HAPPY “BIRTH” DAY TO ME! GUESS WHAT GOD GAVE ME? & HIS MESSAGE TO YOU!!
WRITTEN BY: MISSTILA - OCT• 23•12
This year, hands down, has to be the BEST “BIRTHDAY” I have had in at least a few thousand years! I have finally been able to rid myself of my karmic cycle and was given the greatest “BIRTH” day present of all time!!!! The God/s have rewarded me, through this “CURRENT” life cycle, by fully re-activating my full, spiritual, high holy exact, and factual rememberence of my true self trinity DNA of my origins and the origins of our Universe/s! I could never, ever, ever wished for anything greater than this gift which has been given to me from the holy ones as a grand and final reward for “passing” my test and completing my “SACRED CONTRACT” when I volunteered to enter Earth to help mankind.
Life is the greatest challenge of all challenges here on Earth. ESPECIALLY here on Earth as there is just SO MUCH confusion, chaos, DEMONS, murder, death, pain, doubting of oneself, losing touch with mankind’s purpose and our holy “ONENESS” connection and so on and so fourth. But through it all, I continued throughout my life to march on, no matter how incredibly abusive, violating, and traumatically painful my life, in this lifetime, was… I CONTINUED TO HAVE FAITH, FOLLOW MY HEART, AND NO MATTER HOW HARD THINGS GOT I CONTINUED TO BELIEVE AND YET WAS STILL ABLE TO REMAIN LOVING TOWARDS HUMANITY REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH PAIN WAS CASTED UPON MY SOUL!
So due to my genuine and sincere efforts and actions, the Gods have rewarded me, ON MY “BIRTH” day the full scripture of who I am, how old I am, and where I truly came from as well as my past lives. Only in this lifetime was I finally able to fix all of my wrongs, and learn from my mistakes. The God/s saw my sincere efforts and now I am finally free from this low density zone currently bombarded and contaminated with DEMONS!
I have learned that I am actually Eina from GAIA and also the incarnate of the TRUE Melchizedek! (yes the word I couldn’t even pronounce before while I was reading to you guys the true biblical scriptures of the origins of “man kind”) and now I found I am am actually indeed the incarnate of Melchizedek! Whoa! Also, for my rewards, the GOD/S also gave me scriptures to let me know that I am also indeed of “BLUE RAY” type 33:33: 333 Michael the Archangel and that I indeed came to fulfill my purpose and promise! So that is my reward now that I have passed the final test!!!! I am getting goosebumps while I am typing this.
Aside from that, I was also indeed “JOAN OF ARC” in another one of my past lives!!!!! It makes so much sense now! I mean, Joan of Arc and myself share incredibly similar things! Such as her also trying to help the people in “BATTLING” the “OTHERS” and her and I both see and believe in God, her and I both ran away when we were 16 years old and the list goes on!!! As a matter of fact, if you listen to one of my previous radio broadcasts, a lady called in and actually said that, and these are her words verbatim “YOU ARE LIKE THE MODERN DAY JOAN OF ARC!” Whoa! I guess, even without her knowing me, SOMETHING, her intuition and also her true self DNA, can somewhat remember and so in a way she knew I was indeed Joan of Arc in one of my past lives, but the lady who said that to me just has not fully been activated to her fullest potential and awakening of her DNA’s yet! But she is close since she somehow, somewhere within her, FELT, without “REMEMBERING FULLY” that what she said to me was indeed TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!! I am, in fact, Joan of Arc reincarnate!
and of course I am also type 3 Indigo Grail. But that was something I already knew…and there is MUCH MORE BUT THE REST IS JUST FOR ME TO KNOW SINCE IT IS MY PERSONAL, SACRED, GIFT AND REWARD AFTER ALL!
What next now that I know everything about my “TRUE SELF” and of mankind???? Well, it is almost time for me to leave this zombie infested dark world behind as I have been given my certificate to enter into the higher level frequency of another planet, a more beautiful and restored planet earth!!!! Indeed I am going to 5D and skpping 4th because we are currently in 3d. That is because I am of higher frequency so I shall reside in the 5th and have been given full access to travel amongst the galaxies through all 12 dimensions!
I know this may not make sense to some of you, but some of you, I’m sure can resonate and understand what I am saying. Maybe not ALL of it as this is my PERSONAL gift so not all of it pertains to everyone because this was my OWN life path and those of you who are all awake and have completed and honored your sacred contracts, then I shall see you in the upper echelons and shall happily await you there when it is time! The DEMONS can not go past anything higher then 3d and usually reside more so in the lower astral planes. That is why those who are going to “HELL” it’s not what you think, “HELL” will actually be this current planet Earth staying in it’s low frequency 3rd dimension and will stay here for a long time! Never being able to travel, and elevate into the higher next levels of our Universal Natural Cycles of Higher Orders!
I guess that’s what you mis-interpreted what “JUDGMENT DAY” will be. It is, in fact, just a day where all those EVIL ONES, and all those of you whom cannot see the truth and choose to follow the path of the DEMONS, that you shall be left behind here in this HORRID place, crumbling down while the rest of the ascended ones can move into a higher place of LOVE FREQUENCY EARTH! That is what “JUDGEMENT DAY” is!
Wow I still have goosebumps! After being given this information I need a little while to take it all in and will just celebrate peacefully and quietly at home right now. I can already FEEL MYSELF ASCENDING BACK AND FOURTH! Because:
1) Everything I see, I can see the world for what it really is!!!! It’s Just SO STRANGE because you look around and realize everything is not even real here! Sorry, I will maybe get more into detail about that one day!
2) I can NOT RELATE anymore to simple things such as “WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO NEXT? OH YEA, I WAS LOOKING FOR MY SUITCASE” Or simple things like “NOT BEING ABLE TO EVEN REMEMBER TO “WALK” OR “WHERE I AM WALKING TO” because my frequencies are no longer in the 3d level frequencies so I cannot relate anymore to what I once knew!
3) Everything I talk about now, it is only and always in the 5th dimension frequency! For instance I cannot relate to anything here on Earth anymore. Everything I speak of is always in a very spiritual manner and My “HUMAN 3rd dimension body” is CONSTANTLY disappearing and reappearing all the time now!
4) Due to this, I had to ask my friend to please remind me what it is that I was going next? Or “WHAT WAS I SAYING?” Meaning for instance, I was telling him about a LOT of stuff to also wake him up, so now he is fully awake as well but only just now on level 1 of being alert and aware. He still has long ways to go before he can be fully in ascended form, but I indeed know that he shall be one of those who will be saved. Anyway, back to my point, since he knows this now and is aware. I have to ask him to remind me what certain things are because I now that my frequencies have changed as well as my DNA so I cannot resonate in this lower 3D density frequency of this Earth anymore! It’s hard to explain, but for instance, “MONEY” and “STRESS” and all of those low vibrating things no longer exist in my world! AT ALL! Because when you are rewarded by the GOD/s they will let themselves be known to you! They WILL show you themselves in their TRUE FORM! So right now believe it or not, in my world, there is no such thing as “MONEY” because all you do is think about something and it appears!
5) Now please DO NOT mis-inteperate that! The God’/s will NOT be giving you your “CERTIFICATE” to enter into our new Kingdom if you have ANY greed, lust, or any acts of selfishness as in this new Earths Frequency, those things are not allowed into the new Kingdom of God and mankind! So if you think that you are a good person, and you just want to enter the new Kingdom where the God/s will be waiting for us there, DO NOT THINK FOR A SECOND THAT YOU WILL BE ABLE TO ENTER IF YOU THINK IT WOULD BE A GREAT PLACE TO LIVE JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN THINK OF ANYTHING YOU WANT AND INDEED IT WILL MANIFEST ITSELF FOR YOU RIGHT AWAY! Because the 4th and 5th dimensions are NOT material. So if your only hopes to make it here are to gain “MATERIAL THINGS” I am sorry to say this, but that is not allowed so if that is your only intention in wanting to Enter the New Kingdom of God is to be free of “MONEY” and re-gain your natural DNA SUPER POWERS, THEN I TELL YOU THIS NOW, YOU WILL NOT BE SAVED! Those are thinkings of the CABAL, the Illuminati, THE EVIL ONES so of course if you think that way then I assure you, you will NOT be given your certificate to enter into the new kingdom for this new kingdom of God is PERFECT and this time, it is OUR TIME, THE GOOD GUYS, who shall be living freely, happily, and voided from all things corrupt and negative in this current 3d Earth.
6) The God/s watched me my whole life/lives and saw that in this lifetime, I have finally fixed my karmic cycle, learned from all of my past mistakes, and indeed the most important thing of all, is that my intentions to relentlessly try to help mankind are indeed GENUINE! This is important in order to ascend into the New God Kingdom because once we are rewarded access to enter the 4th and 5th dimensions, we will indeed, be given all of our super human powers back to us. This is the reason why it is so important because the God/s will only reward these super powers to those of use who will not abuse our superpowers for acts of selfishness or malice. So I tell you now, even if you THINK you have been a fairly decent good person in your life, you also have to prove to the God/s that material things are not important to you, that you are not interested in entering the New Kingdom of God and the rest of ascended ones because, again, these are the “NEW LAWS” of the “NEW KINGDOM OF GOD” that is the only way you will be able to be “SAVED” because believe me, the GOD/S KNOWWWWW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE A GENUINE with your intentions.
7) So pretty much, indeed I WILL be disappearing soon in the new Kingdom of God in the 5th Dimension back to my true light soul once again, and I shall be disappearing VERY SOON! The only reason why I am still here, when indeed I have already given my certificate to Enter the new Kingdom of God, but I choose to stay here just for a little longer because it would hurt me deeply (just because I have been granted access to the 5th Dimension and given my “GALACTIC CARD” to travel to all 12 dimensions) doesn’t mean I can just leave you guys here and forget about you! I told you this once before and I shall say it again, “I HAVE NEVER LEFT YOU NOR WILL I EVER LEAVE YOU!”
8) Now that you all know who I am, or WHAT I truly am, I have paid VERY CLOSE ATTENTION TO ALL OF THOSE WHO HAVE GONE OUT OF THEIR WAYS JUST TO HELP ME SPREAD MY MESSAGES (because the “DEMONS” have been banned me from every platform, to stop me from exposing them all to you!) So again, those of you who were such naturally loving and light beings who started all of these “SUPPORT TILA” groups and websites, Trust me that your actions of genuine kindness, love, and were awake enough to understand my previous messages, SHALL BE REWARDED! Because you have shown strength, WAS NOT EASILY COAXED BY THE DEMONS, and so when you see no Evil and do acts of kindness to help each other. Trust me, YOU WILL ASCEND INTO THE NEW KINGDOM OF GOD! I can’t wait to see you there! It is amazing beyond words!
9) As for those of you who doubted my actions, showed no remorse and ended up being swayed by the DEMONS, I am sorry, but you SHAL NOT be given access to the New Kingdom of God. We are ALL CONNECTED AND SO IF ONE OF US IS HURTING AND REACHING OUT, ASKING FOR HELP, AND YOU TURN YOUR HEAD THE OTHER WAY, BELIEVING THE DEMONS INSTEAD. YOU WILL NOT BE SAVED ON “JUDGEMENT DAY” AND SHALL REMAIN HERE WITH THE REST OF THE DEMONS IN THIS LOW DENSITY 3D BROKEN DOWN EARTH, WHICH IS ACTUALLY WHERE “HELL” WILL BE. This means you shall continue to have to re-live in this “HELL” over and over again with all the pain and suffering. For indeed this place is only going to become EXTREMELY WORSE! SO BAD, that in fact, it is HELL itself.
10) Again, I keep telling you all that you don’t have to believe what I say, because that is YOUR CHOICE if you can recognize GOOD VS BAD or not. So if you cannot see my messages are all blatantly for the BETTERING OF MANKIND, AND I ALWAYS SPEAK OF LOVE, AND I EVEN SHOWED YOU “WHO” I SAW WHEN I DIED, Then you have been too deeply contaminated with the Evils. We tried to save you and open your eyes, but instead you doubted the very thing that was shown to you and denied God’s message. It is simple, if you are TRULY OF GOOD AND LIGHT BEINGS, then IT IS NOT HARD AT ALL TO SEE WHO IS GOOD AND WHO IS BAD! WHEN YOU KNOW YOU JUST KNOW! I’m sorry to say this, but it is true. HOWEVER, the good news is, you still have some time to fix that, but remember, it NEEDS TO BE ABSOLUTELY GENUINE BECAUSE TRUST ME YOU CANNOT “LIE” OR “TRICK” THE GOD/s. That is the greatest sin of all! So again, you still have time to fix your flaws, rid yourself of evils, and start showing more love and compassion for others. Only then, will you be given your certificate to Enter into the New Kingdom of God either 4th Dimension or 5th.
11) I have already given a higher order of the 5th dimension because God/s told me that my fearless actions, knowing what I do shall harm me in many ways, I continued to be fearless and speak out against the EVILS in my loyalty to God NO MATTER WHAT! That is why I can skip the 4th and head to the 5th. HOWEVER, thousands of years ago when I volunteered to come here to help mankind, I actually resided in the 7th dimension. Once you reach the 12th dimension, that is the dimension where the God/s reside.
12) Another reason why I was given access and rewarded? Because I showed TRUE AND GENUINE ACTS OF SELFLESSNESS! WHY? Because tonight is my birthday (at midnight October 24th) yet instead of going out to party or get hammered or do whatever, I instead chose to stay home and felt it was more important to continue helping mankind rather then put myself first as I feel helping humanity is more important than celebrating my birthday. THe God/s have been watching me this ENTIRE TIME and finally saw that I am indeed a true soldier of the light. So that is why I was rewarded for my relentless efforts to help the world abroad.
13) I am only letting you know all of this because this is the truth. Again, if you do not believe me, that is fine, but since I am God’s helper and messenger, as well as a 33: 33: 333 BLUE RAY ARCHANGEL, Type 3 Indigo Grail, as well as the incarnate of the TRUE Melchizedek, well… I will just leave it at that. Again, just like I said in one of my previous broadcasts and the ENTIRE TIME I KEPT HINTING TO YOU THESE THINGS, when I said if you believe in “GOD” so much then would you believe in Angels too? Especially if they were indeed here on Earth right now to help you? I hinted these things to all of you because it is NOT my place to or time yet to “REVEAL MYELF FULLY” and it was a 50/50 response. A LOT OF YOU KNEW AND BELIEVE, the other half of you were coaxed by demons.
14) THE ONLY REASON WHY I AM COMING OUT SAYING THIS NOW TO THE WORLD, REVEALING MY TRUE IDENTITY, IS BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN GIVEN MY CERTIFICATE AND PERMISSION TO DO SO BY THE GOD/S. ALSO, BECAUSE WE ARE NEAR THE END ANYWAY SO THAT IS WHY NOW, AND ONLY NOW, AM I FINALLY ABLE TO REVEAL MYSELF TO YOU ALL. I ALSO WANT TO LET YOU KNOW, THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY ANGEL HERE ON EARTH TO HELP THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE STILL UNDER HYPNOTIC, DEMONIC, EVIL SPELLS!!!! AS A MATTER OF FACT, THERE ARE AT LEAST MILLIONS OF ANGELS, AS WELL AS INDIGOS AND LIGHT WORKERS HERE AND NOW ALL OVER THE EARTH TRYING TO HELP YOU GUYS.
ALSO IF YOU ARE AWARE BUT ARE NOT SURE HOW TO GET HELP OR WHAT TO DO, HERE IS ALL YOU NEED TO DO AND EITHER MYSELF OR MANY OTHER LEVELS OF ARCHANGELS WILL INDEED COME TO HELP YOU! Again I AM 33: 33: 333 Blue Ray Archangel, but there are Other Archangels who are of 55 and many more such as other levels of Blue Ray Angels, Light Bearers, and Star Beings here to help as well! SO WE ARE HERE TO HELP!
This is a Holy dispensation of Archangel Michael and the Blue Ray to nurture and honor the sacred divine feminine within you. So you may experience greater trust to commit fully to being in your bodies and being home here on Gaia. This creates huge amounts of accessible life force empowering your path of Light and Divine Original Blueprint power source.
HERE IS WHAT YOU CAN DO TO CALL UPON HELP FROM US ANGELS, LIGHT BEARERS, STAR BEINGS, AND INDGOS:
Prepare your body and spirit by touching your 3rd eye and higher heart the sacred heart, making an 8 sacred alignment then take arms crossing them as in a X fashion over your heart chakra and still crossed flip down over your solar plexus, hands straight reaching to the heart of Gaia, then back to your heart to seal grid.
Then say:
In my Beloved I Am presence of the universe,
I am ready to release what no longer serves my highest good and greatest joy,
I call Archangel Michael, the Blue Ray Codes of Light, Legions of Michael’s Warrior Force Angels, and invoke your Double Blue Ray Sword Protection Grid now, so I may be in my divine power and sovereign self now!
In Grace, Elohim, balance my Electromagnetic energies to Mother Gaia’s perfect Harmonic Christ grid;
Empower and harmonize my energy fields and body to radiance and perfect vibrant health;
Release all interference, disturbance, lower density, any energetic in any form not of my true core essence and well being to Source Creation, never to return to my space again, as I instantly seal, align and balance all my energy bodies and fields in my higher self alignment of peace, now!
Please, Archangel Michael and my Holy Christed self, do what you know needs to be done so I am whole and in complete divine alignment.
THANK YOU!
AND THAT IS PRETTY MUCH IT AND WE SHALL COME IN DRONES TO PROTECT AND GUIDE YOU BACK TO YOUR NATURAL & DIVINE STATE OF LIGHT BEING!
This is all I shall say about this subject as I have said more than enough. Now it is up to YOU to decide what you want to do.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL
With Love,
Miss Tila
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11:08pm
Hey Chels,
I finally got to talk to you today. I'm so sorry you are feeling sick but I'm so glad I got to talk to you. The day wasn't a total loss. I did get some nbs done. Not a lot, but I started a new project.
I'm just so... Sad. I miss James already. I was looking forward to our relationship and he made me so happy, but he just didn't want anything serious. He's trying to make me feel bad now but you know what, he said what he said. He didn't want to be my boyfriend and he didn't want me to get serious about him. I can't be in a relationship where I can't have that option, because it's like saying I'm not allowed to feel a certain way. And that's a really stupid thing to say. I'm sad but I'll live. If I can get through the beginning of this year, this should be a cake walk. At least it was only a couple months of my life and I didn't waste a year on him. See, that's the thing. In the past, I've always waited for things to get better. I've stalled in breaking things off because I was always worried about the other person's feelings instead of my own. Well, I am a person and my feelings are valid and I am a woman, if I'm sleeping with someone it's because I feel a connection with that person and I want to see where it goes. Telling me that it's not going to go anywhere just breaks my heart because it feels like a rejection. It's like saying he likes me enough to sleep with me and that's about it. The thing is, when I was with him I didn't feel like all he wanted to do was sleep with me. I felt like he genuinely liked me. So I'm not understanding why he would suddenly cut me off as we're getting deeper into it. We have been dating for 7 weeks. Would be 8 weeks next Friday. So in reality it hasn't been that long. But I felt something towards him, that's why I agreed to meet him in the first place. He might have broken his rule by sleeping with me on the first date but you know what, I took a chance even though I had no idea what I was ready for because I liked him enough. I gave it my best shot and that's what matters. I would have been a great girlfriend to him, probably the best one he has ever had. I wouldn't have cheated on him or treated him like shit. The whole time we were together, all I wanted was him. I missed him when I was away from him and being with him meant something to me. And he will never ever be able to find someone who would be better to him than me but he didn't want that. He just sent a text, "ok you win I'm gone." that kind of broke my heart but at least now he gets it. It sucks because I know I will miss him. I loved talking to him and telling him about my day and hearing from him put a smile on my face. I didn't want it to end this way. I just didn't want to invest anymore time in someone who didn't feel like he could ever invest that much into me. All I wanted was the knowledge that it could evolve into something more. That's all I wanted. Just the possibility. And he couldn't give me that. He didn't want me to get too close because he didn't want me to get hurt even though he wasn't planning on hurting me. You would think that pushing me away would hurt me more than at least trying to take that next step and seeing where it will go. He just downright took that option away from me and that hurt more than anything else. I'm not allowed to get too close to him for my own safety yet I'm seeing this guy 2-3 times a week and not sleeping with anyone else? Umm whatever.
I am going to feel so hungover tomorrow, I just know it. And yet, my body isn't letting me sleep yet.
Oh and in other news... Larry talked to me all day today. Honestly, it will take me a long time to sleep with him again. I think I would have to decide that I wanted to be with him before anything like that would happen, and right now he's not getting anything besides friendship out of me. I want us to have a chance to really be friends before deciding anything else. But I'm not sleeping with anyone for a while. And by while I mean... Not until next year. I'm just done with any romance whatsoever for now. The thing is, yes, Larry fucked up. He knows he fucked up and it will take a while for him to earn back my trust. But if he really wants to be with me, he can wait for me. And this time, I mean actually wait, lol. The only reason why I'm even allowing him into my life again is because I do love him as a friend and his friendship means more to me than anything else. And I want us to have a chance to start being friends again for real. I hated not talking to him. But I had felt like he never wanted to hear from me or he would just not be the Larry I knew and it would upset me. And also, I need to clear my head about this whole James thing, too. I can't be thinking about anyone else while dealing with myself. It's my feelings and my life and I'm not gonna end up stuck in another situation I don't want to be in. That's why I broke things off with James. I deserve to find someone who is exactly perfectly right for me and maybe Larry is it and maybe he isn't. But I want to feel right before making that decision.
I really miss James already. This is going to fuck with me for a while because I didn't break up with him because he pissed me off. He hurt me. But I can't turn my feelings off. Another reason why I can't sleep with anyone at the moment.
Ugh.
Love,
Me
11:47
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Conversation with Larry:
(---------- indicates parts of conversations that weren't pertinant to what the subject matter is here.)
10/18/2012:
Larry: I feel like an ass I owed you a night owl and I failed
me: A night owl?
Larry: night out sorry new phone
me: ahh. well you are prolly busy tomorrow
Larry: yeah sadly a friend is moving to Switzerland so we're having a going away party tomorrow in Chicago
me: wow. that's a far move.
me: well there is always next week.
Larry: I'm not taking things good right now. As much as I wanna see you not a good idea.
me: so you don't want to see me?
Larry: not what I said
me: I guess that's just how I took it then
Larry: I am so lost right now. I got lots of things going on that if I was around you I don't know if I could control myself on just a friend level
me: what if we met in public
Larry: we were in public at bowlway that first night
Larry: I just don't wanna be that guy who you stop talking to because I'm stupid and made a mistake. I've already made enough that you let slide for some reason.
me: I was thinking that when we do see each other again yeah it might be awkward but I want you as a friend more than I care about that
Larry: I will always be your friend and will always call you beautiful and flirt just like I did before we hooked up.
Larry: hell i might even still try to see your boobs ;)
larry: and you will tell me no just like before.
me: lol you don't even understand how I feel about you
larry: prob the same I feel about you
me: well, you sort of missed your chance to be something other than a friend to me when you practically gave me your blessing to find someone else. But what I wanted to tell you is that if I had only thought of you as just a friend to begin with, I wouldn't have slept with you at all.
larry: honey I wouldn't have either
larry: i knew if we got to winter I would be around again but time wasn't on my side
me: i would have waited until then if i felt like i wasn't alone with my feelings. But i couldn't keep letting you come around just to stop talking to me again. that's what killed it for me.
larry: there is a part of me that does and will always love you. that part of me wants you happy upon everything else.
larry: i know
me: i love you too, that's why i could never just tell you to eff off.
larry: who know if and I mean if it is meant to be we will get together again. i just wish i could go back and correct mistakes.
me: i don't expect you to wait for me. if you find someone you actually like i don't want you to miss out because of me. i only wish i could have been smarter and maybe if we started slower it wouldn't have ended up the way it did.
10/19/2012:
---------------
me: lol but not on purpose. I was still seeing someone at that point, but to be honest, I'm not sure how that is gonna work out.
larry: now why?
me: we had a talk yesterday and he doesn't want to be my boyfriend because he doesn't know if he's capable of feeling in love with me so apparently our whole relationship is hanging out and having sex occasionally. I'm kinda thrown because i didn't expect anything serious for a while but to find out that that's all he thinks of me, it kind of upsets me.
me: like what is the point of dating someone if you can never have anything to look forward to me: i really don't get that but whatever.
larry: especially when that's what i tried avoiding happening even though sadly it kinda turned out that way.
larry: yeah i hear ya
me: it was kind of my mistake too, i thought sex would be okay because i didn't know how long it would take me to feel like i wanted to be in a relationship but i didn't realize things would happen the way they did.
larry: yeah well i wouldn't change a thing. I don't regret that.
me: i don't regret being with you. i just don't know what the heck happened to make you pull away from me. it got me feeling like if i hadn't of been so quick to sleep with you, we still would have been able to talk like we are now.
larry: it was just a busy time for me before i knew it i had gone a week then two then felt like if i called it would look like i just wanted a booty call.
me: that's how it started to feel for me. i was okay for the most part because i wasn't ready for anything serious but if you had at least told me how you actually felt i would have waited. i can understand being busy but everyone gets busy.
me: but you know, i didn't want to be mad at you. i just wanted my friend back because i missed him. i figured that if i waited for you long enough we could have this conversation and get past all the mistakes made and just move forward.
larry: yeah
me: but if it was ANYBODY else, you'd already be on my "do not text back" list, like this other guy is about to be lol
larry: well i think what helped was the fact that yes we did sleep together but we both did kinda talk about being careful with regards to feelings and a relationship
me: yeah i knew it was going to take a while for me to open my heart up again. i'm still pretty protective of it.
---------
me: lmao! you realize that it is probably going to be a while before i trust you enough to be that way again with you, right
larry: oh i know but i can still tease ya about it. and besides i think this time we are a lil bit more prepared.
larry: we could probably start right where we left off and not make the same mistakes again cause this time we know better.
me: well, i would hope that we would be aware of how things went before and prevent that from happening again.
larry: and i do mean could... which is way different then should
larry: yeah for starters i would text ya hello anyways without worrying about sounding like i want a booty call ;)
me: lol actually a friend of mine told me i should be flattered that you kept coming back
larry: i kept coming back because in my mind i never really left persay
me: i still remember after the first time we were together you asked me if you could keep me. that was the sweetest thing I'd ever heard anyone ask me and i wished i had come up with something better than "i'll think about it." lol
larry: i don't know it made me work harder
me: lol that wasn't why i said it, it just caught me offgard
larry: lol i know ;). i think you like the last one best though ;)
-------- (we're talking about sex now so... not really sure i want to put this in the nb lol)
me: awww :). so, i have a question for you.
larry: what's that
me: i don't want to make this sound insensitive but i just need to know. how much of this has to do with how you really feel or is it just because you can't have me right now?
larry: it's how i really feel. i told you our friendship is more important than sex. and when i saw your comment the other day I realized i could reach out
larry: i told you when we were together i wanted you happy
me: okay i just wanted to make sure. i had to ask. Our friendship is more important to me too, that's why i wanted you to know i was still around.
larry: but i don't wanna act like it never happened.
larry: that's setting us up to repeat
larry: oh and it goes without saying my hand misses your butt ;) lol
me: right. i've never been friends with someone that i've slept with, that's going to be weird for me lol. and awww! lol
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larry: so my turn to ask you something
larry: i realize it is only us talking one day but after how we have been talking do you still feel that the nude pics are because you don't trust me again a lil or because tech you're seeing someone for the time being
me: i just feel like when i was that way with you, it was more than just physical. it's not like i just show myself to just anyone. so like, we would have to be at that place where i felt like i could trust you not to disappear on me again and we're both available and want the same things.
me: does that make any sense?
larry: yeah. i just asked cause in some ways even without the sex persay i would love to say oh look we are right back to that closeness
larry: and this time not disappear
me: well i would like to be that close with you again, it will just take some time. i just have to see it, you know?
larry: of course ;)
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conversations with James:
10/19/12:
me: hey how was your burger?
james: good how are you
me: i'm good... having the strangest conversation, however
james: how come
me: well, earlier this year i had a fwb type situation with someone that i've known for a really long time but it was over before you and i met because he kept ditching me so i just cut him off.
james: ok
me: and i guess he is picking now to tell me that he is having a hard time now that i found someone else and ugh. i'm sorry he screwed up but i'm happy that i found you
james: sweet
me: lol. i don't even care what our label is. being with you makes me happy and that's all that really matters to me :)
james: me too
me: aww
james: it is fun
me: lol even though i yell at you sometimes
james: it's okay friends argue lol
me; lol, that's true
james: lol
me: i don't make out with any of my other friends, though
james: so i'm special
me: to me, yes you are special
james: nice lol
me: lol am i special to you?
james: yes i like being around you
me: good :) i'm glad that we're on the same page for once lol
james: that's good just don't get serious lol
me: lol why not?
(what seemed like a million hours later...)
james: i don't know
me: i just didn't know if you were kidding or being serious
james: who knows lol
me: well you're the one who said it so maybe you'd have a better idea?? anyway, i'm not sure i can be with someone who doesn't want me to be serious about them, lol (i added the lol at the end because of the way he had said it earlier and i thought that if i added that i could see what he would say without it being a full on argument).
james: aww now i'm a sad guy
me: i'm kinda sad too
james: how come
me: because yesterday i asked if you wanted to be my boyfriend and you said you didn't know because you didn't know if you were capable of feeling love for me and then you told me not to get serious about you
james: because i don't want you to get hurt in any way (so he DID mean it.)
me: well it does kind of hurt when i could see myself falling for you but you don't want me to.
james: cheer up
me: i don't even know what to say to that
james: well i'm just honest and don't want you to get hurt
me: that makes it sound like you're planning on hurting me
james: no jeez
me: i don't know. it just sounds kinda dumb to not want to really be with someone because you don't want to hurt them. it makes me feel like what's the point then?
james: i like being around you it's fun we have a great time you get along w kev it's great
me: i know, that's why it hurt me when you didn't want anything more from me because you may or may not hurt me in the future
james: i said i didn't know because in my head i want to fall in love my heart is just blah
me: i'm not sure how to work with blah
james: me either it's why i told you
me: i just don't know at this point. i mean, i don't want to end things but i don't want to stay and never get any closer to you. it scares me to fall for someone who told me not to
james: making me feel like an ass
me: well i'm just trying to be honest with you
james: ok
me: i'm just not sure where to go from here
james: you and me both
me: as much as i like you i just don't know if staying is the best thing if you don't know how you may or may not feel towards me in the future
james: cheer up no one knows the future
me: well you seemed pretty sure of it yesterday
james: it's fun to be with you
me: and i know that if you don't want me getting serious about you that continuing down this road would be a bad idea
james: you are thinking too much i'm a go with the flow guy
me: well then maybe you need to find another girl then
james: well if that's how you feel guess i'm not wanted
me: i could say the same for you didn't you don't even want to be my boyfriend.
james: oh jesus you are the one who didn't want me to call you that
me: yes when we first met, not after getting to know you better. either way after what you told me last night it just sounds like we are looking for two different things.
james: i don't want anything from anyone
me: all i wanted was someone i could spend some time with and maybe it would turn into something more. when you tell someone not to be serious, kinda takes that idea away completely.
james: hey whatever you got all these men professing their love to you so what am i needed for
me: i picked you because i had a good feeling about you and i felt a connection with you. i could see myself falling for you when i was ready. like you said, we do have a great time together. i just can't see investing my time in someone who may or may not ever feel the same way about me.
james: that's cool because i don't know i feel i get tossed to the side it's cool
me: well i feel afraid to be with someone i can't give my heart to, that's not the kind of situation i want to be in.
james: ok you win i'm gone
10/20/2012:
james: enjoy all those guys you bragged about
me: it's not really bragging if you did the same thing but whatever
me: enjoy hurting your next nongirlfriend by telling her not to get serious about you after she's already started to really care about you.
james: um what about my walking dead books
me: i can mail those to you
james: jesus i tell you the meds make me blah inside and you go off the deep end to the extreme
me: i'm not having this argument with you anymore
james: yep for someone who cares you really didn't give a shit
me: well i'm sure you will find someone better than me and forget all about me (at this point i was just tired of him texting me and just wanted it over and didn't want to explain myself to him any more.)
james: just mail that i have no time for people who are shitty to me
me: just like i have no time for people who basically tell me i have no future with them
james: yep you treat someone like crap for being honest and you putting words in my mouth nice
me: you didn't know if you wanted to be my boyfriend and you told me you didn't want me getting serious about you. how am i supposed to react to that?
me: oh and saying we were just friends with a really nice benefits package. those were your words.
james: yet but if you had listened i said i'm not sure of my emotions. then i also told you not to be serious to not hurt you till i could figure it out (did he once explain it that way to me before now? umm no i guess i was just supposed to be psychic then).
me: and how long is that supposed to take? do i just hold off on feeling close to you at all? those are questions you probably could never answer for me
james: who knows you just assume i'm a piece of shit for being a nice guy you said you were happy with how things were now
me: i was happy. but you sort of ruined that by pushing me away to not hurt me. that hurt me.
james: guess i can't win.
me: guess i can't either.
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old man Logan issue 1
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So, I'm not really sure how to summarize this issue. So, the avengers for some reason killed wolverine's whole entire family. They kind of took over the world I think? Or united states? I'm not sure lol. But they're the government now and make everyone pay rent for staying there... Not sure about that either lol. Anyway, so Wolverine got his revenge and killed everyone who killed his family and the hulk ate him but he ripped through his stomach and killed him, then took the baby he had with his first cousin because apparently she was the only one who could handle him (ew). Lots of incest in comic books, lol. Anyway, onto the next issue.
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