12pm
Mornin' Darlin; (er, afternoon),
*hiccup* I'm watching the news and Bryan Garner (NBC news) is cute. Anyway, some girl violated curfew a couple days or so ago and she got arrested, but she was trying to resist it and she bit him! So, he punched her arm and sprayed pepper spray. Now all these people are trying to say the cop was too excessive. HELLO SHE ASSAULTED A POLICE OFFICER!! He had every right to do what he did.
So, M's birthday party was kinda boring but only cause it was her parents, her grandparents, her, her boyfriend, and me. And her boyfriend was all over her. You'll see pictures. Blegh. Don't ask me why I took them. I wasted film. Still, it was nice to hang around her. I feel like I'm trying to trust all the people accused of being Papoooyah, and it's hard cause I don't know who Papoooyah was.
I wish people understood why I kept talking to him/her/it. A lot of it was because I had to know who. I don't want to be friends with someone, trusting them, and then right under my nose and behind my back, they're playing games with my head.
Papoooyah got to me and maybe admitting that is detrimental and not smart, but it's true and even though he/she/it seems to be gone I still wonder why they did what they did. It actually hurts.
What a bastard. You know? What a fucking bastard. And then it (pap) just disappeared like it was never there. Luckily it hasn't bothered me. But I'm overly paranoid b/c of him.
Man, I really miss Tiki. She was such a good dog, you know? I mean, I know she barked a lot and she chewed whatever she could find. But she was a puppy! And she loved me totally and completely. I still hate that B gave me the dog and then made me get rid of her. But in a way, it's a good thing because I got sicker and sicker physically and mentally up there. I probably would've been no good to her. Well, I mean I loved her and I would've tried, but Tiki deserved more than I could give her, especially considering she live with me at B's house. who knows what would've happened to Tiki if I'd kept her. But I still miss her and a part of me will always feel guilty because I gave her away. I'm about to cry now just thinking about it and looking at her. It's like breaking up with someone you're supposed to be with for the rest of your life. Tiki was like my soul mate. *sigh* K, gotta do laundry.
I think I'll try to cook dinner tonight so maybe when D gets home dinner will be ready. In fact maybe I'll do an indoor picnic thing for him...
Mn, I don't feel good. But, I'm going to watch Days now so be back later.
<3,
C
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K, the next neighbors I"m going to tell you about are Mr and Mrs K and their son J. Mr K was white, skinny, and very strange. Mrs K was of Asian desent so of course so was J. I think they were Vietnamese. Anyway, the K's had our foresty area, most of it, cut down and they built a house. They were nice but very strange. But sometimes I feel bad because they tried so hard to be nice to everyone and people just kinda blew it off. Sometimes they'd come to our house to talk and if no one but me was home, I'd just be quiet and not answer the door, mainly because Mrs K was always offering to tutor me. But I couldn't understand her, you know? Plus, she always bragged about what a genius J was. I felt inferior I guess? *sigh* I hope that family is okay.
You know, I forgot about little V. V was 2 when I met her family. They built their house right between S's house and the K's house. I became her (V) babysitter and we had a lot of fun with crafts and TV. We watched Cinderella and as Prince Charming and Cinderella danced, I told her V (T we called her) that someday that would be her, in a beautiful dress marrying her best friend. I asked her who she wanted to marry and she said her mommy or me. Lol, because we were her best friends. She was so sweet. Oh man, she's like 8 now. Wow. Damn. I wonder what she looks like. Hmmm. Anyway, onto other neighbors.
Actually, I forgot to tell you why I stopped watching T. Basically I was fired. T said she didn't feel well, and she felt hot. I didn't know where the children's stuff was but T went to this desk thing that her parents had in the hall, and she opened the drawer and pulled out medicine. So I opened it and gave it to her, and she was fine.
A couple days later, her parents called me and told me they weren't mad, but they'd wanted to return all that medicine. I felt so bad. And then they never called me after that, but I also avoided them like the plague. I don't blame them for not calling me though. Cause giving a child medicine is very dangerous.
I think I'm going to save stories for another time. I wanna move on to other things now.
Like, for dinner, I think I'll make pork chops, and I haven't decided what to make with it. Maybe a salad type thing. Mmm.
K, makeup stuff on the next page. Enjoy!
Makeup Tips!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Always moisturize!
1. Concealer
--lightens and brightens undereye.
2. foundation
--match to jawline blend to neck to match color
3. lip liner
--match lip tone!
lip gloss light in color (not a lot of glitter!)
4. For round cheeks, smile to find apples and with a little shimmer, use "cinnimon roll" method.
R, let's start a portfolio for me. You can be my first before/after person. I'll give you a facial too. So we'll do before, then after facial, then after makeup.
Yes, on Dr Phil: Tips on how to spot a Munchhausen mom. I need this. I'm writing him a letter. OMG this is like watching S and D. Fuck. R, this whole show is just making me tremble. I want to write to Dr Phil about S and D but I'm like scared to do it. What if there's an investigation and D and I are wrong, and W was really sick or hurt all those times? I mean I know she wasn't but I have no way to prove it unless I obtain W's medical records. This whole idea seems dangerous to me, but at the same time... it seems necessary. What should I do? This show is giving me faith too though. one day W is going to say "Leave me alone I am NOT sick." She's going to remember what they did to her and she'll be so hurt, so angry. I hate that she has to go through that. I wish I could let her know w/o offending her that we love her and wanted to protect her. So I can either do nothing and risk her hating D and I someday for not protecting her, or I can open a can of worms and risk being wrong and getting D into trouble. ugh. Help.
God, he's so sexy!! [referring to D]
Sorry, I had to say that. I just love him, and I love that incredible smile. He's just beautiful. And I love how much he loves me. He's so tender and caring. Even when he is a jerk. Lol. I just love him. *sigh* I needed a break from Dr Phil. More when I come back. Love you.
Because it will be hard to read this page (cause I got colorful, oops) I'm going to put some pictures below, and continue writing on the next page. Thank you for understanding.
So, there's this woman, a psychiatrist who wrote a book, I forgot what it's called. "Healing in love" I think... I'm gonna look it up but it's about Munchhausen syndrome by Proxy. No, Hurting for love it's called. I'm serious about this, I need to go online dammit.
K, the psychiatrist, Judith something or other, says that most women who have Munchhausen syndrome by proxy (from now on, we're calling it MSBP!) have a long history of lying. She also says it's a sickness where parents, most typically mothers, want that attention.
I wonder if S and D have given up on W being sick all the time, and moved on to S having "cancer" for the same reasons.
Ack, I just want this all to make sense. The other day, I told D to tell S that I hope she feels better. And she was like "oh. Uh, uh, tell her thank you." She just sounded so baffled, you know? It was strange. Anyway, I'm going to make a sort of timeline of W being "sick" to try and make sense of this. Then after dinner, I'm going online...
May 2004 ~~~> {Earlier that year, W fell down stairs, in front of S and broke her arm}.
I move to Ohio. I nearly immediately found out about her meds. At that time, she was on Benadryl and Prevacid.
August/September 2004--W's mother, S, took W and "hid" her from D for 2 weeks. She had been found and suffered from numerous UTIs).
October 2004--S's boyfriend N watched W (during court meetings between S/D) and she dug a hole in the wall in N's care.
--N and S break up, UTI's stop--
November 2004--D and I get our own place.
2005
----
W's meds change, the prevacid wears her teeth and she requires caps. She's been to the Dr once or twice every other week. She isn't living with S on her weeks, but with D. We also figure out that the reason W's crying and wanting to go home so often is cause they tell her she can't go home, she has to stay with us. I'm also accused of child abuse.
--There's too much to remember when it was!
I give up...
I don't give up on the whole thing, just timelining it. Lol. Whoo I stink. I need a shower. Eep. It's 5:30 so I think at 6ish I'll cook.
This notebook is addicting. I have something I need to tell you, and I hope you won't hate me after. When Papoooyah was bothering me, I accused everyone, even you. In fact, especially you. It was because you had told me things like, when people fuck w/you, you get them back and because we'd been in so many arguments and I was a different person, I figured you wanted to fuck w/me and that was your motivation... Plus it didn't help that you had all my journals copied--it only furthered my suspicion. But I realized it wasn't you, you'd never do that to me and I can't believe I ever thought you were Papoooyah. Anyway, I just wanted to apologize to you for that and tell you that I'm so glad I am past that shit with whoever that bastard was. I'm also so happy that we are as close of friends as we are now. I love you! And I hope you don't hate me.
...My dinner turned out GREAT! Woot! Tomorrow I'll get up, watch Ellen, get ready for work, watch Days, go to work, and that's it. Dang it.
Dammit I was online and forgot to go on DrPhil.com. Crap. Oh, R, W said the sweetest thing to D on the phone! She told him she had a lot of things on her mind and in her head to remind her of D and me and that she'd been thinking of D. And then I guess she started to get upset and got off the phone. Poor baby.
Well, my love, I'm going to call you and then go to bed. Sweet dreams!
<3,
C
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