12-27-12
8:31pm
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Ok! So! First things first. I love the nb (vol 8). I’m a few pages into the 2nd part so I’ll comment on that when I’m done. By then, the 3rd should be here and I can comment on that. I may need another nb for this baby (my volume 13). We shall see. So you may cover this in part 2 but I’m wondering what happened with the nanny job and Charisse. I’m pretty sure you also told me in a letter/via text, but I hate to admit I don’t remember. My memory fails me at times and it’s not that I don’t pay attention, it’s just that I think there’s always so much going on and I’m always going from one thing to the next.
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9:53pm
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Sorry, I’m back. Jess called and she’s in NY with the family she is a nanny for. Anyway, I keep wondering about all the crap in 2011 I was dealing with that you prayed for me so often. I remember the crap with Erica and my family and Tucker dying but that’s it. See? I don’t even remember my own crap. Anyway, what I wanted to say about your nanny job, is that Mackenzie sounds more like a 5 year old to me. I’m sure she is very sweet though too. It kinda stinks that Faybian was getting used to you and now you don’t get to see him. Ugh this pen is new and skipping already. Very annoying.
I was enjoying reading about your nanny adventures too. I was kind of hoping to see you and Mackenzie get close. I loved her artwork. I may change pens before moving on, this is making me very mad. Ahhh, I guess this will work. So, as for relationships, I know you are very independent. So I don’t see a problem being waited on hand and foot. I mean, it’s not that I can’t do anything for myself--I can. Still, if a man genuinely wants to treat me like a queen, I’m not gonna complain. I always make sure I do the same for him and I show my appreciation! Still, I get what you mean. Don’t wait on me hand and foot because you think I’m incapable because I’m a woman. That crap grinds my gears. I think you worded it best when you say, “What is the point of being with someone who you don’t really like? I mean, why be with someone if all you want to do is change them into someone you think they should be?” AMEN SISTER. I used to really begrudge myself for always “running away” from relationships but seriously, I just didn’t want to be with someone I didn’t like that way and usually we just started dating without getting to know each other first. None of them were really ever heartbroken over me breaking up with them, either. Maybe Keith and David (creepy David, not my ex husband. Well, he’s creepy too but you know what I’m getting at). But it just goes to show you that they probably didn’t know me well enough to say they really liked me too. Duh. I’ll tell you all my ex stories in here too, later. Anyway, David was always trying to change me and now that I think about it, I think he wanted me to look like Jes. Pfffft. Dirt bag. He called me the other day wanting Winter’s address. I’m glad he’s sending her something but how can he not have his own daughter’s address? Enough of that though. I am really sad about Sarah and Jeff. Did they ever get to adopt? I was pissed that the biological parents even wanted to give up their baby to begin with just because of their age, but if it was gonna help your friend then that was a good purpose. But then they just changed their mind. Ugh. Unfortunately, prayer doesn’t always result in yes. But there’s always a good reason behind it. Unfortunately, we don’t always know why until much later, and then we don’t even remember the pain we endured when the bad lead to the good (sometimes). I hope all of that made sense, lol. I love all your prayers though! So in your part 1 nb, you want me to just write about whatever without thinking so I’m going to take another break from commenting and do just that.
*I remember the first time anyone asked me to do this. It was my friend David Charleston and I thought I had to be all profound and metaphorical about it. I kind of really liked him even though he was a cynical, pot smoking loner -- I thought he was beautiful. He was supposed to come visit me from Jacksonville for my 18th birthday party but he didn’t. I don’t remember why though. I was really disappointed because he always made me smile. he was a huge Lennon fan--really he was just a huge Beatles fan. I’m pretty sure he married my friend Emily. I’m not sure how that’s going.*
I am having all these thoughts about your part 1 nb and everything you revealed. I’m in no hurry to comment on it because I have so much to process, but yet I am in a hurry. Lol. Anyway, I’ll get there when I get there. I was totally holding back in my free writing thing but I am in pain and exhausted and I’ll just do it again another time.
It’s crazy to see the beginning of your relationship with Barry and how you felt about him. I feel bad that all of a sudden he just… was someone else. But I won’t go there since you haven’t yet. So, since you did a “What I’m In Love With” thing, I decided to do one too! haha. So here it goes.
I AM IN LOVE WITH:
American Horror Story: Asylum. Boy Meets World. Dexter. Lawn and order:SVU. La Croix Sparkling Water. Hello Kitty. U-turn. Toby. Leila. Zorro. Jack. Jake. Tucker. Urban Decay makeup. Photography. Singing. Colder weather. Reading. Betty Boop. Betty Page. Teddy bears. Hearts. Stars. Moons. Suns. Music. Looking presentable. Your handwriting. Being kind. Disney. Good Luck Charlie. Eeyore. Minnie Mouse. Making money. Quotes. Sticking up for myself. NBS. Cookies. Chicken wings. French fries. Sleep. Jenny McCarthy. Anna Nicole Smith. Stories. Memory Lane. Baths. Dancing. Brian. Children (not in a sick, creepy way).
So I don’t think I’ll comment anymore tonight because tomorrow or Saturday I will get into all your relationship revelations. Then I’ll get into mine. Phew. That’s going to be exhausting. Ugh I know it was for you too. I can’t even tell you how much my heart broke for you reading it all. *huge hugs*.
So, today, I passed out flyers for Brian’s job and it was excruciating. Near the end I was on this median and I kind of stumbled and I think that’s how I hurt my foot, but my body hurt all day. It hurts the way my other foot did when I broke it. I’m not saying I think this one is broken, just that thepain is similar. It drives me nuts when people tell me what is and is not wrong with me. If you aren’t a doctor, shut the fuck up. Rory was like, “it’s not broken, you walk on it just fine.” Even though he just said it was swollen and you can’t do anything for a broken foot. I mean I walked on my other foot for a couple days the first time. It’s not like I want it to be broken. I obviously don’t. I need to be able to work. Still, don’t pretend you’re this fucking great dr. It will just pissed me off and make me want to prove you wrong. Anyway I have so much more to say but I feel like doo doo and the jaw flappers are just pulling up, so more tomorrow!
Love always,
Chelsea
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