cuz you are right handed. And I would love to help you decorate.
So, you bring the notebook to work and write? I hope you don't get in trouble for that.
Man, I really want to go swimming tonight but I have to wake up early tomorrow morning for clinicals. And this time my nails are super duper short so I should have no problem with the clients. Oh, I found something out on Thursday. If I think about my exroommates while I'm doing massages I go a lot harder so I should have no problem with clients telling me to go deeper anymore. Haha.
Man this day was kind of boring. I finally got some bills paid and Bn took me to this new New Age store. It was pretty but almost everything was way overpriced. I got a ring with dolphins in it. Bn wanted me to get another one but I wanted this one. We had lunch and as soon as we got home Bn's been in the living room and I've been in here knitting, watching TV and writing to you. I still feel like I need a break. Not from Bn but just from being with him all the time. In the past few months he's been hanging out with his friends and I've been chilling in my room being bored and watching time go by. Most of my friends that live down here have babies or they live too far away. Like in Ft Lauderdale and I am NOT getting lost down there, no freaking way. Don't get me wrong, I am so glad I moved down here. I love the hot weather and how there's always something going on like car accidents, public fighting and homeless people looking like idiots yelling at people for not giving them money.
And I love school. I love having something to focus on. I love my rabbit who I miss every single day. But this past week has shown me that there is more to life than Bn. I always knew there was and for the longest time he was my whole world. But I don't have to tell him everything and I like that. I still love him. But I don't know if I'll ever feel the same way about him anymore ever since our huge, life-altering fight.
Before that happened, he was my whole world. My everyday. Now I feel like I miss being single and not having to worry about worrying about someone else. It gets tiring.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to get back into that place. I don't know what the future that Bn and I have been planning is going to hold. I don't know what needs to happen to make me figure that out.
I remember when Bn and I used to go out nearly every couple of weeks to see a new movie or just be out. We haven't done that in such a long time. He asked me if I wanted to see a movie tonight and I said no. Because truthfully, I'd rather just be by myself. I don't know where all of this is going but I sure as hell would like an answer soon before I go crazy.
Phew--that was heavy. Sorry to lay all that on you but I know you can help--just by reading this and listening to me you are helping.
I really enjoyed hanging out with you yesterday. I hope the pictures turn out good. I really trust my camera. I just hope I can trust the lighting in the room.
I am practicing a bikini top right now. So just like you, I am going to use this notebook as a journal for my project.
[practice knit project that never happened]
Ha! 10 minutes later.
what a difference 10 minutes in the shower makes. I figured out some shit but I want to write in my own journal for a bit before I write in here again.
<3,
me
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