March 19th, 2011

March 19th, 2011
12:41am

Hey Chels,
Well, it's officially Saturday.  Eight years ago yesterday my dad quit drinking.  I remember exactly where I was when he told me.  I was living with Mike in Marengo at the time and I was calling him (my dad) because I hadn't spoken to my parents in a while (near the end I couldn't bring myself to talk to my friends and family, everything was just insane.)  But this was just the beginning.  I remember walking through the apartment with the dog and my dad telling me that he had quit drinking.  Wait, did I have Anakin then?  No, not till April.  Cuz he was born on February 28th so he'd only be 3 weeks old, which is when I met him because it was Kierstin's spring break.  Okay -- sorry.  My memories of that time are just a big bowl of mush tied together with string.  Basically, not well organized.  So anyhow, I remember being so proud of my dad.  He quit drinking during the worst possible time (my relationship with Mike) and then I break up with Mike and 6 months later he has the stroke.  I can't believe all of that shit happened 8 years ago.
Then, only a year ago, I met Barry.  I told him about it last night (Thursday) and he was like -- "oh, I wasn't paying too much attention to the days."  I told him that I remember because it was the day after St Patty's Day and also the anniversary of when my dad stopped drinking.  So he says, "so, a year later, what do you think?" I said, "well I like you a lot better," and he laughed and said something about being just some creepy guy or I thought he was creepy or something, I don't remember.  And then I asked, "so what do YOU think?" and he said the most beautiful thing in the world to me.  He said, "I have liked you pretty much since the day I met you."  I just said, "wow," and he said that he can usually tell how he's going to feel about someone within the first few minutes of meeting them.  He has told me this before but never really directed at me.  So, I guess I was right in saying that he's always liked me.  There was so much I wanted to explain to him but I just couldn't, I was so exhausted.  But like, the reason why I gave him my number in the first place was because I felt like he was okay.  He was there helping cheer me up during a really shitty time and I got the good vibes from him.  And when we started hanging out I admit that I was curious about him.  Like if he would try anything and if I would push him away or not.  But he never ever hurt me or made me feel uncomfortable and after a while I was happy that we could really be friends.  I think the main reason why he started talking to me again after Sarah was because he knew he could trust me and wanted to start things up again (if I was single).  The fucked up thing that broke them up was the label.  I know I've written about this before.  He did tell me that what pissed him off the most was that he was willing to be completely faithful to her even if there were other possibilities for him because he wanted her so badly to trust him.  And what ends up happening?  She gets caught red handed cheating on him then making it seem like nothing happened.  My breakup with Ryan could have happened at a different time and place but it happened at the exact time that thing happened with them.  The funny thing is, we were just talking about how "happy" we were in our relationships.  I feel like Barry and I were meant to be a part of each other's lives and we are very in sync about a lot of things.  I don't think this is us on "good behavior" or anything, we have already known each other for a while.  So, I've done a lot of freaking myself out wanting answers to questions that I probably already know the answers to and I'm trying to calm down about it.

Ugh, this is going to sound weird but I cannot believe that I haven't heard from Ryan at all.  Not even an obligatory, "how have you been?"  I probably wouldn't tell him about Barry, he doesn't need to know that I found someone better already.  But it's just weird.  I haven't heard from Kristie or Matt, either.  It's like I spent so much time worrying about people who didn't give a fuck about me.

Okay -- I'd write more but my thumb is totally killing me.  Oh!  I'm watching Tyra. Should these people get married?  I vote NO!  Lol.

Love,
Me

1:24am
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March 19th, 2011
12:48pm

Hey lady,
I hope you're feeling a little better today.  Ugh-- I want to write but I want to take my dog to the dog park in like 10 minutes.  My mom already took her for a "short walk" but to my mom -- what does "short" mean?  I texted B to ask if he wanted to come with but I haven't heard from him so he is probably sleeping.  Either way, I'm not waiting around all day.  I want to enjoy the day before I get my period and feel too much like crap to go.  And when I get back I am going to spring clean my room.  And I mean every corner.  I just want it to finally be up to par with springtime.

Alright, I am gonna get going for now.  I love you!!

Love,
Me

1:04pm