October 21st, 2012

October 21st, 2012
11:31am

Hey Chels,
Hey lady!! I fell asleep on you last night and I'm gonna text you in a little bit but I wanted to write first. So, I miss James. I know that this is the right decision for me, who wants to stick around while someone takes forever to decide what they want? But I miss him. I didn't break things off because I didn't like him, I broke things off because I can't just spend all of this time with him and not feel something towards him that apparently he doesn't want me to feel. So it is just easier for me to say goodbye now so I don't end up getting really hurt later on when it's been 6 months and he still doesn't know. He probably just thinks I'm being a bitch right now but you know what, I don't even care. Yesterday he asked about his walking dead comics and I said I would mail them and he got really mad.

What I should do is take the conversations I have been having with James for the last couple days and write those, and with Larry as well. My phone needs to charge a little bit more in order for that to happen, however.

I don't understand how it even makes any sense how he would expect me not to feel close to him after we've been acting like we're already together and exclusive. I don't get how he can just think that sex means nothing to me besides the physical after he himself mentioned us having a connection that he's never really had before when we look into each other's eyes during it. And that's what I mean. You can't just be that intimate with someone and then be told not to feel something towards them. And I told him that yesterday. Even though he was acting like a little wounded puppy I wanted to let him know that he really hurt me. And I think he thought I was joking when I said I tend to shut people out when they've pissed me off. Just like Barry thought I was joking...

I know he may have seemed like he wasn't good enough for me and this kind of proves that point. But Chels, I really did like him. He was sweet, kind, didn't smoke or drink, we had fun together, he made me laugh, he trusted me around his kid. But that's not enough to waste 6 months of my life. I didn't want him to tell me he loved me if he didn't mean it, I just wanted to know that it had the potential to go somewhere and that I was safe to feel whatever I wanted to. But if history has taught me anything, it's that if you spend all your time waiting for something to get better, it usually won't. After this weekend and I get his stuff sent to him, I'm gonna say goodbye. Well, not really say it but just remove him from my friends and blacklist him so he can't text me. Every time he texts me I get upset. And as much as I would love to be friends with him, I don't think that would be the best idea because that's how our relationship would have to be in order to protect my heart. And I don't kiss my friends or hold their hand or have sex with them. So... I'm not sure how to be friends with someone I've slept with.

Even with Larry. I mean, at first I thought that we could just hang out and talk and nothing would happen but when I thought more I realized that I'm not sure I could just go back to being friends and he told me outright that he knows he couldn't. I'm not sure when we will actually see each other again but I want to at least try to be in the same room together and not have anything serious happen. I want to see if I can trust him as a friend first before anything else happens. I know it sounds like I'm worrying about him again. But if he ends up disappearing again, I'm done with the friendship too. Because yeah okay I get it. This year was hard because by the time we got together, I was still heartbroken over someone else while figuring out my feelings for him and he made the mistake of he kept leaving and coming back and leaving and coming back and it fucked with my head and my heart and then he just let me go. If he's gonna be a part of my life I want to know that he wants to be there and he'll be there no matter what. And sure anybody can say that they will be there, but I have to see it. Because that's just how I roll.

Anyhow, I'm gonna type up these conversations on the computer while my phone is charging and then copy them in here. I love you and will keep you posted (of course).

Love,
Me

11:59am
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Chelsea
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Name:  Chelsea, born Charmion
Date of birth: before 1100 b.c.
Date of transformation: around 1100 b.c.
Source of transformation: Aro
Place of origin: greece
Hair color: light brown
eye color: red/black (vampire)
height: 5'3"
physical description: Chelsea is short, with an hour-glass figure.
special abilities: Chelseas can influence the emotional ties that people feel toward one another by either strengthening their bonds or breaking them apart.
education/occupation: She is a member of the Volturi guard.
family/coven relationships: Her mate is Afton, another member of the Volturi guard.  Guard members show the Volturi the loyalty they would family.
personal history: Chelsea was born not long after the original Volturi members.  She was originally named Charmion, but as she frequently interacts with humans and vampires outside the city of Volterra, she has changed her name a few times over the millennia in order to keep it from attracting attention.  She chose the name Chelsea in the 1950s and will use it until it becomes uncommon.
Aro discovered Chelsea in the midst of a very difficult time for the Volturi.  He had recently murdered his sister, Didyme, in order to hold on to his talented partner, Marcus.  Unfortunately, after Marcus had exhausted his search for Didyme's killer, he became suicidal. Aro did what he could to keep Marcus from finding a way to end his life, but he could tell he was losing the battle.  When he discovered Chelsea, he was quick to utilize her abilities.  He had her bind Marcus tightly to Aro so that he couldn't disobey Aro's wishes.  Later Aro added Corin, hoping to help Marcus become more interested in the goals of the Volturi, but that was less effective; Marcus refused to let Corin's gift erase his pain.
Chelsea becaome the linchpin in Aro's organization.  Her ability to both make and break emotional ties is the power that keeps the guard unified and the coven functional.  She is also able to dissolve the loyalties between coven members, with the exception of a romantically bonded pair; those ties are stronger than her power.  The attachments she creates are nearly as strong as a romantic union.  It was her ability that kept the powerful twins, Jane and Alec, from ever questioning their subordinate position to Aro and the rest of the coven, and that allowed Aro to recruit many gifted vampires -- like Demetri and Heidi -- who initially had no intrest in the prestige of belonging to the Volturi.  Her gift is long lasting; it does not fade immediately when she is not present.  It does wear off over a matter of time -- decades or centuries -- depending on how long a person has been exposed to it before separating from her.
Because of her vital role, Chelsea is the vampire Aro is most dependent on and most vulnerable to.  Knowing this, Aro has a special relationship with Chelsea that is unlike any other among the guard.  Chelsea wears the pure black robe of the coven leaders, and she always get what she wants.  For example, her mate, Afton, though not exceptionally skilled, holds a prestigious place with the guard.  Chelsea enjoys all the perks of living with the Volturi, plus perfect job security-- unless Aro finds someone with a better version of her talent.
Aro is nothing if not cautious, however, and he doesn't leave himself vulnerable for long.  Aro made sure that Chelsea was often exposed to Corin's gift throughout the centuries; Chelsea is not aware of the true strength of Corin's addictive talent, but she would have a very difficult time leaving the Volturi.