October 19th, 2010

October 19th 2010

Chels!
Eight days until my birthday!!  And you finished the notebook!  I wish I could send you some money,  but even I am broke.  I'm just waiting for my next paycheck so that I can pay my next car payment.  Ugh.  So anyhow...  I thought the last story would be a lot longer.  But I don't think I want any of these people to be full on angry at each other. I think that when this episode of Supernatural is over,  I'm gonna write another one. Maybe focus on New Moon this time?  I dunno.
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Bella was finally in her own bed, back at Charlie’s house.  She missed Edward already, but she needed time to think, to clear her head. Edward had been such a huge part of her life for so long, she was having trouble remembering how to function without him.  She couldn’t remember a time when she didn’t have to worry about injuring herself (for fear of drawing blood) and when she could just lay in someone’s arms without having to worry about her boyfriend crushing her on accident.  If she were to become a vampire, she would be just like him.  She would finally be able to kiss him the way she really wanted to, and she would probably be able to make love to him.  Not like she was a complete horndog, but she was a woman in love.  Although she was curious about what it felt like now, while she was still human.  If she was going to do this, she wanted to do it right.  She wasn’t opposed to waiting until she was married to have sex, it was mainly out of her own curiosity and vivid imagination that she got herself into trouble.  She felt like she really needed a girl’s perspective, so instinctively she ran to the phone to dial up Alice.  But by the time she got to the phone, it was already ringing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
October 19th, 2010
3:29pm

Hey Chels,
Yay you finally got your driver’s permit!  That is a great accomplishment.  I wanted you to guess where I was because it reminded me of that poem I wrote, “Good to you.”  I was sitting in this chair at my favorite Starbucks in the world and this guy who was sitting in the next chair smiles at me.  I guess it’s because as soon as I sit down I started to sneeze.  I’m guessing he’s at least 5 to 10 years older than me, but he is really cute (I’m sorry but the guy is a cutie pie).  There is this other guy who is here nearly every time that I’m here.  I’d say he was in his 50’s or 60’s and he is really annoying.  Cute guy said he had to leave 3 times before the guy stopped talking, and all the time he is sneaking looks at me (I could see him out of the corner of my eye).
Okay, I have to get out of this seat, the sun is shining directly into my head.  But I dun wanna move!  Hmph.  Anywho, the guy asked me if I came here a lot, then announced that he would be back on Friday.  I’m coming up here with Emily to hang out for my birthday (but I didn’t tell him that).  Then I found myself thinking things like: “What if he’s just being nice and I’m being standoffish for no reason?”  Yeah, I don’t plan on making a complete ass out of myself but he should know I’m not single.  Oh well… who cares?  Ugh it’s not like I’m married.  lol ok I’m done now I promise.  I think I’m gonna get out of here.  I thought I could work on my stuff here but I need quiet.  More later.

Hey.  I just came home instead of going anywhere else.  I want to study before doing nbs.  Wow… almost a week to go and I really will be finished with this thing if I keep going the way I’m going.  I think today I’ll give Twilight a break and put on Supernatural while I study.  Will write later!
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

9:04pm
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Uuuuuuuuugggggghhhhh I am so freaking hungry.  My mom is coming home tonight with sushi and I can’t wait.  I am sooooo hungry!!!!!
So… I was on Brian’s fb (I go on there sometimes, mostly to check up on everybody else).  I read a conversation between Brian and Lauren (the one that dropped me after going out with Drew) and apparently their relationship isn’t as perfect as it seems.  I mean… I remember watching them together before they started going out.  They were at my apartment when they decided to make things official.  And I was the one who threw her that Godawful birthday party.  Then shortly after she stopped talking to me and became best friends with the other Lauren, who is the biggest bitch on the face of this earth.  Truth is… I think Drew is a very fucked up individual who will probably never be happy.  He could have everything or nothing and still be miserable.
It feels weird to say but I still feel like all these people, all of Brian’s friends who I at least considered a little bit of a friend, are a part of me in some way.  I have cared for these people at one point and although they would never admit it, I was as good of a friend as I could have been.  It’s funny to me that all of these people who turned on me after I left Brian are growing up and realizing that I’m not the bad guy.  That they gotta do what’s best for them even if it means breaking up.  I know that none of these people will ever come to me and tell me that they are sorry for acting like assholes towards me.  But it’s nice to know that now people understand having to face reality and end a relationship.
I was rooting for Drew and Lauren.  I saw how much they adored each other and I thought they would be so perfect together.  I was happy for them.  Up until Drew trashed my house and rumors spread about things I said or didn’t say.  I knew that Lauren and I weren’t real friends, but I enjoyed her company until I expressed concern for her and she got mad.
A huge part of me feels so glad and smug that their relationship sucks right now.  I just want to point in Lauren’s face and say, “I know you didn’t actually think you two would be married forever.  Oh, you did? That’s so sweet.”  Just like that bitch in “She’s All That.”  But then the more grown up and mature part of me feels bad that she’s going through all that drama, especially with someone like Drew.  Drew is basically Brian… only much much worse (if you can believe that).  He only cares about himself, and I doubt he knows or cares that a relationship actually takes effort to maintain.  Big shock!
Also… it feels good to know that I’m doing better in life right now than people who have treated me like crap.  Yay my mom is home and she brought sushi!!  I’m gonna eat, take a bath, do some yoga, and then write again.
<3,
me