3:44pm
Hey Chels,
What up!! It is a beautiful Thursday here and I'm inside studying. But I'm going to see James later tonight so... Yay. So, I guess I spoke too soon when I called him my boyfriend, and I really did it to myself. True, we haven't had that conversation yet. But I freaked out so much about the label that who knows if he will ever ask me to be his girlfriend for real. But you know what, we are exclusive already. It's only been almost 2 months since we started seeing each other. I would hate to make something official only to have something go horribly wrong and I'm pretty sure he's afraid of me freaking out again. Only that time it was a little understandable, we had only met that day. So... I'd be a lot less likely to freak out now if he called me his girlfriend than I was 6 weeks ago. But you know what, I'm just not gonna worry about it. If people ask, we're just dating and we haven't had that conversation yet so... Yeah. Lol but anyway. So... Yesterday was a pretty interesting day. I wasn't planning on hearing from James because he would be busy with his comic book store but he was done early so he called me and we actually talked on the phone for a while. I love hearing his voice but I don't really like talking on the phone so sometimes it gets awkward because I just don't know what else to say. It's been such a long time since I've spoken to anyone on the phone with any resemblance of regularity that sometimes I just hate being on the phone. But we talk just fine when we're actually together. But anyway, he got into reading his comic book and he said he would call back later which he didn't end up doing. Which was okay because I had my tarot group. So, I did the tarot thing and I actually took notes. I think I'm gonna start doing that more. Afterwards I went out to dinner with Angel. I didn't end up getting home until 11pm and then took a bath, then finished my studying while watching white oleander, then I finally got to talk to my friend Chris and then finally fell asleep somewhere around 3am. I had a dream about you singing karaoke and you were just all gung ho with the emotions behind the song.
When I woke up and tried to turn on the turtle lamp and it had burned out so I had to wake up all the way and then go to the petsmart store to get my guy a new lamp. After I got home, guess who was online. Danny. I know you don't really care about Danny but I'm still going to tell you whenever he is on and I get to talk to him, lol. He's working from home today I guess. So... Before I tell you what I'm about to tell you, I have something else to tell you. I bought some new underpants from Victoria's Secret. There was this 5/$26 deal that I couldn't pass up so I decided to get 3 pairs of thongs (my first time ever wearing them) and a couple pairs of something called cheekies which are like boyshorts but the butt part is cut out so the bottom is like a thong. I got them for James, he always commented about me wearing thongs and you know what, for once I thought it wouldn't hurt to at least try them out. So... I got them in the mail yesterday and I get to see James today so naturally I put on a pair so I could get used to them. Anyway, when I saw that Danny was online I got the idea that I would model them for him so he could tell me what he thought. It turned out he liked them a lot, lol.
You know... I'm pretty sure there will come a day when I don't want to mess around with Danny anymore. But you know what, I never ever plan on meeting him in real life. And if it ever gets serious with James, I will just have to cut him off from that part. But for now... I like how things are. Of course if it were like Larry and he lived here, I couldn't skype with him or we would have to keep it Pg at the most. But it seems like I have this dilemma whenever I talk to him. Stuff happens and I have to justify myself to myself. I used to feel bad in the past but it turns out that those guys were jerks anyway and I'm with a great guy now so of course I don't feel bad about messing around on camera with another guy. But I also feel better about myself and more confident in myself and I'm taking it for what it is... Just harmless fun.
Alright I'm gonna go back to studying now so if anything changes on the "boyfriend" front, I will let you know.
Love you,
Rita
4:17pm
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Dreams
9/9/12
It's been so long since I have remembered any dreams but I'm happy to report that I have finally remembered at least one of mine. This one was about Larry. He texted me because he wanted to see me so I waited until my parents were asleep and then snuck out of the house and as soon as I got in the car he started kissing me. The first night it was really easy to sneak out and back in but then the second night was worse. He texted me that he was here and my parents were getting ready for bed and my light was still on and he started getting impatient with me and I saw his headlights flicking on and off. I didn't get caught but I yelled at him when I got in the car. We went to the mall and he started making trouble with a security guard and he told me to run so we took off and then saw this aquarium fish tank filled with fish that had really sharp teeth. I kept looking at it but I was worried because of the security guard so I found this door and tried hiding behind it but it lead to the inside of the fish tank. So I checked that out and I got fish poop in my hair even though there was no water. I like it was an enclosed space like one of those aquariums at sea world where you can walk underneath it but the fish were out and pooping on my head. So I left and I saw this door close. I opened it and saw this guy abusing his girlfriend and no one seemed to be doing anything about it. I tried telling one of the security guards but he just stood back. Did I mention that all of these people were black except Larry and me and Larry had taken off?
I think that dream is about how our "relationship" was. We didn't go on dates he just met me somewhere in my neighborhood and we would have sex and then he'd disappear. So it was a bit like high school when you had to wait for your parents to go to sleep so you could sneak out. And then the mall is a popular teenager type hang out. And then maybe I felt it was kind of abusive? Because he would text me and flirt with me and then have sex with me and then disappear. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IF I MUST FIGHT THIS BATTLE MYSELF, THEN SO BE IT!
WRITTEN BY: MISSTILA - OCT• 23•12
I AM NOT GOING TO SIT HERE AND BICKER BACK AND FOURTH WITH A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT NON-SENSE ABOUT HE SAID SHE SAID CRAP! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! I AM HERE TO HELP THOSE WHO NEED IT! THOSE WHO WANT TO CONTINUE FOCUSING ON NON-SENSE THEN SO BE IT! TIME IS RUNNING OUT FASTER THAN ANY OF YOU EVER REALIZE!
YOU DON’T HAVE TO BELIEVE ME, THIS AIN’T NO CONSPIRACY THEORY! THIS IS AN ONGOING WAR TO SAVE YOUR LIFE! IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE TO BICKER AMONGST YOURSELVES DURING THESE CRUCIAL TIMES WITH A BUNCH OF NON-SENSE AND EGO TALK THEN GO AHEAD! BUT I SWEAR AND MARK MY WORDS I SHALL NOT STOP FIGHTING FOR THE GOOD OF MANKIND TO BE RESTORED TO WHAT WE ONCE WERE!
IF I MUST FIGHT THIS WAR BY MYSELF, THEN I GUESS THAT WAS JUST THE PATH I CHOSE AND NO MATTER WHAT ANY OF YOU SAY, NOTHING WILL CHANGE MY MIND! A ONE WOMAN MARCH IS JUST FINE BY ME. I AM HERE, I HAVE SPOKEN AND I AM RUNNING OUT OF BREATH HERE AS ALL OF YOUR SOULS ARE GETTING DARKER TO THE POINT OF NO RETURN! I SHALL CONTINUE TO MARCH ON IF THAT IS GOD’S PLAN FOR ME AND IF I MUST DIE FOR STANDING BEHIND MY BELIEFS AND EXPOSING THE EVILS WHO RULE THE WORLD AND STEAL YOUR SOULS……………… THEN BY GOLLY SO BE IT!
I WOULD RATHER DIE WITH HONOR THEN LIVE LIKE A COWARD! I STAND ALONE AND I FEAR NO EVIL! THEY FEAR ME! SO IF YOU WOUD LIKE TO MARCH WITH ME TO HELP ME IN THIS WAR AGAINST THE EVIL ONES THEN I SHALL BE HERE WAITING FOR ALL OF YOU!!!
WITH LOVE ALWAYS
MISS TILA
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