12:30am
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Hey Chels!
I hope you’re feeling okay. I heard from you this afternoon for like a minute and then you were gone. But it’s okay, I know you’re feeling like crap so you have an excuse.
I dunno what to tell you about your boyfriend. This is the first time you’ve been single since I’ve known you. You’ve always either had a boyfriend or an almost boyfriend. So… this is the first guy who hasn’t been too busy to hang out with you or who hasn’t humiliated you over something that was not anything you could control. I’m not sure if that incident on your birthday was a dealbreaker, especially since you haven’t been together for that long. But I know you, and I know that you are always piling things up on your to-do list and then getting burnt out, especially during the holidays. So… ur right on time. :P. I’m not saying this is a bad thing, it’s just part of what makes you, you.
I think you should at least give yourself a chance… you don’t want to be going back and forth. But if you don’t want a serious relationship, you should be honest. I’m sorry that I’m not more of a help, I just want you to be happy.
Whether or not you’re in this relationship, the point is you are making YOU happy. And that’s what matters the most.
I remember when I was dating Brian and he came to Chicago to visit me. It took a long time for me to adjust because I felt like I was being smothered. It was a great help to have him around because my dad was so sick. But at the same time, I greatly missed my alone time. This and Brian missed his friends back home so much that he didn’t want to make any friends up here.
Honestly, I liked the long distance thing so much better than the actual relationship. And I never completely let my guard down in the almost 5 years we were together. I think I was living in a fantasy land until reality hit me like a brick wall. Ugh… I had a point here! Lol. Brian was very touchy feely. Not just touchy feely but pawing at me. “Foreplay,” especially near the end, consisted of him groping at me till I gave in. When we were still in love, I didn’t really mind it. But… with Ryan… I don’t feel that way at all. Yeah, he is touchy feely too, but not in an invasive/clingy sort of way. And the freaky thing is that I love the attention. I crave it and can’t get enough of it. Just sitting next to him makes me so happy.
I guess when you have found that one special person, you won’t feel like you can’t breathe when they are touchy feely with you.
Okay… I think I explained that right. I hope hope hope that you take all this with a grain of salt. I didn’t mean to offend you or Austin. Gah!
Well… I have sort of a busy day tomorrow. I am putting this nb and your nb in my tote bag. I’m excited for Hobby Lobby and Starbucks!
Woot!
Love you!
<3,
me
1:09am
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