10:10pm
Hey Chels,
So, even though I've been finished reading your nb for a couple of days, it's taken me this long to comment on some of the things you've written about (that I haven't done already). Firstly... Ryan.... Girlfriend? After all that shit he pulled with you? And this was way before he upset you by trying to get you back again and talking shit about Brian. We've already spoken about this, but if you were that special to Ryan or if he wanted you "back", he wouldn't have treated you like shit. Same with my situation with Larry. I've been thinking about it and I think I'm gonna sum it up like this: "yes, I had just gotten out of a brutal relationship. But you said certain things that made me feel like we could at least try, and that's why I slept with you. It wasn't for any other reason besides that. And when you weren't even my friend when my dad was sick and I needed someone, it really hurt me. But then you came back again a couple times. After a while it hurt too much for me and I had to let go of the possibility of anything besides friendship."
And the sad thing is, he's not even a drug addict. He bitches that girls don't see him as anything but a brother or a best friend and then he does this to one really awesome woman who does see him as more than a friend or at least having the potential.
But... I think Ryan is way too fucked up to be with anyone and you saw potential in him... That's what I feel your hospital dream was about. It was mirroring the things he was doing to himself on the inside how you looked on the outside, and while everyone else was gone, he was there. In real life, you were the only one who was there for him. And he still used you. And as many problems as you and Brian might have, he would be devastated if you guys broke up. You sound like me though.... Constantly worried if you're the crazy one. But listen to me. You are trying the best you can. This is the first time in your life that you are attempting to be a part of a loving and equal relationship. You and Brian are partners, are a team. You have each other's backs. It's hard to put yourself out there and get love back. But you need to give yourself a break. You need to realize that he loves you, crazy and all. Something that I'm working on is remembering to give myself a break and ask myself if it's something I need to freak out about. Maybe that's something you could work on too if you aren't already. You are here for a purpose, Chels. You have been through so much and a weaker person might have given up. All you need is for someone to take a chance on you and to believe in you. I know there's not much I can do from here but I always believed in you. I've never fought with anyone the way I have fought with you. That's because everyone else was just my friend, you are my sister.
Something else I wanted to comment on was Erin. I get it that her dad died. It was a real tragedy. And then her brother kicked her out of the house and she's had some hardships to deal with. But you know what? No one is safe from the "life" bug. EVERYONE is prone to life changing events and having to adapt to things. There are people who can handle it and people who can't. It sounds like no matter what life throws at her, she WANTS people to feel sorry for her. As long as she never deals with her dad's death and moves on, she will always be the girl who acts that way because of this or that or the other thing. It's how she's always been and it's how she always will be unless she makes the effort to change. I was thinking a lot about Monique today and she's kind of the same way. She puts up this front where she doesn't let anyone too close. She always has to be the one in control of everything. She never gets crushes, she never gets jealous, she never knows what it's like to like someone and miss them while they're away. I think that's a load of bullshit. I think she feels more comfortable dealing with other people's crap when she's doing her readings or whatever the heck she's doing because she can tell other people about their own problems so she doesn't have to deal with her own. There's a reason why when she really needs someone there's nobody there. Because by the time she does need someone, she's already treated all her good friends like crap and all that's left are the shitty ones who don't do crap for her. I would still be talking to her if she hadn't of been such a big baby that one time. But if I talk to her again, it'll just happen again. I didn't even say anything this time, I just stopped talking to her altogether. I still haven't checked to see if she's written (texted) me anything but you know.... I think that's a place I don't need to revisit. I'm good with what I have now.
So... I found something to add to the nb.... The Twilight script!! I tried finding the script for all 4 movies but that one was the only one I could find. And then I found the script for White Oleander but it's kinda funky. It reads like a poem though so I might put it in like it is.
Anyway, I'm gonna go for now. Love you!!
Rita
10:42pm
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Aro
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Name: Aro
date of birth: around 1300 b.c.
date of transformation: around 1260 b.c.
source of transformation: unknown
place of origin: greece
hair color: black
eye color: red/black, with an overlying milky flim (vampire)
height: 5'10"
physical description: Aro has an average build and is incredibly graceful in his movements. He has shoulder length jet-black hair and perfect features. his skin is translucent white, slightly resembling the casing of an onion.
special abilities: when he touches someone, he can read every thought the person has ever had.
education/occupation: he is one of the three leaders of the Volturi coven, along with Caius and Marcus. He usually acts as the Volturi spokesperson.
Family/coven relationships: his wife's name is Sulpicia. His closest coven members are Caius, marcus, and Athenodora. His natural sister, Didyme, is deceased. He and the other original Volturi are served by members of the volturi guard.
Personal history:
Aro was born in Greece just after 1300 b.c. All his life, he was ambitious; power was always his primary goal. It was in the pursuit of this goal that he was transformed into a vampire in his mid-twenties. During the first century of his vampire life, he joined forces with two other vampires, Marcus and Caius, and transformed two humans into vampires: his sister, Didyme; and his future wife, Sulpicia. Aro formed this coven (which also included Caius's wife, Athenodora) in order to further his ruling ambition, seeking strength in numbers to augment his own powerful mind-reading talent. Originally, Aro, Caius, and marcus agreed to rule jointly, but Aro was always the decision-making force behind the threesome. It was Aro who devised the plan on which the Volturi ultimately founded their reign over the vampire world: the concept of vampire laws of mutual conveinience. Over time, Marcus lost interest in the coven due to personal tragedy, and Caius grew obsessed with solely the punitive side of governing. Aro handled every other aspect of the Volturi rule.
Aro was the last of the coven to form a romantic attachment. After Marcus and Didyme fell in love, Aro felt that the balance of power had swung away from him (before this, he would have counted his sister an infallible ally; now he assumed she would side with Marcus in any difference of opinion in the coven). Aro decided in advance that he would rather choose a human and create a mate than look for his match in another vampire, who might have ties to her own creator or other relationships that would complicate his plans. He had a certain type of woman in mind, and he found what he was looking for in Sulpicia; a lovely young woman with few ties to her human community. He courted her successfully, and she agreed to be transformed into a vampire and join Aro as his wife. She remains totally devoted and loyal to Aro.
Aro had chosen to transform his sister because he hoped she might have a gift similar to his own powerful mind reading gift. He was disappointed in this, and later disposed of her when she got in the way of his plans by distracting Marcus -- her mate -- from Aro's goals. One unintended consequence of this action was the near totaly debilitation of Marcus by the loss of his mate. Aro and Caius were both disturbed to realize that they were vulnerable to a similar devastation; they immediately sought safeguards for their own wives. Over time, as Aro and Caius increased security in every way they could devise, Sulpicia and Athenodora became virtual prisoners in their own home. Part of their confinement, however, included a vampire talented at making them feel content. With Corin as part of their personal guard, Suplicia and Athenodora never objected to their incarceration.
Despite his failure with Didyme, Aro never stopped seeking out talented vampires who could add to his power. He created the Volturi guard out of gifted vampires who shared his desire for authority. The guard were never fully part of the coven or the ruling body, but they grained prestige and protection by joining them in a subordinate position. After Aro acquired Chelsea (then Charmion) -- who had the ability to bind people to one another and break any bonds that already existed -- he was able to influence vampires to join the guard who would not otherwise have been motivated by power or prestige.
Aro made one of his best discoveries around 800 a.d.: the young twins Jane and Alec. Having already created a prohibition against immortal children, Aro left the talented humans to grow up in their native village, planning to transform them when they reached adulthood. Unfortunately, Jane's and Alec's psychic gifts were very pronounced for mere humans, and drew the notice of the other humans around them. Though still children, Jane and Alec were condemned as witches and burned at the stake. Aro arrived immediately upon hearing the news and found them still alive, but barely. He freed them and set the transformation in motion at once. Then, having revealed his true nature in a rather dramatic way, he was compelled to destroy the entire village in order to obey his own law. He left no witnesses, and brought home his two most valuable assets.
Just because a human or a vampire has a special talent doesn't guarantee that Aro will add him or her to the coven. Aro seeks out talents that will make him more powerful, especially on the battlefield. For example, in Aro's mind, Alice Cullen's ability to see into the future -- a skill he's never had access to -- is far more useful than Jasper Hale's ability to manipulate emotions, as he already has Chelsea and Corin, whose gifts are similar to Jasper's, but more suited to Aro's purposes. Aro is deliberate and patient by nature. when he locates a desirable new talent, such as Alice's, he plans carefully the best way to acquire it. he doesn't make a move if he believes that doing so might destroy that talent. Instead, he bides his time and explores other avenues toward his goal. For example, he might convert human psychics in the hope of duplicating the talent. If a vampire's talent is no longer needed -- if Aro finds a vampire with a superior version of the same talent or, as in the case of Didyme, one vampire's presence interferes with another vampire's needed talent -- Aro will restructure the guard. Sometimes, as with Didyme, he will do so by execution. However, Aro will allow an amicable separation when he sees no possible threat from releasing that talent, or if he thinks he might need access to that gift in the future but has no way to hold on to it now. This was the case with Eleazar.
Occasionally, vampires approach the Volturi directly to seek a position in the coven. Usually, Aro already has a better version of the gift or skill being offered, but if not, the applicant is gladly accepted. Vampires who are not satisfactory are allowed to leave in peace. Other vampires visit the Volturi simply out of curiosity. Aro encourages such pilgrimages, as it gives him a chance to read their minds. More than just a tactical advantage or a chance to locate other talented vampires, these readings provide Aro with much-needed entertainment throughout the millennia. Aro is endlessly interested in any kind of curiosity.
When Carlisle Cullen arrived in Volterra in the early 1700s, Aro was impressed and intrigued by Carlisle's "vegetarian" philosophy. Aro tried to convince Carlisle that drinking human blood was natural. He continually teased, prodded, and tested Carlisle (for example, by having a member of the guard deliver a profusely bleeding human body to the library where Carlisle was studying, just to see what Carlisle would do).
Aro was torn between wanting Carlisle to stay strong -- the limits of Carlisle's resolve fascinated him -- and wanting him to surrender to his true nature. After about two decades, Carlisle left the Volturi coven on good terms to travel to America. Before he left, his visit with the Volturi was captured in a painting by Francecso Solimena, an Italian painter who favored the Baroque style. Aro intended to drop in on Carlisle later in his life, in four or five hundred years, to see how things had turned out for him.
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Dream for 8/14/2012
I just woke up from a really strange dream. I dreamed that I had a step brother and that we were in love with each other but we couldn't tell anyone because they would think it was gross. Well, people found out anyway. We belonged to this church where things like that were considered incestuous, even though we weren't related by blood. So we are walking around holding hands be we have our hands hidden (even though that is still really obvious) and the pastor stopped us and said our business out loud to everyone. So we were forced to sit down and be told why it was wrong for us to be together. There were even documents. About halfway through it I just took off. I started running looking for a way out but instead I found a bathroom. So I locked the door but I thought it was weird that the handle and the lock didn't meet so I had to pull it up a little bit (the knob) to get it to lock. I got it locked and found another door so I open it and I find that it leads to a basement so I go down the steps and this light turns on. Nobody sees me so I just quietly turn back but not before I see two men, a grown man and a teenage boy, ready to have sex with each other. I remember thinking, "oh so that's okay but I can't be with my bf because we're not even related by blood." I get a little lost but eventually find the bathroom I snuck out of and it was filled with these girls and one very scared looking guy and one girl was saying something and I just said, "who cares?" really loudly and everyone started calming down. And then I woke up.
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