2007
HAPPY SEPTEMBER!
Whee! One more month until my 25th birthday. Normally I wouldn't be so excited about turning 25, but my car insurance goes down. Yay! I am very excited about this. So... today my foot feels a LOT better. So hopefully by next week it should heal and I can go swimming with you. Yay!
Okay so let's start this month out right by not wasting time with useless assholes and see how well we can budget. I'm going to have to take Bn's debit card away though because it's hard for me to budget when I keep finding out I have less and less money than I thought I did.
Ugh my foot is asleep! Man, I have been having these really weird dreams lately. Last night I had a dream about Je and Di but this time they were nice to me. Throughout the years in my dreams we've had fights and sometimes they're just there but not really. But this time Di was home visiting and I had seen her in a magazine. And Je was talking about how she wanted to wait to have children. Weird!
Man, I do not know how I'm going to survive this week. We NEED to go shopping on Friday. Ooh maybe you and I can. This time I promise I won't faint.
So... I thought it would be cute to share some stories about before we met. Just cuz I have the house to myself and absolutely nothing to rant about.
So, I want to talk about G. He was a huge part of my life. The summer before 9th grade was the first summer I hung out with everyone. At first I didn't like him because he was way too aggressive for me. Always coming over, touching me, wouldn't leave me alone. It was kind of cute though. I didn't really like the attention but I loved hanging out with everyone. Then I went off to 9th grade. I went to Streamwood high school because I was in the academy. Everyone else went to Elgin. Well, G went to Ellis (he and Jn were a year behind me, Je, Di and Jie). Well, he left me alone and I eventually warmed up to him.
Then one day everything changed. It was November 14th, Jie's birthday. I didn't really know who her friends were so Jn and I set up a little space in the basement for a small party. Well, she was supposed to come to my house after school but naturally that was the day my bus driver decided to take a completely different route so no one was there to let her in (Elgin High School was like right behind my house). I got home and saw that she wasn't there so I started walking. So, I walked over to Cy's house and walked down to the path and I saw Jie. She was in the bushes crying because some asshole didn't like her back. I told her it would be okay and we walked over to my house. A little while later Jn called and asked if we had eggs (she was trying to make cookies). So she and G came over and left and a little while later Jie and I walked over there (to Jn's house). It was just the 4 of us: Jn, Jie, G and me. We had a pretty good time until someone had the brilliant idea to play truth or dare. And that turned into hide and seek. Now... it was really weird and I think the whole thing was a set up. Cuz like-- Jie and Jn left the basement and locked us in (the lock on the door was on the outside). So, G and I were trying to find something to open the door and he looks down and says, "will you go out with me?" And I don't say anything! Like a big dope. But before he left I told him I would think about it. And it took me about a week but I finally said yes. and I thought everything was great until my gramma died. We had been going out for about a month and a half when she died. I got the call that morning from my uncle. Actually, I couldn't go to sleep because my stomach hurt so I got online and I signed off but the computer was updating. So I turned on the TV in the living room and watched cartoons. My mom woke up and was surprised to see me. She told me she had a dream about Gramma S. My mom was making a turkey and Gramma came into the kitchen and kissed my mom and said goodbye. and that woke her up.
As soon as she walked into the kitchen AOL signed off and the phone rang. As soon as she answered the phone I knew what happened. She had died that morning. Christmas. That was the last holiday I would ever spend in that house.
The next day my uncle was coming from Madison, Wisconsin to celebrate Christmas with us. Jn had called me to see if I wanted to hang out for a bit and I went over to her house for about half an hour before my mom called. I remember standing at the doorway finally telling her and G that my gramma died and they both hugged me. That night we (G, Jn, Jie and me) went to go see Titanic. Jie was sleeping over because Saturday was the memorial service. I remember G was eating a pretzel and I wanted him to hold my hand but I had to wait until he was finished with his pretzel first (I know--lame!) We finally held hands and Jn and Jie both had to stare. It's like--oh my gosh innocent R is holding a boy's hand.
That was the thing about G. He would only kiss me or hold my hand if Je and Di weren't in the room. I think he was shy. But whatever.
So, Saturday changed pretty much everything. I met this guy online named JC. I really liked him. I couldn't decide who I liked better so for a couple of months I was talking to both of them. The online guy lived all the way in North Carolina so I knew there was no chance for us to meet but the feelings were real.
After my gramma died though I was really messed up. I had Jn calling G telling him I wanted to break up with him and then when he would call me I would deny it. I finally broke it off with G in February and continued talking to JC but after a while I broke it off with him too. That summer before my sophomore year was so difficult. G would act all nice to me when certain people were around but when we were all alone he would act like an asshole. He would shout at me, push me, throw things at me, really hurt me. It got so bad that I refused to hang out with anyone if he was around. But of course no one would believe that this was happening to me. And then they were all trying to find him a girlfriend while all of this was going on. At first I hated it. And his next girlfriend, Da, was really nice and I hated her. It was like no one gave a fuck how I felt. But once I saw that once he had a new girlfriend he stopped abusing me, I got over it. They ended up going out for a year and they broke up that October of my junior year and he started going out with this girl named Se. That summer (the summer of my senior year) we got really close. We never made out or anything (he was still with S) but we just talked all the time. In the beginning of my senior year of high school Se broke up with him. he was the only one who was still talking to me (out of Jn, Jie, Je, and Di) so I wanted to see if he would go to the homecoming dance with me. As friends of course.
--taking a break--
Alright. Sorry about that. I just can't really write when Bn is around. But anyways, we went to the homecoming dance together and it was very fun. Then a week later I turned 18. I had planned to go to a house in Galena with E and my parents. We rented out a really beautiful house. Galena is an extremely old American town in IL that's out west by Iowa. For my birthday G had someone take a picture of me and him at the dance and he had it framed.
Then about a week after all that it was a Friday and we had the day off. It was November and really cold outside. I spent the day hanging out at G's house with him and By, Jn's brother. By had to go eat dinner at his house so I stayed over at G's house. We were in his room watching TV and I guess we just started cuddling. Then later he asked me if I wanted to take a walk with him. When we got outside it had started to snow. I said my hands were cold so he took my hand and held it and then put it in his jacket pocket. We walked to the high school and he stepped on this sculpture thingy and he pulled me onto it and then playfully pushed me off. I pushed him and he grabbed me and pulled me close to him and he kissed me. Up until that point, it was the most romantic thing that had ever happened to me.
Then he had to go and ruin it by saying that we were going out when in fact he had never even asked me. So we decided to go out but a few days later he called me and said he didn't want our friendship to be ruined. And that was it. After that we stayed friends. We were still cool with each other but he had to go ruin it again when I was going out with N (which is another story altogether). Well, I did it! I wrote all 54 pages. Now I'm going to work on the story and write some poems before sending this off to you. And during the week I'll let you know how I'm doing financially. I'd love to hear some childhood adolescent stories of yours, too. Oh and I have to finish answering your questions!
Love you,
R
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