sex 7/30/2011

7/30/11
SEX

Sex.  Hmm.  Sex is.... such a big word even though it's only 3 letters.  It has so much meaning.  I could fall asleep right now.  So sex either bores, relaxes or exhausts me.  I always expected it to be so glamorous but it just isn't that way -- not for me anyway.  Why is it so overrated if so many women say they don't have gspot orgasms?  I think people just make it so much more than it is.
Maybe I feel that way because of all the dumb shit I've been through sexually.  I'm not really supposed to be thinking about this but that's almost impossible for me so I apologize.  I wonder why they call it "sex"?  I mean, sex = gender so how did intercourse also get called sex?  The funny thing is, sometimes sex does feel great, but not the way it's supposed to.  I don't think I'm making sense but that's okay.  I love when a guy is like "oh you haven't had sex with me yet."  I mean, how do guys get this confidence?  Do girls lie to them or what?  Lol. I mean really if I say I don't like being eaten out (ate out?) Don't try to compete with me on it.  I mean, damn.  Don't go out of your way to prove me wrong.  Ugh.  I guess I feel like something is wrong with me sexually.  Like I can't allow myself to be close to them enough to open up intimately.  I hold back a lot.  I don't want them to do anything to me that may cause me to look weak or stupid.  But at least I'm finally admitting it.  I feel over emotional today.  Must be my period. Lol. I don't know what else to say about sex...
Senses are lost in throes of passion
entagled one within the other
x markes the spot I wish you'd find.

Such a lame acrostic poem but it will do.  I need to shut my eyes but I'll return.
I am back.  I've decided that there is not a whole lot more I can say about sex.  I want it to be beautiful, and melodious (ok, I clearly LOVE that word) and fun.  I don't want to have to pretend so that I don't hurt someone's feelings.  I don't want to be guilted into it.  I don't want it to be expected.  I want to have sex with someone who loves me as much as I love them and look at me the way Robert did.  I want the best of the best of the best and nothing less.

So there, sex!

DREAMS
A freewrite about dreams can lead to a lot of craziness.  I mean where do I even start?  The dreams I have while I sleep, or the dreams I have while awake?  Both seem pretty ridiculous at times.  I want to tell you though, that the other night I dreamt that I couldn't hear people on my phone inside my house because it was a different area code than in my garage.  So freakin weird!  Alright so I'm going to stop thinking.  Singing.  Crowds cheering.  People love me and adore me.  I can pay everything off.  I can take care of my parents.  I can put Winter in college.  I meet Mr Everything and more.  I live happily ever after (with many kids).  That's the short version of my awake dreams.  My sleeping dreams consist of craziness.  Devils.  Babies.  Crystalized periods.  Men dressed as women.  Pills.  Mental hospitals.  Hospitals. Toilet paper.  High school hallways.  Being killed.  Body parts on a school bus. Celine Dion singing Disney world/amusement parks.  Alligators. Sex. Falling. Running.  Why do they sing Sweet Dreams are made of this?  It makes no sense to me?  I still think I'm thinking too much.  I'm trying not to think but then I start writing about how my tooth hurts and then I remember that tooth is gone so it's the tooth before it that sort of hurts, and the one that's after it, and the space in between.  U turn doesn't seem to care that I'm awake. He likes just lying there, sleeping.  I'm nauseous.  Sweet dreams are made of this... The Eurythmics must have been doing a free write, lol.  I really am not good at this freewrite thing, I don't know how to not think.  Especially when my phone is constantly lighting up from text messages.  Ok, enough.  I'm getting pissed so I'm done "freewriting" about dreams.