October 15th, 2012
1:32am
Hey Chels,
I'm really freaking exhausted but I wanted to write. So... I had the worst/best day today. It was bad because I got really sick and almost had to cancel seeing James but after a while I felt better so I went to see him anyway. I'm glad that I got to because I really needed the snuggles, and actually he was really sweet. He just snuggled with me and he said something about going to dairy queen but it reminded me of the last time (last summer) I got dairy queen while I was on my period and I got incredibly sick. So we went to Jewel instead and I got a little thing of ice cream which didn't upset my stomach at all. He said he has never seen someone's period kick their ass the way mine did me and you know, that's exactly right. My periods do kick my ass. I try not to let them but sometimes I will have a really bad one that no matter what I do it won't get better. But those are very few and far between. And at least I never fainted again like that one time.
Anyway, I couldn't even give him a backrub because I felt so crummy but he just took care of me and made me some tea and just snuggled with me and tried to keep me laughing so I wouldn't feel like complete crap. I used to have these periods where I would kick and scream until I passed out (first when my dad got sick, then when I was with Brian). Now it doesn't get that bad but when I feel crummy all I want is to be held. It's not just a comfort thing, it helps my back because it's warm and it helps with the pressure. James was just so sweet, I can't get it out of my head. I hope he is always like that because if he really did turn out to be a jerk, I would be so sad.
Okay so... I am going to do something cool in here. Or at least, I want to lol. So, I want to make a little Halloween section in the nb. First I want to explain why it's one of my favorite holidays and what it means to me and my favorite memories. Then I want to go into the history of the holiday and how it got started. I'm going to have to put it in here because I want to keep all my stuff in order, but yeah. I'm so excited!! I even plan on getting dressed up, taking pics and putting them in the nb. I don't know if I'll be going anywhere, I just want to dress up.
So... I'm gonna get some sleep, I'm pretty exhausted. I love you and I can't wait to finally start this thing up. I think no matter what I'm gonna start writing in the new nb on November 1st. So I'm giving myself until then to finish everything I want to get finished before putting it all together. Of course I will still be working on stuff, but I want to see how much I will have to work with by then. I'm gonna have a lot of pictures in there even though they will be in black and white. I think what I'm gonna do is this: study until the cut off day, October 24th. Then from the 24th to the 1st of November I will type as much as I can to finish up the last notebooks before sending them out. Then from November 1st until I finish I will alternate days between studying, typing stuff up, and new nbs. Until I get everything finished. I think I'm gonna end up taking my test sometime next year. I know the questions are pretty much all repeats but every so often there's a question I don't recognize so I owe it to myself to go through all the tests and copy all the answers. I think I will end up having to get another subscription, unless I can manage doing 2-3 tests every single day this week which I know I can't. No matter if I finish this time or not, I'm gonna do my best and get finished what I can and then take that break and then go back to it. I am determined to put this whole thing together and I want to follow through and really study and put a test together that I can be proud of so I will feel confident in knowing the material for the next time I take this thing.
Okay, now I'm really going, lol. I love you.
Love,
Me
2:01am
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No One lyrics
I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You could be sure
That it will only get better
(this is a complete love song. she doesn't want him to be anywhere else other than with her and she is certain that it will only get better from whatever point in the relationship that they're at.)
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's gonna be alright
People keep talking
They could say what they like
But all I know is
Everything's gonna be alright
(this might be about a relationship that the people around her may or may not approve of for whatever reason. but she's not worried about what other people think because she knows in her heart that things will be okay no matter what happens.)
And no one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel
For you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain
(he will be there for her no matter what storms come in her life, through thick and thin.)
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's gonna be alright
People keep talking
They could say what they like
But all I know is
Everything's gonna be alright
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel
For you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel
I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try
Try to divide something so real
So 'til the end of time
I'm telling you there is
(it's funny how there are people who search their whole life for what she has with this person and then others who will try and break them up but no one can tell her she's wrong for feeling the way that she does about this person so she's going to stick by him no matter what. and i think that kind of faith is all about how love is. when you have faith in the person that much to stick with them no matter what other people will try and say or do.)
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
This song reminds me of Christmastime 2007 when I was living in Florida. I told you about the video that I saw and you fell in love with it, too. To me it's about this relationship she has with this guy that not everyone approves of but she doesn't worry about it because no matter what happens, she will never stop loving him. Even though this song has outlived 3 of my boyfriends, I still want it to be the song I dance with my future husband to, whenever I EVER get married.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Walking dead: miles behind us
This was the second installment of the walking dead comic book. In this book we find out the Lori is pregnant (and the baby may or may not be Rick's). I think it's interesting to note that in the comic book, Shane was already dead when we find out he might have fathered a child. Also, Carl gets shot by a guy named Otis but he's not huge like in the series.
They move camp because Shane is dead and Rick seems to be the leader. They meet these people out on the road one night and the guy seems to be really cool. He has a daughter and his daughter has a boyfriend who always tries to get into her pants but she won't let him. I think it's funny that there's a zombie apocalypse and she's still worried about the "right moment." They come across this gated community where everything seems to be perfect until this sign is found "all dead do not enter". They got the hell out as quickly as they could but not all of them made it. They found a place to camp and then Otis shot Carl and that's how they found the barn. The guy who owned it fixed Carl up and told them they could stay there until Carl gets better. Hershell and Rick had a big fight about whether or not they could stay and ultimately they ended up leaving but Glenn stayed because he fell in love with Maggie and the rest of them ended up finding a prison. And thats where it leaves off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
11:11pm
Hey Chels,
Make a wish!! Hehe. Anyhow, how was ur day? I'm sorry you dropped your phone in water :(. I hope you can get a new one soon. My day was pretty cool. I studied and then did nbs for the rest of the day. I'm probably not going to finish with everything but at least I'm studying everyday. And I'm still going to take a break once my subscription expires. Until after I get paid and all my other expenses get paid for (mostly car stuff and phone) and then I'm back on it. But yeah, I'm pretty sure that this nb is on its way to being done already. I just got this great idea today. You know how in the last nb I made a list of all my fb friends who had babies this year (2012)? Well, today I decided that in this upcoming nb, I'm going to make little cards. On the outside it will be the expectant mother and on the inside it will be mama and baby, plus baby's info. I tried to get as close to the birth and the first pics afterwards but sometimes that proved difficult so I made do with what I had to work with. But I still think it came out pretty sweet. Well, will come out, anyway.
So, I'm not sure if I mentioned this before but we are designing our own tarot cards for tarot class and I'm doing something with my hands and jewelry. But then I got sick so I haven't started yet. I think we are meeting this week but I'm not sure if it's this week or next week. Meh, I will look at the calendar tomorrow.
So, as you know my birthday is coming up in a few days. I'm really excited but I also tend to do this thing where I reflect on the past year and see how much I've grown. Well, I'm not gonna go into the crazy that was last year. But I have to say that this year has been nothing but growth for me. But you know, in spite of everything, there are still parts of the old me I miss. For one thing, I miss Killer. I miss the way he used to run to me and when we would take walks, he would walk beside me and protect me. I miss the way he used to snuggle with me and he always wanted to be a part of what I was doing. I don't know if he's still with Tori or if he's with Barry again. The one thing I don't get is... If Sarah was going to be friends with him again, wouldn't she eventually tell him where his dog ended up? I thought it was so stupid of her to get mad at me for telling him where his dog was. How was I supposed to know he was getting out? Sheesh. But it made no sense to keep that a secret yet get mad if he wasn't fully honest with her. The sad thing is, a part of me misses Sarah. For those couple of months when things were really bad, it was great to have her. Although I'm sure the reason she stopped being my friend was because he told her I knew he was using. But you know what? It doesn't matter. She was never really my friend. I was just her connection to him, to tide her over until he came back.
Another person I miss is Stephanie. What really pissed me off about her was the fact that she made such a big deal about not knowing what the fuck to do about KC and Matt. Essentially, she cheated on KC with Matt, then married him 2 weeks after KC moved out. Yet she didn't have the balls to break up with him herself. He had to break up with her over text message which is pathetic because they lived together. And then she was so worried about being pregnant with Matt's baby. Then a week later he's perfect, and a week after that she's marrying him? Um, that's a big pile of crazy. I miss her but what am I gonna say to her? Do I really want her back in my life? Or do I just miss the friend I had for a few months before she went crazy? I have no idea.
I would say that I miss Barry, but I don't miss the way he used me as a rebound and manipulated me from the beginning. I don't miss the way he always took advantage of me and I don't miss how he never loved me the way he loved and still loves Sarah. I don't miss how he lied to me, broke my heart and cheated on me with heroin and quite possibly at least 3 different women. I really don't miss how he was never there for me when my dad got sick. I guess that outweighs anything that I would ever miss about him.
You know, I am the only normal girl he ever dated. And will probably be one girl who cut myself out of his life. I'm not sure how he feels about me not talking to him, but I'm sure he would have something to say if he had the chance. I'm still happy I changed my phone number, those people calling me all the time was getting annoying.
Anywho, I'm gonna go to sleep soon, my head is killing me tonight.
Love,
Me
11:47pm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TWILIGHT
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Written by
Melissa Rosenberg
Based on the novel by
Stephenie Meyer
SHOOTING DRAFT
February 11, 2008
FADE IN:
1 EXT. RAIN FOREST, OLYMPIC NATIONAL PARK, WASHINGTON - DAWN
Moss-draped. Shadow-drenched. Tortured tree trunks twist
upward, reaching for rare sunlight.
BELLA (V.O.):
I'd never given much thought to how I would die..
Suddenly, every creature in the forest is deadly silent. Neither bird, beast nor insect make a noise. A predator is near. Then, in the distance, hear a tiny SNICK - a twig snapping. Abruptly, we're on the move. Fast.
UNKNOWN POV - MOVING
Trees start whipping past us at a dizzying speed, branches
are dodged with preternatural agility. And we're speeding
up, chasing something. It's exhilarating. Terrifying.
Finally, up ahead, we get the first glimpse of our prey --
A DEER
-- running for its life as it darts through this maze of
a forest. It sprints forward, but we gain on it. Beyond the deer, SEE the forest's edge ahead, white sunlight glowing against the trees. The buck races for the light. We're just behind it, about to emerge from the shadowy darkness --
The deer LEAPS into the light in a high arc, hovering (suddenly SLOW MOTION) against the WHITE GLARE of the sun... then BAM!
The deer abruptly plummets out of frame at an unnatural angle, leaving the WHITE GLARE to fill the screen. HOLD ON WHITENESS-
BELLA (V.O.):
But dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go...
-- Then into the WHITENESS steps the face of -
2 ISABELLA SWAN, 17
Eyes closed against the sunlight, absorbing its rays. Long, dark hair frames alabaster skin. She's a vulnerable,
introverted, imperfect beauty.
BELLA (V.O.):
... So I can't bring myself to regret the decision that brought me here to die...
The background comes into focus as we realize we're now in -
2.
EXT. SCOTTSDALE, AZ - DA
Bella stands at the end of a cul-de-sac on the desert's edge. The sun blazes behind her -- she bends down and carefully scoops a tiny BARREL CACTUS into a clay pot.
BELLA (V.O.:
... The decision to leave home.She stares at the cactus in a state of reverie, until
BLONDE #1 (O.S.):
Bye, Bella!
BELLA'S POV - McMansion ACROSS THE STREET
Three tanned, athletic, blonde GIRLS hop into a convertible
Mercedes. Their flawless, bought-and-paid for beauty contrasts
with Bella's pale naturalness. They wave.
BLONDE #2:
Good luck at your new school!
They ADLIB superficial good wishes, "Don't forget to write;"
"We'll miss you." Bella waves back, sweetly, but halfheartedly as she steps off the curb.
BELLA:
Have a good..--and trips. When she rights herself, they're already gone.
BELLA:
... life.
Clearly, not close friends. Bella's grown-up demeanor and innate intelligence become apparent as--
BELLA'S MOTHER, RENE, mid 30's --exits their house --it's low rent for this ritzy neighborhood. Rene is eclectic, scattered, anxious, more best friend than parent. She thrusts a cell phone at Bella.
RENE:
It won't work again, baby.
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