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Hello!
So, if it wasn’t for you, I’d have forgotten all about my one year anniversary of my D-I-V-O-R-C-E! I remember thinking how I could never get over David. I cried every night until I fell asleep. Once I finally got past the pain, I clung to hope. When hope was lost, and I gave up and decided I wanted the divorce, I was angry, and I stayed angry until earlier this year. I said for so long I would never get married again. I might not--that’s in God’s hands. But it’s not because I believe marriage is a joke anymore… though it does terrify me. I look at relationships in general though and thank my lucky stars I’m not in one. They just seem so complicated. Sometimes I feel like I just don’t feel like dealing with the bad part of relationships--yet I do it anyway (like with Ryan). I don’t know. I’m weird I guess. God--I’m tired all of a sudden but I wanna write more than a ½ of a page. Ok, so--more Ryan news. First, I’ll catch you up on that text. He answered at 6:40something AM and I finally woke up at 10:40something:
he says “what now Chels?”
I say: “you make it seem like it’s always something. forget it.”
So then he apologized and said he meant to say “What did I do now?” So I told him how I’d heard he told everyone we’d slept together and that one person he’d told, he also said he was thinking of them the whole time. Not going to lie… When I heard this, it hurt me. Not terribly, but it stung. He told me he never said that because he would never tell anyone our business. Do I believe him? Yes and no. On one hand, Alicia isn’t the nicest person ever and she’s self absorbed. (I forgot to tell you the source but you’ll understand soon). So I wonder if she just said it to be mean. I can’t see Ryan saying anything like that unless he’s drunk. And that might have been the case. I don’t know. I haven’t slept with Ryan. We fooled around, I spent the night a few times but no sex. Anyway I wasn’t gonna tell him who told me because I’m not mad and I don’t want to start a lot of problems. But he really has a hard time trusting people so he wanted to know who it was he couldn’t trust. So I told him Alicia told Jessica and Jessica told me. And then we dropped it. So… who freaking knows. Anyway, I gotta sleep. I will write again ASAP to tell you about today and Friday night.
<3,
Chels
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