12:03pm
HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SPRING!!
Hey sweets,
Oh my word I had some pretty weird-ass dreams. The first dream I remember I was in this apartment and all of a sudden there was this family of people moving all their stuff in. I was like, "ummm what do you think you're doing?" and the guy looks at me as if he is just noticing me and says, "we live here now, so get out." I was trying to organize my stuff and I kept getting interrupted. I found that I still had the key to this secret room so I opened it and it was like a little closet that lead to the outside. I opened it and asked if anyone could help me, but I was afraid to leave the room. I took two steps out and the wife came into the room and started freaking out on me. I got a couple people to help, and I started gathering up my stuff that I had already organized. Then the man took the key off from around his neck and held it up to mine and I instantly felt sick.
Then I was in a grocery store with my dad. This old black lady came in and shot the 2 owners and killed them. I knew I should have called the police but I kept trying to talk to the lady and see if she would tell me why herself but she just left. It took an hour and a half for me to call them. I asked my dad if I should still call them and he nodded his head. So when I was describing what was going on the cops already knew what I was talking about.
Then I was at this concert in Japan and there were so many people there it was like the whole country was there. I was nervous to get my camera out because the platform thing was swaying (and it was made out of cement.) I just kept thinking "I would barf if this many people came to see me."
Phew! It has been so freaking long since I've remembered my dreams. Ooh, I did have one about B a couple days ago. He was outside my house and he kept trying to ask me what was going on between us but I kept getting distracted.
I told him about it and he still hasn't commented on it so I dunno if he just didn't get the text or if he just doesn't want to comment. Either way, I'll let it slide for now.
Love,
Me
12:35pm
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1:37pm
Hey Chels,
Okay so I have been wanting to write about this for a while but I never got the chance to. So like, everything that you feel about David -- everything he has put you through -- has little to do with you and pretty much everything to do with him. He has been so abandoned by his mom that he is incapable of having a normal life. He's like Tully in that book, Firefly Lane. His way of dealing with it is like, "If we are legally bound then she can't leave me." Everything he knows, all of his coping methods, are because of his mother. The having to lie about EVERYTHING, shutting down emotionally, all of that has to do with how stunted he really is. His sex addiction (and I believe it is an addiction) is more about love and the lack of it he had as a child. "If we're having sex everything is fine because it has to be." So, he was way gone before you even got there. Same as Brian. He and David had way similar childhoods. Their problems presented themselves in different ways but the damage had already been done. Both had mothers that were drug addicts, step dads who taught them how to fight by beating them up on the lawn and calling it "boxing", both had to face serious abandonment at a very young age. Both not looking for equal partners, but mother figures who will take care of everything while they act like little boys.
So anyhow, enough about that depressing shit. Today is the first day of Spring! It's raining out and I still haven't gotten my period so Im gonna do the rest of my cleaning. Have to clean under the turtle tank and the tank itself then vacuum under my bed. Then sometime this week I wanna go to this music store called Kiss the Sky and get some more music posters and Hobby Lobby to get some accents. I feel like it's time for a room makeover. Ugh, I wish it was nicer out. The thunderstorm was cool but now it's just depressing out.
Pfffft!!!!!!!!!
Love,
Me
2:10pm
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