October 1st, 2012

October 1st, 2012
 2:14am

Hey lady,
 Holy fuck it's October!! This year was by far the coolest year I've had. So many cool things happened. I woke up at like 2pm yesterday so I'm not tired like I should be right now, so I'm hoping that writing will help remedy that. Well, the only thing I didn't manage to do yesterday was get my dad's meds. But I'm gonna do that today. I'm also going to study all day today. I really want to get these tests done and if I work at it I can get them done if I stick to my schedule. Granted, I already know that I'm not going to finish by October 11th, and that's perfectly fine with me. But if I do two tests per day or study period, I can finish every single test and not need massageprep.com anymore. Which would be huge. When I'm finished with the tests, I have a plan. I'm going to use my days that I have to myself (which means, if my dad doesn't need my attention all day or if I'm not seeing James or otherwise running around) to do studying and then nbs. So I am giving myself until the end of this month to get everything together that I want to use for the new nb and set it up the way I want. I think it's crazy that I already have this one written out but it'll already be finished when it comes time to publish it cuz it will already be typed out. I do want to get started on that soon so maybe I'll have days that I designate "nb days" and just start writing stuff out. Not sure which days those will be yet, maybe Wednesdays because those are my tarot group days anyway so I could start the day off by taking a break from studying and just start working on the new nb.

As much as I enjoy hanging out with James, I gotta focus on my own stuff sometimes. Lol it is funny, my friend Angel will tell me to be careful and not lose focus on myself. After all the work I've done this year to put myself back together, do you really believe that I would lose myself over a guy again?? Yeah, no. I know she means well and she thinks of me as a little sister so she's being protective of me which I appreciate, but I wouldn't be with him if I didn't like him enough to give him a try. Yes, sometimes he can be a little crazy and a bit insecure. On Saturday he was telling me that he broke his own rule for me. Apparently he would never date anyone that he could sleep with on the first date because he'd been cheated on so much that he felt like if he could have sex with that girl so easily, so could everybody else. Which is probably true in a lot of cases. I remember him saying that before we met yet when we actually did meet and things were about to happen he said something completely different. But you know, even though I wasn't expecting to have sex with him upon meeting him for the first time, I wouldn't take it back either. I knew that from the moment we first started talking. I just had that good feeling about him. It's not being on cloud nine everything is perfect la la la, it's he's a genuinely nice person and I love being with him. He asks me constantly what I like about him. Lol I shut him up though when I asked him what he likes about me and he couldn't answer because I put him on the spot. Anyway... My point in all this was I'm not sure why he chose to say that to me. But I would never ever cheat on him. I could see why he'd be insecure, obviously he hasn't been able to find someone who hasn't been mean to him yet. It can get a little exhausting when he says the same things over and over again, after a while I start tuning it out because it reminds me of my dad. He has absolutely nothing to be insecure about. He is a decent person, he is very cute, not afraid to show emotion, I know he would take care of anything if I asked, a gentleman. And he needs to stop obsessing over the size of his penis because it's really starting to bug me. Lol. It's not huge but you know what, a penis doesn't have to be huge to satisfy a woman. It just has to be big enough. And it has to work. His is the perfect size for me and I tell him this so... I'm not really sure why he has to constantly bring it up. But... Maybe after a while he will calm down and focus on something else lol. Or maybe if I start obsessing over something of mine it'll get him to shut up. I dunno. Lol that's really the only thing that bothers me is the constant obsessing over things he really shouldn't be the least bit worried about, because I'm not. If he can't get past those things or can't shut up about them, I'm gonna have to decide if I can live with a guy who constantly worries about the size of his penis and asks me about it when I'm really not in the mood to talk about it. I dunno, maybe if I just say "it's perfect" everytime he brings it up, eventually he won't. I've had guys that were a little above average and you know what... It didn't always feel good. Especially in certain positions, sometimes I got poked in the cervix which does not feel good for me. I never have to worry about that with him.

Alright, I'm done talking about this lol. I will let you know as time goes on how things progress if the only thing that bugs me about him is the way he talks sometimes, I think I'm good. Cuz he is a great guy even with those insecurities. At least I know what they are and he won't ever be a jerk to me because he's insecure about something and instead of telling me takes it out on me.

He asked me how many exboyfriends I've had because a lot of my stories start out with "this guy I was dating..." so I told him 4 and he seemed surprised that he was number 2 on a list so small. I was just like... "well, I told you that it's not about the sex, it's about how I'm treated afterwards.". And it's true. The only reason why I don't want to give him the number 1 place yet is because he could still end up being a jerk and do something to break my heart. But I'm not even sure who the number one guy would be at this point besides him. I mean there have been moments where I've had some great sex, but it's been followed by the stupidest shit ever. Like fighting, world of Warcraft, and most recently, heroin. Oh, not to mention sleeping with me and then not speaking to me until he wanted sex again, and raping me. So... Maybe he should be promoted to number one because he's never done any of those things. I just won't tell him. Just like he's my boyfriend only he doesn't know it yet lol.

Anyway, it's after 3am and I am gonna attempt to get some sleep. I love you and I can't wait to start writing in the new nb!!!!

Love,
 Me

3:04am
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FREEDOM FIGHTERS

Diary Log 1: THE SUN, THE OTHERS, AND THE HOLY GRAIL
WRITTEN BY: MISSTILA - OCT• 20•12
There’s just so much going on right now that even though my original website, the “HOLY GRAIL” if you will, is still just waiting there, all structured and ready to be launched as opposed to me just using these crappy temporary websites that continued to get hacked by “THE OTHERS.”  yet I keep asking myself

“Tila, why don’t you just launch the main website that you have been working on for so long for the people to see what you have posted up behind the veil?  It’s pretty much ready to go and even if it’s not perfect like the way you wanted it to be, at least it is 100 times better than these crappy temporary websites you have up now.  What is the hold up? Why not just open the flood gates and let everyone in on what you know and have come upon?  All the information that is being withheld. Why not just open the doors now?”

Those thoughts haunt me daily, yet for some unseen force, I continue to hold back for
some reason that I myself, cannot explain.  It is as if “SOMETHING” is wanting me to wait just a LITTLE BIT LONGER until THE TIME IS RIGHT before I finally “UNVIEL” what is behind what I have on my main website which is at www.AnonymousTruthBlog.com It is designed WAY BETTER than these temporary websites that “THE OTHERS” keep trying to hack into or “WARN ME” to take them down.  Maybe that’s why I’m still just waiting until the “RIGHT TIME” to unleash all of the info?  Maybe my subconscious mind has a feeling that’s telling me that if I launch the website NOW then all the hard work, information, research, and lots of evidence that I have gathered and put up behind there will all be “WIPED OUT” in “THIS MOMENT” in time… so maybe my intuition is doing this for a good reason?  maybe all that sacred information should not be in vain if it is to be “WIPED OUT” and “ERASED” by “THE OTHERS.”   I strongly feel that is the case.

As frustrating as that is for me, so I’m sure you may feel a little frustrated about it as well, but I MUST trust my intuition and not let the “PUBLIC” deter me from my own heart, which is always the truth with good intention.  Because the “EVILS” out there can play lots of tricky games with you so I don’t trust anyone to force me or rush me to launch anything “AT THE MOMENT”  I feel it’s a set up.  So when the time is right, which will be soon… I WILL LIFT THE VIEL TO THE “HOLY GRAIL” of what mankind has the right to know.  For now, I am just protecting it with all my might because “THEY” are watching me.  We MUST be VERY CAREFUL with what we do and ALWAYS follow our hearts.  NEVER TO BE DISTRACTED BY THE EVILS THAT SURROUNDS US DAILY!  That puts naughty or dark thoughts into our minds, to trick us into thinking that they are our own, when indeed they are not!  EVIL ONES can be VERY TRICKY!  That is why they are EVIL and that is why it is VITAL THAT WE ALL PAY ATTENTION, AND BE ALERT AND AWARE AT ALL TIMES!  KNOW THY SELF!!!

Anyway, I decided to add a new section to this site called my daily diary log just for my daily thoughts on life, the others, and just overall what goes on inside of my mind as well as some of my daily experiences that I feel is important to share or interesting.  As for the SUN, I was sun gazing the other day and stared directly into the SUN for about 5 minutes straight.  As my eyes started to adjust I noticed a very strange phenomenon!  THE SUN STARTED GETTING SMALLER (THE SIZE OF THE CIRCLE) AS THE COLORS STARTED TO CHANGE!!!

The sun was actually a very pretty hue of light BLUE and as it spread out the out it was actually LIGHT PINK surrounding the BLUE of the Sun!! THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO YELLOW IN SIGHT! NOT THE SLIGHTEST WHATSOEVER!  So I thought to myself

“WOW!  SO WHAT WE THINK OR WHAT OUR “CAMERAS” PICK UP TRANSLATES INTO A “YELLOW OR ORANGISH” COLOR WHEN REALLY, ITS BLUE AND LIGHT PINK!”  Similar to this photo.  The best I could find and modified it to what I saw at best I could with photoshop.  Just wanted to share that with you all.





I miss you guys!  

Be back soon!

Love Always,

Miss Tila

ps-did you guys know that if you practice this everyday that it is REALLY GOOD FOR YOUR SOUL AND BODY?  It will help PROTECT AND SHEILD YOU from the harmful stuff the “OTHERS” aka “ILLUMINATI” is putting out there.  The Sun is the source of energy afterall and we, as light beings, need the sun to activate and WAKE UP parts of our DNA that has been put to sleep by “THE OTHERS” evil attempts to sway us from learning the truths about ourselves and what they did to us.  Try it out.  But only do it either at dawn or at sunset when the sun is not TOO BRIGHT so it won’t totally blind you.   Start off staring at it while you soak in all of the Sun’s natural energy particles and it will activate your DNA all while boosting your brain, your health and your overall psyche.  Start off just as little as you can and then once you practice everyday, your eyes will be able to advance to staring at the Sun for at least 10-45 minutes.  That is when you’ll reach the high point and feel your soul start to “AWAKEN” and feel all the goodness that runs through your body… even on the FIRST TRY!  So try it out and tell me if you also see the BLUE AND LIGHT PINKISH RAYS of our SUN!  SO MAGNIFICENT!!!