10:00am
Hey Chels,
So, guess who talked to my on fb last night and again this morning. Larry. WTF is up with that? I kind of told him about my day from hell yesterday and he was like, "if only I could do something." and I asked him what he meant and he said, "something to cheer you up." I just told him that I had already taken a bath and I was all snuggly and ready for bed so I don't really need anything. I think he thinks I'm with that guy who asked me out on a date back in... August. I don't know, after blowing me off and making me feel stupid all year I really don't get his sudden interest in talking to me again, unless it's a "wanting something he can't have" type deal. In which case I say... You could have had me!! If only you didn't act like an asshole until I moved on!! I swear if he tries to put the moves on me or say anything like that, I'm just gonna scream. I still have no idea why any of this happened, I mean if his goal was to get in my pants it worked considering I told him that was pretty much a sure thing. So... I'm not really understanding the need for not even acting like my friend since March (the second time we slept together) but only speaking to me when he wants something. I'm not sure if that's what this is but if it turns out to be something like that I'm gonna be pissed. And yet... I don't want to get into it with him. He is who he is and I can't control how he behaves around me. But I can control how I behave around him and he put himself in the friend zone indefinitely. He finally got a girl to see him as more than a friend and then treats her like crap basically. And now he's being nice to me. Ugh I don't need this today. Or any day for that matter. I could look at the bright side with at least we are talking again and maybe now we can actually work on being friends without all the other crap getting in the way. Which is mainly all I wanted to begin with.
I just hope I get to see James sometime this week. I finally got to talk to him last night after all the shit I went through and he cheered me up a little. I could just really use some time away from all this drama. As much as I love my mom, sometimes it gets to be too much when she starts screaming at me because I've decided to tune her out because she keeps repeating herself over and over. I try and understand what the fuck she's saying and she gets mad. And then last night she bitches about my dad being ungrateful. I'm fucking sick of it. She needs to stop taking her shit out on me because if she keeps doing it, I'm not gonna stick around. I'll find some crappy job and move into some ghetto place just to get the fuck out of here. As much as I love her, it's not my fault the people she wanted to speak to were out to lunch till 1:30pm. It's also not my fault that my dad got sick from the iron infusion. So repeating yourself 4 times over obsessing about the same two things isn't going to help anything. And then trying to track a freak out is even worse. Ugh.
Anyway, I'm gonna get going for now. Today is definitely a pumpkin spice latte kind of day. Love you!
Rita
10:21am
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Song #6: Flightless Bird American Mouth by Iron and Wine
I was a quick wet boy
diving to deep for coins
all of your street light eyes (shiney, glimmering?)
wide on my plastic toys
then when the cops closed the fair
i cut my long baby hair
stole me a dog-eared map
and called for you everywhere
(this is a song about a journey of a man. at first he was a child, going about things head first without thinking and then he grew up and started his journey.)
have I found you?
flightless bird, jealous, weeping
or lost you?
american mouth
big pill looming
(what he's looking for could be something that constantly wishes it was something different, like a bird without wings that wishes it could fly.)
Now I'm a fat house cat
nursing my sore blunt tongue
watching the warm poison rats
curl through the wide fence cracks
(the poison of the later phase of a relationship, letting things fall through the cracks, becoming lazy and "comfortable".)
Kissing on magazine photos
those fishing lures thrown in the cold and clean
blood of Christ mountain stream
(falling out of love, being tempted by other people, breaking vows.)
Have I found you?
flightless bird, grounded, bleeding
(this could be someone's "one true love," staying still and not going anywhere)
Or lost you?
american mouth
big pills stuck going down
My interpretation (if you could call it that, lol):
I picked this song mainly because I thought it was pretty and have always wondered what the lyrics were. but it looks like i'm going to have to do some research and see if I can find the exact meaning (or at least a better one) because all of this is beyond me.
*update*
Well, I scoured the internet looking for any type of interpretation for this song because I for the life of me could not figure any of it out. This is the best response that i got from the song and will put it in here as well as my own interpretation. when you read it... let me know... what's yours?
(i'm putting the source in here because I'm NOT trying to steal this person's work. Lol all that talk about how important bibliographies are in English class FINALLY paid off! woot woot!)
Let's Decipher Iron and Wine's "flightless bird, american mouth".
I have been listening over and over again to the song "Flightless Bird, american mouth" by Iron and Wine. I first fell in love with it in tthe "twilight" movie. and now i have had it on repeat since I started listening to the soundtrack, almost as good as the Garden State soundtrack.
So, I was trying to find out the meaning of the song on the internet, to no avail. so i thought i would throw my hat in the ring. now, most people have written on sites and blogs that they find the song to have a political message. i see where that comes from if you choose to look at the song in that way. now songs can have several meanings, let's not be like my 10th grade English teacher, who said every poem has one and only one meaning: HERS. although i don't think she's ever asked the poets, you know since they are all DEAD!
Okay, that rant is over. I'm going to tell you why i think Flightless Bird can be a love song, and therefore, could be just absolutely perfect for the prom theme in "Twilight." first off, it's a beautiful song, no matter what its true meaning.
K first thing, here are the lyrics:
(lyrics)
I believe the song represents a relationship in its entirety, from start to finish for one person, let's just say the guy.
the first part of the song, from wet boy to baby hair represents childhood and the loss of innocence. and feeling like you have no voice in the world.
to me, stealing a dog-eared map and called for you everywhere, trying to find the one you love, the one who could possibly be your other half. a dog-eared map is an old one. you can look everywhere, but these are the places everyone has already been so you won't be able to find somebody who you think is special. those places have already been looked in, an they're not for you.
And after searching, in all the places you thought, you find your flightless bird. i find the flightless bird to mean that it’s a special person, a flightless bird, someone who has evolved from their current state (a bird) to become an exceptional, special person. That flightless bird, the special one, is jealous and weeping because they can’t find anyone to accept them for who they are, not normal.
I think American Mouth, means the ability to communicate, how the two lovers understand and talk to each other. Big pill looming I think means the future, what can happen to this love.
The second part of the song is phase 2 of the relationship, past the honeymoon stage. I think the house cat part is an analogy to becoming lazy in love, and not appreciating the person as the one who is your true love anymore. Pissing, ruining the relationship because you got too comfortable.
The fishing lures have gone cold, since you are not trying to catch each other anymore. I think the next line is where the lover realizes that the relationship has changed. I see the clean blood of Christ to means I’ve judged and I want some atonement, to reconcile what we have become.
Finally, the last part,
(last of the lyrics)
Since in theory a flightless bird is already grounded, in general terms, the love made them feel like they could fly (at least the flightless bird) And since being made feel like they could fly, it’s lost now. But, American mouth, we can still communicate, this does not have to end, the big pill (the future) is stuck, but we can stop it from going down.
Okay, that’s it from me. Are you not so jealous I spent time doing this today at work? Sorry this is the total former creative writing major in me. Now, the song could not mean anything like what I think. It could be a political message about a broken American dream. But it’s me projecting and this is what I see. Decipher it for yourself, what do you think?
http://theswellsavvygirl.wordpress.com/2008/12/02/lets-decipher-iron-wines-flightless-bird-american-mouth/
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