Sorry. I wrote half of that yesterday and the other half when I woke up today and I had 5 people texting me, including you talking about the Justin situation. I don't know what to tell you. If his apology isn't good enough and you don't like him -- then just ignore it. I'm hearing about it from the both of you and it's driving me crazy! Sorry. I hope that doesn't make you mad. I just needed to get it out. And now I have so. Done.
LOVE LOVE LOVE
8/8/11
One of the biggest words in the English
language
Easy to toss around
and my thoughts become loud
unreal
untrue
eliminating all else
but my heart still beats
and my skin still tingles
like an unimaginable itch
but there's a gap
between the hands of time
steadily falling
like the sun at the end of the day
and I put one foot in front of the other
and so forth
waiting to experience
or maybe just experiencing
whatever it is
does success belong to those who prepare for it?
or am i speaking words
just words
with nothing behind them?
as always
and I'm not even close
but it smells like home
as I define what I
know
see
feel
breathe
taste
like my life
it could've been mine
but I reach for a different sky
letting drops of rain embrace me
since Jesus can't
not physically
I welcome that feeling
because it's like feeling
for the first time
how so?
every day is new
and fresh new canvas
today I used
blue
gray
green
orange
brown
red
and I wished for October
as I walk the red carpet
as the music continues
as the squares fade
until nothing
blank
fresh
new
and I feel the next
feeling
the next hour
the next minute
the next second
me
myself
and the smoke cleared
so that I might close my
eyes
and see
whatever i want to see.
again.
and hear
or try to
resulting in something tangible
to be appreciated
as I learn to nourish
every piece of me
but something eats at me
my heart
my soul
this miracle waiting to happen
will explode
like stars
or a meteor
run
running all the time
and this fire just burns bright
never setting
but a slow steady throb
fast
steaming
increasing speed
but I don't
I'm left to eat the dust
and it's here
the balance
the discovery
the dawn of a new day
I'm here
alive
feeling
breathing
luxurious
and me
once again
or new
something to wait for
breathe in
and love
with a wholeness
if you can.
8/8/11
THE OCEAN
I hear nothing
solitude
but it speaks volumes
like the hottest summer day
I raise my voice
because I have so much to say
but I swallow salt
and I choke
waiting for that last breath
mine
it belongs to me
and I don't want to give it up
as darkness takes over
every step of the way
I will remember
I will forsake
I will dream
of cold
heat
and the world
as it envelopes me
whole
careless
intertwined as one
just one
me
an endless blanket
of secrets
washed up
dried out
and sent again
to be shared
lifetimes away
worlds apart
for free
big love
that won't end
but it's so brief
you whisper
waiting for change
or for a destination
that exists below
the depths of your mind
the very hollows of your heart
until you find the key
the niche
yours
outside of your sanity
at last
you find existance
so shallow
so deep
it's unreachable
but you strain
trying to find your strength
and you fear
a melody that won't play
yet you hear it
echoing
like a shining knight
or night
it's refreshing
playing at the corners
within
causing you to move
skin to water
like your life depends on it
don't drown
float
touch bottom
bask in glory
in beaty
peace
and say hello
to what lies
ahead and before
dive in
swim.
WINTER GRACE
8/10/11
True love
crying a thousand rivers
the smile of sun
and my heart beats
loudly
but my brain clicks
off and on
longing to feel differently
in so many ways
am I stealing my own sun
am I buying on tomorrow
I'll pay later
and I did
every day
until that beat of my heart
faltered
and now I'm here
asking the same questions
once again
but they still don't get answered
so what's left
what am I thinking
but I wanted to be a hero
or something
but I"m empty now
yet somehow still filled with love
and her innocence will go away
too soon
I feel that pain
in the pit of my stomach
and the depths of my heart
spilling out on my cheeks
or is that someone else's face
somehow I'm alive
thank you
thank you
thank you
so much for loving me
unconditionally
as though it were me who gave you life
and that smile of sun
is still etched in me
a permanent branding
how did I get here
there's a reason for everything
but this is too heart breaking
something from the rain
I look at paper
I wonder how I even I think
I can get it all out
I can't
it's hidden
and I wish I could find what I need
to get the lump lodged in my throat
away
gone
like I am
I'm sorry
I left my world
to grow
expand
reach horizons
I possibly may not have helped you reach
maybe the reason is unknown
but don't ever forget
I love you
as though a love like ours existed
before
never
you are you
and I love you
forever and ever
always.
OUR FRIENDSHIP
8/10/11
Little tree
nurtured and now strong
weathered many storms
tall and so beautiful
grabbing the stars
wowing the galaxies
dimensions of time past
and we're alive
and breathing fast
two hearts shared one
stubborn pride busted
I guess that's the way the story goes
it doesn't end there
unreachable
just beyond the tips of our fingers
unspeakable words
over the walls of a smoke screen
we somehow saved ourselves
only those we're closest to
can hurt each other with that magnitude
new normals
new stories
music to our ears
and no more fear
you can show me
teach me
learn from me
the only one who understands
what I'm running from
what I'm running to
and will follow
there's no time anymore
we can dance
be still
watch the world turn
and try to catch up to us
like fireflies
on the darkest night
or butterflies
flying high
soaring
towards the sun
but higher
wavelengths higher
but were far away
this time
we take one breath
and fight the fight
to make ourselves something
wearing the shoes of success
I hear your voice
I love you
I forgive you
keep breathing
keep holding on
to the daylight
the moon the stars
and the spaces between
you too
never fading
never falling
cause I'm beside you
behind you
kicking back
echoing your reflection
beauty
it was never so freeing
uplifting
as it is at this moment
because it's you
and me.
MUSIC
8/10/11
Must I wake up to silence? Its defense
under the pretense of silence
silence that drowns me
I don't mind it
count me in
I'm in whatever story is told
the main character
the world is my stage
my movie set
i drown in melody
my hands strike the chords
don't just stand there and watch me fall
sing me to life
I promise to sing a song
at last
speaks to me
tells me my life story
and sweeps me under
but for the first time
I know where I belong
what I should be doing
drowning my senses away
burning chances
and bridges
and everything that connects to my heart
a vital part
that is wearing thin
but you'll eat my dust
and love my smile
and mock my style
rhythm
I move in time
beats
I march to my own
and I raise my voice
dying to be heard
remembering those lost
taken
leaving footprints in our hearts
and our souls
remaining memories
real
but the music speaks for them now
and we listen
just reliving that fraction of time
whatever it was
all over again
King me
why don't we take on the world
fly to the moon
and imagine
dreams
come true
through verse and lyric
reason and rhyme
a serenade
more beautiful than any rose
and broken
mended
broken again
over and over
until all you can mend
is the song written
when I'm away from myself
that's all I have left
running in place
somewhere in the stratosphere
I get a second chance
to live
like the music, I only have one voice!
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