10/20/11
Hey. So, my dad is home from his vacation. I did everything but the rest of the laundry (no detergent) and my room. I didn't get much sleep last night because all I did was cough. When I finally did sleep, I had the weirdest dream. Basically King Kong was destroying the apartment development I lived in. I don't remember all the intricate details but I know some guy named Jordan (I think) who supposedly was on 7th Heaven was talking to me through video chat about his life. I also remember a boat in the ocean and the waves were crazy. These really cute guys were fishing and we told them what was going on and I just remember thinking I hope the monkey monster didn't get those guys. Then I told my friend we should leave the state until we could decide what to do about the situation. So we left and that's all I remember. Weird right? Why would I dream about King Kong?
{I think this dream had a lot to do with the destruction of that time in your life. a lot of bridges got burned, a lot of fighting, a lot of horrible things transpired. and king kong is like... this huge crazy monster that destroys everything in his path and that was your subconscious trying to make sense of everything that happened and sort of rising above the whole thing. that's what I think, anyway.}
Geeze. Lol. Anyway, I gotta walk the dogs, but when I come back, I'll put my shortened story in here. Tell me what you think. I'll write more too but then I gotta work on my bible study. Then write more in here again. I know I had a lot to say yesterday but I still can't remember what it all was. =(. So yeah, anyway, I'll be back in a bit and do all that. At least that will help with taking up pages. I just wanna finish this shit up and get on with the new NB! Ok, brb! Promise!
~My name is Chelsea and I was born and raised right here in Boynton Beach, Fl. I was born without a thyroid gland and so I've been on medication since I was 9 days old. I was also diagnosed with a learning disability and as a result was held back two years in school, and was assigned a special tutor to help me in school. From the outside, my family looked picture perfect. We had food in our bellies, clothes on our back, and a roof over our head. my parents tucked my brother and I in at night and read us stories. Unfortunately, I also watched as my dad suffered through depression and I endured a lot of physical, mental, emotional, and verbal abuse from my older brother, as well as my peers at school. Needless to say, I too fell into a deep anger and depression from an early age. I also had to deal with my mother's denial over any abuse going on at all.
I'd been to two psychiatrists. The first one was a family one that my family went to see to deal with my brother's anger when he punched another child at school on the playground. The second one was a Christian psychiatrist who I didn't like from the get go. It seemed like everything I said was wrong and I once again found myself alone with no one who would believe in me. Around the time I was 19, I begged my mom to let me go back to a psychiatrist of my choosing and get the help I needed. I knew something was wrong with me because I was angry all the time. I'd have fits of rage, as well as panic attacks often enough that I was tired of it. I just wanted to know what was going on with me. I found a psychiatrist and after one meeting with her she put me on the medication Zoloft.
after a few weeks of Zoloft, things went from bad to worse. I tried to commit suicide twice. Once by swallowing a whole bottle of headache medicine [which I realized later on never would have done anything]. My body rejected it almost immediately and I spent a lot of time being sick. The second time, I overdosed on my Zoloft. After that, I decided to stop going to any psychiatrist ever and would have to cope with things on my own.
When I was 20, I moved away to Ohio to be with my then boyfriend. To tell you the horrid details of the two and a half years I spent in Ohio would take me a few hours. Long story short, I was forced into anorexia and got very sick. I also raised two children that were not mine... my step-daughter and my brother-in-law. My brother-in-law was only 15 when he came to live with us and he got into a lot of trouble. I had the cops at my house everyday, or I spent a lot of time in the hospital being sick or watching my step daughter sick with something. I was accused of child abuse and nearly sent to jail and by the time I married the man I was with, his mom lived with us and was using every dime we made to do drugs. I was forced to see a lot of drug use, child abuse, abuse to the elderly, and animal abuse in my time in Ohio.
At the end of two and a half years in Ohio, I was so mentally ill that my parents told me I was coming home whether I liked it or not. I was a mere fraction of the girl I used to be. When I came home from Ohio, I was shell shocked and spent most of my time locked in my room on the internet in an escape world I made for myself. Going out caused panic attacks. My husband followed me back to Florida and our life was very similiar to the one we led in Ohio. His mother came back to live with us and I found myself in the same pattern I'd been in in Ohio. Every dime we made enabled his mother to do drugs. I'd broken my foot and was on bedrest for months. As a result I lost my job and gained a lot of weight.
In 2008, when I was nearly 25, my husband sent me to Georgia to see my mother and left me there for 2 1/2 months telling me not to come home. I was once again abandoned, and wondering what I did wrong. That was the end of my marriage and every day since then I've learned to adapt to the words in my head and the feelings inside, as well as the panic attacks.~
Ugh I almost glued that on the back page. No, actually I did but I "fixed" it. Anyway, I hope that doesn't take more than 8 minutes to read. I think I might time it. Ok, it only took a total of 3 minutes and that's with distractions. So, oh well. There was a few mistakes and the good thing is I only have to read it, not turn it in. I have 8 minutes to share so I guess I'm good to go, huh? I'm so sleepy and so nauseaus too! =( I keep forgetting what else I wanted to say so I'm gonna wash Kayla and do my bible study then I'll be back. Ugh, the dog (U-turn) was going nuts so I gave up on my bible study. I guess I'll do it tomorrow except Erica will talk my ear off all day since she's off work. I JUST WISH PEOPLE WOULD LEAVE ME ALONE! God! I'm very clearly about to start my period. I thought I was super late but I realize now I'm only a few days or a week late. My last period I think was in September. I may have you look that up. In fact, I just asked you to look it up in the September entries. I just want to make absolute sure. Anyway, no one has managed to shut their dang mouths since my father came home. SHUT UUUUUP!!!
This is why I think it's period time. I'm so irritated by small things right now. Ugh. Alright I'm going to go calm my butt down and be back soon.
Well, I'm back. Erica dragged me to Bru's room for Ladies Night. One of the jerks demanding an apology from us showed up. I don't know if he saw us but I don't care. It was fun except I just cough so much. The weather got cold but I love it. Wish I felt better though! Anyway I wasn't in a drinking mood really so I drank half of a small madris (vodka, orange, cranberry). That was it. My stomach has really been bothering me all week. I met a cute latin guy named Lino (short for his real name -- Paulino -- which he hates so shhh). He seems cool. I don't know, kind of tired of bar guys, just saying. This one though understands I don't do sex w/strangers or one night stands so that's good. Erica is so funny. She and I went in my garage and had a smoke. She was hot even though it was 65 out and so she took her shirt off and only had her leggings and bra on. Rory walked up with Josh and it was just funny. Also she held up two fingers and says "I'm going to buy two caramels" and then she held up four fingers and she goes "and two creamers" Now, I know what she meant but it just came out so funny. Then I was going to go inside and she made some really weird noise so I was like, "what?" and she's like "besties don't leave besties alone to smoke" or something and I go, "I do it all the time." and she says "not while errrrbody in the club gettin' tipsy!" Oh man it was so funny. Maybe you had to be there. LMAO. All I know is it's bedtime. Love!
<3,
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