12:48pm
Hey Chels,
Before I forget--there have been lots of babies being born right now and lots of my friends are pregnant. So... I'm making a list of just born babies and babies that are due soon :). ~~~~> (Next page):
{baby stuff}
I couldn't find all the info on the all the babies but that is a comprehensive list of everyone I know who either just gave birth or is pregnant as of this year/late last year.
Anywho... today is so beautiful. The past few weeks have been sunny yet on the cold side, but not today. I might go for a walk just to be out. Then church, then I'm going to see a movie with Geoff (American Reunion).
SO... not only is my ex a liar, he's an evil snake, too. I just can't believe he would include me in his lies, although that IS addict behavior. I kept feeling like there was something he was trying to tell me, but I think I would have remembered him telling me something like this. Especially since I asked a few times what those marks on his arms were and he told me different things each time. Of course, he doesn't know that Sarah and I talk now and have become friends and hang out. I guess he didn't have much luck with me because I called him out on his shit so he's bugging her. I know she believes me because she even said I wouldn't be as torn up as I was and she saw the pain in my eyes. She knows I had no idea. Why would he even admit to one thing if he's still gonna lie about everything else?
It is true that Korey did warn me about him. But he never mentioned anything about a history with heroin. If he had, maybe I would have decided differently. I know that both of them have tried heroin at different points in their lives, but still.... if Korey was so concerned about Barry he could have said something. I think it's funny that he was so willing to overlook his illness but so quick to judge me. Why should I listen to anything he has to tell me now since I've seen for myself what he's willing to share. He was (and still is) too willing to rely on someone else for his own success than just take care of himself. He will be 30 this year and he has a child to take care of now. He needs to step up and take care of his own shit. Me, I'm different. I didn't need Barry for anything besides emotional support and that shit went out the window so I would be willing to be on my own rather than waste time and energy on someone who obviously doesn't give a shit about me. Even if I would have given him another chance, there's no guarantee he wouldn't have said the same thing about me. Of course I didn't know!
It took everything in me not to drive over to his mom's house and bitch him out. I wouldn't be surprised if that's what he wanted me to do. I did manage to hang out with my buddy Mark yesterday though. We had lunch and then bowling. And tonight I'm going to see a movie with Geoff. :D.
Eek I just checked and he has his phone on him cuz the google latitude says he's in Streamwood. I sure do hope he's just out for the weekend and will be going back on Monday and also that he's on house arrest so he can't go anywhere. I don't think he'd show up here, but the fact that he has his phone is making me a little uncomfortable. I forgot to block his number when I deleted it. I also just really hope he just leaves me alone. It's weird seeing where he is now after he's been gone for so long. But I didn't get rid of this for a reason even though I did block him from everything else--to see where he is. But i'm hiding from him so he can't see me. I do have some of his stuff though.
So... something sort of strange happened yesterday. I told Larry about what happened and I could tell something was wrong. I had this thought later that (I'm not saying this is what it is, just what I think it could be) maybe Larry is afraid that I'm going to go back to him after he's out for good. I mean, sometimes people have things happen to them but then they have a change of heart and decide to go back. I get that but I would be happiest if Barry just decided to cut me out of his vocabulary. I think maybe Larry could be worried about the same thing I was worried about when I first got together with Barry--that he's my rebound. That's another reason why I don't mind going slow--because I don't want that to happen either.
Well my dear, it's almost 3pm. I want to go for a walk before church.
<3,
me
2:55pm
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