8/12/12
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I’d have written more last night but the stupid pen stopped working and I didn’t want to answer a bunch of questions by asking for another one which would invariably have been the case. I was at Brian’s house. I don’t even know what that thought was supposed to be last night. Oh well. So it was Adam’s birthday yesterday. I can’t believe he will have been gone 2 years already in October. It seems forever ago, yet it also seems like just yesterday I was laughing and talking with him. It’s funny how I’m lucky to be able not to think of the very last time I saw him and have that be my memory. The very last time I saw him was in JFK hospice. He looked like he’d been stretched out and he was on morphine so he was so out of it. He remembered Amazing Grace we my favorite song… but no. When I think of Adam, I don’t think of that day first. I think of how excited he was that I invited him to my birthday party (the year I turned 26) and all the great conversations we had on the way to karaoke when he would pick me up, and I think of being ready to jump in his car and go see (an impromptu) a movie with him in less than 10 minutes. I remember how in love with his best friend Danielle he was, and how he always smiled no matter what. he told me I couldn’t keep my wall up forever just because of David. He was right of course and I’m sure he’s happy watching me in heaven, knowing I let Brian into my life. I miss Adam so damn much. I also miss Tyron a lot, too. He’s been gone for 5 years now. That seems forever ago--way more than 5 years anyway. But that’s because I was still with David and that feels like a whole different life ago, lol. But no need to go into all that. We both know why and I do not need to waste anymore precious nb space on that subject, lol. Anyway, there’s a few things that I want to talk about. Thank God, cause I’m already behind what I wanted to be. *sigh*. First things first. A comment from your LJ I wanted to respond to, and very respectfully. I don’t want it to cause an argument, just was thinking. Yes, the bible was written a long time ago--however, that doesn’t make everything or really anything null and void. The New Testament was written because it changed a lot (not all) of the old laws--as far as what Jews could eat and how. There was no need to not eat what was “unclean” anymore because Jesus died on the cross and purified us all so those rules no longer applied. Those who chose to believe that were called “Christian’s.” The new testament still stands in effect today as well as some parts of the old testament. (10 commandments):
1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me
2. Those shalt not have graven images or likenesses
3. Thou shalt not take the Lord’s name in vein
4. Remember the sabbath day, keep it holy
5. Honor thy father and thy mother
6. Thou shalt not kill
7. thou shalt not commit adultery
8. thou shalt not steal
9. thou shalt not bare false witness
10. thou shalt not covet.
Love thy neighbor as thyself is not a commandment. However, it’s definitely a “Golden rule” and an important one to remember. It’s from Matthew 22:39. The whole verse is: Ah wait. You ARE right. I just read all of Matthew 22 and Matthew 22:37 says: “Jesus said unto him, ‘thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul and with all thy mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. (22:39) And the second is like unto it, “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” I’m glad I read that, but I do wonder why then it’s not in the 10 commandments. It could be the 2nd one because in my opinion, it’s like Matthew 22:37 and the 2nd of the 10 commandments go hand in hand with the 1st commandment, and Matthew 22:39 could be the actual 2nd commandment. I’m just saying… Anyway, my point is this: The bible may have been written a long time ago but some things are still considered a sin--such as homosexuality. Romans 1:26-27
“For this cause, God gave them up unto vile affections; for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: and likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman burned in their lust toward one another, men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving themselves that recompence of their error which is meet.” That completely and totally condemns homosexuality. Now, in my opinion, I know a God who is forgiving and one who sees past a person’s sexual preference and though condemns their choice, does not condemn to hell. I believe that once you truly accept Jesus as your savior, your salvation cannot be removed from you. We went over that in bible study. So if we have a gay friend who believes in Jesus as their Lord and Savior then they’re golden and that’s all people should worry about. Leave the judgment and condemnation to god because we all have sins to answer to. I know my book is full of them lol. By the way, the bible does not say having more than one wife or concubine is okay, lol. It’s just that some cultures believe in that. So you may read in the bible (which I plan on finding) about concubines or multiple wives but that’s more or less describing the time and place we’re dealing with (and remember, the bible is not just over one era of time. It’s going over thousands of years and thousands of different cultures. The bible is not only a rule book, it’s a history book, a book of true stories, and a reference as well! I mean Jesus loved EVERYONE and changed lives because he didn’t judge, he explained with LOVE what was what and why. He was a teacher! I hope I haven’t offended you. I’m not trying to be all in your face about it. I learned things too. I feel like I have more to learn, but I’m glad I got to reflect on things this way. Lol. God. I smell steak or something and I want it. It’s yummy. But there used to be this place called Hops and they had these buns that had like honey butter on them and they were so fucking good. I’m so mad that they went out of business. I could probably make it though. So, today i woke up pretty depressed. I just hate not making money and needing all the shit I need plus having responsibilities. I know it’s like that for everyone. But it’s so discouraging. I went to college twice to make $7.67 an hour busting my ass? Ugh. Lame. Poor Brian said he’d take me to get things I need on his dime Wednesday so I need to decide if I want him to do that. I absolutely need:
shampoo
razors
bras
shoes
(2 weeks)
I can wait for:
purse
wallet
panties
makeup
new dress
*sigh* All my other shopping will have to wait until I’m home from LA. But there’s a lot of things happening then. Brody will be in school, I’ll need to really get a DL, and renew my esthetician license, we wanna take Broddog (Brody, lol) to Universal, look for a place to live, find me a new job, Halloween, your b’day, my b’day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. The rest of this year is going to fly. Plus I have all your NBS to work on. (if I ever finish this one. I may be working on two all at once!) I hope Brian can get Brody into this school. It’s like a mile from where they live now, and it’s called Plumosa School of the Arts. I think it will be better for him than Forest Park elementary and Brody seems very excited about the visual arts program. So I hope he gets in. *fingers crossed.* He’s a good kid but so grown up for his age. I’ll elaborate more later. Time to party. *sigh.*
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