8:15pm
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Hey Chels!
Wow… it is really raining hard. It was raining all day but I managed to do everything that I wanted to do today. I’m starting to adjust to the colder weather. Which is good because I got 4-6 months of it to go.
Well, I have been so busy trying to get nbs done in the past couple days that I just now wrote a little message for your birthday. But it’s all good cuz I know you don’t mind. Ugh, I should not try and watch Lifetime movies and do NBS all at once.
I got farther in the nb today. I went to the bank to convert some money and thought up the brilliant plan that I was gonna go to Borders to preorder my copy of Eclipse, have some coffee and read some more of the nb. For the most part it was a successful outing, with a few exceptions. For one, the bank teller informed me that if I don’t have a bank account I could get charged .25% for cash converting. First she asked if I had a bank account and I said no and she asked what was preventing me from getting one so I told her that I had another account closed and I had too bad of credit. Seriously, she looked at me like I was a leper for not having one. I found a place that only charges .1% for check cashing and I have a rushcard (it’s like a pay-as-you-go debit card) that tracks what I use my money for. Honestly, I have no use for a bank account that will just sit there empty. It’s a pain in the ass plus I hate hidden fees and charges.
Anywho, I went to CVS, then Borders. First the guy told me I couldn’t pay for the movie with cash, I had to order it with a gift card or credit card. Ugh! After that I checked out the Twilight merchandise, they used to have so much stuff but now it’s nothing. Even the calendars were ew. So… I have to find another calendar. Phooey. Maybe I’ll just make my own with pictures I actually want. Hey--there’s a novel idea.
This guy came in the store and he was talking loudly. At first I thought he was talking to a friend but he was talking to himself and pacing. I kept looking at him but not for too long. I was just getting ready to call 911. But luckily that was unnecessary because he was escorted out.
After that I came home to buy my camcorder. I was already going to get it from Bestbuy.com but it ended up costing way more than I had so I was going to get the one in black but I had my heart set on the purple one. So I went to Amazon.com and I found one for $98! So I ended up saving $50.00. For some reason the purple one was more expensive than the blue or black ones of the same brand. I guess cuz it’s purple? I had already settled on a lower gb iPod that I wanted (I didn’t realize that I had to buy it online to get it for the advertised price on the website) so I didn’t want to compromise on this one, too. So I decided to buy the slightly used one. Oh I just found an online store where I can buy the dvds that I want! (Tila Tequila 1+2, Daisy of Love and Rock of Love 1, 2, and 3!) Yay! I haven’t seen these shows since they aired like 3 years ago so it will be awesome to finally get to watch them all. Eeeee!
Anywho, I’m glad I got to talk to you last night (your birthday). I felt like it had been a while since we really talked.
I know that your life is a lot harder than people realized. And yeah I could sit here and listen to you, but even though I didn’t exactly have it easy, I had parents who supported me and never made me feel the way your family makes you feel. I’ve never had birthdays go completely wrong and I’ve never been hated on for being born female. You didn’t ask to be born. But if your family really appreciated you they could show it better. I know why you ran away from FL the first chance you got. You didn’t expect such a disaster to happen, but you went for it anyway. I watched you go back and forth for 2 ½ years, wanting to get out of that horrible situation but not wanting to go home. But you know… you are who you are and I don’t think you would change that. It’s like… my dad. When he had his stroke 7 years ago, my mom and I had no idea what was gonna happen. He kept having more and more complications and he just kept right on fighting. Yes, he is different now, and sometimes he says it would be much easier if he were dead, but it’s not his time yet. Or yours. Or mine. I have seen a huge change in you, especially in this past year. You have given yourself a chance to believe in yourself. You aren’t looking towards others to fill that void-- you are just being you.
When I got home from Florida, I feel like I had failed. I couldn’t keep it together and I couldn’t stand on my own two feet. And I knew that everyone I knew would hear about what *I* did. So, not only had *I* ruined so many of Brian’s friendships, I cheated on him and left him.
When I was down there getting to know everyone, I was overwhelmed by the number of people in the “group.’ Everyone knew everyone, had histories, were like family. I could see why Brian was so drawn to everyone.
But soon it was like I was the school marm ruining everybody’s fun. I was the bad guy ALL the time. And not everyone was so happy with everyone else. But that’s gonna happen when you’ve gone through elementary/middle/high school with people, gone to parties, gotten in trouble, had secrets, and been seen in your worst hour. People were just as miserable with each other as they were with me.
The one person I really miss is Earnest. Vor told me that Joe was the same way (being in relationships with the wrong girl).
Wow, I am finally almost finished with this section. I still have some stuff to do, but not quite as much as I did before. One more weekend and I should be closer to finishing everything. I still have to find a place for new entries, more TIATF’s (up to the date before I mail this out, so that will probably be the last thing), finish the newspaper articles and Twilight subjects. I have more than enough stuff for them, though. I also want to add my newest poems so I hope to write a ton and soon. If not then I’m letting you finish that one out. And I wanna get you a lock-and-key diary. Oh… you can keep whatever stuff you want or if something doesn’t fit then you can keep it at your house.
I am off to get ready for bed so I can write some poems and start on the new book. Plus my back is killing me.
Love,
me
12:48am
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