December 20th, 2012

December 20th, 2012
1:28am

Hey Chels,
So... I know I said this already but Larry got the cookies! I was so happy. I'm glad he actually answered me back. I had to wait until this morning, but still. I'm just so happy that my plan worked!!
So... Here's how I'm feeling right now. I'm on this plentyoffish.com website and it's going okay I guess. But in reality I feel like what's the point? I know that Larry would want me to be happy and if I found someone else then that's fine. But... I see so many possibilities there that I don't want to give up on. They've always been there and even though I let myself like someone else this year, it was still there. I'm not trying to be obsessive. And like... Before I could tell that I was still all about him and his feelings and obsessing over how he might or might not feel about me. Now it's like... I've grown confident enough to see him as a person and a friend more than a possible love interest. I mean, I see that as well, but if we just never get our stuff together then that's unfortunate. But I've already decided that what I'm feeling isn't going to go away no matter how many other guys I find on some stupid website. But most importantly, I just want what's right for both of us. The truth is, maybe I need a website to find a potential partner that isn't Larry. I feel strongly that I'm not going to like anyone anyway because they're not him, and that may be so. But at least I'm at least getting to know these people. But truthfully, I'm kind of annoyed. I don't want to be a sugar baby or get hit on by 20 year olds. I have found a few people worth talking to but a lot of them seem cool but then just stop talking. Which is fine too. But I'm not planning on meeting any of these people and the thing that scares me is that one day someone might recognize me from that website and what if it's someone I blocked cuz they were crazy? 1:43am
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December 20th, 2012
9:12pm

So, I made the decision tonight to get rid of my plentyoffish account for the following reasons:
1) I already have feelings for someone and as long as I have feelings for him, I'm not going to want to meet anybody new.
2) no one has given me the good feeling that James gave me. Although there were some nice guys, they're just not for me. Too young, too old, have babies already, not my type, etc.
3) I was starting to get spammed.
4) I googled my ex's screen name and found like 3 other dating sites and I was considering joining them to see his profile. I'm sorry... I'm not that psycho.
5) I originally signed up out of boredom but I found myself not even caring if I had messages or not.

That's 5 very good reasons not to put myself out there on dating websites. I either want to be single or see what will happen with Larry. But for the most part it's the first thing.

I'm at the point where I've been single for almost a year now. There was James but that was only a couple of months. I think I started thinking about dating again so I'd have interesting stuff to write about, lol. Now I'm realizing I don't need stupid boys to entertain me.

I'm gonna watch some New Girl and try and warm up my feet.

9:22pm