3:05pm
Hey Chels,
Woot woot! Today is Breaking Dawn pt 1 on dvd day! When I get my next paycheck I'm gonna get that for you with your Valentine's Day card. :). Ugh... I didn't get to finish what I wanted to on Massageprep.com... again. But oh well. I'll just get it again. Ugh.
So... I am still feeling really exhausted but last night I fell asleep and didn't wake up till this morning. So, that's progress. I had a long talk with George yesterday and he said that he couldn't believe that I even wanted to hang out with Barry much less anything else because he had hygiene problems but I said that he always cleaned up for me. Sometimes if I had gone over there and he hadn't showered yet, he would only give me a quick kiss until he took one and then we'd snuggle. So in the beginning when Korey had told me about the dirtiness, I didn't believe it because he was always clean. Pretty much everyone I have spoken to so far (George, Korey, Chris's sister Stephanie, and Sarah) all noticed a change in him as early as July. I remember seeing something on his arm back then but I put it out of my head because I didn't know what it was. But sometime in between July and August he had started nodding out during sex and as early as August we had already stopped spending 2-3 nights together. By September things had gotten strange, not just with me but with everyone, and he even started looking like hell. I knew something was off -- hell I have a whole journal filled with everything that was going on -- I just never would have guessed it was something THIS huge.
On Thursday when I was helping Korey clean I found this business card on it, followed by 2 other women's phone numbers. Which is fucking WEIRD considering he had put my number in his phone and I had it changed like 3 hours later. So what would he need to write it down again for, on a business card no less? And that was right before Korey told me that back in December he hired a prostitute to give him a blowjob. I remember checking his location on google lattitude and thought some of the places were weird or off but I never questioned him about it cuz I thought that in some cases that's just where the signal picked up. But all that is merely speculation right now. I didn't have as big of a problem with the hooker thing as I did finding poop on the floor near the bathroom and the cooking spoon wrapped up in tissue paper next to the toilet. When I saw that, I almost fainted. And I also found the used needles, so I guess he was keeping those separate from the clean ones. I just put all the needles I found into one container and I was going to properly expose of them but I haven't had a chance to yet.
George also told me that Barry said he wishes there was a way he could talk to me without me having to go up there and I said I wrote him a letter and put a self-addressed envelope w/ a stamp inside of it so he can write me if he wants. He could call me but I would hang up the phone, I know that already. and I could give two shits if he gets out or not. His apartment is gone. The landlord already changed the locked (because apparently Korey told her he didn't have a job and he was getting kicked out of his other place but was thinking of making the guy evict him) so I dunno where he's going to go. George said that he won't be giving Barry any work because he can't trust him and he doesn't want to give Korey work either because he would probably still be friends with Barry so he can't trust either one of them. I'm just shocked that Korey knew a lot of things and never told me. He probably figured that I'd get mad or something. But I think this was pretty much the only way I would believe something like this--if it hit me in the face.
I'm not sure if Sarah is still planning on going to visit Barry tomorrow, but I told her about everything and that I was sorry to bail out on her but I didn't want to go anymore, I just can't handle it right now. I asked her what she was planning on saying and she said she had no idea. Just mainly about how badly he fucked up and ask him why.
Frankly I wouldn't believe anything that comes out of his mouth right now and if I was her I wouldn't want anything to set me back. I'm holding up okay but she already has a bunch of issues with anxiety and stuff so I know that has got to be extremely difficult for her. If she ever sees or talks to him again it should be when she's given herself enough time to process all this shit. I understand her wanting to hear his side, but after all his lies, how can she really be sure that what he's saying now is true, just because he's in jail? He's not sorry about anything right now, just that he got caught. I have no idea what enticed him to try it, especially when we had conversations about him researching whatever he put into his body and he did heroin and long time ago but it didn't do anything for him. Ack! I still can't remember if it was that or meth! That's gonna bother me for a while but I'm gonna talk to Sarah about it and see if she can help.
I've just been going back and reading stuff and Barry was just constantly sick nearly everytime that we talked, especially in November and December.
Wow--I've been writing for nearly 2 hours now and I have to get myself ready to go to my cousin's house. Then tomorrow I might be going to Sarah's but I'm not sure yet. At any rate, I'm gonna bring this nb so if I need to write, I can.
<3,
me
4:34pm
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