3:12pm
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Hey! So this is the 3rd writing journal which will not only include writing but my weight/health log, photos, and magazine stuff as well. I stopped in mid February for a bit because I am planning on sending this by then. I think I’ll keep it up though and just add the other logs to my next nb. We shall see. I have a lot of planning to do for the next one but it kind of depends on where I’m at/what’s going on. I need to just take things day by day. That’s hard though because I’m always looking forward lol.
At the moment, I am really pissed at the YouTube Idol contest I’m in. Round 6 is “Disney Princess” week. We don’t have to dress up as princesses and do a song by the princess, but any song from the Disney Princess movies. Here’s the kicker…. she gave us a list of like 10 songs and Enchanted is not considered one, but somehow Mulan is. Mulan is a warrior. I don’t recall her being a princess. Giselle from Enchanted isn’t really a princess either I guess--but only because Disney would have to pay someone to be Giselle at the park, and pay Amy Adams royalties. *shaking my head* . Not only that, but we already did Disney! Oh, and it’s forgiveness week so everyone who was eliminated, dropped out or got disqualified can return. My opinion is that people were eliminated for a reason, or dropped out for a reason. Why the fuck if you dropped out because you “didn’t have time” before, would you suddenly have time now? Oh right. Because you actually could make time but didn’t like the song/got frustrated and didn’t wanna see it through. I’m not going to lie--I have wanted to drop out a couple times but did I? NO! I also know that I was bitching about all the drop outs because I didn’t want to win by default but I didn’t necessarily want everyone back. Ugh. So frustrating. So, I chose “Tale As Old As Time” from Beauty and the Beast. I need a solid video choice/idea. Brian doesn’t want to be my beast :( so that’s out. I know I will do it in black and white, or sepia unless I have a glorious idea calling for color. It’s not that I don’t like Disney, anyone who knows me knows I LOVE Disney. But I want to branch out and grow as an artist. Anyway, I am going to finish up Boy Meets World Season 1, get pictures for this and then hang with Jess for a few. Then I will be back.
<3 always,
me
3:56pm
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9:43pm
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hey there. So Jessica left not too long ago. It was nice to see her finally. She was in New York for a week, then just busy busy busy after that. She finally got her own place and is overwhelmed with everything. For 22, she does well for herself. She’s upset that I’m likely moving to Indiana, but it’s like as much as I love you and want to be there for you, I have my own life to live. I’m not making it here and it’s not that I am so sure I’ll make it in Indiana but it will help me get on my feet at least. Anyway, I really need to get started on the review videos but I need to clean my room first and I’m not sure I have the energy. But this week I am going to have to force myself to stop writing in here and do the following:
--clean my room
--start cleaning my memory card
--do videos for review
--READ MORE so I can do those reviews too
--start on photos for photo shoot “Runway” part of the nb.
--get a new key for the locked diary (from vol 6)
Ahhh I need a bath but I am working at finding a good stopping point for this. I have a question. I think we’ve talked this over already, but do you want me to pre-type out my next nb or let you do it and then send me back the original? I’m trying to figure out how to go about it. It also depends on when I start the next one (before/after laptop) so we’ll see. Brian told me if I have all my pay stubs, I can file my taxes now and get my refund quicker--but I’m going to look into that. I don’t know if I have them or not. I am praying Big Lots doesn’t go after me for $3,000 like they threatened when I quit, and if they do PLEASE tell me it won’t be taken from my tax refund. I really want to buy the things I feel I deserve to get myself. If I buy myself a laptop--it is truly mine and no one can take it from me if things don’t work out like David did. I can have my own space to work in, and get some clothes finally for God sakes. Lmao. I may even hold off on photo shoot until I have clothes but I don’t know yet. If I don’t groom with Linda or flyer tomorrow I think I will work on my room. Though, I really need to make some money so I can get my eyes/glasses/driver’s license taken care of. I really need to just get that done. This is my year for goodness sakes! I am going to prove to myself this year that I can be the woman God intended me to be.
So I’m getting kind of worried about the situation with Brody again. He is throwing fits again. Brian is doing better about trying to spend time with him but I deserve time with Brian too and Brody can’t just get mad when we do things that don’t include him. Like while he was away over the summer, we saw some movies and he was mad that we went without him. I was like, “so if a movie comes out we want to see and you have to suffer, we do too?” and he was like, “Yes.” I said, “Sorry but ya, that’s not going to happen.” This past weekend, we went and saw Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D and when brody found out, he threw a fit. Thank God I wasn’t around when that went down. Brian says he basically told Brody that he didn’t have to answer to a 9 year old and if he thinks he (Brian) doesn’t do anything for him (Brody) he’ll stop doing anything for him for real. I mean, I hate admitting to it, but I threw fits like this all the time until I got with David and couldn’t afford whatever I wanted. Nothing like marrying an abusive poor man to make you grow up fast. I’m just saying. But then, like last week, Brody tried seriously competing with me over who loves Brian more. It pissed me off because he’s like, “Well I’ve known him longer.” Ok, yea. And? I mean I think we can love him equally just in different ways. Why does it have to be a competition? *smh* Other than all that, he’s a really good kid, and I love him. I am getting (starting to) more comfortable being more “parental” to him. I could never/wouldn’t try to ever replace anyone but I do reserve the right to set some boundaries with him, and he has told me I’d be a good mom so I think he knows I’ll be fair and whatnot. Lol. So, I figured out an idea for my Beauty and the Beast video. I think I’m going to do it in black and white for one. I want half of me to be beauty and half of me to be beast so I can do both parts (if it’s the Celine Dion version which is a duet with Peabo Bryson I think). If it’s the Angela Lansbury version, I’m not sure what I will do, but I know I’ll figure it out because I am brilliant. Hehe he.
{about Brian; This man is my whole world. He can always make me laugh. I still swoon over his gorgeous smile. His touch is always able to make my skin tingle. He has the best heart of anyone I know, and I am so happy I finally took the blinders off and realized what I had. He is my light, and I love him beyond words.}
Ok lovebug, off to bed! I love you more than life!
Love always,
Chelsea
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