September 10th, 2012

Sept 10th, 2012
 2:04am

Hey Chels!!
 Well, I am up late because I just got finished watching some Olga Kay videos and I was gonna go to sleep but of course I had some stuff on my mind so I had to write it out. So... The nb is finally making sense to me again. I don't feel so blocked when it comes to certain things and I simplified a lot of things so it's easier for me to deal with now. I'm only keeping the book reviews, twilight stuff, my dream diary, dream meanings, and music lyrics. And I'm also going to copy pictures and put them in. But the rest of the stuff just didn't seem important. And when I finally finish with this nb (I still have 13 pages left to write), I'm going to have everything I want in the order that I want it and it will be copied that way. So things will be random, there won't be a section for anything. The dreams and pictures will be the only "color", but there's still a lot of stuff which I'm sure will take a whole nb to finish. Well, not yet, but it's getting there. And I still haven't written you back yet. I gotta get a big envelope so I can cut up and send those pics, and don't argue but I'm sending you some cash to help with the nb fund. I know you don't want to accept help, but I'm serious about holding your notebooks hostage until I get one, lol it's only fair :p. Unless you want all 3 at once.

So... Geoff and I talked tonight. He told me that he was going to tell me he had feelings for me at the ren fair and then at the library but he got nervous and then I got hurt. He did say that he was nervous because whenever he tried flirting with me it didn't work. I kinda guessed that's what was going on, but I'm sorry it took me being with someone else for him to say it. And it wouldn't have changed anything, I mean I am really into James and I am excited to see where it goes with him. I'm not going to stop seeing him just because every guy I'm friends with (besides Larry, apparently) wants to be with me. Honestly though I think this was the universe's way of giving me what I asked for. There are apparently lots of guys who fit the bill for what I'm looking for. I just have to pick one. I was going to tell my mom about James today but i chickened out. I feel like if she knows I'm with James even though he upset me she'll judge it from the beginning and I dont want to put up with that. I shouldn't have told her what was really going on in the first place if he and I were just going to work things out. But oh well. I just want to be honest about who I'm letting into my life even though I am almost 30, I can spend my time with whoever I want. I also feel like my mom is going to judge him because he's 33 and has a 12 year old kid but I can name at least 5 of my friends who are single parents who will have 12 year olds around that age as well. And sometimes it's difficult for some of these people to find people who aren't afraid of kids and who understand that the kid or kids will always come first no matter what. Hey, as long as my boyfriend's kid comes first and not his heroin addiction, I'm totally fine with it.
 Apparently he (my guy) does not have a great relationship with his ex though so I'm not sure yet if that's going to create some problems for me. I'm not trying to replace her or even coparent. I'm not about to tell someone else's kid what to do. But I will say that I know how to talk to kids because I have cousins his age. So children are much more willing to listen if you speak to them like they're people. He does say "gay" and "fag" though which bother the living shit out of me!! But at least James doesn't talk that way. I'm not dating another homophobe.  But anyway, he also doesn't have a job. He got into a really bad car accident so he's on disability but he gets paid from the government and apparently he's going back to school for social work which is what I was doing before I dropped out way back when I started dating Mike. And he also can't drive very far because he gets panic attacks from driving for too long so I end up having to drive halfway or just go to his house but he did say something about filling up my gas tank so at least there's that. The only thing that really bothered me was that "girlfriend" word but I'm not gonna fight it forever. I just don't want to move too fast. Because yeah, I could see myself being serious with this guy. But that's how I've felt with every other guy I've been with. So I just want to see how this goes first. But ugh how many times can you explain that to him lol. He knows that I like him and that should be enough for now.

I gotta get ready for wild magick this week. I'm so freaking excited! And yes there will be pictures. Loads and loads of them. And ugh I think I'm getting my period soon. At least I'm not knocked up, lol.

Anyway, I can't wait to hear all about your LA trip. I'll text you sometime tomorrow and check in.

Love you!
 Rita
 2:33am
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Vengeance:
Another prevalent vampire trait, along with strong romantic bonds and the intense competitive streak, is that of a vengeful nature.  Related again to their unchanging state, vampires are not forgiving; they do not move past an insult or injury.  The most common example of vampire vengeance is the aftermath of the loss of a mate.  When a vampire loses his mate, he never recovers from it.  He cannot rest until the party responsible (usually another vampire, given the strength necessary to destroy a vampire) is eradicated.  Centuries can pass without lessening the ferocity of his need for vengeance.