------------------------
Good morning sunshine!
The lawn men are out and about so I am up. I woke up to a text from Danielle saying Ryan and Sara are together, and she heard him tell Sara he loves her. Sooooo I am officially done with caring and with Ryan Mac. I can’t be friends with him if he chooses to have her in his life because I want her out of mine. She keeps finding ways to be back in it, but fuck that bitch and her druggie boyfriend.
So I had strange dreams. I got a Boy Meets World keychain and it had an image of Ryder Strong on it and then I kept changing the picture and it was clips from the spin off show (Girl Meets World). Like one of them was Topanga at what I just knew in my dream was Disney World, playing fighting in costumes (purple and silver space spandex) with her kids. Very strange. Also I dreamt I was at this house on this porch and I was with who I assume was Brian. He was there to talk to his family, though not his real life one. But we sat on the porch, they didn’t know we were there even though we had a tv on. Then you could hear his “dad” being abusive, and screaming and throwing things. So we had to turn off the TV so no one would hear us. Idk then I was trying to remember a movie that reminded me of the situation it was like, 4 or so teens who flashed back on their lives and told their “story” it was very Butterfly Effect-ish lmao. I figured “Brian” would know the name of it. He did but I don’t think it got said. I always have weird dreams…
So here’s what happened with Brian. Wednesday (Feb 27th) I started my period. My cramps weren’t too horrible so I kept doing stuff around his parents’ house to keep busy while he was fucking around on WOW. (not raiding, just doing his dailies). So, when they finally started to bother me, I lay down for a nap. I was right next to him on the couch. I was hungry and so he offered me his omelet from the night before which I declined because I don’t like omelets (or eggs in general) and it was his. So I asked for a grilled cheese. I’d have made it myself if I felt better. So he comes back a bit later and tells me there’s no bread or cheese and we’ll get something in a little bit. This all started around noon. I said “food” like 2 times in the duration we sat there and we laughed over it. At 2:20, Brody was home from school. That’s when Brian shut his game off (give or take 10 or 15 minutes) and went to help Brody with his homework. So I helped Gabby a bit with her homework, and around 3 we left for Walmart. He had to get some shit for work (he had to be at work at 4) and said I could have Subway. I told him while he was in shoes I’d pick out dinner for brody and myself as well so Tom didn’t have to feed us (I just wanted to ensure we had dinner). Then I’d his up Subway on the way out real quick.
We left around 3:34pm and he wouldn’t go to Subway because we ran out of time. Then told me I could cook the food I got. I was like, “that’s dinner.” He said, “Well, it’s 4pm.” Which I understand but ok, if I eat at 4… I’m going to be hungry by 8 or 9 and if I ask you to get food for me then (I assume) you are going to be mad at me for that. Not sure why I assume that but I just did. I tried to explain to him that while he may not get hungry, I do and I have to eat. I do think I have an issue with food. I’ve had it since Ohio. First I was nearly anorexic, now I binge. So I think I do freak out if I feel I won’t have food available to me. Also I think I pushed my point too hard and that’s why he lost his temper with me. On the one hand, I can see why/how he thinks. I want everything done on my time frame. What he doesn’t get is that it’s not that I want what I want and when I want it, but he does everything on his time frame and isn’t considerate at all of how that affects others and so sometimes I do have to nag him so it actually gets done and we don’t run out of time. Then he gets mad at me and accuses me of wanting to drop everything for me. I do get irritated and snappy with him when he fucks around but I mean, fuck! If I had a job and a car, I’d gladly do everything on my own--and I’m working on it--but I don’t right now have those things and so unfortunately, I do rely on him. So I ended up crying and leaving everything in the car and that pissed him off so as he’s leaving the house, he’s screaming at me “Don’t blow my phone up. I don’t even want to hear from you. If you’re going to throw these fits, then goodbye.” Then he left. So, I called my dad, packed my shit and left. I hear from him the next morning apologizing for his part and it started another war between us. He basically told me we were done.
A part of me feels like I should have agreed. He said we fight too much and neither of us are happy. I’m happy with him, but not the circumstances. I don’t know if he’s really not happy anymore then why did he stay. Was it because I wouldn’t agree or what? Sometimes I wish I could just disappear. Be someone new and completely different….
I’m back. I read for a while, bathed, read more, took a nap and walked Toby and Uturn. You are probably so confused at my living arrangements. Don’t worry, me too. Lol. I’m back at my dad’s because of that fight with Brian. I don’t want to stay here, but I feel really stupid going back and forth. I just want my own damn place, you know? Ugh. So, my dad got home while I was walking Uturn and now he just keeps talking. What else is new? Before you ask, no it wasn’t better at Brian’s. I had Brody and Gabby bugging me too and Stephanie and Barb.
Now I just got off the phone with Jess. I wanted to get to page 170 tonight and read more, but now I am pressed for time. It’s nearly 7 and I have to be ready by 8 for this party for Brian’s mom. Ugh I just want to finish this thing.
So my room is already a junkie mess surprise surprise. I don’t know where I’ll be week to week anymore so why put shit away? Rory is nice, like nothing happened. But I don’t care. Still done! He painted his toenails--literally got a pedicure--the University of Miami colors (orange and green). Yea, how about them apples?
Ok, well it’s apparent that I am not going to be finishing to page 170 tonight so I guess I will just do 13 pages tomorrow. I was all ready for this to be done this week so I can decorate it and send it off. I feel bad I didn’t do the photoshoot or videos but maybe I still can if you’ll be patient. I could just take an extra week for that. Hmmmmm.
Anyways, more tomorrow!
Love always,
Chels
No comments:
Post a Comment