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Hello darling! Well, I’m finally writing today. So much for 10 pages a day. I didn’t do much today. Brian and I watched Boy Meets World (we’re finally on Season 5) and went to lunch at Flanigans. Then I took a nap and walked the dogs. Then, because I bled all over the damn place, I tried to take a bath and got interrupted. I get NO peace here. Ughhhhh. How long have I bitched about this? 5 years? Yea.
So! A couple things I wanna write about. A few days ago, I was watching videos on youtube and came across a bunch of ones about bullying causing suicide. Well, tonight a new one popped up in my thread and let me just say… grrrrr. Basically… this ten year old girl hanged herself because she was bullied. TEN YEARS OLD! What is wrong with society that you make fun of a beautiful ten year old girl to the point she hangs herself? Teaching children not to bully starts at home. Honestly, sit your kid down and tell him or her “different” makes you normal. Everyone has beauty and making fun of someone because of this or that is disgusting. I realize a bully doesn’t pick on someone because they’re “different” though. Bullies become bullies for many reasons!
1) They may be getting bullied
--by a teacher
--another classmate
--an outside person
--a parent
2) they may see it in the household.
3) They may have something going on causing insecurity and aggression is the only outlet.
No matter what the case, I believe parents, school faculty and adults all have a responsibility to closely monitor how peers are treating each other. I am truly saddened by how words and actions have such power over people. No one should take their own life due to hatred, much less a ten year old! Brody is 10 and it would just break my heart if he lost his life because people--not just kids--are so mean.
I wasn’t “bullied” until I was in 3rd grade, by classmates. However, I was bullied by Rory. My own brother. He called me names, made fun of me being tutored, he hit me, let his friends see me naked, burned me with cigarettes, tried drowning me in the pool, and basically emotionally, mentally, verbally and physically tortured me. When I was in kindergarten he pushed me down and spat on me while he had the chicken pox and yes I got them! Then, it started in school as well, and I think Rory played a big role in that as well. He had the power to help put a stop to that the first couple of years. Instead, he added fuel to the fire. I was called giraffe legs at first because I was so tall, but then it got worse. I had some crazy awkward years going on and so many learning and health issues. I was ostracized and bullied. Chow Chow Chelsea became a school wide term. I tried to be a part of clubs and teams so people would see me in a different light, to no avail. Life wasn’t better until my mom took me out of private school and put me in public school. She was tired of me crying every day after school, and the one friend I did have had just said we couldn’t be friends anymore.
*shaking my head* So many things I should be a spokesperson/inspirational speaker for lol. I’m definitely going to make a video on this. Yay! Time to work on videos. I have a suggestion to make to you for our channel. When you get all caught up with the videos you have to post, I think we should just post a couple a week each so people aren’t seeing current videos of me and others of you from weeks and weeks ago. It’s only a suggestion though, and totally up to you.
So what else. I saw a post you commented on by a guy who was addicted to heroin, and I want to comment on it here. So I am going to copy it in here (the post I mean) and then I will comment on it afterwards.
{My name is Dan. I have been a heroin addict for 5 years. One year ago I lost two of my best friends to heroin addiction. Having to look your friend’s mother in the face and apologize that you had taken part in activity that ruined her life was one of the hardest things to do. You would think that would be enough to stop and it was for a couple of months. But then the depression kicks in. No matter what anyone tells me, I know I had a part in causing the death of two of my friends. How can you go through life when you did twice as much dope as your friend and then you find out the next day that he’s dead and you’re still alive. If I’m not doing heroin, I’m doing benzos and suboxone. I just have that need to numb this pain and the problem is it never works. But then I met Debbie. I reached out to her when she needed support and I can say this with all my heart--Debbie and this page has helped save my life. She recommended a great program. Now, I have been to rehab 9 times! Inpatient and outpatient and everything in between. But Debbie was able to understand what no dr or rehabilitation center could. That I needed help with more than my addiction. I NEED HELP LIVING MY LIFE. She recommended a two year program. To be honest, at first I couldn’t imagine spending 2 years in rehab. But this place is so much more. It coaches you on how to live a productive life, stay sober, develop a work ethic, take responsibility, make better decisions and much more. This is what I have been missing. I honestly can’t thank Debbie and this page enough. I’ve overdosed twice and I’m not getting another chance. I’ve known for a while that it’s now or never. All I can say is you have to keep trying. Kicking a drug habit, especially heroin is about way more than being sober. You need an escape for a reason. And not only do you have to figure out what that reason is but you’re expected to do it under the normal stresses of life without using the only option that has ever worked for you. I’m excited. Because I feel for the first time that dying is not an option I have to accept. When everyone tells you you’re going to die you accept that but I refuse to. Debbie, she is nothing short of a hero and by the way, she is such a strong person. I feel blessed to have her in my life and I pray that one day I can help her out as much as she has helped me. I have a really hard path ahead of me, but if I do it right, I’ll get my life back. In memory of my friends, I would like to show their pictures. I ask that we keep these photos on the page only.}
I don’t know how old Dan is, but here is what I want to say:
Hi Dan. Your story and journey thus far sound beautiful and incredible. What I want you to know is how precious you are to God and how precious your life is. You are not responsible for your friends’ deaths. They made the choice as adult men and unfortunately, they didn’t live to fight this battle with you. I am praying for you and rooting for you!
I just wanted to share that with you since you commented also. It would be nice to say, “I wish Rory would meet someone like Debbie who’d impact him that way.” but I don’t really care anymore. Do your drugs, drink your alcohol and slowly kill yourself. I’m done because someone has to be. My parents will always enable him though--until the day they die. It’s a real shame too. Another shame that my children will not have an uncle.
In other news, Brian has the next two days off so we can spend a little time together. I know he’ll need to go see Brody too so that will be good. Tomorrow is war crack night so I guess he wants to stay over at his parents’ house so I will bring my laptop toooo. I can work on my music and whatnot. I took a week off so I’ll get back into stuff this week.
Hmmmm it’s 11:42pm, Brian was due home at 10:30pm and now his phone is dead. What if something happened to him??? Oh, he just texted me. Whew. Yea, phone was dead. Alright, well, I think I’ve written all I can for today. Not even ten pages. I know I wanted to write about other stuff but I can’t for the life of me remember--OH!
Ryan and Sara Sue. I know I said I would lay that issue to rest. I just want to say I hope you know me well enough to know why I feel the way I do about it. Do I want to be with Ryan Macnamara? Nope. I have no residual feelings of romance towards him whatsoever, but it does piss me off that he’d go for this lunatic when he wouldn’t even date me. You know? He lead me on for over a year, and Sara butted in! She caused my first major issue with him and now he “loves” her. Do I want him to be happy? Yes. Get off drugs and alcohol, be something amazing, and find someone. No me, but definitely not Sara Sue Cowing. A part of me believes he’s just fucking super fucked in the head and doing major drugs right now which would explain him shacking up with a freak. Sara I think is being a vindictive bitch. I want nothing to do with her and if that’s childish, then so be it. I want nothing to do with Ryan anymore either. He’s a fool! I mean he tried like hell to get me to kiss him, and start some shit with Brian, now he wants to fuck with this bitch. The worst part is, he never slept with me because he told me he just couldn’t. Um, but then he told people we did and now he sleeps w/ all these other bitches. So, thank you for the favor, asshole. I know Tom probably thinks I’m being a drama queen because I won’t go to Skeeters because of her. But oh well. Maybe I am. And if so, then fuck it. I’ll embrace it this one time. The thing is, she hovers. She will want me to go sit and talk to her outside for however long, or in the bathroom, about her life. I have my own shit and I am too stressed to deal with her craziness and that is what it all boils down to.
Ugh. Anyway. Lol. I know you at least understand me. I hope everyone else does, too. If not, it is what it is. That girl is a damn lunatic though and I am worried that Brian and Vicky let her in their house. What if she puts on a completely different persona to them? Oh my god. *shaking my head.*
I have to really stop thinking about this and let it be. C’est La Vie! Carpe diem! And good riddance. /end lmao.
Tomorrow:
--call Steinmart (oh fuck. Ryan works there).
--do laundry
--watch tv
--read
--nbs
I bought 9 sheets of paper (the scrapbook cubes) to decorate the box and then realized it wouldn’t work. I’ll have to cut it and then lines will drive me nuts. What I need is wrapping paper, or contact paper. It’s supposed to be like water. It’s an ocean themed box, dangit. I guess I could use what I have for the inside. Hmmmmm.
So, Uturn got a new bed and we are trying to get him used to it instead of the couch. Not easy and Rory says that it’s my fault and and I taught him that. Um… wrong. He was doing that in GA mother fucker. I just allowed it. Ok, more tomorrow. LYMTL!
Love,
Chelsea
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