1:32pm
Hey Chels,
I am shaking a little bit right now. I just told Barry that I was a little threatened by his ex because I know how much he cared about her recently. And he hasn't said anything back yet. We were having a conversation and I asked him what he was doing today. I told him all I had to do was walk my dog and he said that he was off the hook for that because Sarah (the ex) had him today (the dog). Because his apartment is getting bug bombed today. So... I said something like, "I'm not sure if I should be telling you this but I feel a little threatened by her only because I know how much she has meant to you up until just recently." I didn't mention the part where I'm a little scared of giving my heart to someone who could just go back to her. If things didn't work out between us for other reasons then I could understand. But what is stopping him from going back to the only girl he's really been in love with for the past 6 years? I don't think he would start something up with someone else if he was still in love with her but you never know. I'm not trying to freak out on him or anything, I'm just being honest with how I feel.
3:54pm
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Dear Chels,
Well... After I wrote that he responded to me. I am still digesting everything but he did say that I am on his mind pretty much all the time. He's like me though in a lot of ways-- he values honesty and can relate to the fact that having feelings for someone isn't exactly concrete. Apparently since he and his ex "broke up", she has been with 4 different guys and managed to get herself pregnant. Apparently (I'm not sure if this is recent or not), she has tried getting back together with him but still doesn't want a commitment so he said I had nothing to fear there. It's weird for me because I have never had a relationship that was so... Open ended. He's about being honest, upfront, and not having to rush into anything. I didn't even think things would come this far. I have no idea when he started to think of me as something more than just a friend... Maybe the whole time? I dunno. I don't want anything "better", though. I just want to take my time and see where this goes. And now that I know where his heart is, it will be so much easier to move forward. I am having the best day ever! I hope you are as well. I'm gonna check my email, then start a new book. Yay!
Love,
Me
4:16pm
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