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I’m only going to write a little bit, then do my laundry and nap before cleaning my room more. I’ve been sick all morning and I got a cold last week, and this week some dumb stomach bug. Anyway, more later!
Love you!
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Hey again. I never napped but I have relaxed for the most part. I didn’t really get anything done but I finally (after dinner) started some laundry. I know, I’m lazy. I am procrastinating so much because I just don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t believe I left Big Lots in bad spirits. I feel useless and like a huge failure. I have now left my last two jobs for stealing. It could be worse… I could have been arrested I guess but I just feel so… fucked? There’s an emotion I can’t quite put my finger on. The thing is, I’m careless. I mean, that’s what happened at Sears and a little bit at Big Lots too, I guess. What I don’t understand is how my dad used my discount for ten months, to the knowledge of all the managers and not one word was said. I guess I’d be more understanding if they’d pulled me aside, made me sign a “write up” slip and slapped me on the hand but telling me I owe $3,000? That is ludicrous. What I’m most upset by is my own idiocy in signing the statement and not writing out why I quit when I wrote that I quit. I refuse not to fight this crap though if I’m told I have to pay $3,000. Even if I lose--I want them to get some bad publicity because I really believe I wasn’t wrong. And I was with my friends when they used my discount. Also, I bought a bag of chips and yea, I ate a few before I paid for them but I paid for them. Not stealing. They only thing I did wrong was ring up my dad and used Barb’s numbers. I feel like my leaving was a conspiracy theory though. LP douche, Mark, brought up Sears several times. He never brought up what happened there, but it was weird. Also, Daniel got me a job at Big Lots. He was let go a week before I was… then I had that issue? Hmmm. So, I no longer had a rope to hold onto. The other thing is I said Stephanie, Barb, and I all had each other’s numbers for use when our families came in. I wasn’t trying to bring them down with me, but I had to explain how I was able to use Barb’s numbers. Neither of them have been spoken to or anything. They aren’t even being investigated (to my knowledge) and if they were, odds are they would be gone by now. Another question is, how did they know that it was my dad I rang up unless Joey really was out to see me gone? Or Lil, or whomever. Big Lots… I’m going to burn you the fuck down mother fucker. Not literally, but you are going down. My mom was like, “Now you need to stay away from retail and really decide what you want to do with your life.” Wow mom, really? Like I haven’t already been trying to do that. Her opinion makes my job search a lot harder. I’m sick of feeling like a disappointment. Why won’t you tell Rory that? You know what? I’m sick of trying to impress her so much and having every one of my career choices treated like it’s wrong. I should know what’s right for me. I should be able to try to make it as a model, singer, actress if I want. Screw her for being so unsupportive of it my entire life. When I win a grammy, I’ll be sure to thank you, mom! NOT!
<3,
me
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