9:23pm
Hey Chels Bells!
Phew! What a day. I cannot wait until this month is over. I am just done with it. I really want to know what the fuck is going on with Barry tomorrow but honestly I'm okay with hanging out with Monique on Monday. So, I dunno what is going on. And I really hate that but right now I could care less. I am really fucking tired but it's too early to sleep so I wanted to write. So, this week was HELL. Monday I took my mom to the hospital. It was so stupid because no one would operate. Her doctor said he talked to one of the surgeons at Sherman Hospital who would do it. But then he never appeared, apparently he had a full schedule. I felt like slapping the one nurse. She's like, "the surgeon usually has a full schedule on Mondays." Like excuse me, I'll plan my injuries in advance so I can schedule a time for someone to see me. Then 2 different doctors came in but wouldn't work on her. So when one of the doctors gave her a choice between getting it done now or wait for the OR, I said to get her taken care of now. Because she was getting worse. We finally got home around 5:30--6pm.
Then Tuesday I had to drive everywhere. Wednesday I took my mom to get her wound repacked and then spent an hour cleaning up the turtle tank. Thursday was my birthday! It took me forever to clean because I was exhausted and my hip hurt. I couldn't clean everything but I did my best. Kendra and Niko came over at 7 and Monique was late. She had tremors and pain but she came anyway. She had to run into the house to get something and when she came back the fairy candle and cherry wine we bought in Door County were just sitting there on the passenger seat. We left in such a hurry I didn't know where that candle was. I called hotel and the lady said they didn't find it. I was going to get another one but never did. And when I got the candle back, it was still in tact. No broken parts, still in the bubble wrap, even in the purple bag! I think I was meant to hold onto it or something, I'm not sure. I bought it for Beverly. But maybe I can find her something awesome to replace it.
My birthday was awesome. I can't believe I'm 29 years old. I can't believe how fast this year has gone. And I can't believe how much I have been through this year. I think that every year I just get more and more sure of who I am and what I want. I am finally really happy and also happy to be home so I can be around my family. Florida was nice but it wasn't home. You were the closest thing I had to family down there. I liked being at your place even with all the crazy shit going on because it wasn't my apartment that I hated. I hated being there, it was so depressing always being stressed. But I shouldn't have worried so much about it. Just should have been like, "oh well, I can't pay this bill yet. Too damn bad for everyone else."
They can all say what they want to about me (Brian, Nick, Nathan, Ryan, Earnest, and cuntface), but were we ever without water? Electric? Cable? No. Sometimes we went hungry, but not for long. I kept that apartment going. I paid bills with money I didn't have and sometimes had to ask my mom for money even though it killed me. You think anyone else gave a fuck about who was gonna pay the bills that the previous roommates didn't pay? Fuck no. Brian wouldn't make anyone pay what someone else didn't. who had to worry about all of this? Me. Ryan still owes me $2,000. Nathan lived off me free for 8 months. Cuntface and Dipshit owe me $472 for their half of whatever. But have I asked any of these people for a dime? NO. And they have the balls some 4-5 years later, to STILL badmouth me.
Anyhow, my point is that you were the best part of being in Florida, even when you were afraid to go outside. I felt bad for pushing you sometimes. Hell, I think I even pushed you into the notebook! Lol. But, ugh I had a point here somewhere.
Oh yeah! I am MUCH happier now. Even though I'm still not living on my own, I can tell my heart has healed so much. And so has yours. Although, most of the healing you've had to do yourself because your family is not so supportive. I don't get that. You are a beautiful girl. You are creative, passionate, and you have a huge heart. You have always been told you were "too sensitive" by jerks who cared more about their own personal agenda than how you'd feel. I have been told I am "too sensitive" too by abusive assholes who think that they can just say whatever the hell they want and get away with it. I'm sorry that your family doesn't support you. To me that is just ridiculous. But I do have to say that despite that, you still know how to love and care for people.
I can understand from your dad's perspective how it might be stressful having 2 children who are adults who don't have jobs. But I don't think that one Sears mistake will haunt you forever. I just think the economy is THAT bad right now. A lot of my friends can't find work. Hell, my cousin Amy who is 43 can't find anything permanent. There is just nothing going on. But at least you are being productive with your time and not being a lazy ass who does nothing. You do your part around the house and if you want to go out at night, you should be able to. You are a grown ass woman! Damn.
As for this whole Ryan thing, I really am unsure of what's going on here. He wants you, he doesn't want you. You have already accepted the fact that you're just friends right now, so why can't he just let it go? He is just a jerk (in my opinion, anyways) who can't make up his mind! How about this? He worries about getting better before dragging people into his drama.
Oh and I'm happy that things are going well with Erica. It seems like she is turning out to be a better friend than anybody. I'm glad that you have an actual friend, and not these assholes who won't invite you to a tribute to Adam. But I say fuck them. You, Erin, and Erica have your OWN tribute to Adam. You know, I only met Joe twice but I went to everything. Every tribute, everything. And now I make my own tribute to him. Just carry him around with me wherever I go.
I can't wait for your latest installment so I have even more to comment on! I finally heard from Barry and we will be hanging out tomorrow (yay) so maybe Monday I will get to see Monique and have a circle (for Samhain). November 1st (Tuesday) we have the DHS evaluation and I am massaging Jim. Wednesday I think I can relax for a bit (thank God). Thursday I am meeting my friend Evelyn at Starbucks (we haven't seen each other since, 2008? 2009? She has 2 kids (twins), a job and school. So a social life is hard. And Friday is my dad's next remicade infusion. I have GOT To find time to study! Eek!
44 pages to go! Woot woot!
Hehehe. Alright, I need to get ready for bed. I love you so much!
<3,
Rita Bo Bita
p.s. haha! I'm watching Olga Kay. Season 2 video 22 is "how not to fuck up Valentine's Day." Her advice? Don't propose on Valentine's Day. Hahaha.
No comments:
Post a Comment