December 1st, 2010

December 1st, 2010
2:09am
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Hey Chels!
Okay, I decided a couple things.  First… I put about as many newspaper articles in the next subject as I’m going to--at least the bigger ones.  I’m going to continue this journal right where I left off.  I did this to make life easier for myself.  No more constantly worrying about where my journal entries are gonna fit and all of that nonsense.
Okay… with that out of the way, I finally get to write about my day.  It was one of those days where you just keep going and going until eventually your head explodes.
At first I woke up at 10:50am.  So what do I do?  I fall right back asleep until almost 2pm.  My dad had a dr appointment at 2:45pm.  I get in my car and guess what--it’s fucking snowing.  Ugh!  I’m so mad!  But thankful that it wasn’t the real bad kind, just flakes.
So… after the appt we go to Portillo’s (because I haven’t been there in a long time and I want a hot dog from there).  I ended up getting 2.  And onion rings.  Delish!
After that I came home and ate, then played the piano, then cleaned the turtle tank, then took my dad out to dinner, then came home and FINALLY worked on nbs.  Then I talked to you for a bit, got ready for bed, did some yoga, and up until I started writing this I was reading Firefly Lane.  I have to admit that I was expecting one of the girls to be like this one girl in the book Summer Sisters by Judy Blume, but they actually care about each other.  It’s funny, I have books sitting on my bookshelf that I’ve renewed at least 2 times now, but this one I’m almost 100 pages in already and I’ve only had it for a day.

Okay… let me just say that I haven’t heard from my car company at all this month--no threatening letters or anything.  I still sent them $200.00 because I still owe $527.00.  But I’m getting kind of worried.  I just want to know that they still want money from me and they’re not planning on repossessing my car.  Omg, by next year I will have it paid off!  I can’t let myself get too excited though--I still have student loans to pay off and my eviction, utilities, the bank, credit cards…
Ugh… if I think about that too much I will give myself an ulcer.

Anyways, I’m sorry your anxiety is creeping back up on you.  I’ve seen you get this way before and it usually revolves around Thanksgiving/ur b’day/Christmas… I think because you’ve never had a holiday (at least in recent years) go smoothly.  There.  UUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH My dad is driving me FUCKING NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was writing this when I heard this beepbeepbeep sound.  At first I was like… what in the hell?  And then I guessed that my dad was doing something.  Then I heard it again.  And again. And I was like, “Ugh fine I’ll go see what it is.”  So my dad is listening to this jumbled mess that sounded really creepy IMO and I asked what was up and he said he was listening for numbers.  So I check it out and he’s trying to get on Yahoo but he’s trying to create a new account with the account he already has and of course it doesn’t fucking work.  My computer was screwed up too, the only thing that worked for me was Yahoo. Anyhow, I tried a couple things and nothing worked and then it said the account was locked and my dad said, “Well NOW it is.”  Like it was my fault that that happened.  Our server has been down tonight because of the cold (or for whatever reason) and he’s freaking out that he can’t send an email for one night.  I remember when he was too afraid to use the computer and now he acts like it’s the most important thing ever.

And the worst part is that he uses his many “illnesses” to get out of shit he doesn’t really want to do.  But he will be on the computer till 3am.  You know, as long as he can still go on facebook, he could still message people.  But I’m so peeved I don’t even care enough to tell him that.  Brain injured or not he has some nerve trying to blame me for the fucking server being down!  Ugh.

Okay--ummm…. where was I?    Oh--there always seems to be some sort of emotional breakdown for you on these holidays. Plus, now it’s your first holiday season and birthday without Adam.  I had a relative (my gramma) pass away on Christmas, and another one close to Memorial Day.  The first year is always the hardest.  I know that it’s going to take time for you to be happy during the holidays again.
Sometimes I feel bad about bringing up the nb, like it’s something you SHOULD be doing.  I know you have been going through a lot and I don’t want to nag you, but I don’t want you to stop altogether.  We lost 2 years worth of great stuff… now that we’re doing stuff like this again…. I just don’t want it to stop.  It is selfish of me, I know.  I love making these journals and having someone to share it with.  I love the creativity it all inspires.  And sometimes, even the adrenaline rush that comes with finishing it before a certain time or date.  But that’s MY dream. I want you to view that in any way that you want--mostly I just want you to share this with me only if you really want to.  I think you have some really creative ideas and soon I feel like we’ll be making notebooks with so much more than just paper.  There are so many possibilities.  And I really do hope that you will share in this journey with me.
Don’t get me wrong, I still love the standard 5 subject college ruled 5 star notebook.  There is just so much more to be done with it!

Ugh… it is now after 3am.  I have to read some tweets and then get some rest.  I have 4 hours and 21 minutes of study time.  I start with 3 hours and whatever I don’t finish has to be tacked onto the 3 hours.  I’m finally caught up on stuff, but we’ll see.  I might just end up printing a few pages cuz the font is really small and there’s no way I can study like that.

I have so much more to write but I need to start relaxing if I’m gonna have any hope of sleeping tonight.

<3,
me

3:18am
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December 1st, 2010
4:16pm
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Hey Chels!
So… I’m feeling good about some decisions I’ve made regarding the nb.  I have at least 3 weeks to finish and once it’s done I can’t wait to send it off.
Today is like a study/nbs day for me.  Out of 4 hours and 21 minutes, I’ve managed to get down to 3 hours and 30 minutes.  Also I’ve managed to write 3 poems AND give myself a facial.  When I’m done writing in here I’m gonna study some more then maybe practice the piano for a bit.  I’m learning “Apologize.”  I picked that one for the song I’m playing for your b’day.  I’m not sure it’s supposed to sound the way it sounds but that’s just because it’s an old piano that hasn’t been tuned in a long time.  It still sounds halfway decent, but not the way I want it to.
Ugh… something weird is going on.  You are supposed to be at work for at least another 15 minutes but your screen name has been popping on and offline all day.  Hmmmm…. I hope either it’s you or something else that can be easily explained.  But most of all I hope you change your password if it’s your brother popping up on your screen name. Totally not cool!

So… there is a bit of drama going on at the Schory household.  My dad’s remicade appointment is supposed to be next Friday, Dec 10th.  We’ve been going on Thursdays but there’s this nurse named Lisa that works on Fridays.  My dad is supposedly in “so much pain” that he needed it to be pushed up to this week.  My mom was invited to go to a wedding on Saturday, the 4th.  Originally the plan was to just have my dad invited to go with, but she was obsessing over the driving so she invited me to come along.  Well, she was worried that he’d be too tired from his remicade on this Friday (the 3rd) so she scheduled it for Thursday.  Apparently she forgot about the whole thing of the only nurse my dad likes working on FRIDAYS.  Ugh.  So now he is making all these excuses as to why he shouldn’t go to my mom’s coworker’s wedding.  I have no idea why my mom thought that he’d be okay after 2 days, it usually takes him a full week to recover.  This whole thing just pisses me off.  I know that my dad is sick.  I’m not doubting that.  But he uses it so much as an excuse not to do stuff he doesn’t really want to do.  I have had chronic pain since May.  And you know what?  Sometimes all I want to do is lay around the house and do nothing but watch tv and sleep.  But I would feel worse.  Even when I’m on my period I’ve noticed that when all I do is sleep, all my fibroid/cyst problems get worse.  My dad has come far in these past few years, but I feel like he just stopped.