4:00pm
Hey Chels!
Woot woot! Last nb entry of the year. Wow... kind of a big moment. Last nb entry of 2011 and I have so much to say but not really enough energy to write it all out. But we'll see how far I get. So... it's the one year anniversary of Barry's and my first kiss :). I'm not sure of the day we decided to be official, maybe sometime in March? But I like that this anniverary is what started all of it so it's just as special (plus easier to remember for him). I am kind of nervous about sharing tonight with Sarah but hopefully it won't be the whole night. Chris is going to a party in Chicago so hopefully Barry and I will get to be by ourselves until sometime tomorrow. I get the feeling like something is wrong with him but maybe he will tell me later.
I have had one crazy year this year. I'm not sure what specific moments were the best but I just had so much to do and so much new stuff to look forward to. Ugh that crazy video is still in my head! I stopped watching it right away, but still.
Well, I want to write more when this weekend is over so I can fill you in on everything.
<3,
me
4:28pm
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6:12pm
Hey Chels,
Okay so apparently now Sarah has changed the time to 9pm so I have 2 extra hours to kill and I just got finished getting ready. It's a little annoying to me because I didn't really want to go anyway, but whatever. Just... is annoying.
So... I'm listening to this podcast starring Earnest and Lauren. ugh...she just has this thing about her voice that makes me want to kick her in the face.
Okay so I'm just going to say this. I am pretty sure that even if I was down there and got to see you and Ryan together I would still feel the same way that I do about him. As long as he keeps treating you the same way he is now... I dunno, Chels. But I'm not gonna waste any more time on it. I'm not gonna tell you that you deserve better, not just on a romance level but on the most basic level and that if he really cared about you and wanted to be with you he would not treat you like this. If he really cared about you he would want to better his life so he could be the best man possible for you and himself that he could be. But instead he keeps you hanging onto a promise that he doesn't really believe in. But you won't let go because you're not ready to. So... I will continue to be here for you but no matter what, as long as he's still in your life the way he is now, I have no opinion. Because no matter what I say you always shut me down. So if you've been noticing that I'm not saying as much about it, that's why. I love you and I'm sick and tired of him hurting you. Like he's doing right now by pushing you to be with someone else tonight even after the way he acted last night. But you'll still give him another chance because... well... I have no idea. But I know you and you will do what you're gonna do.
Ugh... I am still affected by this horrible video Mark put out. I can't fucking believe they would make this video of making each other vomit (him and his wife). How am I not supposed to judge him after seeing that shit? How is that funny? I just did myself a solid and unfriended him. Hurt like hell to do but it's too much for me and I cant take it anymore.
Oh so... I'm gonna go totally off course here and write about my week because I have an hour and 45 minutes left before I have to go and I want to write as much as I possibly can before I can't anymore. So... from Wednesday night (the night I went to Barry's work with him) till Tuesday of the following week I was still pretty upset about things. I kept trying to put things in perspective and tell myself that it was over a month ago and things are a lot better now and it seemed to work. Monday I hung out with Emily and left my phone in the car so I wouldn't be distracted by it. Tuesday I went to Naperville to have pizza with my cousins and Barry asked me if I could pick him up the next morning at like 8:30am. I said okay and then I said, "Ugh, 8:30. You're lucky I love you," and he said, "I'd be lucky for that, ride or no ride. And I love you too." Awww!
So,the next morning I went to pick him up but he wasn't ready yet so I got some gas and listened to Breaking Dawn for a while. I decided that at 8:45am I was just gonna go in because I was really cold. But he was still in the shower. I felt weird about just walking right in so I saw outside and literally a minute later Chris walks out of the apartment next door and opens the door (it wasn't even locked). So Chris is telling me he's having problems with his hand (it keeps swelling up) and blah blah blah until Barry comes out of the bathroom. He gets all dressed up and ready and then we are out the door.
We end up getting to the place like 2 hours after he said we would be there and what would have taken 15 minutes ended up taking the whole day. We finally leave at like 6pm (I wanted to stay. He would have been fine with another ride home but I figured I hadn't left yet, I may as well stay till the end).
He mentioned that we should get some sushi because I was talking about it earlier, so Thursday he asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner later. I had gone to Alex's house that morning to drop cookies off but I couldn't stay because I had to take care of the turtle tank and if I had stayed longer I wouldn't have the energy (I think I need to start taking B-12 vitamins). So I get home and clean the tank and as I was almost finished I got the text from him asking.
So we went out and it was so nice. We ordered so much food it was ridiculous but sooo good. As we were driving home he was talking about the conversation he had with his mom because she was complaining of marital problems (apparently her husband put a ring on her finger after the first day they met). he was like, "that's what happens when you don't ever date." And then he started talking about our relationship and how we've been dating for almost a year now and we're happy because we're just taking things slow and enjoying each other's company. I love our relationship because he is the only guy who has ever understood that. I'm cool with whatever, maybe one day in the future things will change but I wouldn't change anything right now. We are happy and in love but not ready for anything else. After 2 months Ryan kept hounding me about when I was gonna move back down to Florida. Brian had already moved in after 8 months, and Mike asked me to marry him after 2 weeks. So, I think right now I'm fine.
I want to write more but my hand is seriously hurting.
<3,
me
7:20pm
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