November 19th, 2012

November 19th, 2012
11:34pm

Hey Chels!
My my what a day. I got some studying done, did some tarot card stuff, went to the library and had an all around relaxing day. I started my very first dancing morning!! It was so much fun but I wanted to learn some new dance moves so I got some hip hop dance DVDs from the library. I also got this book about Paris Hilton which I will be making fun in future vlogs, lol.

So.. I spoke to James tonight. And of course it depressed me. He told me I lied so he's just going to get his comic books. Ugh. The whole conversation was just depressing. He called me sadistic and apparently I like to torture men. And he thought I was joking when I asked him to be my boyfriend, apparently I didn't ask at the right time. Well, slap my ass sideways. I didn't fucking know there was a right and wrong time to ask someone that
kind of direct question. And he didn't give an answer that a person would give if they were joking and he definitely wasn't joking when he told me not to get serious. So what the fuck am I supposed to think? I might have given up easily but he's the one who played around with my feelings and won't stop bringing it up. Yet I'm the one torturing him. You know what? He can get his own damn comic books. He's such a nice guy that he just hurt me for no fucking reason. At least it's been a month and I can deal with it better. At least now maybe he can really just leave me alone. I'm done bringing this up. I'm done talking about it. I'm done having this same fight over and over again. It's not my fault he messed up and I bowed out. I guess he realized I was the only girl who would make time for him and hang out with him and actually care about him. I know you didn't like him and I could see why. He had already messed up a couple of times enough to upset me prior to that. He doesn't even understand what it took me to go meet him in the first place. He should have just appreciated me when he had me. It's not even like I hate him or anything because I don't. I'm just sick of having this same conversation. And he can choose not to believe me just because he never called the post office himself or went to the house the package was delivered to. Obviously because if he did then he would have found out what happened to his stuff and possibly could have gotten it back. I'm not gonna go out of my way for someone who just expects me to do everything just because he's pissed at me. He needs to just get over it and move on with his life. I'm finally adjusting to being on my own again. I mean there's Larry but not much is happening over there which is fine. He's really the only person I would even remotely consider being with at this point unless someone better than him came along and I highly doubt that would happen, unless Steve moved here lol. But it does not look like that will be happening :(.

Anywho... Boys suck. I'm done with the whole lot of them, lol. I love you!

11:59
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
November 19th
This dream was pretty sad. I had a dream about Cory. Not korey who ended up being psycho, but Cory who I met in Montana on that mission trip. He drove all the way to my house and I had no idea he was coming. We talked and kissed and more. We were going to go out but as we were getting into his pick up truck, Geoff pulled up because I guess he wanted to hang out as well. So then we all pile up in the truck and all of a sudden there's two more people. Like where in the hell did they come from? So, apparently we are looking for some snow to play around with but everywhere we look there's nothing. So we are at this park and Cory just disappears on me. I run into some friends who distract me for a while until I go into this building and I find him. I don't have to ask where he's been because I see a huge cake and a girl in a wedding dress standing right by him. He doesn't even act surprised. He just acts like I should be happy for him. So I run out of the building and I find my friend Emily trying to get rid of snow so she sweeps it underneath her house which is shaped like a tee pee and there's water, like a creek. She and someone else jump on a square thing and disappear so I try the same thing and of course freak out. But I get outside and Cory is looking for me. There is this sidewalk where everyone is moved to the side to let this lady by who is jogging and I just bump right into her. I find Cory walking along the path and I stare him down. I start freaking out on him that we finally had sex and he's married!?!?! He didn't really say anything to try and defend himself. Then there were these rabid dog things that looked like foxes or something and I tried floating up to avoid them but they would jump and try and bite me. I have no idea what those things were or why they were in my dream.