September 21st, 2012

 September 21st, 2012
 12:16am

Hey Chels,
 How are ya?? I am good. Today is Cory's birthday and I don't get to wish him a happy birthday because I have no idea what happened to him. But if I look, maybe I still got him in my phone. It looks like I do! So I will try and call him and see if he picks up the phone. I just think it's so weird that he comes into my life again only to disappear so quickly. But meh. So anyhow... Today was exhausting. I went to take care of my ticket and that snowballed into getting lunch and getting my sticker for my car. I am proud of myself that I "played grownup" today and took care of some stuff before putting it in the back of my mind again. So yay :). I also worked on some nbs today. I think I'm gonna start studying again soon though. I gotta stay focused if I'm going to get this stuff done already.

So... James. I'm not really sure what to make of him yet lol. We were talking the other night and it got a little weird because he was asking me why I liked him and I told him why and he said I was crazy. And then I told him he was mean, which made HIM feel bad. But I have no idea if he's joking or being serious sometimes. I like him because of a million different things. He's polite, he makes me laugh, even before we met he was the one person I loved hearing from, he is honest, I never have to ask him what he's thinking because he will always tell me, I feel safe tucked in his arms, he is secure enough to not be up my ass all the time and get jealous of my guy friends, we both love Supernatural, the list goes on. I mean, yeah he is a bit crazy sometimes and whatever but I think it's cute. I'm not saying it won't end up annoying the shit out of me later, but I feel like the universe is giving me someone like him because he is the type of person that I need. And the universe gave me to him because I am the type of person that he needs, also. I'm not even sure why he worries so much about why I like him. Maybe instead of trying to name reasons all the time I should ask why he needs to keep asking me. Maybe it's an insecurity or he doesn't get why someone like me would go for someone like him? Although, I think that's kind of stereotypical. He just doesn't see the me that's alone and talks to herself and apologizes for bumping into things and has a slight case of road rage lol. I'm not saying that I'm not myself when I'm around him. I'm probably more comfortable around him than I've ever been with anyone. But there are things that are just impossible to explain unless you've been with someone long enough and you know all their mannerisms and stuff. Yeah I'm not as out there as he is but most people aren't lol. But I can just go with it and accept him for who he is and as long as he treats me with kindness and respect I really don't care about the rest. Hey I can tell him that, lol. Just say that one of the reasons why I like you is because you have always treated me with kindness and respect and apparently that's a hard concept for people. So I really don't care if you're goofy or off-the-wall sometimes. I can respect a man who respects women. .... Is that a good enough thing to say?? Lol.

And one other thing that he'd probably love to hear but that I wouldn't say is that he's great in bed as well lol. He can be a little weird because I think in the past he must have been with some selfish women or something I really don't know. I like sex when it's with someone that I like and have a connection with, and of course have good chemistry with. I think the problem with the last person I slept with was that we were great as friends and had good chemistry, but I made it clear in the beginning that I didn't want a relationship and then he got weird. But now I found someone who actually wants to be with me. But like... Okay. On Monday I hung out with him but we couldn't have sex because I was on my period. It was the tail end of it, but I still didn't want him anywhere near... Her. Lol. So we hung out and my mom was going to be late so I told my dad I would be home so we could go to dinner. Well, right when I was going to leave, James starts kissing on me and he is all kinds of excited so he asks for a blowjob lol. It was actually kind of cute. I thought that I would be late going home but I wanted to stay so I start doing my thing and then my dad calls me. I have to stop halfway through because it's past when I said I would be home and I knew the call was coming. I felt bad that I couldn't stay but James had me help him finish himself off so I could leave. I'm not sure how long it would have taken otherwise but he was really enjoying himself, lol. He actually sounded surprised when he noticed that I was enjoying it as much as he was. I'm not like some girls that only do it to please their man or don't do it at all. I get why a lot of women think it's degrading or gross or whatever. But you know what... I enjoy making my man feel good. I like being able to participate in whatever is going on and as long as he's not pushing my head down or calling me a slut or anything (unless previously permitted), I do enjoy it. I don't think he's ever had sex with someone like me, lol. I tend to view sex as a partnership. It shouldn't just be about what the man wants or what the woman wants. It should be about pleasing each other because it's more than just physical. When you're being intimate with someone, you're trusting them with your body. If you're going to trust someone with your body, why trust them with only a piece of it?? I want it to be more than just mechanical. I want the guy to go and tell his friends that he just had the best sex ever or got the best blowjob ever or whatever happened because I was an active participant and didn't just lay there and do nothing while he did all the work. And it shouldn't be work, it should be fun!!

He keeps saying that after a while sex gets boring because after a while it's not new and I get that. But I'm gonna prove him wrong on that lol. I'm not sure how yet but if we're still together after a while... I better not be hearing that the sex has gotten boring lol. I have a friend named Chris who is married to this woman named Lori and I've known him about 6 years. They've been together at least 10 years and she's pregnant now. They still have a smoking hot sex life because just because they've been together for a long time, they still actively take care of themselves and each other. Not just physically but emotionally, too. I dunno if I will ever be with someone for that long but if I am, he better not call our sex life boring lol.

But yeah. I cannot believe September is almost over. Tomorrow I think I'm gonna get a move on for finishing up the last nb and then start typing up the first one and see how far I can get in that. I'm still doing book reviews but I had to give all the books back that I had so now I have one book that's on my kindle and the rest are comic books lol. So... The book reviews shall be interesting until I get more books. Oh shit I forgot my kindle book is due like... Tomorrow. Well, Saturday. Well, if I got it once I could get it again, right? Lol.

Anyway, oh one more thing before I can sleep. So... I haven't really had anyone ask me for a bj in a very long time (I gave Barry a couple but that was it. For some reason he got it through his head that I didn't like them. So I guess he just started getting them elsewhere? Ew) so there were all these moves that I have wanted to try but never got a chance to. I know... Who wouldn't want to get a bj? It sounds fucking nutty to me, too. Oh, no pun intended, haha. So... I finally got to try some things that I've been dying to try out and he loved them. Like... Instead of just the normal everyday in and out whatever, I decided to just lick everywhere which he thought was awesome because he said it felt like someone was massaging him. And I told him that I was, with my tongue. Lmao. Anyhow, I haven't really figured out what to do with his balls yet because I'm not sure what he likes done to them but I could always ask. When I was going down I guess my hair was down around his balls and he said it felt great because I was playing with his nipples too so he was just getting sensations from everywhere. Lol it felt great to me to hear him enjoy himself. I'm sorry if this is tmi and now I'm a perv, lol. I'm pretty sure you don't think so but is this normally something we talk about?  Hmm. I don't remember the last time we really talked about sex. But I do know that whenever there was a significant experience, we did always share the moment. Even if the guy didn't work out. So... As long as there's something to share I guess I will be sharing it, lol. Will prolly not end up writing about every sexual experience, but if it's noteworthy you might hear about it. And at least my new nb will see a little more sex than my last one lol. I'm still kind of shocked at Larry. I just don't understand that kid. Maybe he just didn't feel that way about me and didn't want to hurt my feelings or maybe he felt too much and got scared and ran away. He got me to say I had feelings for him when I wasn't even looking for a relationship and then he checked out. I never thought he would do that to me. Eventually, we are going to have a conversation about it. Because as much as I'd love to just write him off as another asshole, it would break my heart too much to do that. So... I will be patient and let him come to me and maybe I will get my answer. I just want to know why he'd care so much about how true my feelings were if I had just told him that sex was okay but I didn't want a relationship yet. It sounds like I might have been looking for a rebound, and maybe that's partly it. But it wouldn't have happened with just anyone. I didn't even seek him out just to have sex with him, either. I didn't even think of him that way until he started flirting with me and not leaving me alone.

But the weird thing about him was that he was always interested in what he could do for me but he never wanted a bj. I am not sure why but if he would have let me, I would have loved to return the favor. I get it, he's a giver, but still. Just plain weird, lol. Maybe it was too hard for him to think of me all sweet and innocent giving him head. Lmao that would be a trip.

Alright, I promise I am done talking about this for now. If you'd like to share anything noteworthy between you and your man you're more than welcome to, but it's totally okay if you'd rather not.

I'm gonna try and get some sleep for now. I love you!

Love,
 Me

1:34am
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Esme Anne Platt Evenson Cullen
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Name: Esme Anne Platt Evenson Cullen
Date of birth: 1895
Date of transformation: 1921, at age 26
Source of transformation: Carlisle Cullen
Place of origin: Columbus, Ohio
Hair color: caramel brown
Eye color: brown (human); gold/black (vampire)
height: 5'6"
Physical description: Esme has a heart-shaped face.  Her body is small and slender, but curvy.
Special abilities: she does not possess a quantifiable supernatural ability.
Education/occupation: she has degrees in architecture and art, and has also studied photography
hobbies: she loves to restore old houses.
vehicle: none; she borrows one of her family members' cars whenever she needs a vehicle.
family/coven relationships: Before her transformations, she was  married to Carles Evenson and had a son who died shortly after birth.  She is currently married to Carlisle and considers Edward Cullen, Rosalie Hale, Emmett Cullen, Alice Cullen, and Jasper Hale her children; Bella Cullen her daughter-in-law; and Renesmee Cullen her granddaughter.
Personal History: Esme Anne Platt grew up on a farm outside of Columbus, Ohio.  As a child, she lived a happy life, although in her teen years she found it hard to conform to the behavior that was expected of a respectable young lady at the time.
In 1911, Esme fell and broke her leg while climbing a tree.  The local doctor was away, and she ended up being treated by Dr Carlisle Cullen.  Although she mentioned it to no one at the time, meeting Carlisle affected her deeply.  He was unlike anyone she had ever met--genuinely thoughtful, and truly interested in what she had to say.  Unfortunately, he was in town only briefly and soon left, but she never forgot him.
Esme's friends began to marry, and before long she was the only one still unwed.  Esme wanted to fall in love herself, but she never found anyone who measured up to her memory of Carlisle.  Esme tried to persuade her father to allow her to pursue a teaching position in the West, but he didn't think it was respectable for a lady to live alone in the wilds.  Instead, her father pressured her to accept the son of a family friend who wanted to marry her.  Several years Esme's senior, Charles Evenson had good prospects.  Esme was indifferent to Charles, but not opposed to him, so she agreed to the marriage to please her father.
Esme quickly discovered that the marriage was a mistake; Charles's public face was very different from his private one.  He physically abused her.  Her parents rejected her plea for asylum; they counseled her to be a "good wife" and keep quiet  When Charles left to fight in World War 1, it was an enormous relief.  When he returned unscathed in 1919, it was a nightmare.
Soon after his return, Esme became pregnant.  The baby was Esme's motivation to escape--she would not bring a child into Charles's home. Esme ran away and went to stay with a cousin in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.  When her husband discovered her whereabouts, she fled to Ashland, Wisconsin, where she posed as a war widow.  In order to support herself, Esme pursued her old dream of being a schoolteacher.
Esme began building a life for herself and her baby.  She loved the unborn child more than her own life.  But two days after her son was born, he died of lung fever. Feeling as if she had lost everything, Esme walked to a cliff outside of town and jumped.
Esme regained consciousness in excruciating pain.  Despite the pain, Esme was amazed to see Carlisle again, not sure if she was in heaven or hell.  When the transformation was over, Carlisle explained that he'd turned her into a vampire in order to save her life.  Esme was not as upset as he had expected.  Adjusting to her new vampire nature had its challenges, and there were times when the call of human blood was too strong for her to resist; still, she was happen to be with the man she'd always idolized.  Her youthful crush transitioned easily into full-fledged love.
Before long, Carlisle and Esme married.  She never lost her maternal instincts, and as the oldest of the Cullens, she automatically fell into a mothering role with Edward and, later, the other members of the family.