Well, I don't know how I'm going to pay for everything this month, but i will not let that get me down because:
1) There's a Rock of Love marathon
2) I have the whole day to do what I want (except when I take B to work)
3) I get to get a stone massage at school today.
So... in spite of all the stress I'm going through I know we'll work it out. Oh and B got the full time position in the media department at Best Buy so instead of 20 hour weeks we is getting 32-40 so we'll have some extra money plus next month my car insurance goes down. So I can start sending money to my credit card company.
So what I think I'm gonna do is give you the pictures I have of W so you can get them all developed but I'll put some $ in to help pay for it. But don't do anything until you have more hours so you have some extra $.
Well, the cat never came back. I have no idea where he ended up, but we weren't really prepared for a cat, either. So I think when we decide to get a new one we'll cat proof the apartment first.
So... I am going to finish telling my story. I have no idea where I ended up so I'm just gonna start back up again.
So, by December, N and I were making out pretty much all the time. And J wasn't mad at me because she started dating this girl named A. I asked J about our plans to have me over there for Christmas. She said it was alright. So we made plans for me to go there after my finals.
So I ended up taking a train from Chicago to Memphis and her mom picked me up. I actually enjoyed myself and I slept most of the time.
When I got there the first thing I did was take a nap. I heard J come home so I got up and we talked for a few minutes and I went back to sleep. The first couple of days were fine. But by Tuesday she was acting weird and not even talking to me. I had found the first journal I made for her and I was looking through it and I guess I forgot to put it back and she got pissed off at me. Well, Tuesday night J's friend L picked me up because I wanted to get my belly button pierced and the only place that would be open would be in Memphis. And J was too young to cross the Arkansas/Tennessee border. So L took me and I got it done and we ended up staying up until 5 in the morning. Then on Wednesday L's mom was standing over where I was sleeping giving me a dirty look. I guess she thought that L and i were fucking. So I got an earful.
So...Wednesday night I was supposed to go back to J's house but L's mom took her truck so we had to wait for her sister to get off work.
L was talking to J online and she was telling J that I got kidnapped or something just to make a joke and J said, "good." Then she said all this horrible shit about me.
So we got back to J's house and at first everything was okay. Then I called my mom and told her that I wanted to go home. Then she and J's mom were talking and I went into J's room and put the notebooks back where I found them. After a while J's mom came out of her room and L and her sister went home. J's mom sat us both down and we had a long talk. It didn't really help but I guess for the time being it did. So I stayed until Friday, when I thought I was supposed to go home. Oh my gosh it was such a mess. I got picked up by L's sister and we missed the train which sucked. So I went back to L's house and called my parents and of course they were upset. So... my mom finally set up for a taxi to pick me up. It was hell trying to make sure everything was set up but eventually I was FINALLY on the train back. And I didn't take my notebooks with me because I thought that if there was ANY chance to be her friend again, I should have left them with her. Little did I know everything was going to be packed up and put into storage. If I had known that I would have taken everything I could find. But--oh well. To put things in perspective, I did what I thought was right at the time. So, I hate that I don't have my stuff anymore, but oh well. I hate it! Ugh.
So... there is a little more story that goes with all those characters (J, L, A, and A) but I will get to that story later.
So... when I got back, pretty much everything got back to normal. I was just happy to get home. I was spending more and more time with G because N was always busy. This one time I was at G's house and he asked me how things were going and I said I felt like N was taking advantage of me because he only called me when HE wanted to. Gosh I even remember this one conversation G and I had. Apparently we have this pact going on that if neither of us are married when we're 29 that we'll get married (yes this was when I was still going out with N).
SO... after I got home from G's house, I called N and told him I felt like I was being taken advantage of and he's like, "Oh I'm sorry you feel that way." At that point I didn't know if I wanted to be with him anymore. I told him about G and the pact and he didn't even bat an eyelash.
Then I had G telling me he was in love with me but like an idiot I stayed with N and in February he broke up with ME> I was like--you put me through all this crap and you break up with ME?!? Whatever.
So by that time G had moved on to this other girl, M. They ended up going out for a year but she dumped him because he had "no direction" in his life. And then she went out with B.
Well, remember that poetry chatroom where we met each other in? Before I left for J's house in December I met these two people named D and T. D was married but unhappy so she found T. He had flown down there... I forgot where she was from but he was from New York. So.. he had taken a couple trips down there and yeah in case you were wondering they DID have sex. But after a while she broke things off with him because he wanted more but she was married with kids and couldn't leave.
Well... he found this girl named M in the chatroom and it was kind of gross because he was 29 and she was 16 at the time. All they did was have phone sex a few times. But then she broke up with him cuz she was going out with this other guy named S (not same S).
So... T started in on me I guess. And I liked him but I knew it was wrong. I started acting weird and my parents knew something was going on. He had planned to come see me but my parents found out and I ended up breaking up with him cuz it was really weird to be with him. And then M's ex S had a crush on me too I guess. But I was through with stupid boys and internet relationships, that whole thing. But even though I ended things w/ everyone, T was still coming down here. Well, the weekend he was supposed to come down here, my friend K asked if I wanted to see Korn. My mom flipped out at first but then she found out that the JC Penny's where we were going to get tickets was an actual place. So she let me go but throughout the day she would call me and ask me where I was and talk to K to make sure she was still with me.
We made plans to hang out at the library the next day. Her friend T came with us. And when I first met him, I liked him. Well, we hung out a few times and I told him I liked him but he rejected me and I was upset and that was when S started in on me. But he wanted to have phone sex and I kept saying no so he dumped me.
Well, that summer (of 2002) I worked as a lifeguard. And that was the summer I met M. But since you know pretty much everything that happened there, I don't need to go into all that detail.
Then we broke up, my dad had his stroke and boom now I live down here with B.
Well, it' almost 2pm and my hand hurts from writing all this out so I'm gonna go for now.
<3,
R
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Oops. Well--I was supposed to take a break but I figured what the hell because I just found something out. I went online to check my balance and I saw this story about Britney and wanted to write about it. They took her kids away from her. It just pisses me off that someone like Britney has her kids taken away but S gets to keep hers. How fair is that? Although, Britney did have to act all crazy. If she really wanted to keep her children, the portrait she should have painted to America was someone who was at least trying. I don't know if she really thought she was, but she would call the paparazzi when she had her kids and tell them where she was. I personally feel like kids should never have that much exposure to the media. Especially when it's obvious that they are upset by all the flashes. That could cause someone to have a seizure. I really don't know about Britney's parenting skills. Cuz I am not at her house watching her 24/7. I just hope that she can get her life back on track and really focus on getting her life straight.
Okay--so now that I'm already here, I'm going to explain my other story so I can finally close this book and send it off to you.
Okay so I met J before everybody else. I knew her when she met L. They met in high school. Then J met A in the same website/chatroom thing she met me at, the Alanis one.
Then L and A got introduced and they liked each other from the get-go. Then one day A was talking to A and J liked her... I think A sent J a video of A or something. Oh did I mention that I'm the only straight one?
Well, after my infamous trip, A came to visit J and L (I went in December, A in January). A was actually J's first girl-on-girl kiss. I guess they all kissed each other or something. I'm not really sure how that works. well, when I was at L's house she was telling me about this girl named K that she had been messing around with.
So... the next summer L flew down to Mexico to see A graduate. I guess they were cuddling or something and A's mom walked in and caught them and L had to go home. After that, A's mom threw away everything that had to do with Alanis Morissette. And A had EVERYTHING. And as A was going through all this shit with her mom, L was seeing this K girl. After a while... A didn't know what was going on so she asked me and I told her because J wouldn't tell her anything either. How fair is that? I had to tell A what L told me because she had to know. Well... the year after, J and I were kind of talking again and A and I were talking... A had told me she could not be faithful. It was not who she was. I mean, J took a semester in Australia because she wanted to meet A. She was there for 6 months and they never met. So J asked me if A had said anything and I told her. So for a long time nobody really talked to me. Oh this was the reason why I am not the way I used to be regarding trying to fix everything. You want to know something really sad? In a little over 2 weeks I've written more than 50 pages in here and when it's my own notebook I'm lucky if I can write 2-3 pages.
Well, I am really going to go now and hopefully get this out to you by this weekend.
<3,
me
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