3:48pm
"The transformation process:
The transformation process from human to vampire begins with a vampire bite. Once the venom coating the vampire's teeth enters the bloodstream of a human, it moves through the human's body, changing each cell as it passes. The spread of venom is swift, but the reconstruction of the cells takes time. This process is excrutiatingly painful, comparable to the feeling of being burned alive. The process lasts for roughly 2 to 3 days, depending on how much venom is present in the circulatory system and how close to the heart it entered. There is no way to circumvent the burning with painkillers; the most narcotics can do is immobilize the body.
One benefit to the human is that vampire venom is capable of repairing all kinds of damage to the body. A human who had sustained a crippling injury would be made whole again as a vampire. Venom does have its limits, though; it could not, for example, regrow a lost limb. The transformation is difficult from the vampire perspective as well. Even mature vampires have trouble resisting flowing human blood. The scent affects them as it does sharks; they can go into a feeding frenzy. For this reason, vampires tend to not hunt in packs. During the irrational frenzy, members of the coven are likely to turn on one another in competition for the blood. The taste of human blood makes it even harder for the vampire to resist. It is nearly impossible for a vampire to not drain the human; thus killing him or her once the vampire has tasted blood. Only vampires with a great deal of self control are able to remain focused enough to bite a human and then let him live long enough for the venom to effect the change."
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Alright... now for the real entry, lol. I always mean to write one Twilight segment to one entry but it never works out that way due to me being either tired or lazy.
So... welcome to my Sunday afternoon. Since Friday I've more or less become a recluse, not really wanting to do much or be out of my room if I don't have to be. Ever since last Friday, my world has been kind of nuts. And I've had people who could be there for me as much as they could be but it never quite feels like enough. If Barry and I were talking more I probably would have seen him sometime this weekend, but I feel like I need to use this time for myself and just focus on me.
Actually, Friday (the 13th) was fun. I went to see my friend Evelyn and then came home and studied for a while and then went to this Paranormal Movie Night thing and ended up having a great time. I felt like mentioning Monique but I didn't. I just felt like it would be crass, considering we're not friends anymore.
Anyway, I ended up walking there and back and it was cold and snowing out, but I didn't have a bad time (walking). I had my Ipod with me and sang songs all the way there and back. And actually.. I'm glad this weekend will be mellow because next weekend is going to be very busy. I have a book club meeting Thursday night, a meditation on Friday night, and a workshop on Saturday afternoon plus a b'day party later in the day. So... yay! I dunno what this week will bring but I know already that it will be so much
better than last week. Wow... you know what I just realized? Joe died 6 years ago on a Sunday and this year the 22nd is a Sunday. Also, I got my rabbit, Mystic Moon on Friday which was the 13th. January always comes with crazy memories. New Years, my miscarriage, getting the rabbit, Barry, Joe dying... all different years of course but... oh and I forgot -- Brad Renfro and Heath Ledger died this month also. Omg -- on the 2 year anniversary that Joe died! Wow, I feel like I should make a timeline or something.
January
-------
~~2003, spend New Years at Mike's sister's apartment
~~7th, 2003, experience a miscarriage, the 1st and only time I've been pregnant
~~13th, 2006, get Mystic Moon, the sweetest bunny anyone could ever ask for
~~22nd, 2006, Joseph Arthur dies around 6am. I miss work that day and get the call from Earnest an hour after I've called in.
~~1st, 2008--have the worst new years of my life.
~~15th, 2008--Actor Brad Renfro dies of a heroin overdose
~~22nd, 2008--Actor Heath Ledger dies of a prescription overdose
~~sometimes between then and the 24th, 2008-- you broke your foot. And then Lynne moved in. I remember it was the 25th that we did that ritual and then went to dinner with David and Lynne. The 25th was a Friday.
Let's see... anything else crazy happen in this month?
~~1st, 2011--shared my first kiss of the year and ever with Barry.
~~16th, 2011--we had relations for the first time. I remember because it had been exactly 2 months since the last time I had sex (with stupid Ryan, ew)
~~27th-30th, 2011--Barry moves out of his grandparents' basement and into where he is now.
~~28th, 2011--he goes on probation and the stupid thing is he got caught with shrooms but the drug he can't test positive for is pot. Ummm.... right. Lol.
I think that is it for now, but yeah.
SO... I want to try a few Tarot Card spreads but first I need to get something to eat because all I've had to eat today are crackers and I need something way more substantial than that. So I will be back and do some tarot card spreads. Ooh yay this should be fun!
<3,
me
5:00pm
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Tarot card reading #1--two layouts, just in case
1) actual situation
2) past, or how it began
3) future, or what will be new for you
4) root or foundation
5) chance or tendency
1) self-esteem/guardian angel Michael:
You may feel like the "odd man out" right now, as others may not fully appreciate or support your ideas and perspectives. In fact, you might be feeling discounted altogether. Fortunately, the Guardian Angel Michael is present to help you remain grounded and centered, even in such times of being challenged or misunderstood. He cousels you to remain true to yourself and steadfast in your convictions, even if they aren't shared by those around you.
Yes, it can be scary to go against the crowd and stand up for what you believe in, especially when it's unpopular or possibly ahead of its time. But Michael stands by you and reminds you that this is a part of becoming a spiritually mature soul--he helps you ignore popular opinion and stay true to your heart.
Don't seek approval, or doubt yourself when you don't recieve it. Instead, Michael encourages you to stand in your full spiritual adulthood and claim your self-esteem by trusting what YOU feel and believe in. Do not abandon yourself to win approval in the moment. And don't be afraid to take a stand--after all, this is how you'll become the true leader of your own life.
2)community/spiritual ancestors:
Your spiritual ancestors are gathering around you at this time, holding you in their light and connecting you with your spiritual family here on Earth. Your soul is now seeking the kind of love and support that comes from being part of the right community--"your people," so to speak. Not wanting you to feel isolated in any way, your ancestors hear your soul call and are presently guiding you toward kindred spirits.
Understand and realize that you can't achieve your goals alone; be open to support. You need the soul-energizing support of your tribe. Give up any notions you have of going it alone in life, and develop the insight and wisdom to recognize your limitations. After all, even Christ picked 12 associates to help him accomplish his mission on Earth.
Follow your ancestors' directions; it is they who encourage you to join a club, enroll in a course, or sign up for the neighborhood basketball team. You never know whom you'll meet. Your ancestors' message: "open your heart and feel our presence in your life, and be open to your spiritual family on Earth."
3) truth/higher self:
Your higher self is present, activating your powers of reason and intellect. It asks you to develop clearly and objectively when looking at your life, rather than interpreting events through the murky and distorted waters of emotion. Strive to see the reality of what happened in the past so you can acquire a more accurate understanding of what's going on. You may notice things that make you uncomfortable or challenge your ethics. Ask your higher self to give you the courage to stand up for your truth and address difficult situations at their core, rather than distance yourself or pretend you don't see the real problems because they make you uncomfortable. Like the child in the fairy tale, "The Emperor's New Clothes," your higher self is motivating you to not only see life more deeply, but to also share your perceptions with those around you.
This is the time, for example, to address your unbalanced budget and look for ways to cut corners. It's also the time to acknowledge your ever-expanding waistline and seek out what's really eating at you. This is when you need to step away from your emotions and dispassionately study the problems at hand so that you can come to a solution without blame and projection. Ask yourself what the problem is, not who the problem is. Only then can you begin to find real solutions with productive outcomes. Your higher self is sharpening your perception and clarifying your view so that you can make important and necessary changes at this time. As Carl Jung once said, "When the diagnosis is correct, the healing begins." And your higher self's message is: "Look for the truth behind appearances."
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I'm not done but that's all I'm doing for now.
Oops--just sort of stopped writing and forgot to start back up again. I just wanted to write a quick prayer before closing up shop.
Dear God,
Tonight I want to pray for my friend, Chelsea. She is going through something very rough with someone she cares for deeply. I am praying that she has the strength to give her worry over to you so that she doesn't have to go crazy over not talking to someone. I pray she finds the trust in you that everything will work itself out and that she will find peace in her heart. I am also going to pray that she will find the strength to stand up for what the real problem is, instead of hiding behind emotions and projections. Even I can't begin to understand what the real problem is, but it's bigger than me. It's bigger than Chelsea and Ryan and all of these bad problems aren't going to help.
Also, I want to pray for my two men: my dad and Mr B. I want them both to have a healthy week -- that means NO hospital trips for my dad unless it's the pain clinic. And as for B, just please keep him safe this week. I know there is a lot going on with work and his health but if he pushes himself too hard he could get in serious trouble. I pray that he gets the rest he needs this week, and that things with his work either stay the same or get better. If any of his clients are going to be trouble they can go elsewhere. Only positivity from now on. Also, please be with Bev's baby, Riley, as he is still not feeling well.
I am also going to pray for Monique. She is obviously going through something. I hope she starts to feel better soon.
In Jesus name,
amen.
Well, that is all from me for now. I love you and I hope you start to feel better soon as well. Oh and just because you are "letting go" of a situation doesn't mean you're "letting go" of a person. You can still care for them even if you choose not to be a part of their lives, the part that makes you feel like this. I know that in a couple of days he's going to worm his way back into your heart and you're going to warmly accept whatever crappy excuse he gives you and deny that he made you feel this way. And when you do that, I'm not going to worry about it. Why? Because I'm letting God take care of all the worry for me. You're gonna keep running back to him and he's going to keep treating you like this. Why? Because you let him. You have basically given him all of the power, you have reduced your wants and need to mold him but he never gives you anything that you can really rely on. But... he is who he is and I guess time will tell to see if he really wants to change.
Ugh I almost hate that I wrote all of this. It makes me feel like crap for actually showing emotion regarding the whole thing. Whenever I have an opinion it always gets shut down so I have been trying to just accept it and then something like this happens. I can't win.
~Rita
1:30am
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