Good afternoon R,
How goes it, love? Well, I'm okay. D and I didn't go to sleep till 7am cause we were just talking about whatever. I love when that happens, you know? Good conversation followed by good sex. I love my man :). but ugh, now he's playing video games... again.
Today is my brother's birthday. I was invited to go eat steaks and whatnot, but D's mom is coming over and we're eating with her. And her boyfriend. I kinda feel bad that I'm not celebrating R's birthday with him but at the same time I don't really care. I dunno, I don't think it would bother him but I don't know him very well. I was never really given a chance. Oh well lol.
I was thinking about your situation with Bn. Honestly, if you are having doubts about marrying him, chances are you just aren't ready. It would be a different story if you guys had set a date for a wedding and it was drawing close because that would be called "cold feet." Everybody gets cold feet. but now you're having doubts and I think that's your conscience saying "slow down and think about this girl."
D did NOT want to marry Sa. He had major doubts. But he did it anyway and look where they're at. Now granted, Bn is NOTHING like Sa. Bn is actually a decent human being--or simply a human being PERIOD. But doubts are doubts.
Secondly, I will be 100% honest with you and hope you don't hate me. You do not want to start off a marriage with a lie hanging over you. And that means having not told Bn about Mn. Now, I know you didn't want to worry/concern him. But what if he finds out some other way? (no! not from me!) Then to him, it means he DID have something to worry about.
D and I tell each other everything. I mean as far as where we're going/who with/when we'll be back. And see, we trust each other completely. I know you don't like his friends or how he acts around them, but at least he tells you where he's going and what he'll be doing. It doesn't mean it's a GOOD thing that he's doing but at least you're aware.
Now, in that same token, he's exhibiting behavior you don't like. You both need to set boundaries or you'll end up like I was in Ohio. He has to want to be the Bn you fell in love with and change or he'll resent you later in life if you push him to change. But he has things in himself to work out before he gets married in my non-professional opinion. Lol.
I see you doing what I do with R--all the time. From what I understand of what you wrote, you and G never got closure. The same closure I never got with R. It's okay to have a crush on him--I think I'll always have one on R. But I think R's is more because he inspires me poetically for whatever reason.
I think you are trying to fill some kind of void that Bn hasn't filled--maybe the emotional part? W/G and M. M really let you down so now it's G again. I think you'll figure it all out though I'm not a psychiatrist so I could be wrong. Lol. But in my opinion, that's what I see.
I'm not telling you to leave Bn though. I know you love him. It takes time and effort and this could just be a rough patch for you. I just want you to be happy and not wake up 4 or 5 days/months/years from now and think "omg! I'm with the wrong guy!" Cuz it will get to you. K, I wrote enough for now. My hand hurts.
Love you!
C
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Hello again. We're on our way to get L and M but now D thinks it's too late but whatever. He's weird lol. Aaaaahhhh my nose. I look like a freak! So, I hope you're not mad at me for everything I said. I just really want you and Bn both to be happy.
Well, L just called and cancelled so, pffft. Oh well. Lol. Another day. *shrug* I think I need rhinoplasty. My nose right now is fugly!
Yea, not puuuuurty. But I imagine you're tired oh hearing about my nose. So oh well nevermind. Lol I'll get over it. Hehe. K, well, I'll write more later ok? Love you.
Lucky number 13. Woosh. I'm kinda sleepy but I wanna go on the internet at like midnight when my friend La is on (9pm her time. Damn Canadians!) So, I'm hoping for a kind of energy boost. So, we just watched Indiana Jones, it was surprisingly a good movie.
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