3:27pm
Hey Chels!
Happy Valentine's day! It's almost 3:30pm and I'm already ready for a nap. I called the IRS people, which was a mess, then met up with Barry so he could give me some really pretty roses. I don't really like roses but if someone wants to buy me flowers on Valentine's Day I'm not gonna complain about it. He wanted to swing by over here to drop them off but I haven't exactly told my parents about him yet. I'm not really sure what to call him... my friend? Special friend? Fella? Boyfriend? FWB? Lover? I dunno. I'm not gonna flip out about trying to figure it out but I really don't want to have that conversation with my parents on Valentine's Day.
Anywho, I have great news, my job as a nanny officially starts on February 21st, which is also Charisse's birthday. I'm not sure when I'll be able to make my trips... but Washington and Cali will always be there. My friend needs me now. I have a feeling this was all meant to be: new boy in my life, new job, getting to be here for my family. I wish Ryan would have been the guy from 2008, not the asshole who broke up with me over text message two years later. Man... for someone who actually desires the freedom of being single, I do end up in romantic predicaments quite a bit. Anywho... I need to relax for a bit.
Love,
me
3:47pm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6:19pm
Well, the sun is gone and I am sad. But I am gonna have some dinner with my dad soon. I have to admit that as much as I enjoyed the whole shoebox thing, I'm so glad that I have a regular nb to write in again. I'm having so much fun with it! I justified getting a smaller nb because I'm planning on filling all this up by myself plus I'll do videos. soon it will be March and springtime will be all around... lots of stuff to capture on video. Ugh... I so hate winter... no grass, no green leaves, no flowers. Just cold cold COLD! plus the constant weather change is not doing much for certain parts of my body. Alright.... time for me to go. Lol... if I keep writing in here... might be interesting to see how long (or not) it takes me to finish.
Love,
me
7:19pm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10:11pm
Hello, lady!
What a great way to end a great holiday. Had dinner with my dad and when I came home I took a bath. I figured out what my problems with relationships are. I have only slept with (up until now) people I've been serious about. Although it's a great theory in concept, did not go well in practice when those guys turned out to be with insecure little bitches who all tried to "break" me. Like I need to be broken. I'm not a horse. There's no real way to tell how someone will be in a "real" relationship (especially if you never give that person a chance). My problem right now is that I'm not ready to try and be controlled by anyone right now. Lol that sounds a little mean. But it's true. When I was with Brian, yeah I will admit that I was a bit controlling. Sometimes I just wanted to see what he would do for me. I had to tell him more than once to stop waiting on me hand and foot because it was getting annoying to the point of pathetic. And sure enough when we moved to Florida it got turned around. But mostly because he wanted to dick around with his buddies and I got stuck housing the most insanely irresponsible losers ever. After a while, too, I realized that I didn't need to be a complete control freak. Mostly I was just trying to keep a roof over my head.
I dunno. I am who I've always been, but I'm not so difficult... I understand more than a lot of people would. I just want to be independent and I don't want some guy trying to be all Mr Man telling me what I am or am not capable of doing. I am my own person and the last thing I'm looking for is someone to change me (or someone who is looking to be changed or fixed). I don't need any of that crap. So... I guess until I decide who the one person is who really does love me and accept me for exactly the way I am now, then I'm staying a single lady. I don't get that, though. Why is it so hard to find one guy who is secure enough with himself that he will let me be me and won't try to change me? Change isn't a bad thing, by any means. When it comes from a place of personal growth and beauty it can move mountains. But what is the point of being with someone who you don't really like? I mean, why be with someone if all you want to do is change them into someone you think they should be? Love is loving someone the way they are, not how you want them to be. Ugh. Relationships make my head hurt.
TTFN!!!
Love,
Me
11:03pm
No comments:
Post a Comment