1:34pm
~hey chels~
Sorry about the last entry. I was distracted and didn't feel like writing anymore. About the Twilight stuff... I have surpassed all the info I've managed to copy already so I'm going to have to take the book out again and copy some more stuff out of it. I'm also going to start back at one so my hand doesn't fall off while writing in here.
So... I am now a member of Holy Trinity Luthern Church in Elgin. I am so happy that I finally belong to a church again. Although one day I would like to go back to my old church just to see how much it's changed. But I don't really want to see anyone, much less talk to them. :/.
OOh... I started typing up the book again -- I feel so accomplished. I'm gonna try and do 30 pages today. That way it won't take forever. Because I do about 10 pages and then I'm done and I can't sit on this book forever.
I have a question. Is it possible to like someone and just be friends with them? I'm not sure how that works. I mean, there are things I miss that I really wish I had right now (a snuggle partner, mostly) but if we are meant for each other we will find our way back. I am just so thankful for the break. No one has ever given it to me before they just all have expected me to be ready. Well fuck that. I hope I talk to him soon though. He is supposed to get back from camping sometime this weekend. I am proud of myself that I left him alone the whole time. :). I realize now that I really did need time to myself to heal and I can't do that with someone wanting my attention all the time. Although I never felt like he was pushing me, I did feel like it was a bit much and I don't need another relationship now. I just wish I could tell him that it wasn't just about sex with me, either. It may have started out that way (since I really wasn't interested in anything else) but even that wouldn't have happened if I didn't already know him. But when we were together I could just feel how much he cared about me and I could see where he would be freaking out because he knows how my last relationship ended. I would freak out too if I was afraid to hurt someone who was still so fragile. I just love so much that I could ask him what was wrong and have him tell me, and that has really been a blessing for me because I was worried about the same things. The only thing I do wish is that he could have said something to me instead of making me freak out for a whole week, that was not fun. But... at least he was honest and wasn't hiding a completely different secret.
As for me--I am doing better. I can't believe it has been 7 weeks--I feel like I've been dealing with this for so much longer than that. But... I'm accumulating a playlist to get me through this.
1)Katy Perry--part of me
2)Alanis Morissette--not as we
3)Kelly Clarkson--stronger
4)Christina Aguilera--fighter
These are my go to songs right now but I'm sure there will be more.
<3,
me
2:07pm
No comments:
Post a Comment