11:57am
Hey Chels,
I'm a little pissed that you won't talk to me right now, especially with what I'm going through, but whatever. Honestly, I don't understand why it's so hard for you to understand that if Ryan is going to use in front of you, he could really care less about his own safety, much less yours. Or give a shit about you at all if he's buying drugs with your money, money that could have gone to something else. It's not even like you have that much. At least in my case I had no idea what Barry was using and the second I found that out I made the decision to cut him out of my life (it's a little easier now because he's in jail). But I am shocked that you would put yourself in that position. If he gets arrested and you are with him, it doesn't matter what you say to the police--your ass is getting in trouble, too. Or what if he OD's on your watch and you were there watching him put stuff in his body and didn't do anything to stop him. What would you tell him family that you claim to love so much? If you really loved him you wouldn't enable this behavior and if he loved you he wouldn't want you anywhere near this life. And no, I'm not saying this stuff to you because of what I'm going through. I'm saying it because I DO care love you and unlike him, I give a shit about your well-being. I just hope it doesn't take something like jail or OD'ing to get you to care about your own well-being, also.
Okay--now that THAT'S out of the way... I can't be friends with Korey anymore. He basically said that he needed Barry so he'd feed his heroin addiction if he had to when he got out of jail and he doesn't believe that it really was heroin and that Barry knew what he was doing, etc. He just "doesn't get" why Barry would do the things he did and I think he's looking for something a little more complicated than HE IS AN ADDICT! Jeez. And then he started laying into me about how I went out with Barry out of spite, because Korey told me to stay away because Barry was HIS friend, not mine. Please. If I was that calculating I would have just slept with Barry the second Korey told me not to and wouldn't have spoken to either one of them again. But no. I blocked Korey from my facebook and then he started calling over and over but I turned my phone off for a while. Fuck both of them--they can have each other. And Korey wonders why George won't hire him. If Korey really gave a shit about his daughter, he would be looking for a job anywhere and everywhere. He would be a barista at Starbucks or a garbage man or something. But no. He's willing to hold his breath until Barry gets out of jail so they can continue what they were gonna do--steal all of George's biggest clients. I am so done with both of them.
On another note, I think I might have found my next boyfriend, when I'm ready for one. I dunno... it's just nice to have someone that tells me nice things and actually has a real conversation with me and who I've known forever and is the same person he always was. I don't really want to say much about it because my last bf was all those things in the beginning, too. Even though I know that one is not the other, I'm just going to have to see for myself.
~~laying down again~~
<3,
me
12:31pm
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