1-26-2012

1-26-12
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Happy Thursday.  I’m just waiting on Daniel to bring Randy over.  I’m sorry I’m slacking on nbs again.  I wanted this to be done by Valentine’s Day but I guess I’m SOL.  My apologies.  :(.  Well, I was gonna write in order of events (if remembering was even an option) but I think if I just write whatever--since I’m crying--it will be fine. I hate when I cry.  I very rarely do it for that reason.  It takes a lot for me to cry--and so if I do--then I’m really at a breaking point.  Which upsets me even more because I’m trying so hard to be positive despite rough shit.  I guess that was an epic fail.  I get why everyone wants me to get over Ryan.  I don’t disagree--but ugh.  He fucks up because he has a ridiculous drug habit and until he’s willing to get help he’s just going to keep hurting himself and everyone else.  I know he loves me with all his heart.  I know he can’t do a relationship because of where he’s at.  I’m glad I made the decision I did--to a certain extent.  I’d like to move on.  But it still fucking hurts.  It hurts because I know what’s there and drugs just ruin everything.  I’m glad he’s my best friend though still.  I genuinely like Dana but I’m so sick and tired of being led on.  I don’t know if he just wants to get laid or if he’s feeling weird about Ryan or what.  Don’t tell someone you’re interested if you aren’t.  I know, I know--it’s cause he’s just another guy from a bar and haven’t I learned my lesson yet?  Yea!  I have but I always go to bars for karaoke which is where I meet people.  Plus I’ve decided it doesn’t matter where I meet anyone--they just are who they are.  I could meet a guy at the grocery store and he still might be a bar leech, a drunk, a druggie, or married.  I’m just saying MEN ARE PIGS no matter what.

<3,
me