7/10/11
Man alive I am blah today. I'm watching the Law and Order: SVU marathon though which has made me a happy camper as that is my favorite show. Besides silly sitcoms, Law and Order: SVU is all I care to watch. It keeps my attention and I can watch it and do stuff like this. Nice way to spend my day in my opinion. The lady I'm housesitting for calls about half an hour ago and said she and her husband are at the airport in South Carolina. They have a short layover in Atlanta, GA and assuming there are no delays, they should arrive in West Palm by 10:40pm. Which means they probably won't be in until almost midnight. I have a feeling I'm not going home until tomorrow morning. Oh well! I don't mind TOO much it's just that Jan talks to me like I'm 5. I mean maybe it's because she's known me for probably that long but still. I'm actually not in a rush to go home. Here, I feel like I'm doing something, you know? Plus I'm not with Rory and my dad. I love them but I'm so ready to be on my own. I can't wait to work and have a DL/car. Anyway, so with this money I make house sitting, I hope it's enough to fix my bank account. I just want to pay the overdraft and have it closed. Once I'm working, I'm either going to a credit union or PNC bank!
Then I'm giving my first few paychecks to my dad, then the next couple I'll pay unemployment. Then after that, I'll pay my Eclipse school loans and then I'll pay my other school loans. And hopefully I can buy a car or something. I also want to move out. Maybe I can do that next year. Get an apartment and just screw everyone right now who is driving me crazy. I am really hurt and confused over Selina. I keep trying to think of what I did. If it's that bad how can I not know or remember? And if it's something stupid, or a misunderstanding why can't she just tell me so I can try and fix it? Either way, broadcasting it to everyone on FB is ridiculous. And why do people automatically call me things like whore and hoe? I know I've made a few poor choices but never with malicious intent. You know? And never to get somewhere, or to benefit something more than curing my horniness (whew. That was a mouthful!)
I still feel like Erica knows more but whatever I'm leaving her alone for a long time... Last night was so ridiculous her words and her actions never are the same and it's always "I'm fine I'm just tired." That was just the tip of the iceberg lat night. I had the worst headache and the flash of the camera made it worse. It was so bad I was nauseous. I've been nursing the same headache all day. :(. But anyway. I just don't know what to do with Erica and Selina. I always feel like the bad guy! With everyone. I'm not allowed to get mad I guess. And I always feel guilty for accepting all the things they do for me now. So now I'm going to stay home for a while. I think it will be good for me.
Now, I'm watching How I Met Your Mother. I'm going to clean some more in a little while. Just my room, the cat boxes and floors and the bathroom. Then I think I'll take a shower, and by then Jan and Rob should be home. Then it will be bedtime again and I'll either go home or sleep here again! Lol. Robert finally messaged me. I guess his phone was wet so he had to wait for it to dry and restart it. I tried to make him wait before messaging him back. I fed the animals and I took Sophie for a walk, but I only lasted 17 minutes. (oooh a new poem topic.) We only talked a few minutes but whatever.
Anyway, it's 8PM so I'm going to clean a bit and write more later. Love you!
Love,
Star
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok, I'm back. I think the house looks great! :D My stupid phone is not working again! Won't hold a charge. I don't mind having it replaced again if they will send me a new charger too. If I get another ENV3, it will be like the 5th or 6th one in a year. *sigh* And my dad is so lame over it. He thinks it's my fault because HIS phone has worked for three years. That's great and all but not all phones are the same. He doesn't even have an ENV so... ugh.
Anyway. What I need is enough $$ to get a new phone entirely. I don't even care if it's a smartphone anymore either. Lol just anything but the ENVY! ENV? They spell it without the Y I think. But yea, I was sexting with Robert LMAO and my phone totally died. Not that he ever texted back, lol. He probably fell asleep. Um, the lady across the street is still home and she's supposed to be leaving to pick up Jan and Rob. Hmmm maybe... I don't know LOL. Ugh Erin texted me to ask if I was going to Munich. I said no, house sitting and she says "ghey." She just wants me to record her singing. I say NO DAMMIT! You will not use me. So there. Dumb witch. (I'm still trying not to curse). I decided I really feel like there's no one here I can trust. Erica, Selina, Erin, Linsey, Seph, all them and others just... I don't know! OOh a new show on MTV! It's called Awkward I bet that's a good show for me, I think. I miss that one show you got me into. I forget what it's called now but it was all the people who would go to schools and talk to kids and unite them with each other and make a difference. Why can't I think of the name? Ugh. {it's called If You Knew Me}
Something like If You Really Knew Me maybe? I text you to ask but you haven't answered yet! Answer! Poke... poke... poke... There you are! You said maybe "This Is My Life" but we agreed on If You Really Knew Me. Anyway! I miss that show LOL {I do too, so far that one and the dancing one that I loved are the only ones they're not coming back with. Booo MTV! Sure, you can have 16 seasons of idiots getting prenant, but the actual shows with meaning are beneath you. Fuck off.}
I wish they had that back when I was going to Trinity. I don't know if it would have made a difference but maybe it would have. I found something out a couple years ago. (Sorry, mentioning Trinity reminded me). One of the guys I went to trinity with, he was a grade higher than me, died. I don't know what happened but now I'm going to research it. His name was Kyle Tierney. (I think it was Kyle Tierney I'll have to look in my yearbooks). I'm soooo sad though :(.
Hmmm Robert never did answer me. I wonder if I was right when I said he probably fell asleep. I guess maybe I'll find out tomorrow! (Ughhh my phone failed me again. If it were a person I would strangle it now).
So, (I'm sorry I'm so jumpy with my topics by the way), I can't stop thinking about my weekend with Robert last weekend. I really really enjoyed being with him. I mean I just wanted to have him close to me all night. He's flippin' gorgeous, Rita. I know I've said that before and told you all this but hey! NBS So yay. He's about my height, maybe a little taller. He's got dark hair that's not curly, but it's kinda the messy look I guess you could say? I wish I had a picture. I wonder if he'd ever take one with me. Hmmm. Last weekend he was so cute, he had the scruffy's going on and was all nervous about me seeing him like that. And he held my hand! And when we were having sex I swear no one has ever looked at me that way. And he whispered that we were going to take it slow, easy and man.... it just wowed me. I love how I'm able to just be me around him and he doesn't find a thing wrong with me. (Well, not that I know of anyway).
and when we were "done" he held my hand again and told me to please not give up on him when I said I almost had. He said he's very dedicated to his work, which is insanely awesome considering how I've never been with a guy who was that dedicated to being responsible. I guess I'm not with Robert and I'm getting overexcited and overanalyzing everything. I hope it doesn't bite me in the ass. I also hope we are good for each other. I don't want to feel like "be careful what you wish for" thing which is usually how I end up feeling with men I choose.
Ryan.... I like Ryan a lot. He's shorter than me, lol. But he's got a smile that would light up a room. I LOVE his fricken smile. He's the type of guy who'd drive you nuts but you'd still want to cuddle with him all night. The thing is, he has a shady drug past. He's overly honest and he's told me he's still in love with his ex gf. I don't want to be someone who's in love with their ex still. (BRB I'm taking this into "my" bedroom.) OK--as I was saying. Plus, he seems to have replaced drugs with alcohol. I think we make a good something but I'm not sure what that is. LOL. Who knows, maybe he will surprise me. His voice can be irritating but I like when he talks in my ear.
However, I am clearly enamored by Robert. Which probably means that he's the wrong guy knowing my record. But I think I'll figure it all out and be okay. We will either "be" or we won't, right? I don't share any of these intimate details with anyone else but you. I like having it to myself for once. I feel like "haha I have something amazing going on and no one can bring me down because they don't even know about it!" Everyone, especially Rich, is so sure Robert is like, a monster. Maybe he's not right for me but damn, give him a chance. I know I forgave him easily but that's because I see something so wonderful in him. He's not even my boyfriend and he may never be, either. But for now, I still think he's cool. And I like having sex with him. I told him he should think about having just "us" time next weekend so we'll see. I don't know if I already said that. Oops, sorry if I did. Well, chica, it's 1am. I'm going to try and sleep but if my mind won't shut off, I'll write more. I'm going to shut my phone off. Maybe it will charge! I doubt it though. Tomorrow I'll go home, clean, do laundry, and then more poetry with you. I'm also hoping to write more. :) should be fairly easy with me not going out for a while, yea? Anyway, good night, sweet dreams! Like I said -- if my mind won't shut off I'll be back. Love you!
Love,
Star
No comments:
Post a Comment