2:05pm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MADDY!!
My baby cousin turns 15 today. Whee!! I am going to Dave and Busters to help celebrate. I just wanted to write, though. So, I finally did my tarot reading! I did this spread called "snapshot relationship spread," and it has helped put so many things in perspective. Basically it tells how both people think they should be feeling, how they REALLY feel, and the impression they are giving each other. Basically, right now we (Barry and I), are still recovering from things in the past (I guess Sarah, his ex, hurt him way too much), but we both will get better. And also, I guess friends of my past will come in contact with me, and Korey is going to be livid when he finds out. The one card I pulled told me to be cautious against someone who is extremely jealous. Oh and also, either I or both of us are insecure because of what has happened in our pasts.
You know, I sometimes feel like the only reason why Brian liked me to begin with was because I told him that I liked him. I told him I liked him first, I told him "I love you" first, I asked him to be my boyfriend. It all came so easily. But, the way he was with me and towards me was so different than he actually was. And unfortunately I figure this out way after I was already in too deep. So with Ryan I waited and let him say how he felt and what he wanted. And it STILL ended up a mess. He told me that he was done with playing "the game" and he just wanted to be with "this one girl," so I felt like if he came up with the idea on his own then he wouldn't feel so trapped. I never wanted him to feel like he HAD to be with me. I think that's also why I can't bring myself to ask Barry straight out how he feels. Not because I'm afraid of what he might say, but because I don't want him to feel like he has to be in an exclusive relationship with me if I'm perfectly happy with the way things are going. It's all that insecurity and doubt that makes me feel like I don't want to wait "too long," but, I feel like he would be honest with me when the time came. I'm not even sure about 100% being taken again, I really enjoy my freedom. But either way, B doesn't really bug me, for the most part he leaves me alone and I never feel like I have to explain myself to him. It's nice to be able to get a peek into what a guy would be like in a relationship without actually being in one too serious yet. I still don't feel like I'm obligated to be faithful to him, yet I am anyways because that's just how I roll. I mean, I'm all for dating and being free but that's when there's no one special guy involved. I already know he's not going to hide anything from me so he must really trust me, even before he really knew me.
Uh oh, I need to start getting ready for this party. I have exactly 1 hour to put my makeup on and get dressed. Oh, and get there.
Love,
Me
2:33pm
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