December 21st, 2011

December 21st, 2011
12:20am

Hey sweets,
I'm trying to limit myself to one entry per day so I can keep up on my Twilight stuff.  So far I owe you 2 segments.  So before I can write my next entry, I need to write the Twilight stuff first.
So... today I felt like I got ran over by a bus, but in the best possible way :).  Sunday was rough but good.  I woke up early so I could get to Barry's by 12pm and we could leave, but at like 11:57am he texted asking if I could come by at 2pm instead because he was running behind.  As soon as I got there, Chris started bitching about Barry.  I diffused it and kept my mouth shut, but it still pissed me off.  Barry's apartment is crazy right now because in addition to his stuff there is now Chris's stuff and there is absofuckinglutely NO place to put anything.  Chris said that Barry would "blame him" for the mess and I thought about saying he shouldn't bite the hand that feeds him, but I held my tongue.  I just said that it takes me a really long time to clean, too.  It took me a year to go through the boxes I brought home with me and I still have stuff in my trunk from the move.  Plus he always has a million things to get done and I'm so sure Chris is the most helpful person around. Chris isn't such a bad guy and I don't HATE him or whatever, but he has a fucked world perspective.  I think he is still on "good behavior" when I'm around and I really feel like that is the way it should be.  I have dated too many addicts to completely trust one again.  But the good news is that I don't have to because he's not my cousin.
Anyhow, we ended up leaving around 3:30pm and by the time we got there, Chris's sister was still making dinner.  There wasn't any music and no real table for us all to sit at, but the company was okay.  Chris's mom gave me a hug at the end of the evening and said she hoped Barry would bring me around again and I said, "we'll see," lol.  On the way home he asked me if I wanted to come over again later and I said, "okay."  He still had some work to do but he said he'd text me around 10pm.  I ended up getting there around 10:30pm.
He was melting this broken glass that had fallen through the planks on the second floor.  It was pretty cool, I have some of it on video.  Then he said he needed to write an email and it took forEVER.  He was finally finished with it at like 3am.  He said it was taking forever because he kept getting distracted by me waiting for him (it was cute the way he said it).  I said it was cool and I had a book with me so I wasn't completely bored.  After a while though I did get tired so I laid down.  Finally at 3am he laid down with me.
We had sex for at least an hour and a half.  We were both deliriously exhausted and it kept going from crazy passionate to almost no moving at all, but we managed to keep going.  i was really surprised that he lasted that long because it had been a looooong time since he had lasted more than 30 minutes.  I was still naked and barely conscious (but had the good sense to cover myself up in a blanket) when Chris came home around 5am.  It was so weird--the timing was exactly perfect.  But I do miss the days when we used to snuggle after sex or do it again.  Ever since Chris came to live there it's been like we have to hurry up and get finished so he can come back.  But I'm just happy I get any time at all with him.
I ended up slipping in and out of consciousness, sleeping but not really being able to, and my body feels so weird.  now it feels like I got ran over by a bus, even my arm hurts.  My left ovary hurts, my abs hurt, my inner thighs hurt.  I feel like an old lady.  And I do yoga regularly!  But... it was so worth it.  He may be sick and still have a list of medical problems a mile long but he is still an amazing lover.
Sorry, I know this is all just a bit TMI but there's really no way around it, lol.

Speaking of which... I think Barry has Parkinson's disease.  i haven't asked him but he's mentioned something a few times now.  The truth is, I am not ready to deal with it yet.  I could deal with the polymyositis because because he had it under control, but I have no idea what the prognosis will be for this Parkinson's.  He has so many health issues and it really scares me.  He is the best guy I've ever had, Chels.  He is everything that I've been looking for, everything that I want and need in a partner and he just has a laundry list of things wrong with him.  A part of me wants to run screaming and try to find someone else and I probably could.  But I don't want someone else.  I want him for as long as I can.  But the good news is that he's not going anywhere, at least not right now.  And in another year he will finally be off probation so he can smoke regularly and hopefully get off some of those scary meds that only seem to be making things worse and not better.

<3,
me

1:11am