1:10am
Hey Chels,
So, I got James's address wrong and he never got his package so I'm going to have to go to the post office sometime this week and see if I can get that to him. Or just pay him back or just get him some new comics. As much as I'm pissed off still, I want him to have his stuff back. I'm not trying to hold anything for ransom. I just don't want him to have a reason to continue contacting me, either.
I'm still a little upset about it, but the more and more I think about it... I know I made the right choice. He really had me. I had a great feeling about him and I loved spending time with him and he just completely ruined it. And after everything he said yesterday... Basically saying that he was joking about everything I took seriously and even when I asked him point blank. I just went with my gut feeling. I just can't be in a relationship that's this confusing. And I can't trust someone who I can't have a serious conversation. Do you want to be my boyfriend? It's a yes or no question. His answer wasn't yes. So, I can't help it that he's missing me and I hurt him and he's dating other girls because of me. I have to do what's best for me. And I deserve to be with someone who knows what he has when he's with me and he won't play around with my feelings and if I ask him to be my boyfriend, he won't joke around with his answer. I'm really disappointed at the way things turned out. I just want to get past it and move on and if getting him his stuff is gonna do that then fine. I just want to be done with it. Cuz he doesn't understand me at all. He doesn't know anything about me. That much is obvious. He just saw a pretty face and that's all I ever was to him. Just a time filler. Until he got that job then he completely ignored me then was explaining things to me like I'm an idiot about how he spent his time. I wouldn't have been so pissed if he hadn't of already blown me off once before because of that place. Honestly... He's a nice enough guy. He just doesn't know how to deal with women at all. Maybe if I gave things more of a chance they wouldn't have turned out this way. But I feel like he didn't really give me a chance, either. He didn't really care to understand me as a person. He just saw whatever he saw.
I don't know what's going to happen between Larry and myself. If we will ever evolve past this stage or if we will decide to just be friends. But I can tell you one thing. Everything that I wrote about in my last notebook about him was true. I could understand where he was coming from and that's exactly what he told me in the car when I saw him. What he and I have goes beyond friendship. It's like how I feel about you. In a different way tho cuz we aren't lesbians lol but as much a part of me as you are friendship and sister wise, he is to me friendship and best friend/possible love interest wise. I'm not saying that I'm in love with him. I love him as simply as I can and I just want him to be happy. I don't want to date anyone else until I know for sure that he and I won't work as anything but friends. And I'm completely okay with being mostly on my own for right now. And I know in my heart that Larry would never fuck around with my feelings. Either he would want to be with me or he wouldn't and his answer would never ever be "I don't know.". Larry really isn't the crappy friend he was this year. I feel like he was acting like that because he just didn't know how to act and then was ashamed of his behavior and couldn't tell me for a while. That can be forgiven as long as it doesn't happen again. If we were really together and next summer came around.... I hope it would be different. But the only way to find out is to stick around. I know he'd be okay if I met someone else. I know he just wants me to be happy. But I don't want just anyone else. I tried being with someone else. And I wouldn't have picked him if I didn't really like him. But now that it's clear things aren't gonna work out, we have the chance to see what happens.
I don't feel as urgent about it as I did before though. I guess because I know he feels the same way about me as I do him and I'm sure he would love a shot at making me happy.
I'm just gonna focus on making me happy until that moment comes :).
Goodnight!
Love,
Me
1:38am
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Life laughs
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For some reason it took me a while to finish this one, but you guessed it. I loved it. She was going to call it Marriage Laughs but as she was writing it she realized that she couldn't call it that anymore. Like I said in my vlog though, it feels like you're sitting with your best girlfriends just shooting the shit and talking about life. I felt like this book was more real, too. Like.. Her first two were good but there was something off and then in this one you could just tell she was a lot more open. The thing I liked a lot was something that reminded me of you was when she talked about her divorce. She stayed with the guy for 7 years because she was afraid of failing. But you know... When something isn't working out, it's better to let go of the idea of who you want someone to be. There was no way that relationship between you and David could work out because he was so unbelievably damaged. And just like me and Brian. But you know... You and I got through that stuff together. And I don't know how I could have gotten through it if not for you. But anyway... I highly recommend this book. You will prolly get through it fast because it's a fast read but you will not be disappointed.
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11:24pm
Hey Chels,
Happy election day! Well, not so happy for you because Romney didn't win. Okay, I've pretty much kept quiet about this whole thing because I value your friendship and I don't want to lose you over something stupid like politics. Honestly though, I have no idea where you got the info from that you researched. I'm not going to say horrible things about Romney or attack him. But I am going to say this. And you don't have to agree with me.
You may not believe that gay people were born gay or choose to be gay, or that what they "do" is not a sin. You may not think it's right. And that's perfectly fine. But it doesn't make them any less human. Nor does being a female, black, transgender, handicapped, or poor/middle class. America should not be about control of power and all the old rich guys having the power and hoarding all the money and everyone else having to slave away for no money every day until they drop dead and their family inherits their debt. That's not right. America should be a free country. That should mean freedom for every single person living in this country. Every citizen of this country should have the freedom to marry who he/she chooses, no matter what. Every person should be able to get healthcare and not have to stay unhealthy because they can't afford it. People should be able to get treated for abortions, drug addictions, and anything else in a safe and healthy manner. Again, you may be against abortion and that's perfectly fine. Don't you have one then and if you ever needed to, I pray that we live in a country where you wouldn't get persecuted for it.
I'm not saying any of these things to accuse you of being a bad person. You just believe what you believe. But a lot of the problems this country has right now happened way before Obama was even in office. In 2008 gas prices spiked up to $4.50. What so you think was the first to go after it got up to $3? Gambling. Guess who lost lots of time and money due to no one being at the track? Me. I had paychecks that were pathetic and I was living off of the dollar menu at Wendy's and ramen noodles. This was because the economy was totally fucked at this point. Big businesses were losing money. No one could keep a job. People who had been at their jobs for 20+ years were getting laid off because the companies couldn't afford to keep them. It was cheaper to hire someone with no experience than to keep someone who knew and lived their job. This was why America was screaming for a change in 2008. You may think the economy has gotten worse than it was in 2008 and it's true that it will take a very long time to get this country back to what it could be. Even I'm not delusional enough to think the economy is perfect. But do you like the fact that there are still small, independent businesses? Planned parenthood? Rehab for people who need it? The right to vote? Equal pay for women? The right to be a woman and not get sexually assaulted and if you are, you have the right to speak up? Thank the democrats. And the republicans who were progressive enough to recognize the importance of these things.
Alright I'm done for now. Love you.
Rita
11:59pm
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Love, lust, and faking it
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This is by far my favorite of all her books so far. I think she has a new book out called "bad habits" that just came out this year. But anyway, this book is mainly about her journey into womanhood, stories about first loves and also about life after her divorce. Something that was really cool to me was this website she kept talking about called www.thework.com. I haven't been able to see it yet but I will check it out soon. It's mainly about taking responsibility for our own part in what makes us miserable. Like, things don't work out in relationships because one person always wants to put the blame on the other person and never themselves. But the truth is, everyone has their own views of what went wrong and everyone feels they should be entitled to be the one who walked away. And I think it's the people who don't recognize their own part in what went wrong that are destined to repeat their mistakes.
She also had certain chapters interviewing people about different things. The thing I love about this book is that it's so honest. I felt with her first couple of books that yeah she was honest but she was holding back and in each of her books they get more in depth about who she really is and I really admire that about her. Apparently she's not the crazy outgoing persona that she was on Singled Out, either. But that's not why I like her. She's just a breath of fresh air to me. I feel like with all these Hollywood people, nobody wants to say how they really feel about anything. But there are those certain people that power through and speak their own truth. It gives me hope that I can stand on my own and I will be just fine and if I don't have a boyfriend it means I'm not ready to have one yet.
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Tila’s Artwork vs Nostradamus 2012: Deciphered!
WRITTEN BY: MISSTILA - NOV• 06•12
I started painting fervently starting this Summer within the span of about a month’s time from August-September 2012. I would paint non-stop for hours upon hours. Whipping out up to at least 10 pieces per day. Not all pieces are shown here, but the last one I ever painted was titled “THE LAST ECLIPSE” back then I didn’t quite FULLY understand what they all meant, along with all the TITLES I decided to name them, but today, I fully remember and know now exactly what it all means and what it has to do with mankind at large. It is not a coincidence Nostradamus also has a lot of “SCORPIO” drawn in his quatrains for our “END TIMES.” What does this all mean? Well, look a little closer and you shall see for yourselves.
The good news is, this doesn’t necessarily mean that the world “AS WE KNOW IT” will end… however the “EVILS” whom have been ruling us all, and those whom blindly follow them….their time is indeed up. A Spiritual Warfare, at War no more… “THE LAST DAYS” (of this War)-That is all.
TO BE CONTINUED……
Love,
Miss Tila
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BLOCKED AGAIN!!
WRITTEN BY: MISSTILA - NOV• 06•12
I tried to upload a new video revealing some more truths for all of you, but saw that the video I tried to upload on my youtube account (as with a few other videos, which have then been taken down) has been heavily tampered with. Therefor not allowing my messages to get to you guys clearly. We already know this is wrong on so many levels, but I shall continue!
Thank you all for your support! We are all in this TOGETHER, and if one of us is being wrongly silenced or “JAILED” then so will the rest of us and we will NOT live life by those rules as they render us SLAVES! Continue to support and spread the message as I try to figure out another way to send you the video I just tried to share! What they are doing is CEARLY WRONG, and the more they do it, the more we all see it.
COME BACK SOON AS I TRY TO RE-UPLOAD OR I CAN EMAIL ALL OF YOU MY VIDEO AND YOU CAN UPLOAD THEM YOURSELVES ALL OVER THE NET! FREE SPEECH! LET ME KNOW AND I’LL START SENDING TO YOU!
Love
Miss Tila
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Tila’s Artwork VS Nostradamus 2012 Predictions: Deciphered!-(5th ATTEMPT)
WRITTEN BY: MISSTILA - NOV• 06•12
ATTENTION: This is my 5th attempt to try to post this message up, but again, in the midst of it all, I was once again blocked. On top of that I want you all to be well aware that this is NOT the first time this has happened. Yes, we all know FB has blocked me for a month along with everyone else who is supporting our “FREEDOM FIGHTERS TRUTH MOVEMENT” cause, but now Youtube has found another way around it by either:
1) Constant “ABORTED UPLOAD” or “FAILED” whenever I try to upload a new video to reach out to you guys
2) If the video DOES happen to work, my original video & it’s messages of TRUTH has been HEAVILY TAMPERED WITH, therefor leaving me no choice but to delete them right away because all they are doing is tampering with my video’s to add in DEMONIC visions instilled in my video’s or the video itself just “STOPS PLAYING” or “CONTINUE TO SKIP” when NONE OF THIS USED TO HAPPEN BEFORE I STARTED SPEAKING OUT!
3) This time I shall try again, and I have also sent out all of my video’s to the rest of the FREEDOM FIGHTERS out there to back me so that they too, can upload my videos for me as well as all of you!
Now back to what I was trying to post about 2 hours ago, until I got interrupted by “THE OTHERS” once again trying to prevent me from shedding some LIGHT to you all who have a right to know what is going on.
TO further prove I am not lying, here is a screencap I took to show you how many times I have tried to upload my video and what it said:
Anyway this was my ORIGINAL MESSAGE IN REGARDS TO MY VIDEO:
I started painting fervently starting this Summer within the span of about a month’s time from August-September 2012. I would paint non-stop for hours upon hours. Whipping out up to at least 10 pieces per day. Not all pieces are shown here, but the last one I ever painted was titled “THE LAST ECLIPSE” back then I didn’t quite FULLY understand what they all meant, along with all the TITLES I decided to name them, but today, I fully remember and know now exactly what it all means and what it has to do with mankind at large. It is not a coincidence Nostradamus also has a lot of “SCORPIO” drawn in his quatrains for our “END TIMES.” What does this all mean? Well, look a little closer and you shall see for yourselves.
The good news is, this doesn’t necessarily mean that the world “AS WE KNOW IT” will end… however the “EVILS” whom have been ruling us all, and those whom blindly follow them….their time is indeed up. A Spiritual Warfare, at War no more… “THE LAST DAYS” (of this War)-That is all.
TO BE CONTINUED……
Love,
Miss Tila
PS-if this video DOES NOT PLAY THROUGH… just download it or let me know where I can upload the ORIGINAL FILE SO EVERYONE CAN DOWNLOAD AND WATCH THE ORIGINAL VIDEO WITHOUT IT BEING TAMPERED!!!!!!!
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